


Celandine

by DarkSky



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angst, BAMF Gabriel, Barebacking, Bipolar Disorder, Child Abuse, Crossdressing, Domestic Violence, Drug Addiction, Drug Dealing, Drug Use, Eating Disorders, Homelessness, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Organized Crime, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Profanity, Prostitution, Rape, Sam Has Issues, Sexual Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, child exposure to domestic violence, prostitute gabriel, rape being filmed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2018-05-09 20:04:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 59
Words: 153,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5553533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkSky/pseuds/DarkSky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel is working as a prostitute...he's living with his boyfriend, Chris and nephew, Alfie. Everything is just fine (everything is not fine).<br/>Sam moves into the same building....he is not interested in making friends (or anything else) with the neighbors, just wants to get his job done. But what exactly is his job?</p><p>Chapter 58 added!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

                      Gabriel stood in front of the bathroom mirror, grimacing at the large bruise around his eye. He began to hurriedly apply the make-up, but the flickering light and cracks in the mirror made it hard. He sighed, he knew that he was not much to look at but the huge black bruise and several layers of badly applied make up certainly did him no favours. He stepped into the adjacent bedroom, his lover, Chris laying snoozing on the bed. It wasn’t that late, only 9pm, he had been caning it hard the last couple of nights (and days). But he was still working all the hours; he was a salesman committed to his trade and his product was always in demand. Gabriel was also a salesman of sorts; just sold his ass, not drugs.

                      He slipped on a silky red strappy dress, which was so short it barely covered his ass. The v neck dipped low revealing his flat chest, covered in varying shades of green, blue and black. He tied on his 4 inch red stilettos, even though they increased his height, he was still shorter than the average man. Not that it mattered, most men seemed to like it; liked to use their superior height to dominate him. He lent over the bed to Chris, whispering in his lover’s ear

 “I’m going now babe”.

Chris roused himself, grabbing Gabriel around the waist pulling him down so that Gabriel was trapped beneath him and began kissing his neck

“mmmmm hey Gabe, maybe you could get me off before you leave yeah....”

Chris began kissing his face, his neck, hands reaching down beneath Gabriel’s dress

“ughhh babe, you’ll ruin my make-up” Gabriel kept his tone deliberately light-hearted “ain’t gonna make money just lying here”

Gabriel scooted away, relieved that Chris released him

“Aw fuck, such a cock tease”, Chris sniggered before reaching over and slapping his ass, hard. Gabriel forced out a laugh and shook his ass slightly before slowly walking out of their bedroom. Never show fear.

                     He walked through the tiny apartment; god he did not want to go out tonight. He dawdled a bit in the kitchen, picking up Alfie’s toys and a colouring book that he had left out on the breakfast bar. Alfie; his seven year old nephew; the light of his life; the one person that made his crappy life bearable. Alfie moved in with them 2 years ago. Or rather had been left..... Gabriel’s sister, Anna hadn’t been doing so well with rehab. Had been in and out most of Alfie’s life. Gabriel sympathised, he knew how hard it was. He had sweated through his only withdrawal after he had left prison; so he knew how hard fighting addiction was. He had tried to offer support, had babysat Alfie so many times that Chris had started to get pissed that he wasn’t working. And then one day, Anna had dropped Alfie off, begged Gabriel to take him _“just for the night”_. But the next day, she hadn’t come for him; nor the next day or the day after that. Gabriel had been out of his mind; called anyone that he could think of, looked up all her dealers, went to all the known places she hung out. But nothing; no one had seen her. Days turned into weeks and Anna hadn’t come back. He tried to keep Chris sweet by leaving Alfie in the flat alone and doing more risky jobs; making more money. He knew it was wrong to leave a five year old alone, but what choice did he have? He didn’t want to get social care involved, he knew exactly what would happen to Alfie if he did, and there was just no way. Not after everything he and Anna had gone through. And then a month after she left, Anna called him. He could barely hear her; the line was so bad and she was slurring. “I can’t do it Gabe, I can’t be a mom, I can’t do it....I can’t stay from the drugs......” she was crying down the phone. Of course, Gabriel had tried to calm her down, tried to tell her how much Alfie needed her, that he was so confused about where she was; had only just stopped wetting the bed. But she had just cried harder before saying “Can you look after him??” Her voice desperate and pleading “you look after him, you do a better job of it....”And then she was gone. Gabriel had been mad, so angry at her for just leaving her kid; her beautiful, funny, utterly adorable kid....leaving Alfie with Gabriel, the worst possible father ever; an ex-convict whore whose drug dealer boyfriend beat him up whenever he wanted. But surprising it was Chris who had made him feel better; had been amendable to letting Alfie stay and not turning him over to the state; had wrapt Gabriel up into a big hug and said “we’re a proper family now”. Something about that made Gabriel warm inside, he had always wanted a ‘proper family’. And yeah, Chris wasn’t so bad all the time; he could be so sweet sometimes, and he had always looked after him. Had been that way ever since they met in prison all those years ago........

Gabriel was snapped out of his memories by Chris wrapping his arms around him, nuzzling into his neck

“I thought you said you were going to work...." his voice soft but Gabriel still caught the menacing tone

“of course babe, just going.....Alfie is in bed now, I’ll check in on him when I get back”.

He slipped away from Chris and was out of the door.

XXXXXXXX

                      Gabriel walked down the corridor; could hear the loud beat of the neighbours music, a baby crying and someone shouting; the low lighting of the hallway enabled him to keep an eye out for needles. Damn this place was a dump. He wished, and not for the first time, that he could afford to take his nephew away to some nice place, a place the kid deserved. Not that Alfie ever complained. For reasons which Gabriel could not fathom; Alfie seemed to adore him. As he edged his way down the stairs, he could see that the front door of one of the flats on the landing below, was open. Could see a couple of boxes piled up in the apartment hallway. No one seemed to be about, so Gabriel peered in, nosey as ever. He noticed a photo frame on one of the boxes, two incredibly attractive men standing arm in arm; one was shorter than the other, with cropped blond hair and green eyes; the other was a lot taller, with beautiful deep brown eyes, glossy brown hair and a toned muscular body. Gabriel picked the photo frame up, looking closer. He wondered if it was a gay couple moving in......

“what the hell do you think you’re doing” an angry voice demanded.

Gabriel dropped the frame on top of the box, before turning around and oh shit. The voice’s owner was one of the men from the photo, and damn was he big. He was also looking very angry. But Gabriel knew how to deal with angry men; never show fear. He smacked on a large smile and reached up to bring the man into a hug:

“Hey, there.....welcome to the neighbourhood!” He felt foolish, he knew he looked like a mess – a man wearing a cheap red dress, gaudy make up and covered in bruises – but if there was nothing else he had learnt in his life, it was just to keep up the act. It certainly worked on this guy anyway, who seemed to have lost his angry tone and now just looked confused.

“You moving in with your boyfriend....?” Gabriel kept up the jovial tone, last thing he needed was another beating.

“er what? Oh the photo, that’s my brother...why the hell were you going through my stuff, have you taken something?” The angry tone was back.

Oh course he would think that, anyone would think that.....

“oh babe, just couldn’t keep my hands off that photo of two beautiful men....mmmm, now what happen if you were both here in person.....”

Gabriel winked up at the man. God was it embarrassing, trying to flirt with this stunning man; who would clearly never be interested in trash like him. The man just stood and stared at him, as if he didn’t know what the hell was going on.

“Well, got to go, see you later compadre”.

He did his best to saunter off, sashaying his hips. Damn was he pathetic, but if his clients looked like that, there would be no way he would find it hard to get to work.


	2. Chapter 2

                               Gabriel stood on his usual corner, bouncing awkwardly in his stilettos trying to keep warm. All he had was the thin dress on but he knew he had to show the merchandise if he wanted a sale. That’s what his foster dad had always said anyway. He had been working this corner for years, literally years. He was 31 and been doing the same thing since he had left prison in his early twenties but even before that he had been selling his ass.....but well that didn’t count because it wasn’t exactly his choice then.

But now, well it was his choice, kindof. He knew how to do this and it was all he was good at. And he needed to make money for his little family. Because even though Chris always seemed to be working, he wasn’t that great with money. Plus he liked to party, and seemed to like using most of his product to do so. But he wasn’t addicted or anything. And he never took the really hard stuff, like heroin or crack and mostly seemed to avoid meth. It was mainly just coke, which Gabe didn’t think was that bad. Or at least he knew it could be worse. Because heroin, now that’s the bastard. That had almost killed him and had had destroyed Anna. He was thankful Chris didn’t take that. And he didn’t do anything in front of Alfie, so at least there was that. But yeah, Chris needed him to make money, so that they could pay the bills, buy food, make sure Alfie had school clothes and books. Besides most couples worked; and this was his job. It was no big deal. But damn, he wished he could be good at something else. He knew everyone was supposed to have some special god-given talent, but why the hell did his have to be giving good head? Why couldn’t he have been good at music or something he could have made money off without losing his dignity?

                          Just then a car pulled up and Gabriel did his best to look appealing; not disgusted or desperate, which was how he was really feeling inside. Disgusted, because the man behind the wheel was fat, balding and stank of smoke. The last thing Gabe wanted was any part of that man inside him, ever. And desperate, because well he knew Chris needed him to make at least $150 tonight. If he didn’t, he knew Chris would be pissed. And Gabriel couldn’t afford another broken bone. All he knew was that Chris had borrowed some money and needed to pay the guy back.

“You looking for a friend babe?” Gabriel leaned over into the window, flashing a smile, trying to show his ass. The man leaned back against his seat, taking in Gabriel’s ass.

“How much, sweetie?”, the man gave him a smarmy grin.

Gabriel reeled off prices, had said them so many times, could say it in his sleep. Before Gabriel had finished, the man had leaned in, and grabbed his hand

“no condom, yeh?”.

Gabriel smiled again but inside his heart sank; he needed the money, he couldn’t say no:

“sure thing but gonna cost yer extra”.

Praying the man would decide against it, but he just nodded. Gabriel walked over to the passenger side. The man was called Bob. He didn’t ask for Gabriel’s name. He didn’t want to talk. Gabriel directed him to an empty car parking lot, not far away and had demanded the money before they had started. Bob had handed it all over. Gabriel had grabbed it up while Bob just reclined his chair. Gabriel had climbed over and sat onto his lap. Started mouthing at the man’s neck, rubbing up against him. He pulled down his black lacy panties before leaning down and started to unbutton the man’s pants. Bob grabbed his hand:

“want you to call me daddy”.

Gabriel swallowed, he hated it when clients wanted that. And why did they always bloody want that; it was like they knew it was the one word that pierced his carefully constructed armour. But he needed the money, plus this guy might end up being a repeat customer. And he definitely needed more regulars.

“Sure thing..... _daddy_ ” he mumbled. Bobby lent back and groaned out:

“gonna take what you need, little boy, daddy’s got it for you”.

If he could, Gabriel would have rolled his eyes. He fished out Bob’s penis, it was as expected, unimpressive. But that was a relief; big usually just meant pain. Gabriel spat on his hand and started to rub the guy’s dick, while Bob moaned a bit

“yeah just like that, god that feels good.....”

Gabe felt his mind wander a bit, started to compile a food shopping list.....the guy’s dick was getting hard between his clever fingers.

“I want to fuck you...put it inside you, want you to ride me, you little slut”. Bob whispered into his ear before moaning again. “Yeah daddy, want it so bad, want your big cock inside my greedy hole”.

And with that, Gabriel took his hand away and hovered above Bob’s cock, before slowly sitting down on it, inch by inch, making small movements back and forth, trying to adjust. Bob was groaning:

“soooo tight for me, baby boy”.....

Gabriel concentrated on breathing and managing the familiar burn. He had already prepared himself; finding that clients were never really interested in that; just wanted him to be the open and willingly slut they fantasised about. Once fully seated, he started to fuss, pulling down his dress and playing with his nipples. He was getting hard himself, could feel the stir of arousal. But Bob didn’t touch him, just grabbed the back of his head, and forced his tongue inside Gabriel’s mouth. He tasted like cigarettes and tuna sandwiches. Gabriel finally escaped his grip, rolled his hips and threw his head back:

“ohhhh yeah, that feels soooo good, so big, you’re gonna split me in twooooo, ahhhhhh”.

He started to lift himself up before slamming himself down, impaling himself further onto Bob’s cock. It felt hard and wrong inside him, but he just ignored it; focusing on getting the guy off as fast as possible. Bob was grabbing at his ass, his face rubbing on Gabriel’s chest:

“yeah baby, that’s it” he was speeding up, roughly tearing in and out of Gabriel’s body, frustratingly missing his prostate each time. And then he suddenly stilled and was cumming inside Gabriel. Gabriel could feel almost feel it leaking down the back of his leg, warm and sticky. Bob sat like that a moment, still inside Gabriel, breathing heavily.

“Yeah that was good, real good baby”.

Gabriel was still hard, still turned on by being fucked by a disgusting client with a daddy kink. He lifted himself off Bob and hiked up his panties, cock hard against his stomach. Bob just laughed, slapping his cock with his hand

“You still want more baby, _greedy slut_ ”.

Gabriel forced himself to lean over and kiss Bob before whispering “Yeh, need you so bad daddy, want to see you again”.

Bob visibly preened: “next time baby boy, gonna fuck you so hard, you ain’t gonna be able to walk for a week....”.

Bob drove him back to the corner, before driving off into the night. The whole thing had taken less than 20 minutes. Gabriel stood for a moment, before reaching down into his little bag for tissues; trying to wipe all the cum out of him and off his legs. Tried not to think about the possible STDs.....tried to tell himself that it wasn’t so bad, the guy hadn’t been violent or anything, It was fine. He wondered who his next client would be......

XXX

                    It wasn’t late, like 11pm, but later than he would expect for a young boy to be awake. Sam had just come back from buying groceries. He had only just moved into the new apartment; it was.....basic, but it had everything he needed....a bed, a microwave, a bathroom....and he had sure been in worse places. Plus it was his place, not some crappy motel room, like where he had spent the majority of his childhood. The kid was sitting on the stairs, just in front of his apartment. He stared at Sam, who tried to ignore him. But it was unnerving, having a kid stare at him while trying to open his apartment door with one hand and holding groceries in the other. Just when he thought he got the lock, the grocery bag fell out of his hand, spilling the contents onto the floor. And quick as a fox, the kid was on the bag, looking inside the contents, grabbing up a chocolate bar.

“Hey kid, give that back!”

The kid stared back at him and then down at the chocolate bar. Sam could almost feel the internal struggle.

“But......but, can’t I just have one bite? My uncle Gabe doesn’t like me eating chocolate, coz he says it’s bad for my teeth, but maybe one bite won’t be bad”.

The kid looked up at him, all hopeful innocence. Oh god, Sam could feel his heart melt. No damn it, he wasn’t gonna start giving out candy to random kids who should be in bed:

“Give it back now” he tried to sound demanding, but he feared it sounded more like a whine.

The kid’s expression looked like it was dangerously verging on tears, oh shit he was gonna cry. Large tears loomed on his big blue eyes. There was no one about, no parents to yell at him about making their kid cry. But man, Sam didn’t want to be the bad guy here.

“Alright, alright, you can keep the chocolate, whatever”. He was almost knocked over by the boy, who rushed at him, hugging his legs.

“My name is Alfie, what’s yours?”. The kid was staring up at him, like he was the next superhero. This was not good.

“er.......Sam” he muttered out, trying desperately to extract the kid and pick up the groceries.

“Oh cool, yeah that’s a cool name.....um do you want to be my friend?” The kid was half way through the chocolate bar. Sam hoped that ‘uncle gabe’ would not find out, although whoever he was clearly wasn’t that bothered by the kid, leaving him to wander around this apartment block in the night. Sam decided right then, that this place was....weird, not only had he been hugged by some random chocolate fiend of a boy, but also earlier by that cute but weirdly confident cross-dressing dude, who basically propositioned him with the possibility of a threesome with his freaking brother......He just didn’t want to be hugged by anyone, just needed to keep his head down and get his job done.....

“so will you” the kid asked again.

“Will I what?” Sam snapped as he gathered up the groceries into the bag.

“Will you be my friend......?”

And that’s how it all started........


	3. Chapter 3

            Gabriel walked through the front door and shut it quietly behind him, it was 5am. He didn’t want to wake Alfie; he didn’t want him to see him in this state – the remnants of mascara coloured tears dried on his bruised face, a rip in his dress (hell, the fact he was even wearing a dress), dishevelled hair and semen still evident on the back of his thighs. He was definitely not an appropriate sight for a seven year old. And the other reason he crept so quietly across the apartment? He didn’t want to wake Chris either – in the end he had only made $90, which was pretty good for him on a Thursday night, but still not enough...... After Bob, he had managed to do a couple of back alley blow jobs. The last one had got pretty rough, fucked his face with a sort of unbridled fury. Afterwards he had knocked him over, pulled at his dress and slapped him in the face. The john had just thought it was funny to push him around. And it was nothing really; at least that was Gabriel tried to convince himself. Besides, Gabriel had had worse, a lot worse.

            Gabriel knew Chris would be pissed with the amount of money that he had managed to get. God, it used to be so much easier when he was younger. Well, not _easy_ but at least he didn’t have to try _quite_ so hard. But now, he found he was having to work longer hours for fewer tricks _and_ let them do more sick things – the other night Gabriel had let a client piss in his mouth. For $10 extra. He couldn’t get the taste out of his mouth for hours.

            He walked over to the breakfast bar and took out the money; $90 – for that, he had let men fuck him; humiliate him; hurt him. He bent down, opened one of the cupboard doors, rooted around and found a tin at the back. He pulled it out and opened the lid; $30. Fuck. The rent had already been paid, but they still needed to pay the meter for the electricity, buy food and Alfie needed new school shoes. Yeah that wasn’t gonna happen. He looked at the money on the breakfast bar. Well shit, Chris was gonna be pissed if Gabriel gave him $90 or $80, so what did it matter? He took out a ten, and placed it in the tin, which he hid again in the cupboard. Because yeah, whilst the money he gave to Chris was supposed to go on things like bills, Chris never seemed to be all that good at remembering that. And even though Chris earned his own money and took the money Gabriel made (he had learnt the hard way that it was not a good idea to refuse Chris), it was never enough. _And_ Chris had borrowed money as well from loan sharks and had racked up debts, that they were still paying off. So Gabriel just had to keep a little of the money he earned; not enough that Chris would notice, but enough just to have a bit of fall-back. But shit $40 was not much of a fall-back. He sighed, all he ever thought about was money or their lack of it. Gabriel rubbed his forehead, could feel the bruise that Chris had given him the other night. It was stupid; it wasn’t worth getting upset over. Chris had just been drunk, had thought that Gabriel was answering him back, being disrespectful. Maybe he had been, Gabriel wasn’t sure. After all he could be like that sometimes; say stupid stuff just to get a reaction. And yeah he had got a reaction. But it was ok, no big deal. He just hoped Alfie had been asleep. Alfie never said anything about it the next day; so he must have been.

            Gabriel went into the bathroom, rubbed the makeup off. He didn’t spend too much time looking at his reflection; didn’t want to see the mess of a man staring back at him. He got into the cold shower, cleaning the traces of sex off his body. He didn’t feel any cleaner though. He let himself imagine, just for one moment, what it would be like if he didn’t have to whore himself out; didn’t have to relinquish control of his body over to some sick fuck and pretend to love it. Maybe he would work in a little cafe, painted bright blue and pink. He would spend his days making and selling cupcakes, drinking Peruvian blended coffee, and chatting with the regulars.....it was a stupid fantasy. Sure he hated his job, his life, but who doesn’t? He got out of the shower, rubbed himself down. Threw the dress into the wash basket and walked over to Alfie’s bedroom. He wasn’t in his room, Gabriel walked back into the kitchen, could feel himself starting to panic. It was only then that he heard a quiet snore coming from the lounge area. He followed the noise, only to find Alfie curled up on the sofa.

         He smiled to himself, wondering why Alfie had moved out onto the sofa to sleep. He tucked the rug closer around Alfie’s little body and kissed his forehead. Gabriel then made his way to his own bedroom. The drapes were closed but he could still make out Chris’ silhouette. Really, he should be grateful. The man was beautiful. Even after all this time together, almost 10 years, he could still see that. Chris was tall, at least 6’2, with tanned skin, dark hair (although he kept his head shaved) and dark eyes, several beautiful tattoos of angels adorned his body – mmmm Chris was _definitely_ his type. Gabriel thought back to the neighbour he had met that evening; oh yeah he had the same tall, dark and handsome thing going on. But unlike Chris, there was no way he would ever look at Gabriel. Yeah, he had been lucky with Chris, but there was no way _another_ hot guy would look at him. Chris always said so. Besides he was happy with Chris. Things were mostly fine. All couples had fights and money issues.

            He took off the towel and looked around for some sweatpants as quietly as he could. Suddenly the light turned on, “mmmm you’re back Gabe”. Shit, Chris was awake. He was half sitting up in bed, still groggy from sleep but enjoying Gabriel’s nakedness:

“come to bed, baby, missed you tonight”

All Gabriel wanted to do was sleep, he hoped that was still an option even though Chris was awake.

“I missed you too” he gave Chris a tired smile “man I’m beat” he gave an extra loud loud yawn.

He found the sweatpants under the bed and pulled them on before crawling into the bed. Chris switched off the light before snuggling in beside him, started to rub Gabriel’s bare stomach, started to kiss his neck. Gabriel tried to push him off a bit:

“come on babe, maybe later yeah, but I’m really......”

Chris backhanded him hard before he finished the sentence. Got a hand around his neck

“you had a fun night baby? Yeah now you’re _too_ tired to fuck your boyfriend coz you been slutting it up with random fucking strangers?” He spat the words out. Chris always said he wasn’t jealous of the men Gabriel slept with for money, hell, he actively encouraged it. But then there he was, always so sure that Gabriel didn’t want sex with him after work because he had been loving the sex he got with other men. It made him.... _demanding._ Gabriel could see he needed to do damage control and fast:

“aw babe, you know I’m always hot for you” he drew him in for a long kiss.

He wondered if he could just get away with sucking him off......at least Chris hadn’t asked about the money, yet.

XXX

             Earlier that evening......

             After Alfie had decided that Sam was his new best friend, he had unashamedly forced his way into Sam’s apartment. He sat himself down on the only comfy chair in the lounge area, had somehow managed to cover himself in chocolate, and was happily chatting away about his favourite movies. Sam didn’t have a clue what the kid was on about, but whatever he wasn’t listening, was just trying to figure out how to get rid of this unwanted guest. He leaned against the wall, pinched his nose and intrupted the kid’s monologue

“Look kid...”

“Its Alfie you know”

“What? Ok yeah Alfie, look you’re parents are probably wondering where you are....”

“I doubt that....because I don’t know _who_ my dad is and even I don’t know where my mom is”.

Sam looked over at the kid who was playing with a bit of material on the chair. Oh shit, the kid didn’t have parents....but wait, who was this Uncle Gabe?

“well um ok then....but what about who looks after you, your uncle? he worried enough to make sure you don’t eat candy, he worried enough to know where you are?”

“mmmm yeah but he’s out tonight working, won’t be back until I don’t know when....um I don’t like it when he’s out, don’t really like Chris, his boyfriend all that much, he’s mean. Mmm, what movies do you have?”

Sam was momentarily disorientated by all the information and then the abrupt change in conversation “what, I don’t have any....that’s not the point! You can’t stay here! You need to go home....”

Alfie looked over at him “Please, can I just stay here a bit, I don’t like being there when Uncle Gabe is working”. Sam was about to interrupt again, before Alfie went on “I get scared he won’t come back....um, I know what he works as, he doesn’t think I know.....but Chris told me, told me that “he sells his ass”. A kid at my school said that meant he was a whore. He said that meant he was gross and was probably gonna get beat up or killed by someone crazy because that’s what happens to whores”. Alfie was speaking very fast and looking down, still picking at that bit of material on the chair. “But I don’t want him to get hurt and not come back like mommy”.

Shit, Sam realised he had clearly managed to step on some sort of family drama landmine that had just gone off in his face. He didn’t want to be heartless, but well what could he do? He did not want to get involved.

“Yeah whatever kid....” oh fuck the kid looked like he was gonna cry again. Why the hell was he so susceptible to some kid turning on the waterworks? “Fine! Fine! You can watch one movie on freaking Netflix, but then you have to go, I have stuff to do”.

            Alfie fell asleep during “Captain America”. Sam hadn’t realised, had kindof got engrossed in the movie. When he had finished, he had turned around to find the kid drowling all over himself. Nice. He had woken him up gently, tried to get him to stand up. But the kid just fell back on the chair. After several attempts, he decided there was no other choice. Had managed to get the kid to tell him his flat number (number 28), picked him up and carried him up the stairs. He had knocked on the door, not really sure what he was going to say, but no one had answered anyway. Luckily the door had been open though. The kid was passed out again in his arms. It was kindof cute really. He didn’t know where the kid’s room was, so he had decided to just lay the kid down on the sofa in the lounge area. Found a rug to put over him and then quietly let himself out. Really, Sam had no idea why this random kid had just attached himself. Maybe it was because he didn’t really have all that many other options? It was kindof a sad story, but then again he didn’t need that in his life, he just hoped he wouldn’t see the kid again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The timing in this chapter jumps around a lot, so hope it makes sense! Do quite a lot of building up character background in this one.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for comments and kudos....makes my day and keeps me motivated to write more!

             Sam spent the next few days getting himself sorted in his new place. Not that it took long. He hadn’t brought much stuff with him. But hey, the minimal look was cool right? He had set the photo of him and his brother, Dean on his bedroom windowsill. The photo was one of the few that he had. It must have been taken along time ago. They looked happy. Family was a pretty sore subject for Sam; but he liked to have a reminder that there were _some_ happy times. He hadn’t seen his brother, or his father for that matter, for several years. At first it had been a choice, but now? Perhaps it was just habit.

            Sam hadn’t seen the kid, Alfie, the next day or the following one; and whilst he was relieved, he couldn’t help but think of the kid’s story. He knew what it was like not to have a mom. And his dad? Well the kid had an advantage there. For whilst Sam knew who his father was, he really wished he didn’t. Plus there were other differences; Sam didn’t have a gay uncle who prostituted himself. That was all kinds of fucked up. But then was a pretty fucked up neighbourhood. It was probably a pretty common story. Probably.

            Once Sam had set up his flat and worked out where stuff was in the neighbourhood. He didn’t have all that much to do. He didn’t have a job here yet. He did have a sort of ‘interview’ set up with a guy named Crowley. Someone (not a friend) he knew had organised it; had recommended Sam. Crowley was supposed to be a big deal in this city; a ruthless gang leader, with fingers in all sorts of illegal pies. Word was that he had half the police force in his pocket. So, excellent career opportunities with little risk. Sam wasn’t really sure what he would be expected to do for Crowley; but perhaps that was all part of the fun.

            The ‘interview’ wasn’t until the next week and he didn’t know anyone in the city. So, in the meantime, he was kindof bored. But he wasn’t lonely or anything. Well, not really. He found himself wondering what Dean was up to. Not that he would call him or message him to find out. Besides, it wasn’t like Dean was trying to contact him.

            So by Sunday, boredom drove him out of this flat. He decided to go for a run round the neighbourhood. It wasn’t really the sort of place where people ran for exercise but he couldn’t afford a gym right now and needed to keep himself fit.

            Sam ran along the road, avoiding the pot holes, needles, random debris and stares of the local residents. He had his ipod in, blaring out rock music; Dean would have been proud. After an hour run, he was knackered. He cut through an estate, heard some kids yelling at him through the music, but just ignored them. The path he turned on was covered in weeds; it didn’t take long to get lost forcing him to double back. By the time, he neared his apartment block, it was late evening, he was drenched in sweat and pissed off. Walking across the street, he pulled out his ipod and wound the earbuds up. As he neared the other side, a car pulled up suddenly. He didn’t see the driver or any of the other occupants; just saw the backseat door opening and some guy being pushed out, before the car sped off. He would have ignored it. He should have done. But he heard the crack of bone as the guy hit the sidewalk, for some reason he felt compelled to go and check the situation out. Besides dusk was setting in and no one else was really around.

            The guy was on his side attempting to get up; an image of a struggling calf or fawn came to Sam’s mind. As he got closer by he could see that the guy’s shoulder length dark blond hair was covering his face.

“Hey you ok, man?” Sam tried to reach down and help the man up but he shrank away from him.

“I’m fine” was the mumbled answer.

And then the guy looked up at him; clearly trying not to look intimidated. It was only then that Sam recognised him; the crazy cross-dresser from the other night. But that night, whilst the guy’s appearance had been bizarre; overdone makeup, slutty dress, backcombed hair and bruises, Sam had still been able to recognise that the guy was _cute_. But now, god now, his appearance was tragic. He was wearing a glittery boob tube which was hanging loosely around his stomach and his leather skirt was bunched up around his waist, barely covering his ass. He seemed to have lost his shoes. Sam could see fresh bruises and blood on the guy’s face, chest and thighs; a lot of blood. His thighs also seemed to be covered with some other fluid. Oh right semen, Sam realised with a start. Clearly if Sam ever had any question about this guy’s profession, they were now set to rest. The guy was trying to crawl away:

“I’m fine, just go away please”.

Sam should have listened. It would have been better if he had listened, but instead he said:

“Nah man, you need to go to the hospital or something, here let me help you up”

Effortlessly he pulled the guy up. The guy looked like he was going to fall back to the floor, so Sam grabbed him, holding him bridal style, trying to ignore his repulsion of the slick liquid leaking from the guy’s ass onto his arms. The guy started to try and struggle. But Sam held him anyway:

“look, stop it, I’m just trying to help”.

“Put me down you bastard, I don’t need any help”, the guy was screeching, trying to scratch and bite him. It must have been too much; all of a sudden the guy just passed out. Sam was left standing on the street, holding an unconscious, beat up prostitute. Just another day in paradise, right?

XXXX

            Several hours later....

            Gabriel eyes flickered before he managed to open one of them, the swelling under his eye forcing the other shut. He moved slightly expecting a wave of pain, but he felt nothing. It was only that he realised he was hooked up to some sort of machine. He tried to sit up slowly; his one eye taking in his surroundings. He realised quickly that he was clearly in hospital. Fuck. How had he got here? There was no one else in the room. He started to try and move, he needed to get out of here. Shit, how long had he been here? Suddenly the door opened and a grey haired man walked through;

“ah you’re up, that’s great. My name is Dr _Lexie_.....”

XXXX

            Earlier that day

            It was a Sunday morning. Gabriel was lying in bed. Chris hadn’t come back the night before; it wasn’t a big deal, he often stayed out all night. Besides, it was nice, having the bed to himself. Plus things with Chris had been.....tense. The other night after work on Thursday, he hadn’t been able to get away with just giving Chris a blow job. Instead Chris had wanted to fuck Gabriel hard, wanted to act like he was one of Gabriel’s clients. Gabriel hadn’t been into it. But he just wanted to keep Chris happy, so he went along with it. It hadn't felt good, Chris had pounded into him with little consideration; but worse had been his whispers in his ear, telling him what a cheap slut he was. Gabriel had just tried to zone out, but it made him feel......disgusting, worthless.

             Later, when Chris found out about Gabriel’s earnings that Thursday night, he was _pissed._ Alfie had been awake, watching them warily over his cornflakes as Chris yelled and shouted about how pathetic and ugly Gabriel was. He had tried to appease him, just said he would work harder. So he had gone out Friday lunchtime and night; did the same on Saturday. And even though his ass and jaw were sore and aching, Gabriel knew as he lay in bed on Sunday morning that he would have to go out again that day. It wasn’t good; he would rather spend his time with Alfie. In an effort to improve his mood, he reached down below the bed and pulled out a box of candy. He started to munch through a bag of sweets and then almost without realising, started on a chocolate bar, the sweet taste distracting him from his worries. He always tried to make sure Alfie never ate too much candy, tried to protect his health. But for him, well his health didn’t matter so much. Besides candy was the one thing which made him feel better. Luckily he stayed thin, despite how much sweet stuff he ate. Maybe it was because he never ate much of anything else; just binged on candy. Having finished the chocolate, he started to make a snow angel in his bed, enjoying moving and stretching his limbs in the bed. Man, he was such a kid. He could hear the tv on in the other room; Alfie must be up. He pulled on a long sleeved t-shirt over his sweat pants. He tried to hide the bruises as much as possible.

            “Alfie, hon have you eaten your breakfast?”

He peered into the lounge area, where Alfie was sitting. The TV was on (some show featuring cartoon aliens) and he was surrounded by several school books. Man, did Gabriel love Alfie. The kid was so _good_. There was no way when Gabriel was 7, that he would be looking at school books on a Sunday morning.

“Yep Uncle Gabe” Alfie beamed up at him.

Gabriel lent in and gave him a kiss: “Ok, I gotta go to work later, but you wanna help me bake some cookies in a bit?”

“OH YES!”

Of course, Gabriel wasn’t _really_ strict with the no sugar rule. There were definitely exceptions.

“But Uncle Gabe, um, can you help me with my homework, Miss Meg said we have to read the first chapter from the “copper tree” before class next week and answer some questions in our work book”. Alfie lifted up the thin book; it had a huge picture of a tree on the front.

Gabriel smiled, but inside his heart was beating faster. Never show fear.

“Come on Alfie, I’m sure Miss Meg thinks you should be doing your homework yourself”. He knows he sounded like a dick, but what is he supposed to do? Admit to his seven year old nephew, the one person in all the world that seems to think that he is worth something that he is a retarded loser that can’t even read?

“Pleasssseeeee Uncle Gabe, you never help and plleaaasssseeee, I can’t do it, some words are really big”.

Normally Gabriel wouldn’t be able to resist, but it wasn’t like he had a choice.

“Alfie No! You can do it yourself!”. Gabriel snapped, before trying to soften the blow “you can do it later, come on lets make cookies”.

Alfie looked _pissed._ Gabriel felt bad, he really _wanted_ to help, but he couldn’t. He had often had fantasies about being able to read; the sort where he would imagine sitting on a comfortable couch in a coffee shop, jazz music playing in the background. He would be sipping on an expresso, a large tome open on his lap, and it wouldn’t be for show! He would actually be able to read it all. He imagined a stranger would stop by, try and engage him in conversation and he would have to tell them “I’m terribly sorry, I am _reading,_ so I really can’t chat”. For some reason, in his fantasy he spoke in an English accent.....Or in more recent fantasies, he and Alfie would be sitting on the bed together, while he read a whole book to him; not just pointed out the pictures or made up his own stories. But it was never going to happen, because he was _stupid, a fucking idiot._ Everyone had always said so. But perhaps if Gabriel had thought about it further, he might have reflected on the fact that he had missed a lot of school when he was younger. His dad had left soon after his younger sister, Anna had been born. His mom, Naomi didn’t know why he had gone, she later said that he was an “asshole” and refused to talk about him. She herself, had been sick a lot. She had been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. Had pills to help her, but they hadn’t really worked. It had meant that Gabriel had to look after his sister Anna and his mom, because sometimes she wouldn’t be able to get out of bed, would lie staring at the ceiling, too sad and tired to even cry. But then there were the times when she would get up; times when she was so full of energy and creativity that she would paint or write or dance for hours. And she refused to let Gabriel or Anna go to school (not that they were arguing with her about that) simply because “ _life is too short and beautiful for that sort of shit”_. And so Gabriel had kindof missed the learning to read stage, and no one seemed to notice. It was only when he was older; when he and Anna had been removed from Naomi’s care by the state that he had been forced to go to school. But by then, aged 8, he was so far behind. All the other kids could read, why couldn’t he? He had been too ashamed to admit it. So he acted out instead. Whenever teachers asked him to read aloud or do homework, he would make jokes or cause a scene, anything to distract them from noticing how dumb he was. He and Anna moved through lots of different foster homes, moved into lots of different schools too. So it was easy not to notice his lack of reading ability. It was also far easier for teachers to shove him into the ‘exclusion zone’ and call him a bad kid. Eventually, aged 12, he stopped going to school altogether. At this point, he and Anna had a long-stay foster home and he had been excluded from one of the local schools. His foster dad wasn’t too bothered; he was convinced that Gabriel didn’t need to go to school anyway. He was far more useful as a pretty fuck-toy. As an adult, Gabriel had decided it was too late to try, although it was perhaps fear holding him back. But still, he continued to have those fantasies about being able to read.......

He was snapped back to the present, by Alfie’s defiant gaze:

“I don’t want to make cookies, I want to do this reading!”

Gabriel knew Alfie, knew how stubborn he could be. So he turned on his heel and left him in the lounge; left him to cool off. It wasn’t a big deal not helping with his homework. Alfie would get over it.

            Several hours later, Alfie was still kindof pissed with him. But there was nothing more he could do. He had to go out and work anyway. He shaved his face and his body; he didn’t need to do it regularly as he wasn’t that hairy. He then shoved on a glittery boob tube, a short leather skirt and 3 inch stiletto ankle boots. He applied his usual trowel of make-up in an attempt to cover his bruises and to highlight to potential customers that he was most definitely slutty and gay (just in case there was any doubt) _._ Chris still wasn’t back, so he crept past the lounge where Alfie was sitting alone. Just as got to the front door, he shouted that he had to go to work; that there was food in the fridge but that he would be back later.

XXXX

Later that night......

Uncle Gabe still hadn’t come back. Alfie was starting to worry.....:(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the description of bi-polar doesn't offend anyone...one my friends has the diagnosis, so I know a bit about it, but am no expert.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: PLEASE don't read if triggered by things like abuse / rape. This chapter is heavy. 
> 
> Constructive comments welcomed - would be interested to hear what you think or even what you like/don't like in other fictions. 
> 
> Thanks for reading.

_Sunday evening_           

            Sam had just arrived back from the hospital when he heard the tap at the door. He was definitely not in the mood to talk to anyone right now. The whole experience with the prostitute guy had left him on the edge; the guy had been a fucking mess. Whoever he was, no one deserved to be hurt like _that._ And he had looked so small and vulnerable in that hospital bed. Sam had had a weird urge to just gather him up; hold him close. He had wanted to stay, wait till he woke up. But he thought better of it; don’t get too close, don’t get involved.

            So he had gone back to his; had a shower to wash traces of blood and.....other stuff off his body. He went into the kitchen and fixed himself some microwave noodles. That’s when he heard it; the tap on the door.

            He wasn’t going to answer it; but then there was another tap and another one. It was getting annoying. He opened the door and immediately regretted it as a small boy pushed past him and ran inside the flat.

“Hi Sam, how are you.....ohh I smell noodles, can I have some?”.

Sam followed him into the kitchen: “Look kid, I am busy...”

“It’s Alfie”

“Right, Alfie....”

“What are you doing.....” Well the kid had him there, it wasn’t like he was _actually_ busy.

“Well er...”

The kid paced around the kitchen, before stopping in front of him, not looking him in the eye, he start to mumble

“Please can I just stay here for just for a little bit.... Chris isn’t around, and my Uncle Gabe isn’t back yet and it’s been ages, and.....um we had a bit of fight, and I......” The kid was looking upset, taking in fast breaths “I’m scared” .

Sam sighed, defeated. Again. There was no way he would be able to kick this kid out; he wasn’t _that_ much of a soulless bastard. “Sure, Alfie” .

The kid beamed up at him: “Thank you Sam”. Alfie paused, collecting himself abit before grabbing onto Sam’s hand “.....um, do you like books?”

XXXXX

_Sunday afternoon_

            That Sunday afternoon had started off ok. Gabriel had stood at his corner. It wasn’t too cold and no one had yelled or thrown stuff at him. Yeah, that happened sometimes. The fancy car had pulled up after he had been out there for about half an hour. He recognised it immediately and he had swallowed hard, before plastering on a saucy grin and sauntering over. It was a regular client. The guy, Gavin McLeod, had started picking up about a year ago. Initially, Gabriel had almost been excited. The guy was young, like only 20 years old, loaded and _hot._ That _never_ happened. He should have known there was a catch, there always is. In their first meeting, they had gone to a motel. Just a cheap one, but better than where Gabriel usually ended up with his clients. He had almost started imagining a pretty woman scene, where they would end up laughing together, drinking champagne and eating strawberries. But that hadn’t happen. Gavin had shoved him in the room and locked the door. Had told Gabriel he would pay him 100 bucks if he could hurt him; if he could punch him in the face, tie him up and fuck him with his fist. Gabriel wasn’t really in a position to say no. That was a year ago; Gavin picked him up every couple of months. Paid to hurt him; burn him; scar him. And he always fucked him without a condom. He hadn’t broken bones but he liked to see Gabriel cry, liked to see him scream. But Gabriel just tried to forget about it, tried not to make a big deal out of it. Gavin paid well. So when Gabriel seen his car that day, he had just decided it would be ok; would just take the hurt.

            Seated inside the car, Gavin had immediately given him $500, had just said he wanted Gabriel to give him “the works”. Gabriel had agreed warily, but it was _500 bucks_. That sort of money was unheard of.....he couldn’t turn it down. Gavin hadn’t driven them to a motel or any of the other usual places. He had said he wanted to take him back to his place on the other side of the city. The drive had taken awhile so Gavin had Gabriel 'warm his cock' in the car....pushing his head down hard on his cock, while he gripped the wheel with the other; Gabriel just focused on trying to breath while sucking Gavin down as far as he could; tried not to care if anyone could see in. It wasn’t like he had any dignity left.

            Gabriel had never been to Gavin’s place before; and he was blown away by his place. It was literally a _mansion._ But a feeling of dread had come over him as they drove through the gates; they swung closed with an ominous clang; effectively locking him in. Gavin had parked up and pulled Gabriel out of the car; grabbing at his clothes, palming his bare ass, pinching it hard.

“Hey, hey easy tiger” Gabriel had tried to untangle himself, the dread growing. He just wanted it over.

            When they had got inside the house, Gavin had led him through several hallways and rooms quickly; Gabriel barely got to see the opulent surroundings. As he was pulled though the house, he began to hear loud house music, shouting and men’s laughter

“what the hell....are there other people here??”

But Gavin hadn’t answered, just grabbed him harder

“I don’t mind doing groups whatever" Gabriel gave a quick laugh "just give me a heads up....” 

Gabriel was pushed through into a large, open room; there was a swimming pool with sun loungers all around it. The roof was glass, letting in the afternoon sunshine; the smell of chlorine was overpowering. There were six other guys there; one of them was doing flips into the pool, a couple of the others were lounging about at the side of the pool, shouting insults over the music to each other, laughing and drinking cans of beer. One was doing a line of coke at the small bar in the corner. They were all young, like college age and looked like typical jocks – sporty and attractive. It should have been hot. But it wasn’t. Gabriel was suddenly very frightened.

“Hey guys, brought some entertainment”, Gavin shouted over to them, before turning back to Gabriel with a feral grin; “strip bitch”.

“I errr, I don’t think.....” He tried to back away.

Gavin slapped him hard in the face: “Be a good bitch”.

Another of the guy’s had come over, started laughing at Gabriel’s cowering form “oh fuck yyahhhhh, lets get this party started!!”

Gavin had got him on his back then, lifted his skirt up, grabbing at him, laughing at the size of his penis. Two more guys came to watch. Gavin had held his hands above his head and whispered down: “Ok, if you can fight me off then I’ll let you out”.

Gabriel had struggled then, figured it was worth a shot. He knew he made a pathetic sight. He felt like a small kitten being tormented by a ruthless group of school boys. But then he had managed to reach forward, bite Gavin hard on the chest, who had howled and released him. He had almost made it to the door before another guy had rugby tackled him into the ground.

“Scrappy little bitch”, Gavin had said, wiping off the blood off his chest. The two guys held him down, while Gavin had circled him “little whore’s got to learn it’s place”. Gabriel tried not to look scared; tried to look defiant. It was then that Gavin had grabbed him by the chin and spat directly into his face; a large glob of salvia slide down over his eyes. Disgusting. He had lifted Gabriel’s head up again and then without warning, punched him hard. Gabriel screamed with pain; felt like his head had almost been wrenched off. The two guys, Gavin’s friends, just held him firm. Gavin lifted his head again, and punched him again. Gabriel screamed out agony. It only made Gavin hard. After that, the two guys had pulled him onto all fours “like a proper bitch”, one of them had lifted up his skirt and slapped his ass. But it was tentative, almost like he didn’t know what he was doing, like he was only playing a part.

            The first one inside him was of course, Gavin. He had forced himself in, fully seating himself with one thrust, fat balls pressed against Gabriel’s ass. Gabriel had prepared himself before coming out that day, but it wasn’t enough. And Gavin wasn’t using lube. It must have been painful for him too, but he was too intent on wanting Gabriel to _hurt_. Gabriel had screamed out at the burn. But giving him no time to adjust, Gavin had gripped hard onto his hips, fucking into with him without mercy. All his friends had come to watch by this point, standing around laughing, pulling out their own cocks, waiting for their turn. Gabriel didn’t want to cry, but he couldn’t stop the tears falling. He wasn’t above begging"

“pleaasseeee stop, please”, he had choked out.

It only made Gavin fuck into him harder, skin slapping against his skin; blood easing the way now. One guy pulled out his phone to film it, zooming into where Gavin’s fat cock was disappearing into Gabriel’s rim, stretching it unbearably;

“fuck that is hot, man”, the guy was laughing. Gabriel was in agony, but his dick was still hard. “The whore is fucking lov’in it”, one of the guys pointed at Gabriel's cock.

Gavin reached around, pulled on Gabriel's cock too hard. It hurt but Gabriel could feel that familiar spiral of pleasure unfurl; couldn’t stop himself from pushing back onto Gavin’s dick. In the moment, he felt he was exactly what they said he was; a filthy whore. Gavin let go of his hip, starting to rip out his hair, all whilst pounding into him and pulling at his cock. Gabriel felt pain and pleasure; hell and heaven. Nerves on fire; screaming with the intensity. He came all over himself just as Gavin orgasmed inside him. Gavin pulled out, laughing at, and slapping “his gaping hole”. But before Gabriel had time to think, the next guy was already lining himself up; ramming himself in.

Over the next couple of hours, Gabriel was manhandled into different positions. He gave them complete control of his body, he knew he didn’t stand a chance at fighting them off. He had tried to go someplace else in his head, but he kept being slapped back into the reality. At one point, he was forced to deep throat one, after another whilst being pounded into by someone else. Three of them had a race to see who could cum first on his face. He just lay there, eyes blank and glassy. He remembered Gavin fingering his hole, playing with the cum, calling him a “sloppy whore”. And all the while they forced his drained body to cum; till he was cumming dry. He knew two of them tried to fuck him at the same time. He had passed out when the second guy started to push in. Could feel himself ripping with the overstretch. They left him then, lying on his stomach at the poolside (he couldn’t tell how long, time had lost its meaning), hole angry and sore. He was covered in cum, his hole was bleeding, his hair was a tangled mess and bruises and hickeys scarred his body. He drifted in and out of consciousness, could hear the water as they splashed around in it; their brittle laughter and breaking glass. He came back to himself when he felt something hard and cold at his entrance; could feel hot breath on his neck and a sweaty hand pushing down on his back. Tried to move a bit, whimpering in agony, but the hand held him firm. He heard Gavin’s voice;

“Ok guys, fifty bucks to whoever breaks this bottle inside this bitch’s ass”

....what?? they couldn’t mean.....and then his body was engulfed in agony; tried to scream but his voice was broken as Gavin began to force the wine bottle into his bleeding ass. Another guy must have taken over, as Gavin had come into Gabriel’s vision, lightly traced a finger down his cheek, intently watching the pain etched into Gabriel’s face. Gabriel tried to use his eyes to beg him to stop, but Gavin was _enjoying_ it. They were wriggling the bottle around inside him, jamming it in and out, trying to get it to break. Even in this barely conscious state, Gabriel was gripped with dread. What if the bottle did break in him? Could he even survive that? Those were his last thoughts as he passed out to the sound of men’s laughter.....

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: domestic violence
> 
> Any feedback / thoughts etc much appreciated :)

                 In the end, Gabriel stayed in the hospital for a week. He should have stayed longer, but he needed to get back. As soon as he had woken up that first day in hospital, he had spoken to Chris; had managed to reverse the charges on the small payphone in the corridor outside his room. Chris had been.....ok, hadn’t really said all that much. But that was ok, he didn’t really want pity. Chris said he couldn’t make it to the hospital to visit Gabriel but he reassured him that he would look after Alfie; would just tell him that Gabriel had gone to see a friend or something. Gabriel wasn’t convinced Alfie would buy this; it wasn’t like he had a lot of friends. Sure he knew the other prostitutes in his area, but it wasn’t like they socialised together, weren’t exactly the type to go for drinks after work. Plus Chris got jealous whenever he spoke to anyone anyway; had even been jealous of Anna, whenever she came around. Gabriel just hoped that Alfie wouldn’t question the story too much because what choice did he have; couldn’t let him know what really happened.

            Over the next couple of days, he lay in his hospital bed. He tried to enjoy the rest; but it was too much time alone; no distractions. He tried not to think about what happened that day; tried to brush it off. Tried to convince himself that it wasn’t a big deal, just a hazard of the job. He could handle it. And at least he still had the money from Gavin. Not that it mattered; hospital fees were expensive. So yeah, Gabriel tried not to think about what happened with Gavin; tried to lock it away, just like he did with all his _unpleasant_ memories. But he found that despite this, things would remind him; laughter in the corridor; the sound of water, the nurses’ hot breath as they lent over him. And then he remembered what had happened with his neighbour......and he felt so ashamed. He remembered lying in the street, after he had been shoved out of the car. Then he had heard a man’s voice; had been scared that maybe it was someone trying to get a free ride off of him. It wouldn’t have been the first time. And then he had recognised the man; the beautiful neighbour. He had just wanted to crawl away in shame; did not want _this_ particular man to see him in such a state. The last thing he remembered was the man grabbing him up. And then he had woken up in hospital. It was just so......embarrassing. He knew he would never be able to face that guy again.

XXXX

            Over the next couple of days, Sam and Alfie had fallen into somewhat of a routine. Sam would spend the day looking at stuff on the internet, doing weights, and reading. By the time 4pm came around, Alfie would knock on the door and they would spend the next hour and a half, watching TV. Sam would then help him with his reading and Alfie would tell him about his day. Alfie said his uncle Gabe had gone away and Chris was out a lot and that he didn’t want to be alone. Sam had learnt trying to resist the kid was futile. He just hoped that when ‘Uncle Gabe’ got back, the kid would disappear again. Well, at least that’s what he told himself. But he had to admit seeing the kid kind of brightened his day; in fact Alfie was really his only social contact. But he had that interview with Crowley coming up, so he wasn’t _too_ bothered.

            He thought about the prostitute he found on the street a lot, more often that he would like. Couldn’t stop thinking about how broken the guy had looked; but then how much of a fight he had given when Sam had lifted him up. Whoever he was, he sure was brave. He wondered if he should just pop by and see how he was doing. But it was stupid. He really did not want to get involved in someone else’s fucked up life.

XXX

            And then Alfie stopped coming. Whatever. It didn’t matter. It wasn’t like he cared or anything.

            But then several nights later.....there was a familiar knock on the door.

XXXX           

            Gabriel was back ‘home’; had left hospital and caught the bus back. It hadn’t been easy. He was still covered in bruises and could barely sit or walk, for that matter. One of the hospital nurses had found him some spare clothes to wear home. Oversized pants and t-shirt, but it was better than the alternative.

            When he walked through the door, could smell the overpowering scent of marijuana. Chris was lounging on the sofa, splif in hand. Gabriel hadn’t known what to say.

“Hey babe.....”

Chris had looked up, slow smile dawning on his face; patted the sofa for Gabriel to come and down beside him

“Baby.....you look like _shit,_ look like you need to get high”.

Gabriel didn’t disagree. But Alfie would be home soon and he didn’t want to be off his face.

“Nah babe, I’m ok”. He leant over and pecked Chris on the cheek, before sitting next to him, wincing as he did so. Chris had nuzzled his neck, hands snaking around his waist. Gabriel moved further away from him on the couch, attempted conversation:

“How have things been, how’s Alfie been.....”

“hey, come back here” Chris grabbed him back, forcing him to lie next to him on the couch, Gabe’s head on his chest

“Alfie’s been fine....I got a bit extra time to pay back that loan, but yeah it’s good you are back, missed you....” Chris’ hands started reaching down Gabriel’s pants, palming his ass, pulling the cheeks apart. The feeling of hands on his body made Gabriel shudder, but he just let him do it. Hoped he would get bored. Hoped he would stop.

XXX

            Alfie had been ecstatic when he had come home to find Gabriel had returned. Hadn’t even questioned him about his injuries, thank the lord. They had spent the evening playing games and watching TV, before Chris had demanded that Gabriel stop ignoring him "and put the damn kid to bed”.

            Over the next couple of days, Gabriel hadn’t been able to do much; could barely walk around the apartment without pain. Sex was out of the question. Just the thought of any sex at all with anyone, even Chris, repulsed him right now. But the lack of sex didn’t help Chris’ mood. Gabriel forced himself to give Chris head, but Chris had picked up on his lacklustre attitude and told him not to “fucking bother”.

            Chris didn’t want to talk about what had happened to Gabriel, which Gabriel was ok with that; he didn’t want to talk about it either. But then Chris started to get pissed that Gabriel wasn’t working, after all they needed the money.

          “Babe, look I get it” he whined “you can’t get fucked by anyone right now, but you can do other stuff, right?”

Gabriel wanted to tell him he was too scared to go out; too disgusted to even contemplate selling his body. But he knew he wouldn’t be able to get away with that; was going to have to go back to work at some point. He couldn’t do anything else anyway. So he had pulled on the red dress and red stilettos; determined to make money from the lunch time trade. He could barely stop his hands shaking as he applied the layer of make-up over his bashed up face. He decided it would be ok to have a couple of shots of cheap vodka before he went. Dutch courage. He might have had a few more than a couple of shots. The walls in the corridor were blurred and the ground felt unsteady as he walked through the apartment block.

            He stood outside on his usual corner. The cold air biting his pale skin. Not long after, a car pulled up.

            “How much?” The guy looked like any of his other clients; older, grey hair, middle-aged spread.

            But Gabriel couldn’t do it, couldn’t force himself to smile and saunter over, couldn’t force himself to hide his fear and disgust.

            “Too much for you honey” and with that Gabriel turned around and walked back inside.

            A couple of hours later.....

            Chris found him, back in the flat. Gabriel was in sweat pants, make up free and hair tied back. Had drunk more than half the bottle of vodka. Was lying on the sofa eating candy. Chris could hear Alfie’s music on in his room. Not that he cared where Alfie was.    

            “What the fuck? I thought you said you were working today?”

Gabriel hadn’t answered, just stuffed more candy in his mouth

            “Jees, you’re disgusting you know that, right? Just a fucking stinking greedy piece of shit......”

            “Shut the fuck up Chris”

Gabriel didn’t know what made him say it. Just stupidity probably.

            Chris had slapped him hard.

            “Don’t you fucking say that to me....don’t you fucking dare, you little bitch”

Gabriel had got up, tried to slap him back

           “well don’t you ever call me a bitch” he had shouted.

He was holding back the tears. Chris had grabbed him by the neck, slammed him against the wall.

            “But that’s what you are....you’re a bitch, a fucking ugly bitch”

Gabriel had tried to fight back, scratching and kicking. Chris had punched him in the face. It was then that Gabriel had seen Alfie standing in the doorway of the lounge. Oh god.

            “Alfie, get out, get out!”

He had screamed at him, while Chris had kicked him in the ribs. He almost passed out from the pain. Could hear the front door bang as Alfie had slammed it behind him. Chris had grabbed the back of his head

           “Don’t you dare fucking back talk me bitch...tomorrow you’re back to work”.

Gabriel had just cowered, while Chris had stormed out of the room. He heard the shower. He gradually uncurled himself. His ribs hurt, his face was bleeding again. God Alfie! He pulled himself up, and gingerly made his way to the front door. He left the door ajar and found Alfie sitting on the top step in the hallway. For once, the hallway was quiet.

            “Hey hun....” Gabriel didn’t know what to say as he sat down beside him. Alfie didn’t look up. Eyes puffy with tears.

            It was then he heard Chris’ shout from the inside of the apartment: “Where the FUCK are you??”

Oh shit. Gabriel couldn’t face him again. As if sensing this, Alfie looked up at him;

            “Come on, we can stay at my friend’s”.

Gabriel didn’t understand, but he could hear Chris starting to bang around in the apartment, pretty soon he would be looking for them outside. He stood up hurriedly, taking Alfie’s hand. Alfie pulled him down the stairs.....knocked on a door of the flat below.....wait....this was the same door of the neighbour he met the other week, the neighbour who had picked him off the street....oh god no. But it was too late, he could hear Chris thundering along the corridor upstairs. He found himself praying that the guy would fucking open the door. Alfie knocked again, loud, more frantic. He was scared too. And then the door opened......


	7. Chapter 7

            Of course Sam hadn’t expected visitors that day. So when he heard the knock, he wondered if it was Alfie, the only person who had ever called around. Sam wondered whether he should ignore him this time. But the insistence of the knock, as well as _perhaps_ his own loneliness, pushed him to open the door. Alfie had rushed in, pulling a blond haired man in beside him.....wait, what? Sam recognised the man; the _prostitute_. Wait, was this ‘Uncle Gabe”?? The realisation hit just as Alfie banged the door shut. And with that the blond haired man sagged against the door, panting; eyes forced down, refusing to meet Sam’s gaze. Alfie was trying to hug ‘Uncle Gabe’, whispering for him “ _not to worry_ ”. Both of them suddenly froze when someone started pounding down the stairs outside, shouting and banging on the walls. Sam couldn’t make out many of the words through the door, just “ _Fucking Gabe, Fucking Bitch_....”. He wondered if he should just turf the pair out, he didn’t want to get involved in.....whatever this was. But seeing them huddled together on the floor, he knew he didn’t have that choice. The guy outside continued to pound along the corridor and down the next set of steps. Both ‘Uncle Gabe’ and Alfie visibly relaxed as he disappeared, before Alfie climbed onto ‘Uncle Gabe’ lap, legs wrapped around his thin waist, face hiding in his shoulder. It was then that Sam noticed that ‘Uncle Gabe’ was bleeding.

            “What the hell is going on here? What the hell happened to you?” Sam pointed to the blood and bruises on ‘Uncle Gabe’s’ face. The guy looked up, eyes wide with fear, and then almost as if a switch had flicked, flashed him a sexy smile, as he tried to stand up straight (despite Alfie clinging around his neck).

             “oh yeahhhhh, I was hoping I would run into you again....” He gave Sam a wink and tried to reach out to Sam’s hand, before wincing in pain. He took a step back, lost his balance (hell, it must have been hard standing with a seven year old hanging off his neck) and fell on the floor with a cry.

            “Noooo Uncle Gabe, are you ok, are you ok, are you ok....” Alfie was frantic. Sam could see he wasn’t going to get any answers until Alfie was calmer and ‘Uncle Gabe’ had some painkillers or something.

            30 minutes later......

            Alfie was sat in front of the television, absorbed in some sort of documentary about dragons, a cookie in hand (yeah, ever since Alfie’s visits had become regular Sam had, for some reason, started to keep various treats in stock). ‘Uncle Gabe’ or Gabriel, as he apparently liked to be called, was standing by the sink in the bathroom, while Sam was wiping his face of blood. He had given him one of his t-shirts to wear (Gabriel’s one had blood strains) and a couple of painkillers. He had handed the medication over with some reticence; could tell, despite the guy’s protests, that he was pretty ‘tipsy’. Gabriel had stopped with the ‘sexy’ act then and hadn’t said anything. Sam had guided him into the bathroom and tried to help him clear off the blood with tissue.Gabriel had stood, passively staring at the wall. Sam had been able to properly look at him; couldn’t help but notice how _attractive_ the guy was without all the stupid make up and crazy hair. Now he was all soft pale skin, soulful golden brown eyes and kissable lips. Sam shook himself free of those thoughts.....

            “So you’re gonna tell me what happened?”

He didn’t know why he asked, wasn't interested really (well maybe he was  _abit_ ) besides the silence was starting to get to him. Gabriel took a while to answer:

         “oh nothing really” he gave a quick laugh before continuing “it’s fine, no big deal, I just um, just had a bit of an argument with my um, boyfriend, y’know....” He forced out a laugh again.

Sam was incredulous “what so he hit you?”

Gabriel nodded slightly “it’s no big deal”, he replied, with a quick smile.

Sam didn’t know quite what to say; last time he had seen Gabriel, he had clearly been attacked by......a client, and now what? His boyfriend hurts him too? And despite Gabriel attempts to downplay what had happened, he had clearly been very afraid. It was.....upsetting. But then again, it wasn’t his business. Gabriel started to talk again

           “so yeah, thanks for letting us in, y’know it would have _fine_ though, Chris is a big teddy bear really”.

But even Gabriel didn’t seem convinced as he said that. Sam shook his head:

           “yeah? And what about Alfie, he think Chris is a ‘big teddy bear’?”

He didn’t mean for it to sound accusatory but he couldn’t help it. The way Gabriel was just trying to brush it all off, like it was nothing was..... _fucking annoying_. Reminded him of his parents, well when his mum was alive. They never hit each other but would get into bad fights _all_ the time, screaming and shouting at each other. Sam would feel so scared that he would sneak into his big brother’s bed, curling up beside him for comfort. And then the next day, they would _always_ pretend like nothing had happened, like everything was fine, when it clearly wasn’t.

Gabriel stared at him hard, lips forming into a thin line:

         “Alfie likes Chris just fine.....anyway Chris doesn't hit me much”.

It sounded like a lie to Sam, which pissed him off even more. He _hated_ it when people lied to him.

        “Oh yeah really? But what if he does it _again?_ What happens if Chris puts you in hospital or worse?.....Chris gonna look after Alfie, coz I can tell you Alfie has been down here almost every night this past week....”

He had gone too far, Sam could see that, Gabriel was looking pissed.

       “Why the fuck do you care? You a paedophile?....oh god, have you been hurting Alfie....” Gabriel started to look frightened.

       “WHAT? Don’t you dare accuse me of _that_....I’m the one that has given him a place to go while your pathetic excuse of a boyfriend just left him by himself whilst you were in hospital....and that’s another thing.....you think Alfie doesn’t know what you do? Don’t think that he’s not terrified that you’re gonna get hurt when you’re out.....‘working’, which incidentally, he was right.....I mean hell the other day when I found you....” Sam stopped himself mid-flow, Gabriel was crying.

      “You’re right” he whispered “I’m not good for Alfie, I’m shit, I’m shit....”

       Sam rubbed his eyes, why did he have to yell at Gabriel, this was nothing to do with him; he didn’t even care about Alfie or Gabriel or anyone. Gabriel was still babbling through his tears

      “Chris is right too, I’m fucking pathetic, useless....I can’t do anything right...and now Alfie is suffering because of me”.

Sam couldn’t stop himself; he was wrapping his big arms around Gabriel’s tiny body, drawing him in closer. Gabriel initially tried to resist before he sank into the hug; weeping muffled by Sam’s sweater.

       “I don’t know what to do......” Gabriel whispered out

       “shhhhhh, it’ll be ok, it’ll be ok”. Sam was gently rocking back and forth, almost as if he was trying to calm a child “shhhhhh”. Gabriel momentarily calmed, before suddenly looking up at Sam, face full of panic,

    “How does he know what I do? I can’t.....is he disgusted by me? I can’t...I can’t....”

Gabriel could barely get his words out through a fresh wave of tears. Sam gently rubbed Gabriel’s head

    “Look, I think Chris said something...I don’t think Alfie really understands it...just a kid at school told him that you were gonna get hurt doing that er, job...he doesn’t think you’re disgusting, he loves you”.

      Gabriel clung onto Sam, while Sam continued to hold him, before Gabriel whispered out,

      “Thank you.....and thanks for letting us in and um, for taking me to the hospital the other day”.

They stood there in the bathroom for a bit, before Gabriel abruptly pulled away from Sam, straightened his shoulders and said “I don’t suppose you have any more of those cookies.......”

XXXX

            As it turned out, Alfie hadn’t eaten all the cookies, so Gabriel happily munched though several. Gabriel and Alfie sat together on the floor (Sam hadn’t got around to buying a sofa); Gabriel hugging Alfie close whilst they watched TV together (a film about fish) whilst Sam made him and Alfie scrambled eggs on toast (Gabe said he wasn't hungry). Later, after the meal, Sam had blurted out the offer

         “so you can stay here tonight if you want.....” He didn’t know why he said it, it was stupid really. But before Gabriel could decline, Alfie jumped in:

         “YES! We can do a sleepover, we can have a midnight feast, we can stay up all night.....this is gonna be AWESOME!”

         And so it was decided, Alfie and Gabriel would stay for the night, besides Gabriel admitted that Chris would hopefully be in a better mood the next morning. Sam didn’t know what to say to that; didn’t want Gabriel going back at all – but whatever. It wasn’t anything to do with him.

Later that evening....

         Alfie was settled on the only comfy chair in the lounge, whilst Sam and Gabriel sat on the floor. The TV was on, some show about alien abductions. The show inspired a heated ‘debate’ about the possibility of an alien abduction - Gabriel asserted it was a definite possibility, which Sam thought was hilarious. Gabriel had hit him over the head with cushion and called him an “idiot” - Their ‘discussion’ continued with neither party relenting, until they both realised the show was long since finished and Alfie was passed out asleep.

   “Um look, you and Alfie can sleep in my bed if you like....I can just take the chair or the floor or whatever” Sam had offered awkwardly.

Gabriel had shook his head “um what? No...you’re like a _gigantor_ , there’s no way you would get any sleep on that chair....besides Alfie looks pretty happy there, just get him a rug or something.....I guess I could stay on the floor.....” Gabriel suggested, equally as awkwardly.

    “Oh er no, I haven’t really got anything you could sleep on...you take the bed..”

And so it went on for a bit, each of them trying to avoid the very obvious possibility that they should share the bed, before Sam finally suggested it. Gabriel had just nodded; part of him had wondered if this would be where Sam would try and fuck him; another part asserting that Sam would never want to touch something as unclean as himself, so there was no need to worry. And so it was with some trepidation, that he followed Sam into the bedroom. He wondered if he should just offer anyway; show his gratitude and stop the waiting game. He decided against it though; Sam was most definitely beautiful, but Gabriel really didn’t want to do _that_ right now, no matter how grateful he was. If Sam wanted anything sexual from him; he was gonna have to force him.

           Gabriel crawled gingerly into the bed, huddling himself into Sam’s t-shirt, which completely swamped him. Sam got into the other side and turned off the light. Neither of them said anything. Gabriel waited with bated breath. 5 minutes, 10 minutes, nothing. He could hear Sam’s gentle snores. So he was right, Sam wouldn’t want to fuck anything like him....or perhaps he wasn’t gay? Gabriel found that he was almost disappointed with that thought, which was dumb. He didn’t need a boyfriend, he had Chris after all. He lay in the darkness, allowing silent tears to flow down his cheeks; yeah he had Chris, but did he really want him? And what did it matter anyway....it wasn’t like Chris was ever going to let him go.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to "only love can hurt like this" before I started to write this :( 
> 
> Comments and kudos are...nice - love to hear thoughts/ideas etc!


	8. Chapter 8

         When Sam woke the next day, he felt something small and warm wrapped around him. He was momentarily confused, until he looked down and saw it was Gabriel. In sleep he looked peaceful, almost content. He was muttering a little bit and hugging himself close into Sam. It made Sam feel _protective._ The t-shirt he had lent him was rucked up and he could make out the bruises, dark and angry looking against Gabriel’s pale skin. Sam tried not to look; tried to pull the t-shirt down a bit. In doing so, his fingers brushed along Gabriel’s little rounded stomach; Sam sighed slightly. Gabriel really was just _too_ cute, he just wanted to pet him. It was weird; sure it wasn’t like Sam hadn’t had male lovers before, it was just that Gabriel definitely wasn’t the _typical_ sort of guy he would go for. Although Sam wondered if Gabriel would ever be anyone’s _typical_ guy. He was just.....unique. Anyway, it wasn’t like Gabriel was an option; he brought _way_ too much baggage with him; a crazy boyfriend and a less than desirable ‘job’. Besides Sam didn’t need the hassle of any sort of romantic entanglement in his life, been there and done that. Never again. And with that thought, Sam jumped out of bed, waking up Gabriel in the process. He just groaned and put the pillow over his head. Sam wasn’t sure whether he should try and drag him out of bed or not. In the end, he decided Gabriel deserved the rest. He hopped into the shower, trying not to think of golden eyes and little rounded stomachs while he wanked himself off.

            While Sam was in the shower, Gabriel lifted the pillow off his face. His head ached as a result of too much vodka the night before and his ribs and face still hurt as a result of the..... _argument._ He thought back to the day before, god he had embarrassed himself _again_ in front of Sam. The guy must think he was a train-wreck of a human being. He had really tried to act all sexy and cool, but it hadn’t worked. Not at all. And then he had blubbered everywhere, so pathetic. Sam probably thought he was emotionally unstable or something. He didn’t know why Sam had made such a big deal about what Chris had done to him, it didn’t matter. But then he thought about what had Sam had said.....what happens to Alfie if Chris hurt him really bad? Gabriel immediately shut out those thoughts....would just have to make sure Chris didn’t go that far. Just have to keep him sweet; not do anything wrong.

            Gabriel sat up slowly; despite the pain he felt pretty well rested. And even though everything with Chris had been horrible...he actually had fun with Sam and Alfie yesterday. It was nice. Suddenly Gabriel heard gentle moans coming from the bathroom. He smirked, he knew exactly what Sam was doing in there. He wondered if he should go and offer to help him out. He decided against it though; didn’t think Sam wanted him like that.

            He swung his legs out of bed; decided to have a bit of a nose around. It was just in his nature to be curious about everything. Started to open some of the drawers and only found neatly folded clothes. This place seemed devoid of any personal objects; just the photo of his brother; it was almost like he was a ghost or something. Gabriel wandered over to the closet, opening both doors. His breath caught. Shit. Hanging up on the inside of both doors, were several guns and knives. What the hell? Gabriel had never got around to asking what Sam did for a living, but he knew with this sort of weaponry, it was unlikely to be anything good. He sighed, shutting the door. Why did everyone always have to have a dark side?

A little later.......

            Sam had offered for Gabriel and Alfie to stay for breakfast. Alfie had happily chomped down some cereal but Gabriel had barely touched anything, just seemed pretty morose. Sam just didn’t get why Gabriel was going back to Chris, he was so clearly frightened of him. Which was probably why Sam made the offer;

         “So er you can come down here whenever you.....need”.

Gabriel had just looked at him and smiled faintly

         “Thanks...but er that’s ok, I don’t think it will be....necessary again”.

Alfie had interrupted then, and looked over at Gabriel “but can I come? Sam helps me with my reading and everything”.

Gabriel had stiffened slightly at that “well I am sure Sam has got a lot to do.....”

“No he hasn’t....” Alfie whined.

Gabriel looked questioningly at Sam “yeah what is _it_ that you do exactly?”

Sam shrugged “oh this and that”.

Gabriel’s eyes had narrowed but before he could ask anymore, Alfie had jumped in “see....he isn’t busy...you’re not busy are you? I can come can’t I?” Alfie pulled on Sam’s hand.

“Er.....yeah I guess” he relented.

Gabriel sighed “look, um that’s very kind of you....but Alfie you really can’t disturb Sam every day”.....

XXXX

            After Gabriel and Alfie left that morning, Sam finished getting ready for work. He had had the interview with Crowley the last week. Crowley had been impressed by his previous work - various...... _misadventures_ in which he had demonstrated a cold and callous attitude; which was apparently “exactly” what Crowley wanted. The job, it turned out, was going to involve some ‘liaison’ work. Crowley was trying to introduce his son, Gavin, to the family business. However, Gavin had proved himself a little ‘enthusiastic’, meting out extreme violence to people who hadn’t paid their debts or pissing off and insulting some of Crowley’s best drug traders and producers.

“I need a gentle touch here....my son is young, he has a lot to learn, he just doesn’t know it” Crowley had chuckled out, as if beating someone to the point of brain damage was just an example of youthful exuberance. “I will need you to be....tactful, but keep him in check, don’t take any shit......and oh I will need you to report back to me”.

Sam had thought that the job sounded like some sort of glorified child minding job. But whatever, it got him a job working for the famous Crowley Crime syndicate. And so it was with some trepidation that Sam had left that morning for his first day, thoughts of Gabriel and Alfie put to the back of his mind.......

XXXX

That same day............

            Gabriel and Alfie walked though the front door and Gabriel was greeted by a very contrite Chris. Alfie was ignored.

            “Fuck Gabe, where have you been? I’ve been worried sick.....baby don’t EVER do that to me again”. Chris had plastered himself to Gabriel, kissing his face, his mouth, his neck. “I love you so much, don’t fucking ever to that to me again....”

Gabriel had concocted a lie that Alfie and he had stayed at the local homeless shelter; he daren’t tell him about Sam: “I’m so sorry babe, I didn’t mean for you to get you worried, didn’t want to upset you....I am sorry I was so stupid”.

Chris had taken a step back, looking at him trying to detect a lie. He must have been satisfied, as he gently touched Gabriel’s face:

           “oh god, look at your face....you really shouldn't get me so mad.....I love you so fucking much, baby”.

It was nice; Chris was being so nice, gentle and soft.

Alfie had rolled his eyes and gone into his bedroom to get his stuff. Uncle Gabe had said he could have the day off school, but he would rather go. He didn’t want to be stuck in the apartment with Chris any longer than he had to. After Alfie had left, Chris had pulled Gabriel into the lounge, wrapped him in a big rug, and settled in next to him.

          “Let’s just watch a film and have a chilled one today, yeah”.

Gabriel had agreed, just pleased that Chris hadn’t mentioned anything about work. Everything was fine. They were fine.

XXX

Several days later.......

            Sam hadn’t seen Gabriel or Alfie for that matter. He hadn’t thought about them. Well not that much. He just wondered if they were ok, if they were safe. So when Sam walked past the apartment block and saw Gabriel, he was....concerned. It was a cold day, the sun hung low in sky. Gabriel was standing by the corner of the apartment block, wearing what could only be described as a school uniform; short pleated red skirt and white shirt tied in a knot across his bare, and slightly protruding, stomach. He had his dark blonde hair in two short bunches and wore knee high socks with little plimsolls. He had less make up on than usual, but it was still too much and badly applied; the bruises from the other day still prominent. He looked freezing. Sam knew he should walk by but he wanted to just check....just check how he was. Gabriel didn’t seem to notice him until he was literally standing in front of him.

“Hey.....” he paused, not sure what to say “so er how’s things been?”

Gabriel gave him a smile “oh yeah great....”

Didn’t seem like Gabriel wanted to talk; kept looking over his shoulder. Sam decided he should just leave it, what did he care about some random prostitute anyway. Just then, some guy walked up behind Gabriel, grabbed him around the waist whilst grinning over at Sam

“you interested?”

“what er.....”

“oh come on man, yeah I know his face ain’t much to look at, but his cunt is still tight....”

Oh god, he realised this must be Chris and oh god, he was trying to sell Gabriel’s er ‘services’. Awkward. Gabriel was trying to free himself from Chris’ grip:

“come on babe, he’s not interested” Gabriel spoke low and quiet, eyes downcast.

“Sure he is, ain’t yeh? I saw the way you were looking at him, like you wanted to jump his bones....”

Chris gave Sam a dirty grin “you want to see his pretty pussy....no touching though, unless you're paying for it”. Chris tried to lift up Gabriel’s skirt....

“no! don’t! Babe please” Gabriel was struggling, trying to stop his skirt from being lifted up.

“Little bitch” Chris slapped him across the face, knocking Gabriel to the floor. Oh fuck, Sam had to do something:

“OK, OK, how much, how much is he?”

           


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for comments and kudos......hope you like the new chapter :)
> 
> Warning: mention of suicidal thoughts

         The last couple of days hadn’t been easy for Gabriel. Sure, Chris had been sweet when he had got back that morning, but as Gabriel had lain on the couch with Chris, his hands had started to rove again. He got Gabriel underneath him, pulled his pants down; started to prod Gabriel’s hole. It still hurt.

       “Baby please don’t.....I can’t, the stitches....”

        “For fuck’s sake....you’re fucking frigid for a slut”. Chris hadn’t let him up, had pushed two of his fingers into Gabriel’s mouth, had him suck them and then stuck them back straight back inside him; Gabriel had squeaked in pain, tried to squirm to get the fingers out of him:

       “baby please, I can’t.....”

       “Well you can at least suck me off and do a better job than last time”.

Gabriel had obeyed, simply because he feared the consequences of not doing so. Besides Chris seemed satisfied enough after that and returned to being a loving and docile boyfriend for the rest of the afternoon.

            The next day, Gabriel had got a check up from the doctor. He said that he was healing well although suggested that Gabriel refrain from sex for a bit longer. Gabriel knew that wasn’t an option. The doctor said he would send the hospital bills though the post. Another bill. Another problem.......So Gabriel went back to work......besides Chris kept checking that he was at his corner, so he didn’t get much choice.  

xxxxxx

A few days later.....   

            Chris was pretty pleased he had made a sale from Gabriel and grabbed up Sam’s money, directing him to a nearby alley where they could get to “business”. Gabriel was less pleased.....he had never felt more like a piece of meat. He was surprised that Sam had paid for him, surprised that he wanted to fuck him. But perhaps he was just like everyone else.....They walked along the street, Sam tried to speak but Gabriel just grabbed his hand, forced himself to smile at him as he said

"Can't wait for you to be inside me"........

He tried to sound sexy and hot. The truth was he was far from excited about getting fucked again, even if it was with Sam. Chris had fucked him the night before and he was still kindof sore. It had been the first time since Gavin and the others....Chris had been pretty wound up, hadn’t had sex with Gabriel for a couple of weeks. After inspecting his hole, Chris had decided that Gabriel was fine and should stop being a “prissy cunt” and give it up. He had started to raise his voice and Gabriel was afraid that Alfie would hear, so he had agreed. Chris had been so eager, he barely shoved his fingers inside Gabriel’s hole a couple of times, before pulling him onto his stomach and taking him roughly. It had been heaven for Chris; Gabriel’s ass tight and hot. Gabriel didn’t enjoy it quite as much, had cried a bit and begged him to stop, said it hurt. Memories of everything that happened with Gavin kept coming back to him; the feeling of being trapped and having no control. But Chris kept ploughing into him:

“just be good baby, not much longer....feel sooo good.....you like it really, whores like you need a good dicking”.

And it hadn’t taken long. Whatever, it didn’t matter, it was just sex. Afterwards Chris had been kind and loving.

Sam coughed slightly and tried to talk again, but Gabriel interrupted again

“So you want to do it here, babe” Gabriel had pointed the alley out to Sam.

“Er look, I didn’t....I just wanted to help you out, I don’t actually want to have sex with you”. Sam had looked awkward.

“Oh”

Gabriel didn’t really understand. Why pay someone _not_ to have sex with you? “Thanks I guess”.

He shivered a bit, damn it was cold.

“Look, do you want to get coffee or something, might as well take a break right”. Sam kindof smiled at him and Gabriel felt his stomach flip....damn Sam was _hot._ Gabriel tried to think of some sort of snarky comment, but couldn’t come up with anything so just settled with a simple “yes”. They found a little cafe. Gabriel felt like an idiot walking in; he knew what he looked like, knew that everyone was thinking he was a cheap whore. He just tried to make out like he didn’t care. The cafe wasn’t exactly.....high class anyway. It had faded yellow wallpaper, grease stains on the walls and a sad looking man, who looked like a permanent feature, sitting in the corner. But it was warm. Besides Gabriel hadn’t really been out for coffee....tea or any sort of beverage for a long time.....not like he could afford to spend money on ‘luxuries’ and it wasn’t like Chris and he went on dates.

            Gabriel slide into a booth, right next to Sam. He had picked up what looked like a menu on the table; he couldn’t read any of it. But Sam didn’t need to know that.

“Oh wow this all looks great....”

Sam gave him an odd look, “er that’s an ad for a window cleaner”.

Oh shit. “ha, yes I er can’t see anything without my glasses....er can I just get a hot chocolate please?”.

Gabriel did his best to laugh it off. That was what he was best at after all. Sam still looked confused but went and bought the drinks anyway.

xxx

            As they sipped their drinks; an awkward silence fell between them.

“So....er, you settled in ok...” Gabriel literally didn’t know what to say, it wasn’t like Sam was a stranger but he was hardly a friend, and clearly not a client.....Sam had just nodded. He looked like he wasn’t really concentrating on Gabriel, like something else was bothering him. Abruptly he asked:

“he always talk to you like that, hit you like that?”

“What? Oh Chris, well yeah, I guess, its no big deal” Gabriel gave a little laugh, trying to hide how humiliated he had felt.

“He shouldn’t treat you like that Gabriel” Sam had asserted.

Gabriel had just sighed “don't worry about it.....that’s just the way he is sometimes, but he’s good to me, he loves me”.

Sam had just snorted and looked away, before continuing

“Why do you this....why do you sell yourself....does he make you?”.

Gabriel bristled, he hated people thinking he was some sort of victim

“Chris doesn’t make me do anything.....I love my job, I get to meet new people and have lots of sex”.

Sam shook his head “whatever”, he kindof mumbled under his breath. God this was a bad idea.

Gabriel desperately tried to think of something to turn the conversation away from Chris and his profession.

“So you with anyone right now?”

Sam laughed mirthlessly and rolled his eyes “nope and not interested either”

“Aw you had your heartbroken honey?”

Sam gave him another cold laugh “you could say that....”

“C’mon! You gotta give me more than that...” Gabriel lent forward; the picture of interest

“yeah, you really wanna know?” Sam was kindof pissed, didn’t want to rake over his loser love life “first boyfriend, first love of my life....cheated on me with my brother, can you believe that? But they’re still together, so I guess that makes it all alright” Sam spat out the words “and oh yeah my last girlfriend...got me hooked on drugs and then stabbed me in the back...so yeah so now you know, great, sure that’s real interesting for you”. Sam hadn’t realised he was speaking loud until he stopped. Gabriel looked a little stunned, before he gave him a small smile “love sucks right?”

            Gabriel changed the conversation then, could appreciate that Sam didn’t want to talk about personal stuff....it sounded like his love life was pretty shit. Although, Sam had told him he had an ex-boyfriend....and an ex-girlfriend, so what he was bisexual? That was..... _interesting_. Gabriel tried to keep the conversation light by telling Sam a couple of stories about Alfie.....about the time he had ‘borrowed’ the neighbour’s dog because he so desperately wanted one....about the time when he got a button stuck up his nose....about the timehe tried to make Gabriel breakfast in bed but burnt it all and then proceeded to watch him eat it _all_. Sam was laughing at all the stories, so Gabriel hoped he wasn’t boring him too much.

            30 minutes was up. Gabriel didn’t want to go back to work, this little interlude had been nice, made him almost feel like a _real human being_. He didn’t want to go back to the freezing streets and leery men who only saw him as a mindless cockslut. But whatever, nobody ever wants to go back to work, right?

“So thanks for the drink, cupcake....but you know I think you overpaid for my company”. Gabriel was trying to make a joke. Sam didn’t laugh.

“You gonna be ok?”

“What me? Of course, it’s all good”. The words stuck in his throat though.

xxxxxxx

            Gabriel was back on the corner....Chris has waited for him to return. Kindof seemed a bit pissed off.

“You enjoy yourself, fucking some guy on the street....was his dick big? You like it better than mine, huh slut?”

Gabriel tried to appease him by kissing him and saying he wanted only him. Eventually, Chris decided it was too cold and went back inside. Gabriel was left alone. He thought about Alfie, hoped he was ok. He had been pretty quiet the past couple of days, not really said much. He hadn't spoken to Alfie about his "job".....he just couldn't bring it up, besides Sam didn't seem to think Alfie really understood about it. Gabriel also hadn't talked to Alfie about what happened with Chris either, just hoped he would forget about it.

            He didn’t get much business that night; just one guy wanted to suck him off and then fuck him over the hood of the car....damn was it cold. But it hadn’t been too rough and at least he had worn a condom.....but it just kind of made him feel dead inside, numb. Sex was nothing. He was nothing.

            It was 2am, he knew he should stay out longer. But he couldn’t do it. He walked slowly up the stairs to his apartment. He knew Chris wouldn’t be pleased with his earnings. Had been talking about Gabriel doing some porn to supplement his income. Gabriel really didn’t want that, especially as knew it would probably be hardcore and nasty. He had already done that before with his foster dad and his friends, didn’t want to do that again. Just thinking about his foster father caused his breath to stutter.....he muffled a sob and then another, knelt on the step, hugging his knees. God, everything hurt, the past, the present, the future. Gabriel wasn’t sure he wanted to live anymore........but then he thought of Alfie and hated himself even more, how could he think that when Alfie needed him? He let another sob. He didn’t want to die, he just wanted the pain to stop.

            “Hey, you ok?”

Gabriel knew it was Sam without looking. Gabriel couldn’t bring himself to lie.

“you want to come in for a bit...I can’t sleep anyway”. Sam’s voice was gentle. Gabriel just nodded; didn’t trust himself to speak.

Sam directed Gabriel to the comfy chair in the lounge

       “So do you wanna talk about it.....did someone hurt you, did Chris hurt you?”

Gabriel looked at him and shook his head. Sam just grunted, he wasn’t sure to believe him. He left the room to go and make a cup of hot tea.  He sighed to himself, Gabriel just looked beat and so, so sad. He was so fed up with feeling so powerless. Why bother try, right? But with Gabriel, it seemed like he just couldn’t stop himself.

     “You making me tea, you didn’t have to do that”

It almost made him jump; Sam never heard Gabriel coming in.

    “It’s nothing, don’t worry bout it”

Gabriel was standing so close to him.

    “You’re so kind, so kind to me”

Gabriel was smiling, but his eyes still looked sad. He reached his fingers up and traced them across Sam’s chest. Sam’s breath kindof hitched. He didn’t know why. Gabriel looked up at him and they both kindof stared at each other. It was only a moment. And then Gabriel was standing on his tiptoes and kissing him. His lips soft and wet. Sam let him, opened his mouth slightly. And then Gabriel was pulling away slightly, before he whispered quietly;

   “You want me to stay here tonight?”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: child sexual abuse - please don't read if triggered.

            He should have said no, he should have just told Gabriel to leave. He didn’t need....complications in his life right now. The problem was that Sam really didn’t want Gabriel to go. He wasn’t thinking about the consequences, of Gabriel’s psycho boyfriend....he just wanted to spread Gabriel out, hold him, kiss him, stroke him......pull his ass cheeks apart, get his face right in there and lick that tight hole.......of course it wasn’t that he _liked_ Gabriel but he was just so pretty and Sam wanted him. Besides it had been a _long_ time since he had fucked either a woman or a man. _........_ And that’s how Gabriel had ended up naked beneath him.

            Sam had started off by _worshipping_ Gabriel, stroking and kissing every inch of his body, tracing the bruises gently. He started to go lower, hands wandering to Gabriel’s ass.

“God, you are so beautiful”.

Gabriel kindof laughed nervously “you don’t have to say that”.

Sam had looked up at him quizzically “I know but I _mean_ it....you’re gorgeous”.

Gabriel had smiled a little, had looked almost awkward but Sam dismissed it, there was no way Gabriel would be awkward about sex. He continued to suck on Gabriel’s nipples, hands reaching down, pressing Gabriel’s fleshy cheeks. Gabriel’s lay beneath him, body presented to Sam. He was moaning and voicing his encouragement:

“yeah babe, feels so good...want your big cock inside me, filling me up...”

It kindof sounded fake to Sam, but he was a bit too distracted to really think about the implications of that. Sam was kissing that little rounded stomach and then he was kneeling over Gabriel cock, which was fattening up. Sam spread Gabriel’s legs apart, got off the bed and knelt in front of him. Gabriel was fully exposed. He dove in, licked over the hole.

“No, stop!” Sam looked up in surprise at Gabriel. “You don’t have to do that”, Gabriel whispered and tried to pull away. Sam stopped him, pressing lightly on his hips and looked him in the eye “I _want_ to......” he traced a finger over the tight pucker, and then went back to it, licking over the hole again before he narrowed his tongue, pushing it inside.

“No please don’t....” Gabriel scrambled away, moving to the top of the bed. Sam didn’t understand. Gabriel was the one who started this and now he had changed his mind?

“What’s going on Gabe?” Sam tried to keep the strain out of his voice.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.....I don’t...you can do what you want, sorry.....” Gabriel was trying to breath, trying to calm down. He started to open his legs again “you can do what you want....” Sam jumped back onto the bed, climbed next to Gabriel and drew him in for a hug.

“No....I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to, sweetie”.

Gabriel started crying then. Sam was confused, he was trying to give comfort but apparently it only made him worse. He just wanted this beautiful, funny man huddled around him, to feel _good_. That didn’t mean anything though; it wasn’t that he _liked_ him or anything.

“Look, you wanna to sleep here tonight.....we don’t have to do anything else”

Gabriel coughed a bit and stopped crying “I’m sorry, I’m being stupid, you can fuck me, it’s fine, _I’m fine_ ”.

Sam sighed “Gabriel, it’s ok......I just don’t think that’s a good idea right now, I just want you to stay here with me”.

10 minutes later.....

            Gabriel was cleaning the ruined make-up off his face in front of Sam’s bathroom mirror. He was wearing one of Sam’s t-shirts, it dwarfed him, hanging down almost to his knees. He knew he should get back to his apartment, check on Alfie. But he comforted himself with the thought that Alfie would be asleep, he would be ok. But well, Chris......he might be awake and Gabriel just couldn’t face him tonight. He wanted to stay with Sam.

            Earlier, when he had offered himself to Sam, he had just wanted to feel _something,_ not the numbness; that eternal emptiness. But Sam had surprised him, had been so.....kind, so gentle. Hell, he had even called him beautiful. No one _ever_ called him beautiful. And Sam had touched him, kissed him like he was _worth_ something.It felt good.....the way Sam had touched him it was _hot,_ but he knew he didn’t deserve that sort of treatment. He was used to being pushed about and fucked roughly; he was used to being told he was an ugly slut; he was used to men not caring if he got off or not.....used to being treated like he was just a hole for their pleasure. He didn’t know much about being treated gently or with adoration. He just didn’t know how to behave. He had felt _awkward_ , which was weird given his profession. And he had felt so exposed when Sam had spread his legs like that. No one _ever_ put their mouth there....he couldn’t have Sam do that for him. And then, when he had pushed him off, Sam hadn’t been pissed and forced him anyway. He couldn’t believe that this was genuine - this kindness. It never had been before. But despite these worries, Gabriel felt pulled toward Sam, he was like a lighthouse in a sea storm. With Sam, he felt safe for the first time that he could remember.

XXXX

            Gabriel was dreaming.....

            _He could hear the sardonic laughter of his foster father, Michael. His breath hot on the back of his neck. In his dream, Gabriel was simultaneously inside his body, feeling everything and outside of it, watching himself. Could see himself on his stomach, naked; lying on his bed in his childhood room. Michael kneeling above him, lazily stroking his long cock. Could see his arms stretched awkwardly behind him, wrists bound by a leather belt; could feel the leather cutting into his fragile skin. The anticipatory terror building inside him; curdling in his stomach. He wanted to scream, but his mouth was gagged. His throat pressed into the mattress. His foster father was pushing his thick fingers inside him, could feel the wrongness of his touch; the pain as he forced them in. He was whispering in his ear; “so pretty for us, angel......” And then he was aware of the other men; he couldn’t tell how many – they seemed to fill the room. And they all seemed to be touching him. The smell of smoke, and sweat and sex overpowered him, making him want to vomit. He he was trying to get away, rolling and wriggling away from Michael and the other men’s touch. It just earned him a sharp smack on his ass “play nice, pretty angel”. And then someone passed his foster father something, in his dream he couldn’t see what it was. But he felt it; the agonizing burning as his foster father reached down, pulled his ball sac and pressed a lit cigarette there. He was engulfed with the pain, and he was screaming though his gag......and he couldn’t get away, couldn’t get away.........._

            “Gabriel.....wake-up, Gabriel, Gabriel, come back to me.....it’s just a dream, just a dream”.

Gabriel was still too terrified, too entrenched by the dream to fully recognise Sam’s voice, but some part of him felt comfort; heard the softness in his voice.

“Just breathe, just breathe, baby, it’s ok, it’s ok”. Gabriel felt large arms around himself, could feel himself being rocked.

“ohhhh, ohhh” Gabriel couldn’t speak, still so scared.

            Sam rocked him like that for maybe another 15 minutes, before he was calmer.

“What happened, what were you dreaming about?”

Gabriel snuggled into Sam.....“I don’t want to talk about it”. He wasn’t used to this....whenever he had the dreams, Chris usually woke him up and pushed him out of bed, would be pissed that he woke him up.

“Y’know it might help......y’know to talk about it”. Gabriel sighed, he didn’t want to talk about the dreams; didn’t want to think about it........

            He had been 11 years old and Anna had been 9 when they moved to their final foster home. At first things had seemed ok; the foster mom, Lisa was a little distant; disinterested almost. But she wasn’t mean or abusive like some of the other places they had been to. Gabriel had been wary of Michael, the foster father; he seemed _too_ nice, _too good to be true._ But Anna had disagreed; she liked the gifts he got her, the time he spent with her; the way he called her ‘special’ and ‘angel’. But after a month it turned out that Gabriel had been right. Michael had crept into his room, when he thought Gabriel was asleep; reached beneath the covers and started to push his hand down Gabriel’s pants. Gabriel had been petrified, he didn’t want this to happen again; didn’t want to move again. But he couldn’t let Michael do this, he just couldn’t. He wriggled away, “no” he whispered. Michael had withdrawn his hand then, but he crawled in next to him anyway....

“angel honey, you’ll like this.....” he started to stroke his hair.

“I don’t want....” but Michael had interrupted him

“angel, either you let me or I’ll go and ask your sister....I think she’s a little baby cock-slut, don’t you?”

Gabriel had frozen then. Michael had him; there was no way he would ever let anyone hurt Anna.

“OK” he had whispered as Michael’s grin broadened

“that’s a good thing Angel....gonna show you how to be a good boy for daddy”.

            Gabriel was snapped back to the present by Sam “so you want to talk about it?” But even if he had wanted to, Gabriel didn’t know how to find the words.

XXX

            Sam woke up the next day alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit shorter I think.....but the next one is gonna be long!
> 
> constructive comments and kudos keep me motivated!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for comments, they really do make my day and make me feel more confident about writing!
> 
> Warning: domestic violence

       Gabriel hadn’t fallen back to sleep that night; just lay next to Sam, listening to his quiet snores and regular heartbeat. Gabriel hugged himself around Sam; the guy was...so solid, so strong. He moved some of Sam’s hair off his face, traced a finger down his jaw. He couldn’t believe that Sam had _wanted_ him; couldn’t believe that he let him stay and hadn’t expected anything in return.  He thought back to what Sam had said about all his heartbreaks and previous addiction to drugs; how had he had got through it? Had he done it all alone? Even Gabriel had had Chris, who kept him locked up while he was going though his withdrawal. He wondered if Sam’s experiences were the reason that he was so.... _hardened_ now. Gabriel wanted to be the one to help Sam drop that cold and cynical act; wanted to be the one to shine a light on the _real_ Sam, the kind and gentle one. But he knew that wasn’t an option. So whilst Gabriel didn’t want to leave, he knew that was the reason he had to....

      He crept out of the bed, pulled off the t-shirt and folded it up on the bed. Put the pseudo school uniform back; grimacing as he did so. He knew he looked stupid but Chris liked it. Oh god, Chris was gonna be so mad. All he had to show for the hours and hours he had been supposedly been “working” was $50 from his earlier client. He wondered if should dip into his ‘savings’ and give it to Chris, just to ensure he didn’t get too suspicious or think that Gabriel was being lazy. He still had $20 left in the tin....plus the $500 from Gavin that Chris had never found out about. But that money was gonna go on hospital bills (not that it covered it all, not by a long shot). But then Alfie’s birthday was also coming up _and_ he still needed to get him school shoes and fuck....there was still just everything else, the debts, food, electricity, the list went on. He couldn’t fucking do it; it was all too much. He rubbed his head as he walked slowly up the stairs. Maybe Chris was right, he was gonna have to do porn just to start making anywhere what they needed. Fuck.

            It was 5.30am as he opened the door to the apartment. He crept quietly though the apartment; did the usual. Had a shower, checked on Alfie and went through into the bedroom. He changed into sweatpants and slipped into bed next to Chris; huddled himself around him. But it wasn’t the same, wasn’t like with Sam.

XXXX

            Sam knew that he shouldn’t have been surprised that Gabriel had left before he woke up. But he was. And maybe a little bit hurt. Maybe. He wasn’t really sure what had happened the night before. Initially it had made him..... _happy_ that Gabriel had come onto him. And man, he was gorgeous......he wished they hadn’t had to stop. But it had been heart-breaking how upset Gabriel had been....and then he had that nightmare. Sam didn’t know what it was about; but Gabriel’s screams and distress had been painful to witness. Sam shook his head; Gabriel was so confusing; an odd mix of fragility and strength. Sam just wanted to get to know him more; wanted to keep him close and stop the world from hurting him.

            Sam rolled out of bed. He knew he couldn’t lie in bed all day musing about Gabriel; a guy who was clearly _not_ available. He had to get up and go to work; had another day with the _wonderful_ Gavin and his crew. God that man was a dick. They had been introduced; Crowley telling his son that Sam would be his new second-in-command. Gavin hadn’t been pleased; didn’t like that Sam had been imposed upon him. Had whined and tried to cajole his father like a spoilt kid. Which Sam realised was exactly what he was. But Crowley had just slapped his son hard in the face and told him to “shut the fuck up”; that he didn’t have a choice. Sam was staying. Gavin had narrowed his eyes then, he was _pissed._ When Crowley had left them alone in the bar, Gavin had simply spat out “I’m still your boss....you have to do what I say”, just like a petulant child. Sam had shrugged and smiled easily “I’m not here to cause trouble man, just wanna help you out”. Gavin just smirked; didn’t seem all that convinced.

            Sam sighed....great a day when Gavin would probably be testing him and bitching at him. It was gonna be... _challenging._ And yet all he could think about was Gabriel. And this was exactly what he didn’t want....fucking complications.

Xxxx

            Gabriel had woken up a couple of hours later....Chris was still asleep. It was a Saturday morning. So he had gotten up; thought he could make pancakes for Alfie’s breakfast. Alfie was still asleep as he prepared the batter and made coffee for himself. “Morning Gabe”, a voice behind him said; familiar arms wrapping themselves around his waist. So Chris was awake.

“So where’s my money, baby”, he whispered, voice so sweet.

Gabriel tried not to tense “er its just on the dresser in the bedroom”.

He tried to pull away. But Chris held on, nuzzled his neck:

“nah baby that can’t be it, coz I counted that earlier and there was only $50”.

Gabriel tried to turn around, tried to laugh a bit:

“yeah it wasn’t a good night...but you got that 40 bucks from Sa....from that other guy earlier in the day, so it’s not....”

Chris spun him around so that they were facing;

“FUCKING hell”

Chris swore; his mood changing from calm to mad in less than 60 seconds, Gabriel tried not to show fear as Chris continued his rant, spittle shooting into Gabriel’s eye

“you think that’s _ok_.....shit you’re out for hours and hours, and barely anything to show for it.....no one wants your fucking ass, you’re a USELESS ugly fuck....you know how much we fucking owe?? And if we don’t pay soon.....fuck, fuck....”.

Gabriel didn’t know what to do...

“babe, it’ll be ok, I’ll just work more....”

He tried to stroke Chris’ arm; tried to reassure him even though his stomach was in turmoil – how much did they owe? And to who? Chris pushed his hand away, prodded Gabriel’s chest with his finger “

Damn right you will.....and I’m gonna phone Vern, you’re doing that shoot”.

Gabriel swallowed, he _hated_ Vern, Chris’ new best friend, he was..... kindof pervy; always tried to grab Gabriel’s ass _._

“Um babe, I don’t know, I don’t want to do it if it’s hardcore stuff...”

Before he had a chance to finish, Chris had pushed him back against the breakfast bar, grabbing him by the neck, started to squeeze hard. Gabriel couldn’t breathe, could see spots of light dancing in front of his eyes

“babe, stop” he tried to rasp out, but Chris just gripped tighter

“don’t you fucking make demands...you’ll do what _I_ tell you to do”.

Gabriel tried to nod but he could feel himself starting to pass out. Abruptly Chris let go and yelled out in pain. He released his grip on Gabriel, who fell to the floor, reality spinning in front of him as he gasped for air.

“Get off Uncle Gabe” a little voice shouted out....

oh shit it was Alfie. He had kicked Chris in the shins and was standing in front of Gabriel looking defiant.

“Why you little shit.....”

oh no.....but Gabriel was already losing consciousness.

Xxxx

            A little later.....

            Gabriel woke up on the floor, found himself covered in batter, pants pulled down. As he tried to roll over; a familiar pain shot through him, could feel something wet and sticky on the back of his thighs. He guessed that Chris had helped himself while he was out. It didn’t matter though. He was used to it.

            Just as he was easing himself up, he suddenly became aware of someone crying; oh no, Alfie! With difficulty, he pulled up his pants. He limped as fast he could to Alfie’s room, couldn’t see Chris anywhere. He tried to open Alfie’s door but it was locked; could hear the whimpers inside.

“Alfie hon, it’s Uncle Gabe are you ok?”

The whimpers stopped and he could hear Alfie rushing to the door

“Uncle Gabe......I..I...please let me out.” Alfie started crying again.

“Alfie, sweetie, I want to get you out but I haven’t got the key.....” Gabriel was increasingly frustrated, just wanted to open the door and hold Alfie close. “Did Chris hurt you....?”

Alfie was crying and trying to speak, hiccupping a bit as he tried to get the words out through sobs “I only wanted to help you....I _hate_ him, he was hurting you...I just wanted him to stop.....he said I was bad but I’m glad I kicked him...I _hate_ him, I _hate_ him.... I um I thought you were, you were....dead”

Alfie wailed louder. Gabriel wanted to break the door down to get to him

“Baby..... I’m ok, I’m ok, Chris didn’t mean it.....it’s all my fault baby, I got Chris mad....please baby stop crying.....I’m gonna go and find the key....I love you Alfie”

Alfie’s sobs were muffled now as he as if he was trying to stop. Gabriel limped off as fast as he could to the bedroom, god he had to find that key.

    He gave the bedroom a cursory search; he was starting to panic. What if Chris had taken the key with him; what if he couldn’t find it? He looked over at the dresser, the money was gone and there was the key! Gabriel grabbed it up and limped back to Alfie’s bedroom, damn Chris had fucked him hard. He unlocked the door, hands shaking. As soon as it was open, Alfie rushed out, desperately hugging himself to Gabriel. Gabriel lifted him up:

“shhhhh, I’m here, I’m here.....”

He carried Alfie to the lounge, picking up some candy from the kitchen. He sat them both down on the couch, winching as he did so. Alfie clung tightly to him. Gabriel inspected Alfie, didn’t seem like Chris had physically hurt him. But damn, Chris had no right......he could what he wanted to Gabriel, but no way he would let him get away with hurting Alfie, locking him up like a bad pet. But then, how could he stop Chris?

As Gabriel stroked his hair, trying to calm Alfie down....he wished that he could leave Chris. Sure before Alfie had come along, being with Chris had still been hard. But at least then it didn’t matter if he hit him. It was just them. And Gabriel had needed Chris, needed to know that there was _someone_ there; someone thinking of him when he out on the streets. Chris had been someone who would love him, would be there for him......and Gabriel had loved him.....and now? He wasn’t sure anymore if he did still love Chris, maybe part of him did. But perhaps it was more that he had been with Chris for _so_ long that he didn’t how he would live without him; the guy was like a strangler vine; was wrapped around him so tightly he didn’t know who he was without him.

    He had met Chris in prison almost 10 years ago. Gabriel had been _terrified_ going in; he was young, only 22 years old; small and slim. He knew he didn’t have much of a chance inside; knew what happened to men like him. And sure enough, in the first week, he had been targeted and surrounded by three men in the kitchens. No guards about. And then Chris had just appeared like a knight in shining armour. He never knew why exactly Chris had turned up at that time. But it was lucky he did. Chris had defended him, stopped those guys from hurting him. And that was that; Gabriel managed to get moved into Chris’ cell and they started a _relationship._ Of course, it was just fucking to begin with, but then they fell in love. Sure Chris had hit him every now and again, but that was ok; wasn’t too bad. And all the time they were in prison, Chris had stopped anyone touching him. Although, Gabriel had offered to turn a few tricks, just to get some money for them both. He had still been addicted at that point; and although Chris sold pills when he could, he didn’t really make enough. Of course, Chris had been against Gabriel selling himself to other prisoners, but Gabriel had talked him around. It wasn’t anything he wasn’t used to. It wasn’t like he wanted to do it, but they needed the money. And at least, it was his c _hoice,_ so it wasn’t rape. Not really.

   And then Chris had got out of prison before he did. He worried that he would forget about him but Chris visited him every couple of days. Sure Anna had been to see him once or twice, but mostly no one else had bothered...but then, it wasn't like he'd had any friends anyway....So it was amazing that Chris had made the time to come and see him. And then when Gabriel had got out a month later, Chris had met him at the gates, taken him back to his place; made love to him and told him that it was “us against the world”. Gabriel had been so happy. But several days later he had overdosed. And that was that; Chris had locked him up for a week; forced him to go cold turkey. Refused to let Gabriel kill himself through drugs; refused to let Gabriel go. Gabriel had hated him at the time for that; but now? Now, he was so grateful that Chris had helped him off the drugs.

   And things had been alright for a bit; Chris knew he couldn’t read; had been really kind about it. He would often take over and sort things out for Gabriel. Pretty soon, Gabriel couldn’t imagine how he had ever lived on the outside without Chris. It was just that Chris still hit him, got mad at him, told him he was stupid and worthless. Sometimes, he fucked him even with Gabriel didn’t want to. But well it wasn’t a problem. Not really. But theri money issues were a massive difficulty. Chris was selling drugs again but not all that successfully and Gabriel was struggling to get a job. Had known it would be impossible; he was an illiterate ex-con, hardly a poster boy for attractive job opportunities. And Chris would get pissed with Gabriel for not earning; told him that he couldn’t just rely on Chris for everything. It wasn’t fair. Eventually, Chris had suggested he go back to prostituting, just because that was what he was good at and they needed money. So Gabriel had agreed. And so many times, he had stood on his corner, covered in bruises, thinking that he had hit rock bottom; that then things would have to start getting better. But things just stayed the same; he just stayed at rock bottom.

            And then Alfie had arrived and he had been a godsend in so many ways. And for so long, he thought maybe Alfie hadn’t known so much about the beatings, the abuse.....but Alfie was getting older now, maybe he was starting to notice more what was going on? And if he started to try and get involved, he could get hurt.......Gabriel started to chew some candy absent-mindedly.....god everything was such a mess. Alfie deserved so much more. But he couldn’t leave Chris...it wasn’t _just_ that he was afraid of living without Chris, it was also that he was afraid of what Chris would do if they did leave .Gabriel knew he would find them eventually and then.....oh god, it was hopeless. Besides Chris could read, could pay the bills, could read official letters and sort out things like accommodation. Gabriel couldn’t do anything. All he could do was suck cock and apparently no one wanted him for that anymore.

xxxx

            A little later that day....          

            Sam was so over it. He had ‘hung’ with Gavin and his ‘crew’ for several hours. They had mainly just got drunk and snorted coke and boosted about the number of people that had fucked. It was..... _lame._ Sam had refused the drugs which had done further damage to his popularity, but whatever. At least he had managed to get some work done in the study on Gavin’s computer....not that Gavin cared, was too high to notice. After that they had ‘hung’ out at the house for a while, they had gone to do the rounds. Sam had managed to smooth over a deal that Gavin had attempted to make with a club owner regarding allowing their product to get sold there (unofficially of course). Gavin had gone in cocky and brash; tried to force the club owner to take the deal. That tactic hadn’t worked, had annoyed the guy. Of course, Sam had sorted it out, but damn, Gavin was a _liability_. After that, Sam had set up a meeting in a couple of days time for Gavin to meet a Colombian representative of one the cocaine importers. God he was dreading it already. Gavin was sure to fuck it up.

            After that they had gone to a gay bar, apparently Gavin preferred men to women. Not that it mattered to Sam. It was still early on Saturday evening but there were quite a few people mingling about it. Gavin attempted unsuccessfully to pick up a couple of men, which was surprising. Gavin was clearly wealthy and Sam had to admit, Gavin wasn’t _unattractive...._ perhaps it was just his creepy vibe that turned everyone off. After about half an hour, Sam decided he was going home. This was _fucking boring_ and he felt like he had spent enough time with Gavin; was beginning to get a basic idea of how Gavin’s operation worked.

            He walked up the stairs to the apartment...another night in front of Netflix. Great. He wondered if Alfie might come over.....or Gabriel. Maybe he could go and see what they were doing? But then he remembered Chris, and thought it would be better not to. It just pissed him off that Chris even got to touch Gabriel, let alone call him his boyfriend. God, it _sickened_ him. He didn’t believe for a moment that Gabriel wanted to be out there selling himself. It was all _fucking_ Chris. He tried to stop himself thinking about, tried to stop himself giving a damn....he started to prepare dinner, getting out a pre-packaged meal from the freezer and stabbing it viciously with a fork. He _hated_ Chris. He had only met him for 5 minutes but it was enough. Just then, there was a knock at the door. Sam tried to suppress the bubble of excitement, because maybe just maybe it would be.......

            Gabriel and Alfie stood in the doorway.

Alfie was clinging onto Gabriel, who looked pale and worn; large finger shaped bruises stood out on his neck; like ink stains on a white canvas.

            “Can we come in?”

Sam just nodded and stood by the door to let them past.

            “So what’s going on?”

Gabriel didn’t say anything for a moment, just set Alfie down on the comfy chair, who wriggled a bit and still clung to him, but finally released Gabriel and sank back into the chair.

            “Um, can I put the TV on for Alfie?”

Sam nodded again. After Gabriel set the TV to an appropriate show, he walked past Sam into the kitchen, beckoning for him to follow.

            “So what happened......has Chris hurt you again?”

Gabriel just looked down.

            “Gabriel......what the fuck, you can’t stay with him”

Sam held onto both of his arms, almost as if he was going to shake him. Gabriel shrank back a little in response to Sam’s anger

            “Its ok, it’s ok...it’s not a big deal”

            “Gabriel, god it’s not _ok_ , it is a _big_ deal....Jees why do you always say that?”

Gabriel paused, didn’t know what to say to that. So he ignored Sam’s question and just continued.

            “Look.....it’s just Alfie...I er can’t leave him there with Chris, is it ok if you watch him tonight, I can pick him up tomorrow morning....I’m sorry, I just have to er...work and I just don’t know what to do....”

            “Yeah of course.....” Sam signed “but Gabe, you can’t let Chris do this to you, to Alfie.......”

            “Please don’t Sam, I....”

            “Oh god, look at what he has done to you” Sam brushed over the bruises with his fingers. It just made him so mad.

            “god, why _do_ you even stay?”

            Sam was so frustrated; he didn’t care if he sounded judgemental. He just didn’t want Gabriel hurt anymore, wanted Gabriel to away from _fucking_ Chris _._ But Gabriel had smiled faintly. He didn’t know where to start; how to explain.

            “Look I better get back, thanks for looking after Alfie tonight.....not sure how I can repay you...”

Sam shrugged, he was _pissed,_ why the hell wouldn’t Gabriel just listen to him?

            “don’t worry about it, I guess he isn’t that much trouble......”

Gabriel just nodded and turned to leave

            “hey” Sam grabbed his arm “are we going to talk about what...er happened last night?”

Gabriel removed his arm from Sam’s grip

            “Nothing happened last night”

and then he left, kissing Alfie goodbye and leaving Sam alone in the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh yeah I still haven't covered half of what I wanted in this chapter......oh well, will have to start writing the next one! 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I upset myself with this chapter......

Sam stood in the kitchen, alone. Didn’t know why it hurt that Gabriel said that. It was true, nothing _had_ happened. But still, it felt like after last night, maybe things had shifted......god, he needed to get a grip. Trust him to fall for the guy with a boyfriend, who also happened to a hooker. Wait. He hadn’t _fallen_ for him, Gabriel was just cute. That was all. In a bid to find a distraction, Sam wondered into the lounge. He found Alfie curled up in the comfy chair, rug wrapped around him, eyes fixed on the TV.

            “Hey kid, you ok”

Sam sank down by the chair. Alfie didn’t say anything. So Sam tried again

            “So um what’s up Alfie, you ok?”

Alfie continued to stare at the TV

            “Come on Kid, you gotta give me something here.....”

Sam was getting freaked out, wasn’t used to Alfie being so quiet and lifeless. He reached over and turned the TV off. Alfie didn’t really react.

            “So what happened today....”

His tone was gentle but got no response. He decided to change tack.

            “so how does macaroni cheese sound?”

Alfie just nodded.

            Sam set to preparing the dinner; hoped that the kid would eat something. He was going to have to talk to Gabriel about Alfie’s behaviour, something was very wrong. He stopped himself suddenly; since when did this happen? Since when did he become the big fluffy babysitter that gave a damn?    

            He shoved the macaroni cheese into the oven and starting cleaning up; wouldn’t admit it but he was avoiding going into the lounge. Because maybe it hurt a bit too much to see the normally bright and energetic kid so sad and silent.

            When it was done, he portioned out the food and went to give Alfie his meal. Alfie took it quietly but didn’t start eating.

            “C’mon Alfie, you not gonna try it? I am not that bad a cook, am I?”

Sam tried for a joke. But instead of laughing, Alfie choked back a sob. Oh no. Sam’s worst nightmare. Alfie crying.

            “nooooo, it’s ok, you don’t have to eat it...umm sure I have some candy.....”

            ““I want Uncle Gabe.........I want Uncle Gabe.......”

Alfie’s sobs were getting worse, could barely get his words out. Sam couldn’t understand, sure Alfie was a young kid but he had never cried for his uncle before; had always seemed fine spending time away from him. But now.....Alfie was getting more and more upset, having a full-on..... _tantrum._ All Sam could think to do was to reach over and gather him into a hug;         

            “hey, calm down, calm down, it’s ok, it’s ok...Uncle Gabe will come back”

Alfie lent into Sam’s chest and continued to cry, until it seemed he couldn’t cry anymore. Sam just let him; didn’t even care that his t-shirt was sodden with Alfie’s tears and snot.

Eventually, Alfie calmed.

            “When’s Uncle Gabe coming back” he asked quietly.

            “He said he is coming back tomorrow, he’ll be back tomorrow and you can go home, it’s ok......”

            “I don’t want to go home”

That about broke Sam’s heart; he knew all about being a kid and not wanting to be at home.

            “Why’s that?” he asked cautiously, unsure if he really wanted to hear the answer.

            “I......I don’t.....I HATE Chris, I HATE him, he hurts Uncle Gabe.....I saw him....he was squeezing his throat tight, Uncle Gabe couldn’t breathe.......and I kicked Chris, I kicked him real hard.....and he, he, he, slapped me and then he locked me in my room....and Uncle Gabe was just lying on the floor....and I, I, I....couldn’t get out” Alfie was whimpering again and clutching onto Sam’s t-shirt. It was all Sam could do to keep calm, but Alfie wasn’t finished. “And he hurts him _all_ the time...and I can’t stop him, he’s too big....and he calls him stupid and fat...but he isn’t, he isn’t....and I see him, I see him punch Uncle Gabe and kick him, and I didn’t know what to do.......Uncle Gabe said it’s his fault, but I don’t....Uncle Gabe doesn’t _do_ anything to Chris....”

            Sam just wanted Alfie to stop talking; just to stop. It was one thing seeing Gabriel with bruises but it was another thing hearing how they got there, from a seven year old kid. But it didn’t seem like Alfie was ready to stop talking now he had started:

            “and......I heard Uncle Gabe crying in his bedroom and he was telling Chris to stop hurting him.....I don’t know what Chris was doing to hurt him but Uncle Gabe couldn’t get him to stop, he just kept crying....”

            Oh god, Sam felt sick when he understood what Alfie was talking about. This was so fucking wrong. Sam didn’t know what to say. He just wanted to find Chris and kick the shit out of him. And stop Alfie going back there, stop Gabriel.      Sam had really, tried not to get involved, _tried_ not to care. It had always landed him in trouble in the past. So it had become.... _easier,_ just not to care.... but he knew now as he looked down at the frightened little kid sadly clinging onto him that it was too late for that. He _cared_.

            XXXX

            After Gabriel shut Sam’s front door behind him, he lent against it. He was so damn tired. How he had wanted to tell Sam how _wonderful_ he had been last night.......but he couldn’t; didn’t know how.

            He climbed the stairs to his apartment; had to get ready for the night......Chris was still not around. Gabriel was relieved; he dreaded seeing him right now. He wondered if it was normal to dread seeing your boyfriend....but then love for Gabriel, had always been twisted with fear.

            He hurriedly dressed, a sparkly white halter neck top and little black shorts, which were cut obscenely high. He shoved on an old pair of black platform shoes. They didn’t really fit, but then that’s what you get from shopping at thrift stores. He started putting on his make-up; tried not to look at himself too much in the mirror. But by accident he caught a glance. He didn’t recognise the sad, pale face with empty eyes staring back. And then he couldn’t hold it back; started to sob. Tried to breath; tried to calm down. It didn’t matter if he was upset, if he hurt inside. He had to get to work. It would all be much worse if he didn’t.

            Xxx

            Two guys had picked him up; a middle-aged couple who wanted to kink up their sex life. Or more specifically, one of them wanted to watch his partner bareback another guy.

Neither of them was attractive; both had greying hair, bad teeth and middle-aged spreads. But Gabriel had plastered on his best sexy grin and got in the car. He couldn’t be picky about his clientele.

            They had gone to a motel. As soon as the door was shut, he had been ordered to strip while they both gawked at him. He tried not to care or feel self-conscious. He was the one in control here. One of them had pushed him down on to his back and sat on his chest. Underdone his fly and pushed his large, fleshy cock into Gabriel’s mouth. Gabriel had got to work, sucked on the fat head, real slow and with a low moan before opening his mouth wider sucking and slurping around the guy’s cock. The guy had reacted by thrusting his hips forward, forcing his cock further into Gabriel’s mouth until he was face deep in the guy’s hairy crotch. A wave of nausea hit him as he breathed in the guy’s body odour; he smelt like he hadn’t washed in a week.

            The other man was lying next to them, watching;

            “oh yeah, baby give it to him hard....he’s gagging for it”

            He pulled slightly on Gabriel’s hair, chuckling as Gabriel had jerked his head in pain. Gabriel had tried to sit up a little and grab the guy’s hips but was forced back down again; pinned to the bed, gorged by the guy’s large cock. He tried not to gag; just concentrated on breathing though his nose and relaxing his throat. He swallowed once, twice around the cock in his throat earning a deep gasp from the guy, who pulled out suddenly. He was flipped over onto his stomach. The guy pulled open his cheeks and spat on his hole, moments later, Gabriel started to feel the guy’s hard cock press at his entrance. He just hoped the guy would be done quickly.

            The other man was still lying next to them, whispering encouragements and rubbing his podgy hands over Gabriel’s body;

            “Oh yeah, hun,....the little slut is _fucking_ desperate for it.......oh fuck for a whore, his hole looks tiny, babe, you’re cock is so big, you gonna tear him up, gonna ruin him......hun get in that cunt now...oh fuck......come on whore, beg him for it, tell him how you want his cock inside yer....”

            The man prattled on; Gabriel tried to ignore him tried to focus on the weirdly patterned bedspread, while the guy above began to push his cock inside.

            The other man slapped Gabriel around the head;      

            “you better beg for my boyfriend’s cock, you ungrateful little skank”

            Of course Gabriel had complied then, begged and moaned until the guy had slammed into him, stretching him wide. Gabriel couldn’t stop himself from crying out. The guy had smirked above him, before pulling out slightly and pushing back in, fingers gripping onto his hips hard. Gabriel was lifted up onto all fours as the guy fucked roughly into him, momentarily jabbing at his prostrate causing Gabriel to moan and writhe and genuinely beg the guy to get him off. He reached down to touch his hardening cock but the guy slapped his hands away. He could feel the guy’s sweat dripping onto his back and hot, sticky breath on his neck, but he couldn’t help it; he pushed back, meeting the guy’s thrusts, arching his back, it felt _good_......and then the guy slammed into him and came with a low gasp. But Gabriel was a mess, still on the edge. The guy pulled out and collapsed next to him. Gabriel still chasing his release, started to hump the mattress. At this point, the guy’s boyfriend decided that he wanted to fuck Gabriel too.

            The man just rolled Gabriel onto his back and pulled his knees up, spreading his legs open, exposing Gabriel’s sore hole, cock and balls, Gabriel just arched up, fucking the air. The man’s boyfriend was watching them, a lazy smile on his face.

            “you’re gonna love that tight cunt, baby.......man, I want to get inside again...”

The man just smiled back at his boyfriend

            “you had your go.....”

He started to prod at Gabriel’s cum-filled hole with his fingers before pulling them out and holding them to Gabriel’s mouth;

           “Suck, whore” he commanded.

Gabriel tried to play the part of enthusiastic cock-slut and lapped at the fat fingers in his mouth, but inside his stomach turned with disgust. The man pushed his fingers deeper until Gabriel felt himself begin to retch. The man pulled them out then, grabbed Gabriel’s cock just a bit too tightly and began to jack him off. Gabriel fucked the man’s fist with abandon, could feel the build of his orgasm. Abruptly the man let him go, lined himself up and forced himself in with a grunt. Gabriel’s head was spinning, he was so desperate to cum. The man was thicker than his boyfriend....his cock felt _good_ inside him. The man quickly set a relentless pace and Gabriel egged him on;

            “oh yeah, baby that feels so _nice_ , I want it harder...harder....oh yeah, right there...oh. my. God”

            Gabriel came untouched as the man pressed down on his prostate. He was still riding the waves of his orgasm as the man continued to fuck into him. But as he started to come down, it started to feel like too much; he didn’t want the man inside him anymore. It didn’t feel good anymore. He felt..... _dirty._ But the man wasn’t slowing and Gabriel just had to take it; tried to focus on the head board banging on the wall, the broken lamp....anything but the grunts of the man who was continuously pushing his hard cock inside him. Finally the man came with a loud shout.

            “Fuckkk, that was a good ride”

But he was talking to his boyfriend, not Gabriel. Gabriel wasn’t a person after all, he was just a hole to be fucked. At least, that’s how it made Gabriel feel. The man was still inside him, circling his hips a bit and pushing his soft cock further in.

            “mmmmm, babe, you want another go?” he asked his boyfriend.

In the end, both men had fucked Gabriel again. He hadn’t wanted to, wanted to push the men away, grab his clothes and run. But instead he just lay there; was the mindless whore that they wanted.  

            Afterwards, they were kind enough to drop him back to his corner. He had kissed them both, their wet tongues forcing themselves into his mouth, before he had got out. The men had agreed together that they would see him again; hadn’t asked Gabriel; just assumed he would want them again.

            Gabriel stood alone on the corner after they had left; tried to put the images of the man’s fat hairy belly pressing down on him; the smell of the guy’s crotch and the bitter taste of his cum. He swallowed....he just felt so _dirty._ But at least he had been paid well. So it was worth it, he supposed.

            It wasn’t much longer, until another guy (Jack was his name, apparently) had picked him up. He just wanted a blow job in the back of his car. The guy was kindof average and he seemed nice enough but very nervous, like it was his first time picking a hooker up. God, Gabriel just felt so goddamn tired with it all....They had driven to the abandoned parking lot, and got into the back of the car. Gabriel had knelt down on the seat, unzipped the guy’s pants and.....just then there was a tap on the window “can you both step out of the car...this is the police”. Fuck.

           The guy almost wet himself.... “oh shit, oh shit....my wife can’t find out, _oh my god”._ Gabriel sighed and got out of the car, nothing else he could do. But fuck, Chris was gonna be seriously _pissed._ But as he got out, he immediately recognised the policeman’s smarmy grin; the piggy black eyes which assessed him with glee. Of course it would be, _Zachariah_. Zachariah was a semi-crooked cop; not so crooked that he had sold his soul to the likes of Crowley’s crew but not so straight that he wouldn’t help himself to a desperate prostitute whenever he could. Gabriel had sure done it before; let Zachariah have him for free to avoid getting arrested. He guessed that this was what Zachariah wanted now. Fuck, Gabriel was _angry;_ could do without giving out a freebie right now. But he had little choice, so he looked up at Zachariah, eyes wide and innocent but with a saucy smile on his face;

            “oh officer, have we done something wrong....” his voice soft and contrite. Zachariah’s grin widened

            “Oh I think I have a good idea of what you and this young gentlemen were doing.....”

By this time, ‘Jack’ had got out of the car, was blubbering about some woman called Lucy, his wife or something. Gabriel rolled his eyes. He lowered his voice;

            “Please don’t arrest me sir, I will do _anything....”_

Zachariah had laughed then

            “well, there maybe something you could do.......”

He turned to ‘Jack’

            “you’re free to go.....I think there has been a misunderstanding”

Jack was too grateful to question the turn of events and jumped back into his car, driving off as fast as he could.

                                                10 minutes later

            Gabriel was ass up in the back of a police car, getting fucked hard by Zachariah. Zachariah was puffing above him; Gabriel knew that he was probably close to cumming. He arched his back and pushed back onto Zachariah’s cock, moaning as he did so; repressing the urge to vomit. At least he was wearing a condom.

            “You’re”... “a”..... “ fucking”...... “dirty”........ “ slut”

Zachariah’s words punched out each time he pushed himself in

            “fucking”.....“dirty”.....“slut”.... “say it slut”

            “I’m a fucking dirty slut”, Gabriel whispered the words

            “Louder....slut” Zachariah’s voice, ragged and breathless

           “I’m a fucking dirty slut” Gabriel almost shouted....and then something broke within him and he started to cry. He never cried when he was getting fucked, unless they were physically hurting him....and sure Zachariah was rough, but it wasn’t _really_ painful. But Gabriel couldn’t stop crying. It didn’t deter Zachariah though and he just came hard inside him. Gabriel was still shaking and crying when Zachariah pulled out of him. He felt himself rolled onto his back and then Zachariah was on top of him licking off his salty tears. Gabriel had stopped crying by now, just zoned out. Zachariah started to kiss him then, his lizard-like tongue forcing itself in; Gabriel just let him, didn’t have the energy to stop him.

            “Such a nasty little slut, aren’t you honey...... _god,_ you were made to be a whore....such a nice tight ass”

            Eventually Zachariah lifted himself off and drove him back to the corner. Gabriel tried to shake off the disgust......knew it wouldn’t be long before he saw Zachariah again.

            _4 hours later_

Gabriel shuffled back to the flat. He ached everywhere, but it was more than that. He felt _shaky_ inside; couldn’t seem to calm down. It had been another horrible night, he couldn’t even deny it. But then, Zachariah had been right, this _was_ what he was made for; couldn’t do anything else. And he made some good money; surely Chris would be happy with him. He shut the door quietly behind him.

            After showering and removing his make-up, he slipped into the bed beside Chris. He couldn’t sleep though, his mind racing with all the men he had been with that night. He felt _disgusted_ with himself. He thought that by now, he would have got used to the shame and revulsion, but it was just as strong as ever. Chris was stirring slightly;

            “mmm, babe......”

            He could feel Chris starting to rub against him, humping his leg slightly. And god, Gabriel was so _sick_ of this, so sick of just being a fuck toy for every fucking man to play with.....Chris leaned in, start nibbling on his neck......Gabriel didn’t want this especially not with Chris, who he was still mad at, for what he had done to Alfie. But he was too scared, too scared to say no. He just didn’t how to stop him; didn’t know how he could change his life and make it better. This was all he had. And so as Chris clambered on top of him and began to pull down his pants, he didn’t resist, just lay passive and pliant.

XXXX

SUNDAY MORNING

            Alfie seemed better this morning, Sam decided. He had laughed at one of Sam’s ‘lame’ jokes and had hungrily eaten all his breakfast. Sam was still worried though but hell, he didn’t know what to do.

            “Um Sam” he felt little fingers pulling at his t-shirt “can we enter this competition?”

Sam looked over at Alfie, who was pointing to the cereal box. Big colourful letters invited people to enter a competition by writing a story about “ _the best thing that ever happened to them_ ”. The story should at some point include the cereal. Apparently, if published, the winner would win $5,000. “So can we??” Alfie pleaded. Sam smiled “yeah I guess.....” Alfie beamed. “If I had $5000, I could buy Uncle Gabe a new house.....and he wouldn’t never have to work...” Sam’s smile faded, clearly the kid underestimated the amount $5000 could get you. But Alfie continued “and I could have a big birthday party and buy new school shoes.....and get a dog”. Sam stopped him “wait, when’s your birthday.....?” Alfie suddenly started jumping up and down “my birthday is this Friday!! ITS. SO. EXCITING, I’m gonna finally be 8!!!!” Alfie abruptly stopped jumping “but Uncle Gabe said I can’t have a party, coz Chris wouldn’t like it and he can’t afford it.....but I guess that’s ok really, I don’t have that many friends who could come anyway......”. Sam could literally feel his heart strings being plucked. He cleared his throat and before he knew what he was saying he was blurting out: “how about we have a little party here? You could invite Uncle Gabe too.....” Alfie looked at him with such adoration, Sam felt completely unworthy. “Ok kid, don’t get too excited, it’s just...” Alfie started jumping up and down again “THIS IS GOING TO BE AWESOME......”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for comments and kudos....they brighten my day and really keep me encouraged....think I might have stopped writing without them!

             Gabriel woke up with a start; he had almost fallen off the bed; had been so close to the edge. He shivered; he was absolutely freezing. He quickly realised Chris had managed to take the bedcover and was spread out in the middle of the bed. Gabriel gingerly edged out of the bed, careful not to wake the sleeping lion, that was Chris. He could see the early morning sun creeping through the cracks in the drapes. He shivered again, no matter how sunny, it was still winter and there was barely any heating in their apartment. He threw on a ratty pair of pants and t-shirt. He wondered if it was too early to go and get Alfie; he just wanted to wrap himself around someone that he loved. After some deliberation, he decided 8am was ok....Alfie was an early riser anyway. Besides he couldn’t impose on Sam anymore.

            He left the apartment, went downstairs and knocked on Sam’s door. He just hoped Alfie was ok; he had been so upset yesterday. Gabriel felt so guilty just leaving him, but there was no choice.

            Gabriel was greeted by a big smile as Sam opened the door; his huge frame taking up the entrance. Gabriel felt a wave of excitement as he looked up at him. He wanted nothing more than to just grab Sam and curl up around him. The urge was so compelling; it felt like he had to physically stop himself. Sam was still smiling at him;

            “So you want to come in for a bit?”

Gabriel could hear the TV on in the background and Alfie singing along to the show.

            “Um sure”

The apartment was still sparsely furnished, but warm and well lit.

            “You er, want a drink or something?”

Sam seemed oddly uncertain of himself, but Gabriel didn’t pay it too much attention; just wanted to check on Alfie.

            “Sure.....just um coffee thanks”

Alfie gave him a huge hug and started excitedly telling him about some sort of competition. It seemed like everything that had happened yesterday had been forgotten. Thank god. He didn’t want Alfie upset. He kissed him on the forehead before leaving him to his TV show. He found Sam brewing up in the kitchen before he was handed a hot cup of coffee. Gabriel stirred in the sugar before he asked;

            “So was he....er ok for you last night....I’m sorry I brought him here...”

Sam was silent for a moment, his brow furrowed, like he was thinking;

            “Look Gabe......god, I don’t how to say this, but Alfie was pretty _far_ from ok yesterday....he told me what happened, told me everything that’s been going on.....look it sounds...... _fucking horrible_....and I don’t want to tell you what to do, don’t want to upset you, but Alfie _isn’t_ ok and I don’t think you are either...I want to help”.

            Gabriel just stared down at the floor. Alfie seemed ok......maybe Sam got it wrong? He panicked a bit.....wondered what Alfie had said exactly,.....wondered if Sam thought he was a complete loser for letting Chris just walk all over him.....

            “It’s not that....” Gabriel started to try and defend Chris, but Sam cut him off

            “Don’t tell me it’s not that bad; what he’s beating you, _abusing you,_ slapping Alfie, locking him up...”    

            “What? He didn’t hit Alfie......”

            “Not what Alfie said”

Gabriel slumped down on the stool by the breakfast bar. Things were getting worse, just as Sam had predicted they would several weeks ago.

            “Maybe you should go to the police....y’know get a restraining order or something”

Gabriel tried not to laugh. He couldn’t even begin to explain to Sam why that wasn’t an option. When Gabriel didn’t reply, Sam continued: 

            “Well if you won’t go to the police....let me help you.....um, I don’t know, you could stay here for a bit maybe or you could borrow some money...”

            Gabriel felt overwhelmed; no one had ever really noticed that anything was wrong; let alone offered to help him. But he knew he couldn’t take Sam’s help; Chris would soon find them if he moved to the apartment just below. And then Sam would be in trouble too. And taking Sam’s money? He couldn’t - would never be able to pay him back. Besides, he didn’t know how he would survive just him and Alfie; especially with his literacy issues. It all just felt like an insurmountable problem. He was just going have to work harder to protect Alfie from Chris. There was no other solution.

            “Thanks Sam, that’s real nice to offer.....but it’s ok, I can handle it”

            “oh right...sure you can” Sam seemed angry, but it was more than that....he seemed _disappointed,_ upset even. Gabriel couldn’t work out why; just sat at the breakfast bar. He didn’t know what else to say. Suddenly Alfie bounced in apparently oblivious to the tension between Sam and Gabriel.

            “Uncle Gabe, guess what?! Sam said I could have a party here! on my birthday! Isn’t it awesome?? I’m going to invite you and Sam and maybe Hannah....is that ok? And we’re gonna have cake and play loads of games....”

            Alfie started dancing around the room.

            “Oh Alfie, I don’t think Sam could have meant.....”

            “Yes I did” Sam snapped “it’s absolutely fine for him to have a party here, maybe the kid should have some fun yeah??”

            Gabriel swallowed. He wanted to snap back at Sam. He didn’t want Sam to think so badly of him; Alfie and him had fun...... _sometimes_ , when Chris wasn’t around and he wasn’t working.... he had just said Alfie couldn’t have a party because of Chris and money....god he felt guilty. The kid _did_ deserve some fun.....

            “well um that’s very kind Sam” He said stiffly “Alfie have you said thank you?”

            “YES!! Like a million times” Alfie rolled his eyes at Gabriel.

XXXX

            After Gabriel and Sam had a quick chat about the party arrangements, Gabriel and Alfie had left. Gabriel still had no idea why Sam was being so _kind,_ he wondered if there was a catch. There always was.

            They both shivered as they entered the cold apartment. The TV was on in the lounge and Gabriel immediately noticed the distinct smell of marijuana. Chris must be getting high then. It pissed him off. Alfie shouldn’t have to be exposed to that. It was probably bad for him.

            “Alfie, hun, why don’t you go in your room, while Chris and I have a chat, yeah?”

            “NO!” Alfie clung onto him “I don’t want him to hurt you”

Oh god, Sam was right. Alfie hadn’t just _forgotten_ everything.

            “It’ll be ok” Gabriel tried to smile; tried to make like he wasn’t scared about confronting Chris. But he had to. Couldn’t just let him smoke weed around Alfie; couldn’t let him get away with hitting Alfie.

            Eventually Alfie had reluctantly gone to his room. Gabriel squared his shoulders and walked into the lounge. He found Chris with a dopey smile on his face staring at the TV (some weird show about elves).

            “We need to talk, Chris”

Chris didn’t respond.

            “I need to talk to you about......”

            “Babe, come and sit here, yeah....”

When Gabriel made no move to sit next to him, Chris got up slowly, tried to hug Gabriel, who fought him off. It wasn’t that hard, Chris was pretty languid.

            “NO! I need to talk to you about you hitting Alfie, about you locking him up....you can’t _fucking_ do that, I WILL leave you......and stop fucking smoking weed around him....”

Gabriel just waited for the smack. It never came. Chris just started to cry.

            “I’m sorry baby........I didn’t mean to hurt him, he’s a good kid......”

Gabriel was surprised; he didn’t know what to say; had expected anger not apologies.

            “and I don’t smoke that much around him....and it’s not so bad, it’s....just like incense”

            Chris was still crying a bit.... started to hug him. Gabriel didn’t resist, just stood still.

            “ok, so er...you won’t hurt him again.....you got to promise...” He knew he sounded lame, but it was like Chris had just taken the wind out of his sails. Chris nodded, smiling now.

            “of course baby, I promise”

He lent down to kiss Gabriel; hard.

            “Come on baby, forgive me......”

XXX

            It was Friday.....the day of Alfie’s birthday party.

            The week had gone ok for Gabriel. He had worked really hard, managed to put away a bit extra to buy a book for Alfie (he just asked the shop assistant what she would recommend) and a new t-shirt for him. He couldn’t afford the shoes or anything else. He felt like the world’s worst uncle....but he had _tried_ to get some nice things. He also made a chocolate birthday cake while Alfie was at school that day; had got Chris to write in the birthday card for both of them. Chris had just rolled his eyes but had done it - although he joked that he could have written anything because Gabriel was too stupid to be able to read it.

            Gabriel told Chris that Alfie had been invited to a friend’s house and that Gabriel would be working that night. He just hoped Chris wouldn’t find out the truth. Things had been ok since he had confronted Chris that Sunday; Chris had just hit him a couple of times,

It had mostly been his fault anyway and at least Alfie hadn’t been around. Maybe things were getting better......

            An hour or so before Alfie was due to return home, Gabriel took the cake down to Sam’s. Sam had already started decorating the flat with balloons and streamers. He had even put up a big banner. Gabriel wasn’t sure what it said, but assumed it was probably “Happy Birthday” or something like that. He had also got several bags of different snacks on the breakfast bar, a playlist of some party songs on his laptop and a game of twister on the floor in the lounge. Gabriel was absolutely gobsmacked. No way would he ever have been able to do all this.  

            “Wow Sam, this looks amazing, Alfie is gonna be so happy!”

            “yeah? Well he said something about wanting a clown, but I absolutely draw the line at that.....”

Gabriel gave him a grin

            “oh yeah and why’s that?”

Sam coughed and looked down

            “Clowns are fucking scary, man!”

Gabriel just burst out laughing

            “don’t tell me you’re scared of _clowns_! The big muscle 6’5 guy is scared of a man wearing make -up and crazy outfits......” Gabriel lightly punched him on the arm “.....mmmm kinda sounds like me though, make-up and crazy outfits....you scared of me?!” Gabriel teased him. Sam laughed;

            “Yeah maybe Gabe.....I reckon you can be pretty scary!”

The way Sam looked at him then; with those puppy dog eyes, so earnest, Gabriel just felt himself melting a bit; just wanted to reach up and kiss him.

            “but then I reckon, you’re a lot cuter than most clowns” Sam had continued.

There was kindof an awkward silence for a moment, before Gabriel jumped in

            “So um, what food you got?”

1 hour later......

            Alfie and his little friend Hannah were excitedly banging on the door before Sam let them in, they practically tripped over themselves to get in. Sam already had the playlist going and several plates of snacks out. Alfie and Hannah dived in.

            “Alfie hon, do you want to open your presents” Gabriel asked.

            “PRESENTS.....YES!!”

Alfie was so excited he couldn’t sit still

            “Is it a puppy?!!”

            “Um no.....”

Gabriel brought out the gifts in brightly coloured paper. He just hoped Alfie wouldn’t hate them too much, they were probably stupid. They all sat around in Sam’s lounge, Alfie in pride of place on the comfy chair, everyone else on the floor. He opened the card first.....just shrugged and put it one side. Gabriel wondered what Chris had written in it. He then carefully opened the first present

            “Wow, Doctor Who books.....that’s AWESOME”

He then opened the next present, trying not to rip the paper...but in his excitement, he couldn’t stop himself and just ripped it up

            “ohhhh a dinosaur t-shirt....wicked!”

He jumped on Gabriel and hugged him. Just then, Sam came out with a box

            “I got you something too.....”

            “YES!”

Alfie was grabbing it up and ripping off the paper before Gabriel could say anything about it being all too much.

            “New shoes! These are SO cool....THANK YOU!”

            “I hope they fit.....I kindof just guessed your size from your shoes now....”

Gabriel knew that he should say all sorts of things.....that they couldn’t accept them; that Sam shouldn’t have spent that money. But Alfie’s shoes already had holes, he _needed_ them.

            “Wow Alfie, they even have lights in them....put ‘em on”

His little friend Hannah was obviously enthusiastic as well. Alfie threw his old ones off and carefully slid into the new ones. They fit!

            “I’m NEVER going to take them off” he declared and then ran out of the lounge into the kitchen with Hannah chasing him.

            “Thanks Sam......I er, Alfie really liked his gift”

            “Can we have the cake NOW?” Alfie shouted.

So then they sang happy birthday to Alfie.....while he beamed and blew out all 8 candles in one go. He made a wish but refused to tell anyone what it was. Then they played twister twice. Gabriel proved himself impressively flexible; Sam less so. Alfie found it hilarious and kept pushing Sam over; often onto Gabriel; which was........ _embarrassing_.

            After that they ate more food; Sam had put a couple of pizzas in which both kids devoured. Then Alfie and Hannah put a film on...Sam and Gabriel started to clear the food away....it kindof ended in a bit of a food fight, which both Alfie and Hannah were happy to get involved with.......

XXXXX

            The ‘party’ had been over for an hour. Hannah’s mom had picked her up and now Alfie was napping on the comfy chair, still wearing his new shoes. Gabriel was just finishing cleaning up in the kitchen, the food fight had got _a little_ out of control. Sam brought some stuff in from the lounge and leaned against the doorway. Gabriel smiled over at him:

            “um thank you for this....it meant a lot to Alfie....to _me_ , I think we both had fun....”

Sam just smiled back: “yeah me too”.

Gabriel paused a bit before continuing

            “Sam, I don’t know how to thank you for everything.....no one has been this kind since.....well _ever”_ Gabriel could feel the tears starting to well in his eyes. Sam closed the distance between them and held him in hug.

            “Well they fucking _should_ have been Gabe, they fucking should have been”.

Gabriel buried himself in Sam’s chest. It just made him feel...... _safe._ And he couldn’t stop himself from going on.......

            “oh god, just everything is too much.....I just _can’t....._ Chris, my er job....you know I lied to you....I lied about loving my job....I _hate_ it”

            “So why do you do it?” Sam asked quietly.

Gabriel just gave a low laugh

            “we need the money and I’m no good at anything else.....”

Sam lifted him the chin

            “I don’t think that’s true, I think you could be good at lots of things....”

Gabriel just looked away. Sam had no idea. He was worthless.

            “And what about with Chris.....”

Gabriel shook his head

            “I don’t know.....things are good right now, well _ok,_ he said he won’t hurt Alfie......”

            “But what about with you, will he hurt you?”

            “I....it’s not so bad, it’s ok, I can handle it...just got to make sure he doesn’t do it when Alfie’s around....but it’s nothing....”

Sam took a deep inhale;

            “I don’t want you to have to ‘handle’ it....don’t want that _fucking bastard_ to hurt you, to put his hands on you......you deserve better”

            Gabriel shook his head. He didn’t deserve anything. He was just trash. Sam suddenly pulled apart and looked down at Gabriel

            “god you must know Gabriel......”

Gabriel just looked at him quizzically before Sam lent down and kissed him gently. Sam pulled away and whispered;

            “god, you must know that I _care_ about you Gabriel.....I _really_ do”.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry update a bit late...will probably try and update once a week now as started back at uni

            Gabriel lay awake; could hear Sam’s gentle breathing. His arms encircled Gabriel and kept him close. It was comforting. Gabriel snuggled in a bit closer; he couldn’t believe the turn of events.

            Nothing had really happened last night after Sam’s confession. Except well, they had kissed... _a lot._ It had felt.... _amazing._ His stomach had kept flipping, couldn’t believe that it was actually happening; that Sam, this incredibly gorgeous guy, was actually _choosing_ to kiss him. They had ended up on Sam’s bed, Gabriel on his back and Sam on top of him. It had been fine until Gabriel suddenly started feeling a heavy pressure in his chest, felt like he couldn’t take a proper breath. He’d pulled away from Sam and just sat on the edge of the bed trying to catch his breath. Sam had just rubbed his back, said they didn’t have to do anything. Gabriel had felt..... _useless,_ He wanted to be able to please Sam and the only thing he could do was sex. But it turned out he was just like Chris had said; a worthless _frigid_ whore. But Sam had been so nice, hugging him and telling him how beautiful he was. Gabriel had just huffed at everything he had said; he wasn’t beautiful, not at all. But eventually, he had calmed and curled up next to Sam. Sam had stroked his hair and kissed his forehead. They hadn’t talked much, just about stupid stuff like favorite films, food and a dream Sam had the other night about the beach, until Sam had fallen asleep. But Gabriel hadn’t slept then, hadn’t been able to stop looking at Sam. He convinced himself he wasn’t being creepy, just couldn’t tear himself away from staring in wonder at him.

            Of course, Gabriel knew it was wrong to be in Sam’s bed; to have kissed him. He had a boyfriend; a very jealous boyfriend, who wouldn’t exactly let him go easily. Sam had said that he would keep him safe, didn’t want him to go back to Chris. Gabriel hadn’t said anything to that. But in reality he knew he couldn’t let Sam put himself in that sort of danger. Chris was violent, he would go after Gabriel and he would go after Sam. Plus Chris knew some really dodgy people; sure Sam had all those weapons stored in his cupboard, but deep down he didn’t think Sam was really the type to _actually_ use them. Besides, although Gabriel really _wanted_ to believe Sam, there was a part of him that remained unconvinced. Perhaps Sam was just tricking him for fun; maybe he liked the idea of trying to fuck a whore for free? Or maybe he wanted to save some sad little prostitute but would run away when everything became real? Because even if Sam had really meant what he said, there was _no_ way that he would still be interested once he found out what Gabriel was _really_ like; how stupid he was, how disgusting......Gabriel knew he was on borrowed time with Sam. Just wanted to try and enjoy it as much as possible, even if it was all based on a deception.

            XXX

            The next morning....

            Gabriel was jolted awake by the bed rocking; someone was jumping up and down... _on the bed._ He was still inside Sam’s big arms, his body nestled in close.      

            “GET UP SLEEPY HEADS....I’m SO bored”.

Alfie had apparently taken it upon himself to wake them both up and was now jumping on Sam’s bed, still in his new shoes.

            “ALFIE NOVAK, get off this bed immediately”

Gabriel did his best to sound authoritative; he wasn’t all that good at telling Alfie off. But it was necessary because right now his behaviour was _shameful._ What would Sam think? He hoped that he wouldn’t be too pissed off......Alfie’s bouncing ceased reluctantly just as Sam started to wake up. “What the....” Sam’s voice was gravelly with sleep. “Sorry, sorry, Alfie didn’t mean to jump on the bed....” Gabriel rushed out of bed and stood protectively in front of Alfie. “Yes I did, I was so bored and you’ve been sleeping for _ages”._ Gabriel looked down at Alfie, trying to shut him up before looking fearfully back at Sam. But Sam just started laughing “it’s 9am, Alfie! Man, I wish I had your energy”. Alfie nodded thoughtfully “yes you are very old, you probably do need more sleep”. Sam just burst out laughing again before he saw Gabriel standing by Alfie, looking entirely confused by the interaction. He was about to pull Gabriel into a hug, but Gabriel flinched away, whispering “not in front of Alfie”.

But Alfie was already up and out of the bedroom, shouting behind him “what are we gonna do today...it’s so sunny!”.

            Gabriel went to follow Alfie out before Sam grabbed his hand, pulled him back slightly and kissed him on the lips. “Morning Gabe”. Gabriel couldn’t resist him and kissed him back once, twice....before Sam pushed him off, smiling. “Let’s get breakfast yeah and then see what mischief Alfie’s got up to”. Gabriel nodded “I’m sorry about...he shouldn’t have come in.....” Sam smiled “don’t worry about it....but um, you don’t want him to know about us?” Gabriel swallowed; he wasn’t even sure what Sam meant by ‘us’. “I er just don’t want him to be confused....I’m still with Chris”. Sam forced a smile “of course”. “Sam, you know I like you...but it’s complicated, everything with Chris....” Suddenly there was a huge crash in the kitchen followed by a small voice ‘sorrryyyyy’.

XXXX

            As it turned out Alfie had managed to drop a cereal bowl or two in his attempt to make them breakfast. Sam didn’t seem to mind though and had just cleared it up. However, he seemed a bit _off_ ; Gabriel wondered if it was because he hadn’t committed to breaking up with Chris. They ate breakfast together while Alfie babbled away about some writing competition. Gabriel kindof zoned out, preoccupied with thoughts about Sam and Chris, he only tuned back into Alfie’s monologue at the end “so that’s why I think we should go to the zoo today”. Gabriel shook his head “Alfie, we can’t honey, you had your party and we don’t have enough money.....” Sam looked up at both of them “Gabriel, I really don’t mind paying....a trip to the zoo sounds fun”. “YES! Thanks Uncle Sam”. Alfie slipped off the breakfast bar stool and hugged Sam’s leg. Gabriel just sat slack jawed; Alfie had never called Chris “uncle” before; and he had known him for _years_. Sam shook Alfie off gently “c’mon its not a big deal, anyway its up to your Uncle Gabe”. Alfie turned to Gabriel, who felt the full force of Alfie persuasion “pleasseeeee can we go....prettyyyyyy please with sugar on top”. Gabriel felt cornered; he knew he should go back to the flat, find Chris, go to work......but _he didn’t want to._ He wanted to stay with Sam, wanted to kiss him and hold hands, wanted to take Alfie to the zoo and show him the animals......Gabriel laughed slightly “well if it’s please with sugar on top...guess we gotta go!”

XXXX

            They had spent the day, the three of them, at the local Zoo. Alfie had been so excited; had wanted to see _all_ the animals, but most especially the gorillas. So they had located the monkey zone and walked over (or rather Alfie had sprinted ahead, while Gabriel and Sam had tried to keep up).

            “He’s so big” – Alfie pointed to the huge male gorilla who looked decidedly pissed off and who was sitting by himself, glaring at the audience of human families.

           “Ha! not as big as _Uncle Sam_ though, huh?” Gabriel poked Sam in the ribs; at which point, Sam just jabbed him back “ha! I’m not that big! And definitely not that moody”. Gabriel tried to keep a straight face “of course, I _totally_ agree”, before he started laughing. Sam picked up Gabriel so his feet were off the floor and whirled him around “I’m not letting you go until you take that back” they were both laughing so much, Sam had to drop him in the end. Alfie just watched them, his head crooked to one side. “I like it when you laugh Uncle Gabe, you don’t do it very much”. Gabriel just straightened his t-shirt, stepping away from Sam and changed the subject “so er Alfie, what else do you want to see next?”. They ended up in the ‘desert area’, looking at a group of Mia Cats (although most of them were hiding). Alfie managed to befriend an old lady who was standing by the enclosure. “Alfie hun, I don’t think this lady wants to be bothered”. Gabriel tried to pull Alfie away “oh nonsense!....he’s very um _bright_ isn’t he?”. Gabriel wasn’t sure if the old lady was referring to Alfie’s intelligence or clothing (a random mix of colours and textures that he had been able to afford at the thrift store), but she seemed nice enough, so Gabriel left Alfie to it. He went to talk to Sam, who was sitting on the bench opposite. “Alfie seems to be having a good time, huh?” “yeh, I er really don’t know how to thank you for everything Sam”. Gabriel sat down shyly next to him, reaching out for his hand. Sam lent forward and kissed him “you don’t have to thank me, honey, I _wanted_ to spend some more time with you and Alfie”. They sat together for a bit in comfortable silence until Alfie started to wave at them for them to come over. He wanted Sam to hold him up so he could get a proper look over the barrier. While Sam was doing that, Gabriel stayed on the bench. The old lady walked past smiling “you have a lovely family, dear” before she walked off. Gabriel was stunned, she was right...and this was everything he wanted; _A proper family._

XXXX

            They had returned from the zoo late. Alfie was asleep on Sam’s shoulder. They walked up to Sam’s apartment but Gabriel stopped outside “So, I guess we should be getting back”. He reached out for Alfie. “So you’re going back?” Sam had looked like a kicked puppy. Gabriel just felt terrible. “Well, I can’t just _leave_.....I need time to _think_ ”. “Sure whatever” Sam’s tone was gruff and surely. “Don’t push me Sam”. “I’m not pushing you....do what you want....see ya around”. Sam passed Alfie over, Gabriel stumbled a little (Alfie was _heavy_ ) before Sam walked into his apartment and shut the door. Gabriel felt like all his dreams had just been smashed on the floor. He swallowed hard and climbed the stairs.

XXXX

            Chris wasn’t back yet, it wasn’t that late. Gabriel fixed Alfie some dinner, while he lay in front of the TV. He moved around the kitchen slowly, pulling out pots and pans, his mind on other things. He just didn’t know what to do about Sam; was he _really_ offering a way out? What if he turned out to be worse than Chris? Maybe it would be better the devil you know. But then Gabriel couldn’t really imagine Sam doing any of the stuff that Chris made him do......he was brought out of his thoughts by the front door banging shut. It didn’t sound like Chris was in a good mood.

            “Hey babe, just making dinner, you want some?” Gabriel shouted out. He could feel the usual nerves; the feeling of anticipation, not sure what Chris was going to do next. Chris stood watching him in the doorway “where the fuck you been?” He kindof slurred. Shit drunk Chris was not usually fun Chris. “Um, well I was er working all last night and then Alfie and me spent the day together, just went to the park”. Gabriel held his breath, wasn’t sure if Chris would believe it; wasn’t sure whether Chris had come back last night or not. Chris frowned but didn’t question Gabriel’s story “right.....where’s my money then?” Gabriel was already prepared for this; had taken out some of the money he kept saved. He needed to ask Chris about the hospital bill, but he didn’t think right now was a good time. Chris counted it before his face twisted into a grimace “what the fuck is this....$60?” He stepped closer to Gabriel, who backed into the corner in the kitchen....“it was a slow night” Gabe gave a nervous laugh. Chris shook his head “fucking hell Gabe, it was a _Friday_ night”. “I’m sorry baby, I’m gonna go out tonight....” but Chris cut in “nope, I’m taking you around to Vern’s place....where you can _actually_ earn some money”. Gabriel gripped the edge of the worktop. “um baby, I’ll do whatever you say...but please, I don’t want to be hurt”. Chris rolled his eyes “you’ll do whatever makes money, like the good little _whore_ you are”. Gabriel wanted to shout back at him, tell him to _shut the hell up._ But he was a coward. He was too scared. He wished he was back with Sam.

            Chris went to take a shower while Gabriel dished out Alfie’s dinner....he didn’t really make any for himself; had just snacked on a couple of candy bars, trying to push away the worries about the impending night.   “So er, I’m going to work tonight, Chris is gonna take me there...so you’ll be on your own for a bit.....but you can watch a film if you like....um I don’t think you should pester Sam tonight” Gabriel whispered the last part about Sam; didn’t want Chris to somehow magically hear, even though he was in the shower. Alfie didn’t say anything, just nodded sadly. Gabriel felt awful; he knew he shouldn’t leave Alfie. “I’m really sorry Alfie....”. Alfie just looked at him with his big blue eyes “It’s ok Uncle Gabe. I’ll be good....just come back”. Gabriel felt tears welling in his eyes, so he turned away “oh course, honey...”

XXXX

            Chris drove Gabriel over to Vern’s ‘office’; his car was pretty banged up and Gabriel didn’t actually know if it was even legal to drive it, plus Chris was pretty wasted. But he didn’t say anything; just kept twisting his hands nervously and playing with the edges of his clothing. Chris had chosen his outfit; just a skimpy white cotton negligee and white g-string. He wore his black plimsolls as well even though they didn’t go. Chris just reasoned no one would be looking at his feet anyway. Gabriel hoped they wouldn’t be outside too long, not only was it cold but it was _fucking embarrassing._

            Vern was waiting for them in his ‘office’; in truth it was more like a disused building that Vern had partially taken over. It was damp and cold but he had fitted a room with a large bed; put some throws on the walls and got some professional looking lights and film gear. He grinned widely when he saw Gabriel and Chris enter; his yellowing teeth on display. Gabriel strongly felt then that he would need a drink or three to get through the next couple of hours. Vern looked Gabriel up and down before he seemed to read Gabriel’s mind, offering him a glass of vodka and coke. Gabriel just smiled and nodded. While Vern went to get the drink, Chris turned to him “see baby, it’s fine....Vern will look after you”. He kissed Gabriel on the top of his head before hugging him close. Gabriel tried to feel reassured but his stomach still churned. Vern brought the drink back, told him to get acquainted with the bed while Chris and he went to talk about money.

            Gabriel sat on the edge of the bed; didn’t seem to be anyone else here. Maybe Vern just wanted to fuck him or maybe he would just be filmed wanking off. He hugged himself nervously and downed the drink. He spluttered a bit; it was strong, mainly just vodka. It kinda tasted funny, but whatever. He definitely needed it.....but then he began to feel very lightheaded, felt like the room was spinning a bit. Vern and Chris returned back to the room then. Vern sat down next to him, started to rub his knee “how you feeling baby”  he crooned while he rubbed his hand higher up Gabriel’s leg. Gabriel tried to answer but he found he couldn’t speak; wanted to shake Vern off but he couldn't seem to move his limbs. He started to panic, what was happening? Chris just laughed “what the hell did you give him?” Vern snorted “just a little something that will knock him out.....the others will be here in a bit, you want to stay?” Gabriel fell back onto the bed; he was trying to struggle against the effects of the drug, a cold grip of fear washed over him. He was going to be unconscious...what was going to happen to his body? His last thoughts before he blacked out were of Sam......

            A lot later that night (or perhaps very early that morning)

           Two bouncers were struggling with Sam’s body; it was far too heavy for them but he was completely out of it. They couldn’t lift him so they ended up dragging him out of the club’s side entrance, pushing him the steps and leaving him in a lump in the alley way. “Fuck you think he’ll be alright?” one of them said to the other. The other man shrugged before they both turned back into the club.......

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so ummmm I'm a bad person......but maybe things in the story have to get bad before they get better?? Constructive thoughts/comments welcomed :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter....as not going to be able to update as I am going away for a week :) Thank you for comments and kudos.....means so much!!

            Sam blinked slowly, his eyes struggling to fully open. The smell of rotten garbage attacked his nostrils. Then the pain in his head hit him in waves, making him lean over and retch. The realisation of where he was hit him; he was lying in an alleyway outside the club he had been in last night. He lay there on the ground then, staring up the barren sky; could feel himself start to drift back into unconsciousness. But the noise of the traffic, a man shouting and the coldness forced him awake. Fuck. He knew exactly what had happened last night.....

            He had told Gabriel how he felt the other night.....had kindof shocked himself; wasn’t planning on saying anything. But he couldn’t resist him. Gabe was like a drug – Sam just wanted more. And he had looked so cute, so _surprised_.....as if he couldn’t imagine why the hell Sam would feel that way about him. It made Sam feel _worthy._ He had taken some hits in relationships; men, women – they all seemed to want to suck the soul out of him and offer nothing in return. Gabriel was different. Sam was sure of it. And they had made out, it was _fucking hot_.....Gabriel was just _so damn_ sexy, his lithe petite body curling around Sam, made him feel strong and masculine. But Gabriel was damaged, Sam could see that: the panic attack when he thought Sam wanted to fuck him. The rebuttals when Sam tried to reassure him. Sam knew that Gabriel’s relationship with Chris, his job.....it would have screwed anyone up. But he didn’t think it would be a problem, just had to get him away from Chris and he would be fine. Chris didn’t scare Sam; he had dealt with _far_ more dangerous characters.

            And that next morning everything had been so perfect...He had woken up with Gabriel in his arms and Alfie being his usual cute and funny self. But Gabriel hadn’t seemed so certain about ending things with Chris which pissed him off. But after that they had had a wonderful family day all together....and _still_ Gabriel hadn’t been convinced. It wasn’t like Sam was after a marriage commitment, but fucking hell, he couldn’t exactly date someone who was in a relationship with someone else (*been there, done that). He had thought Gabriel would jump at the chance to get away from a violent bully like Chris, but he had been cautious. Sam just assumed that Gabriel probably wasn’t sure if he really liked Sam all that much, felt all the rejection from all the previous relationships....Castiel, Gadreel, Nicky, Ruby, maybe Gabriel _was_ just the same.......so he’d just reacted and slammed the door in his face. As soon as he had done it, he had regretted it. Wanted to open the door again and gather Gabriel close. But his pride wouldn’t let him. And then he had got a text from Gavin, wanted to know if he wanted to party. Sam hadn’t even thought, just fired a text back – _hells yeah._ Seemed liked a good idea at the time: a good opportunity to improve business relationships with Gavin _and_ get wasted and forget his problems.

            But when he had got to the club Gavin had been _high,_ was snorting cocaine off the table like it was nothing. Sam had initially resisted – he knew where shit like that could take him (* _had_ taken him)...but after a couple of drinks, some girl called Genevieve offered him a pill or two, and he had just done it.......he couldn’t remember anything else. Just vague memories of shouting at a couple of people, shit he might have punched someone, his bruised knuckles suggested that it was a definite possibility.....but the memories ran from him like naughty children every time he tried to hold onto them.

            Sam rubbed his head and slowly got up; his back aching from the awkward position he had been lying in. Suddenly the overwhelming need to vomit came over him and he doubled over, retching. He eased himself back..... _man he felt like shit._ He had been so fucking stupid, all the struggles he had because of his previous addiction and now he had been so fucking weak to just fall back into it so easily. He lent against the wall, took a deep breath. Never again. He started the long walk home.

XXXX

            That same morning........

            Gabriel woke up with his head buzzing. He was lying naked, faced down on the bed. He could vaguely hear some men’s voices, coming from another room. He tried to move and groaned in agony as he did so; the shooting pains inside him like shots of poison. He could feel the mess he was lying in.....could smell urine and cum, it covered his hair in clumps and was smeared across his body. He tried to get up, but the control in his arms and legs was only just coming back. Suddenly he felt someone watching him, he tried to turn his head;

            “hey Chris, you’re little _boyfriend_ is awake”

Could hear footsteps; it was Chris. Gabriel could tell from the sound of his walk.

            “fucking hell......he’s such a fucking mess” Chris sniggered a bit.

            “Yeah it was fun tho, huh?” The other voice was Vern “video should be online after I’ve edited it”

            Chris edged around the bed till he was standing next to Gabriel’s head. He leaned in and grabbed Gabriel’s chin, wretching his head, so that he was staring up at Chris

            “you’re a messy bitch aren’t ya?” His tone was affectionate “gotta get you home and cleaned up so you can work tonight” He let Gabriel’s head go and ruffled up his hair. Vern just laughed.

            “you think anyone gonna buy that...fucking hell that hole is _loose”_

            Gabriel couldn’t quite comprehend what they were saying....everything seemed distant and fragmented; whatever he had been given yesterday still in his bloodstream, messing with his head. He didn’t know what had happened last night......but whatever had happened, hadn’t been good.

            He felt himself being picked up and slung over Chris’ shoulder, like a potato sack. He groaned again. Chris just ignored him.

xxxxxx

            They arrived back at the flat....it was still early in the morning; Alfie wasn’t up. Chris took him to the bathroom, slung him carelessly into the bath and turned on the shower nozzle; spraying him with cold water. Gabriel tried to get away but he was stuck as the cold water pounded relentlessly onto his skin. At least it cleaned away the dirty remnants of the night. Chris paid special attention to his hole, setting aside the shower nozzle and using his fingers to press inside Gabriel, trying to get all the cum out. It hurt like hell. But Gabriel was too weak to fight him. Afterwards Chris had wrapped him in towel, cooed over him and kissed him: had set him on the bed and lent over his body. Gabriel wanted to cry, curl up and eat candy. But Chris was everywhere, all over him, sucking on his neck, his chest – trying to bruise him.

            “You’re mine baby......all those guys had you yesterday baby, but you’re still mine”

Gabriel stared at the wall. A sharp slap brought him around. “Say it baby...say you belong to me”. Chris looked down at him; eyes dark and possessive. Gabriel was frightened but he wouldn’t answer Chris, instead he tried to push away from him “get off me...I, I....why did you do that to me?......why did you let him drug me? What happened??” Chris growled slightly “baby, don’t piss me off” he grabbed Gabriel by the waist, bringing him back down onto the bed. “you know you’re my slut, only _I_ get to chose what you do with this....” he reached down, spreading Gabriel’s legs apart, and touched his hole. “You are mine and you’ll always be mine......”. He prodded his dry fingers inside Gabriel, who whimpered loudly. He didn’t want this....and he didn’t want to belong to Chris. Another of Chris’ thick digits made it past his rim and Gabriel was struggling now. “Stop it” Chris didn’t want Gabriel wriggling about. But Gabriel kept trying to move away “No please baby, it hurts....I please.....it hurts so bad.....what, ah, happened last night?” Chris held him down and pushed his fingers in further. Gabriel squeaked in pain, pushed against him with his arms to no avail. Chris was too strong. “You got fucked _....a lot_ ” he laughed “and Vern said he would have you back on Wednesday, so don’t give me no shit about this....it’s your fucking job”. Gabriel didn’t resist then, just lay on the bed, while Chris worked his fingers inside him, the thought of unknown men fucking him while he was unconscious was horrifying. And the fact he was going to have to do it again......He thought of Sam. The fantasy of a family, of being loved. But he wasn’t worthy. He was a horrible, broken and deformed creature. “So who do you fucking belong to?” Chris’ voice was rough as he pushed his fingers in again. “I’m yours” Gabriel whispered out. Chris face was a mask of smug satisfaction as he undid his fly, pulling out his fat hard cock, reaching out and grabbing some lube. “Yeah you are”. He lent over Gabriel and started pushing himself in.

XXXX

            Alfie woke that Sunday morning a little later than usual; could hear moans coming from his uncle Gabe and Chris’ room. Didn’t know what was going on but he didn’t like it. It sounded like his uncle was in pain. He wanted to rush in there like Captain America and save his uncle. But last time that hadn’t gone well. He hugged teddy and kissed his head. Teddy didn’t say much, but he listened to all Alfie’s worries about Uncle Gabe getting hurt, about how frightened Alfie was of Chris, about the mean boy at school, how scared he was to be left alone in the apartment and how much he missed his mommy. He wondered where she was. She hadn’t even sent him a birthday card.

            Alfie was glad he had Uncle Gabe though, he was the best. But he always seemed so sad.....Alfie just wanted to Uncle Gabe to be happy. He tried to make him happy, tried to be cheerful and do good at school......but sometimes it didn’t seem enough. But then, Uncle Gabe had been happy at his party with Uncle Sam and when they went to the zoo with Uncle Sam. Yes, Uncle Sam was so much fun and so kind and so nice.......he never hurt Uncle Gabe and he _mostly_ listened to what Alfie had to say. If only they could get away from Chris and live with Uncle Sam instead.......Alfie cuddled teddy close, yes that was a good plan.....

XXXX

            Chris pulled off when he was done with him, got dressed and left. Gabriel didn’t know where he was going. Just lay on the bed, cum dripping out of him. He tried to summon the energy to get up. But he just wanted to lie there forever. Eventually, thoughts of Alfie managed to rouse him. He wiped himself off a bit, shoved on some pants and a dirty t-shirt, which featured an upside down yellow smiley face. He caught a glance of himself in the mirror. The bruises on his face had mostly faded; but he still looked like death. His eyes dark and empty.

            Alfie was up and eating breakfast. The picture of innocence and sweetness. Gabriel felt completely disconnected, like he shouldn’t be around his beautiful nephew. He was too _dirty_. Alfie smiled up at him “hey Uncle Gabe.....” Gabriel tried to smile back. He went to fix himself some coffee. No way he could eat anything right now (*although may be candy would be ok). He found some of Chris' "painkillers" and crunched them down....sure they weren't totally legal, but he _needed_ them right now. He was suddenly interrupted by Alfie:

                          “Um Uncle Gabe, can we go and see Sam today, I left my cards and presents at his....” Gabriel felt his stomach drop, he couldn’t face Sam today. “Um, I don’t know....” “oh pleasseeeeee” “Alfie, don’t start!” “but pleasssseee” “Alfie SHUT UP!” Gabriel snapped. Alfie’s little face crumpled slightly and he ran into his bedroom. Gabriel rubbed his head. Fuck.

XXXX

            In the end, Gabriel decided he would go down and get the stuff from Sam. If he went with Alfie, they would probably be there for ages. He just needed to get the stuff and go. Sam probably wouldn’t want to see him anyway....not after how pissed off he had been yesterday. Gabriel limped down the stairs and knocked on Sam’s door. No answer. It was early on a Sunday morning, but not _that_ early. Gabriel felt like crying. He couldn’t believe it was only yesterday morning that he had woken up safe in Sam’s arms. Not like this morning. 24 hours and everything was different. He knocked again. He just wanted to get Alfie’s stuff. Nothing. He knocked again and again. Then the door opened. It was Sam. But man, he looked ..... _terrible_ : bloodshot eyes, skin pale and sweaty and he was wrapped in a large blanket. All thoughts of Gabriel’s own worries forgotten:

            “Oh my god, Sam.....what’s wrong....are you......”

Gabriel didn’t finish his sentence; Sam threw up on the floor right in front of him.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usual warnings for triggers....
> 
> Thanks ppl for reading

Sam wasn’t quite sure what was going on.....could feel himself leaning on a warm, soft body as he felt himself almost being carried into his bedroom. He felt so weak and faint; the room spinning out of control. He could feel a cool hand on his head, a voice talking to him. But he was so tired, he couldn’t respond.........He fell into a deep sleep.

xxxx

An hour or so later......

Sam awoke; eyes still crusted together, the feeling of vomit in his throat. But he felt.... _ok._ But still lightheaded and dizzy, _damn,_ this was a bad comedown. He slowly pulled himself out of the bed, stomach still jumping slightly even at his slow movement. He rubbed his eyes together. He opened the bedroom door and groaned, the light from the windows was _painful_ , searing into his brain. He made his way to the kitchen.

            “What the....”

It was _Gabriel....._ for some reason he was trying to mop the floor, didn't look like he could barely stand, let alone clean. He looked worse than Sam felt....but upon hearing Sam, Gabriel immediately jumped, dropping the mop....

            “No SAM! You need to get back to bed!”

            “Why the...???...”

Oh shit.....Sam remembered vomiting in front of Gabriel..... _the shame...._ he felt his face flush red. “Sam, you’re not well, go back to bed....I can get you a hot drink....or maybe a cool towel??” Before Sam could stop him, Gabriel reached up to Sam’s sweaty forehead “not feverish mmm but you should rest....” he said quietly, almost to himself “I’m fine” Sam hit Gabriel’s hand away; he did _not_ need to be looked after.

            “and why the hell are you cleaning my kitchen...?”

Gabriel looked down “well, I er...couldn’t exactly leave you’re um, sick in the hallway and then y’know I’d got started then....I just wanted to do something nice” he gave a small laugh “sorry”. Sam could feel his face flush further. Gabriel had not only _seen_ him throw up but then had _cleaned_ it up as well and now was cleaning his house like a freaking _slave_. Sam just didn’t know what to say.

            “oh er.....well, you can stop now......”

Gabriel just stood by the oven awkwardly, glancing up at him....“you don’t look good Sam, please if you just go and lie down.....”

            “I’m fine” Sam growled; annoyed that Gabriel was _fussing_ unnecessarily. He felt like he was back with Dean.....Dean who always cared and protected him. “oh god......” another wave of nausea hit and he sank to his knees. Gabriel rushed over, pulling his face up “poor baby, you’re not ok.....I think you have flu or something....let me look after you”. Sam felt too sick to protest.....he let Gabriel pull him up and drag him back into the bedroom. He allowed Gabriel to arrange his pillows and rug over him. He felt Gabriel kiss him lightly on the head “I’ll get you a hot tea...”. Sam wanted to tell Gabriel to _stop,_ but then it did feel......nice, being cared for. And he found himself not wanting to tell Gabriel that it wasn’t flu; that it was probably a bad reaction to the pills he took yesterday. He didn’t want to tell Gabriel that he had been weak.

            Gabriel returned several minutes later with a hot drink and cool towel.

            “You don’t have to do this y’know” Sam felt embarrassed; he wasn’t the weak, vulnerable one. He shouldn’t _need_ looking after. Gabriel just shook his head slightly and set the drink down. He sat on the bed slowly, leaning over to Sam and gently started to wash Sam’s face. It felt _good;_ refreshing and clean.

            “Is that ok, is that better.....do you need anything?”

Gabriel asked tentatively after he set the towel down and lent over him again to brush some stray hairs out of Sam’s eyes.

           “....er that’s...I’m....thanks”

Sam finished lamely, wasn’t sure what was going on. Things had not been left well with Gabriel after yesterday, he had assumed that Gabriel didn’t want to be with him; had chosen Chris over him. But now he was here....being so _sweet,_ maybe he didn’t want to stay with Chris after all?

 _“_ you want me to go?”

Gabriel wouldn’t look him in the eye. Sam paused a bit

            “no.....unless you want to?”

Oh god, he sounded like such a freaking awkward teenager. Gabriel shook his head slowly.

            “Come here then”

Sam opened his arms and let Gabriel crawl in.

            “So what’s going on?......after yesterday, I kindof thought you weren’t interested...”

Gabriel looked up at him shocked

            “it’s not that, not that _at all_...how can you say that? How can you think that? you’re _perfect...._.....but it’s, it’s y’know, Chris, he could really hurt you, if he found out and.....” Gabriel caught himself. Sam eased himself up a bit.

            “Chris doesn’t scare me......and I wouldn’t let him hurt you or Alfie, I can keep you all safe....unless you still love him?”

            Gabriel shook his head “no....I don’t think so, I don’t love him, not anymore” His voice quiet as he continued “but he should _scare_ you, he’s dangerous, he is......and I don’t know how to get away from him....and Alfie and me, where we gonna live and how I’m gonna make money?.....its _impossible_ Sam, I don’t want it to be, but it _is”._

            Sam wrapped his arms around Gabriel tighter. He refused to believe that. He would find a way, just didn’t know what that was right now.

            They lay quietly for a bit, before Gabriel started to wriggle free.

            “I have to go...Alfie will be wondering where I am....”

Sam let Gabriel crawl off the bed

            “Thanks Gabe for..... _being_ here”......I um want to take you out, some place nice......you want to?”

Gabriel paused

            “I shouldn’t....”

            “C’mon baby please, it’ll be ok......he won’t know....”

            “I would love to go on a date but.....”

            “Well its settled....Tuesday ok for you?”

Gabriel looked like he was going to protest again but then he just nodded. Impulsively, Sam grabbed Gabriel’s hand

            “I’ll find a way for us Gabriel...... just gotta have some faith"

XXX

            Gabriel clambered up the stairs slowly. He hoped Sam was going to be ok but he seemed better.......Gabriel winced as he made his way to his apartment. He was still hurting from last night’s _activity_. But he felt lighter, happier. Sam had asked him on a date! He had never actually been on a date! He knew he was stupid to accept; it seemed to give Sam the message that he would leave Chris. But he couldn’t help himself. He _wanted_ to go on a date with Sam. He decided to try and not think about the consequences. It wasn’t like Sam would actually be able to get him away from Chris, so he might as well enjoy spending what time he could with him.

            He walked into the apartment; it was quiet save for the TV coming from the lounge. It must be Alfie, he hoped he was ok. He had been pretty harsh with him before. And damn it, he had left Alfie’s presents _again_ at Sam’s.

            He walked over to the lounge. Startled, he found Chris and Alfie watching TV together. Alfie was crushed against Chris’ body and looked like he had been crying. Chris looked up when Gabriel walked in.

            “oh look who it is......and where the fuck have you been” his tone already angry but Gabriel didn’t care

            “Alfie honey, are you ok?”

Alfie tried to get up but Chris pulled him down

            “He’s fine, we’re just enjoying some _quality_ time, since you decided to disappear”

            “Did you hurt him....if you hurt him, I swear I will....” Gabriel was shaking

Chris got up quickly and slapped him hard in the face. Alfie started crying. Gabriel tried to straighten himself but Chris had grabbed his hair and pushed him against the wall

            “Don’t fucking threaten me.......What you implying? I ain’t no paedo”

He hit him in the face again, his fist connecting with Gabriel’s cheekbone. Gabriel fell to his knees and Chris grabbed his head and hit it hard against the wall. Gabriel felt himself almost blacking out at the force. He pulled his head up and hit him again in the mouth, before letting him drop to the floor.

            “We were just _bonding_ weren’t we Alfie?” Chris turned and pulled the crying Alfie over to him. Gabriel tried to get up but he couldn’t

            “pleaseee don’t hurt him.....you can hurt me please” he whimpered out

Chris grinned down at him

            “Alfie, now this is a good example of putting a little bitch in it’s place” he grabbed Alfie’s hand “but you know I think he might still need a lesson....so I want you to hit him” Alfie tried to pull away from Chris

            “nooooo” Alfie was still crying, fat tears wetting his face

            “FUCKING hit him Alfie or I’m gonna get _pissed”_

 _“_ But I don’t want to.......” Alfie choked out through the tears

Gabriel tried to get up but his vision was swimming and Chris pushed him back down easily.

            “Hit him.....or I swear to god Alfie, I’ll fucking break him.....”

And then Gabriel felt it a little hand slapping his face.

            “That’s it Alfie, hit him harder” Gabriel could tell Chris was smiling.

Another slap and Gabriel could feel his heart breaking.

            “Ok, Alfie you can fuck off, Uncle Gabe and I gonna need some private time now”

Alfie was pushed away, still weeping. Gabriel heard him running out of the room. Chris pulled him up by the hair;

            “so where the fuck have you been?”

XXXX

            Gabriel wasn’t really present while Chris fucked him on the couch. He knew on some level Chris was hurting him, but he wasn’t really aware. He thought of Sam. And he _wanted_ to escape.

XXXX

Later that day....

            Gabriel was pinned beneath Chris on the couch. He had already been fucked by him, but Chris seemed quite content to lie on top of him, crushing him, while he smoked several spliffs and watched TV. Gabriel could barely breathe; needed to go and find Alfie, but he didn’t want to risk Chris’ wrath again. Suddenly, Chris phoned pinged. He looked at it and laughed. Gabriel just tried to ignore what was going on around him, tried to focus on the ceiling; it was all fine really.....but he didn’t believe it anymore. Chris shifted off him and Gabriel took a deep inhale.

            “Babe, I’m just gonna....” Gabriel tried to get up

            “Stay the fuck there.....” Chris didn’t even turned around. Gabriel slumped back onto the couch. Chris pulled out his laptop from underneath the couch and turned it on. It slowly whirred to life, while Chris leaned in to kiss Gabriel. Gabriel felt the urge to push him off, but he let him slip his tongue inside, let him claim his mouth possessively. It hurt; his mouth sore with bruising. Chris leaned over and clicked on a few buttons on the laptop. Gabriel watched with interest, he couldn’t use the laptop; didn’t know how. But he was still curious.

            “Vern’s sorted out your video......let’s watch it”

Gabriel felt himself freeze but Chris didn’t notice, just clicked on something and then jumped onto Gabriel

            “this is gonna be hot” he chuckled.

            “Babe....I don’t....”

Chris silenced him with a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a pretty upsetting day so this chapter might not be ok, I wanted to end the chapter on a happier note but I don't have the energy!.....I don't want to give spoilers but hang in there!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings apply as usual
> 
> And thank you anyone who has commented/kudo/bookmarked etc, always good to know if ppl enjoy and keeps me inspired and motivated! And specially thank you to Lizzp23 who gave me the idea to write from Alfie's perspective :)

Alfie was curled up on his bed, cuddling teddy close, tears still silently rolling down his face. He kept replaying what had happened that day....things had gone so bad; _he’d_ been so bad.

            The day before, he had planned with teddy that Uncle Gabe and him should go and live with Uncle Sam.....and then the next day he had it all worked out; thought that if he asked Uncle Gabe to go with him to get his presents from Uncle Sam that maybe, just maybe, they could then ask Uncle Sam if they could move in. He was practically hugging himself with glee at the brilliance of his plan. Chris was mean and horrible whereas Sam was nice and kind. It was obvious what they should do. He was so caught up in the brilliance of his plan, he didn’t see the way his Uncle had slowly dragged himself into the kitchen, face pale and drawn. Or perhaps he was just used seeing his Uncle like that. What he hadn’t been used to was Uncle Gabe angrily snapping at him. This wasn’t right at all; they couldn’t do the plan if Uncle Gabe wouldn’t listen to him. He was _trying_ to help, to make things better. He felt all cross inside.....like a volcano about to burst. Uncle Gabe was _stupid_. So he had stomped off to his room. A bit later, when he calmed down, he thought he would try again with Uncle Gabe (plus he really _did_ want those presents back)...but then he heard the door bang. He wondered where Uncle Gabe was going.....He felt bad, hadn’t got to say sorry. Although he wasn’t quite sure what he had done wrong. He just knew he had upset him, which was bad. He wanted Uncle Gabe to be happy all the time. He loved him very much. Uncle Gabe was the one who fed him chicken soup when he was ill, tried to make him laugh when he was sad, tried to buy him stuff he liked even when he couldn’t really afford it, listened to him when he was upset...although of course, Alfie didn’t like to tell him all his problems; didn’t want to worry him.

            Uncle Gabe was gone quite awhile, Alfie just kindof wandered around the apartment. Played with some of his toys for a bit, looked at his homework assignment, but put it away. It was too hard. And then Chris had come back. He had acted really weird...had fallen over stool in the kitchen and lay on the floor, laughing. Alfie had just stood in the doorway, silently staring at him. Not sure whether he should run away or help him. In the end Chris had got up by himself. He rarely ever spoke to Alfie, so Alfie was surprised when Chris came over and rustled his hair. He seemed like he was in a good mood, which was..... _good_. Uncle Gabe always said they had to always ensure that Chris was happy and never do anything to annoy or anger him. But it seemed to Alfie, that trying to keep Chris in a positive mood was an uphill struggle. Nothing ever seemed to work for long. He would always turn on them.

            Chris had gone to the bedroom then, gone into the lounge. And then come back to the kitchen. As predicted, it looked like his mood had turned sour. He had asked where Gabriel was. And a knot formed in Alfie’s stomach. He knew that Uncle Gabe wasn’t really supposed to leave the apartment unless he was working. And he never worked this early. Chris had looked really pissed off when Alfie said he didn’t know where Uncle Gabe was. Alfie knew Uncle Gabe was going to be in trouble. And then Chris had said something about wanting company and dragged him into the lounge to watch TV. At first, Chris had just channel hopped while talking to him about Uncle Gabe, telling him how worthless his uncle was, how stupid, how ugly. Alfie had wanted to disagree. But he was too scared. He just curled up in a ball on the side of the sofa. Chris had got bored then and switched onto a horrible show, where people were fighting and torturing each other...there was lots of blood and screaming. Alfie got scared but Chris just laughed at him, wouldn’t let him go. He had started crying then, but Chris had just told him to shut up. Alfie just wanted Uncle Gabe to come back. He wondered if Uncle Gabe had his own plan, and was just going to leave without Alfie. And that scared him, he didn’t want to be left here with Chris. But then Uncle Gabe had returned! Alfie had been so relieved, just wanted to cuddle up to him, wanted to feel safe again. But then Chris had been so mad, had hurt Uncle Gabe real bad, he had wanted it to stop but he just sat there frozen. It was like the TV show they had just been watching.....And Chris had banged Uncle Gabe’s head so hard on the wall, his eyes had rolled back in his head......Alfie was scared. He just wanted Chris to STOP. But then he was as bad as Chris. He had hit Uncle Gabe too. And he had hit him hard, _twice_. His uncle Gabe had looked so frightened and hurt when Alfie had hit him. He didn’t want to do it.....his stomach felt all twisted up when he thought about it. He was a horrible, bad boy. Uncle Gabe would probably never forgive him now. And then Chris had pushed him away then and he ran to his bedroom, his mind was all jumbley. He didn’t know what Chris was going to do to Uncle Gabe. He didn’t know if Uncle Gabe was safe. He didn’t know if he should call the police. He had tried that once on Chris’ cell. But it hadn’t worked. They hadn’t done anything. Chris had just smoothed it all over and Uncle Gabe had said never to do that again. So he had just got into bed and pulled the duvet over his head. He tried to imagine living far away with Uncle Gabe and Uncle Sam....but the image of himself hitting his uncle’s already bruised face kept returning. It was just an impossible plan now. His uncle probably hated him now.

            He climbed out of bed....pressed his ear against his bedroom door, everything seemed quiet now, no shouting or crying.....his uncle and Chris just seemed to watching TV or something....maybe Chris wasn’t so mad now. Maybe Uncle Gabe was ok. He shivered...and tried to stop himself crying again. He had to make another plan.....

XXXXX

            Gabriel was kneeling over the toilet seat, retching. His whole body was shaking. Chris had forced him to watch the video from last night.

            _It had started off, just him lying on that bed, naked. He looked so fragile and vulnerable._ Gabriel just wanted someone to jump in and protect him. But of course, no one had. _Instead a man had entered and crawled on top of him. He was also naked but a mask covered the top half of his face. But Gabriel could tell from the guy’s fat, hairy body, that it was Vern. The guy had rutted against him, licked his face and grabbed Gabriel’s cock, hard. His body has just lain there, lifeless and completely at Vern’s mercy. It had got worse of course....Vern had lifted his legs up and shown his hole to the world. Given some commentary about his ‘slutty hole’. Jammed in several fingers at once and then shoved his cock in, while Gabriel lay passive, on his back._ Gabriel didn’t want to see this; didn’t want to know that _Vern had taken him like that; that he was just another disgusting guy that he couldn’t say no to. The camera zoomed into where Vern and he were joined. His hole looked stretched as Vern had rutted into him. Then Vern had pulled out, flipped him over and kept on fucking him, his small body jolting with each thrust. And then the camera had panned out._ Gabriel’s stomach had flipped with horror. _There were several masked men standing by the bed. When Vern pulled out for a final time, the camera zoomed into his sore hole, cum dripping out. Vern had been laughing and high fived some of the guys. And then one of the guys had lain on the bed and Gabriel’s body had been manhandled so that he was being lowered onto a guy’s fat cock. Once fully seated, the guy had spread Gabriel’s legs so that the camera could get a good view._ Gabriel tried to turn away but Chris caught his face “oh babe, this is the good bit coming up”. _Another guy had knelt in front of them then and then started pushing his way in too. There were comments from an observer egging the guys on, instructing them “harder, he likes it harder.....” “he’s a whore, do what you want” “fuck his slut hole”.......Gabriel’s legs were spread as wide as they could go, as they both pounded into him. He looked so small, sandwiched in between them._ Gabriel swallowed and tried to blink away the tears, it reminded him too much of the video’s he had made when he was younger, when his little teenage body had been taken like that by adult men. _The men had both cummed inside him then. More shots of his ‘gaping’ hole, and Vern was there pushing his fingers back in....one_ _guy opened his mouth and shoved his cock in, fucked himself on Gabriel’s drooling mouth. More laughter from the men in the room._ Gabriel just hoped it was over. _And then the men stopped laughing and the camera panned out._ Chris slapped Gabriel on the back “this is the _really_ good bit”. He reached over and put his hands down Gabriel’s pants, started to rub his cock. Gabriel knew he couldn’t say no, but he didn’t want to get off on a video of his rape. He stopped himself, it wasn’t rape. He was a whore, he couldn’t be raped. And he had _agreed_ to do porn.....but still, he didn’t like _this._

            _At this point, a masked man had come into the frame. He was huge. His chest was wide and muscled, his neck so thick, his head just seemed to be joined to his shoulders. He had a huge collar on, with a chain attached. The camera panned down and Gabriel’s jaw dropped. His cock was gigantic, grotesque even.... It wasn’t just the length but the girth, bigger than a coke can. It was hard and straining, almost purplish._ Chris laughed at Gabriel’s reaction as he kept on rubbing at his cock. He whispered “babe, they call him _Goliath_ , he can’t find that many men who will let him fuck him....lucky you, huh?” “you didn’t let him babe” Gabriel whispered out, almost felt hysterical. That man was a beast. Chris didn’t answer, just kept tugging at Gabriel’s unresponsive cock.

            _The other men had moved out of the way, as Goliath had positioned himself over Gabriel. He flipped him over and pulled him up, so Gabriel was on his knees, held up only by Goliath. He pushed one meaty finger in, before pulling out and resting his cock on Gabriel’s crack. Gabriel felt like he was going to pass out, no way he could have taken him. And then Goliath was pushing in.....the camera capturing each inch as he sunk further into Gabriel. He wasn’t even half way in and Gabriel’s looked like it was going to break, hanging off his cock, like a ragdoll. Goliath was grunting and groaning as he pushed himself in harder._ Gabriel wanted to scream, wanted to rip him off. He didn’t want this to have happened to _his_ body. _And then Goliath was in and then started to immediately rock himself slowly in and out. Gabriel could see that his own cock was hard against his stomach. It seemed to last for ages; Goliath’s domination. He violently thrusted to him; encouraged by the other men, whooping and shouting. At one point Goliath pulled out completely, lay on his back and had Gabriel ‘ride’ him. Or at least he had pulled Gabriel’s body up and down on his cock._ Gabriel could hear the other men out of shot laughing. Chris’ hands were still down his pants and he was rubbing against him like a dog. _Finally Goliath had cum, Gabriel had been on his back, legs lifted by his head, as Goliath had rammed into him for the last time. After that, Goliath had been pulled off by several of the men and the camera had shown his stretched hole._ Gabriel could see that there was blood mixed in with the cum. _But then another man had positioned himself over Gabriel._ Gabriel felt sick. _A couple of the men had pulled their cocks out and started pissing on him, on his hair, his face, his body_. He pulled himself away from Chris and rushed to the bathroom to throw up, the video still playing.

            Once he had finished retching. Gabriel rested his head against the toilet. He felt.....disgusting, dirty....he really was just a little fuck toy; his body being used in whatever way those men wanted. He wasn’t a real person......But what about Alfie? oh god! Gabriel was about to get up but.....

            “What’s going on baby?” It was Chris, standing at the bathroom door.

Gabriel didn’t answer him. He didn’t want to look at him. How had it come to this? But Chris knelt next to him, stroking his hair “you did so good, baby”. And despite himself, Gabriel leaned into the touch. It was nice; the gentleness. Chris pulled him up and starting leading him to the bedroom. The voice of resistance stuck in his throat. This was all he was worth. He couldn’t stop it. Chris laid him out on the bed and pulled his pants down, started mouthing at his nipples. Gabriel could feel his fingers worming themselves inside him. He felt sore from the sex earlier not to mention last night....but he couldn’t stop him, he couldn’t.    

            “mmmnn baby, don’t think you need to work, it’s just our special time tonight”

Gabriel forced himself to smile and nod. But then he began to cry as Chris started to fuck him again.

            Suddenly!.....he didn’t know understand what happened next, the door was banging open, there was shouting and Chris was being pulled off him. Gabriel just felt spaced out and then he felt his pants being pulled up and he was being lifted up “its ok, Gabriel, it’s ok”. He thought he recognised the voice, but he could feel himself slipping. It was easier just to be in the darkness, the emptiness....

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudo welcomed!


	18. Chapter 18

Earlier that day......

            Sam had managed to move from the bed into the lounge, just collapsed on his chair feeling decidedly sorry for himself.....but it was more than that, he felt _lonely._ He didn’t like to admit it, but the feeling was there none the less. He didn’t really have any friends right now, there was a mutual dislike/hatred with his ‘work’ colleagues and family......well, relationships there were _anything_ but good. Really the only people that Sam had spent time with _and_ actually enjoyed being with recently, were Gabriel and Alfie. Sam sighed. He wanted to get them out of their situation but Gabriel was so damn stubborn. As Sam was musing on various difficulties, he heard his front door gently open and shut. Instantly he was on alert....who could it be? Various enemies of the Crowley crew or even Gavin himself.....possible threats ran though Sam’s mind. And damn it, all his weapons were in the bedroom. He slowly crept towards the lounge entrance, keeping close to the wall. He could hear someone in the kitchen, opening cupboard doors. He crossed the corridor and edged over to the kitchen, preparing to attack the intruder. He quickly peered into the kitchen and.... let out a sigh of relief

           “Alfie?!”

Alfie had his back to him, head inside a cupboard. He almost jumped 10 feet when he heard Sam’s voice.

            “I.....er.....I’m just....”

Alfie’s voice was shaky and as he turned to face Sam, Sam could see that he had been crying. His heart sank and he dropped to his knees so he was on the same level as Alfie.

            “What’s going on Alfie?”

It was then that Sam noticed the little backpack next to Alfie, opened slightly with some of Sam’s food inside. Alfie caught his glance, tried to grab the bag and make a run for it. But Sam managed to catch him. Alfie froze in his grip.

            “Alfie, Alfie! What’s going on? Why you taking food from me?....if you’re hungry just ask me!” Sam released Alfie and turned him so that Alfie was facing him. He was more confused than angry, it wasn’t like Gabriel would let Alfie go hungry......Alfie let out a little sob, looking down at the floor;

            “I’m sorry Uncle Sam....I, I, I.....” he took a deep breath in, trying to calm himself before he looked up at Sam and announced loudly “I’m running away! and I needed food, and there wasn’t anything I liked at mine so.....” Sam looked at Alfie in horror. “What! Kid, you’re 8! Where you gonna go? Your uncle Gabe would be _devastated_.....” Sam’s thoughts start to race. Alfie’s expression turned from defiant to sad again “I think Uncle Gabe hates me now......”

            It took Sam an hour to finally get the story out of Alfie. But Sam persevered offering treats and reassurance that he would never hate Alfie, no matter what he had done. And then it all came out:

           “and I, I, I....hit him so hard” Alfie had whispered before starting to wail “and, and, and I didn’t _want_ to, but I was so scared......” Sam just hugged Alfie close while his other hand gripped the edge of the chair, knuckles turning white. He tried to keep calm, tried to repress the rising anger, but when Alfie finished his story, Sam could hold himself in no longer. He had to go and confront Chris, preferably with a right hook.

            “Alfie, I’m just going to um, go and see your Uncle Gabe, just check everything is ok”. Sam strained to sound calm and hide the anger and adrenaline surge that was flowing through his body. “Um, don’t tell him I’m running away though, will you?” Alfie looked up at him, concerned. Sam gave him a tight smile “Alfie, you’re not running away, you’re a kid. You’re staying here with me”. Alfie suddenly leaped up and hugged him hard. Sam didn’t want to know what Gabriel would say to that but he was too preoccupied with the story Alfie had just told to think too carefully about the ramifications of his offer. Sam just _needed_ to get to Gabriel, just _needed_ to know that he was ok.

            Sam left Alfie in his flat hugging a teddy bear. He took the stairs three at a time, made it along the dingy corridor. Gabriel’s apartment door was ajar, Alfie must not have shut it properly.....he could hear someone crying inside. He had to go in. He opened the door wider and entered the flat slowly, didn’t know if Chris was about. He made his way past the kitchen and lounge, down a corridor toward the bedroom (if it was the same layout as his flat). He could hear Gabriel’s soft cries and another voice. Damn, Chris must be home. His stomach tightened with anticipation and anger. But it didn’t deter him, he was going to have it out with Chris. He didn’t care. The guy needed someone to stand up to him. Fuck the consequences. He opened the bedroom quietly; Gabriel was on the bed, on his back. Chris was on top of him, back towards the door, violently thrusting into him. Sam could see Gabriel’s eyes open and unseeing, tears wet on his face. Rage rose upside him like an awakening dragon, could feel himself shaking. He literally launched himself at Chris, ripping him off Gabriel, so that they both tumbled onto the floor. Chris was yelling and Sam quickly got the advantage and starting punching him in the face....once, twice....until Chris’ ignorant face was bloody and he was out cold. He never had had a chance. Sam would have kept going if he hadn’t heard a little moan from the bed. Gabriel! Sam lifted himself off Chris’ unconscious body, checked his pulse. It was beating, he was still alive. Sam went over to Gabriel, who was still staring at the wall, seemingly unaware of what had happened. He lent down and touched Gabriel’s face gently. He swallowed down another wave of rage at what Chris had been doing to Gabriel. He looked so small, so vulnerable. “It’s ok Gabriel, It’s ok” He whispered out as he pulled up Gabriel’s pants, trying not to look at Gabriel’s dick, tried to give him some dignity. He gently picked him up and carried him downstairs.

            Xxxx

A little later......

            Gabriel felt himself connecting back to his body.....didn’t feel like he was floating in the emptiness any longer. He could feel a warm rug around him, could hear blippings of machines, could smell strong cleaning fluids in the air and a firm body leaning against him. A lurch of fear – Chris? He tried to pull away, he didn’t want to be near Chris. The body pulled him back. Gabriel felt himself begin to panic. “Shhhh Gabe, it’s just me...you’re safe Gabe, you’re safe”. Gabriel recognised the voice, it was Sam! He looked up at him, was this a dream? He still felt blurry, probably from the painkillers he had taken earlier in the day and from going into his “dream-state”. Sam gathered Gabriel up and he was overwhelmed by his smell; fresh and masculine. It made him feel _safe_......he remembered feeling frightened, remembered Chris' weight on him, his sweaty hands holding hm down......

            “Where’s Chris?” Gabriel asked nervously

            “He was hurting you Gabe, I had to get you away from him......I know I should have called the police or whatever, but I was so mad......” Sam wasn’t making any sense, Gabriel couldn’t understand.

            “So where is he? Where's Chris?”

            “Um he’s.....probably not doing so good right now....” Sam gave a short laugh “you’re not going back there Gabe....Alfie told me everything, what he made Alfie do and I saw him..... _hurting_ you....I won’t let him do that to you anymore”. Sam sounded calm; authoritative even. Gabriel felt a kernel of dread unfurling inside him.....had Sam taken him away from Chris? Had Sam  _seen_ him 'with' Chris.....he suddenly hot and embarrassed.....oh god, had Sam hurt Chris? How was he ever going to fix this? Gabriel stayed slumped in Sam’s arms, there was nothing he could do right now, he felt so tired, so weak. But he couldn't deny it, he was _grateful_ for the reprieve from Chris; he needed a break from him. 

            “Alfie?” He suddenly called out “oh and where is this....?” Gabriel felt confused as he peaked out of Sam’s arms to try and take in his environment.

             “I had to bring you to hospital.....you were hurt so bad....I’m so sorry I didn’t realise this morning......” Gabriel realised that Sam was crying. Gabriel didn’t want this, didn’t deserve this man’s tears. “Sammy don’t cry......it’s ok, I’m ok!” Gabriel reached up to wipe away Sam’s tears, tried to smile a bit. Sam gave a short laugh “man, you sound like my brother, he always used to call me Sammy! I freaking hated it!” Gabriel smiled properly this time “ah Sammy you shouldn't have told me that....gonna have to call you that all the time!" Sam felt his heart soften as he looked down at Gabriel's cheeky grin, couldn't believe that Gabriel was trying to take care of him, when Gabriel was the one who was so hurt......he had an irrestible urge to kiss him. But he held back.....the image of Chris pounding into Gabe flashing before his eyes. Gabriel needed someone to look after him...not take advantage. 

xxxxx

Earlier....

             In a state of panic Sam had brought Gabriel to the hospital – he knew Gabriel needed some sort of medical attention, he had cuts and bruises on his face and the rest of his......body. But it was more than that.....because whilst Gabriel was clearly conscious, he seemed completely disconnected from everything around him, Sam couldn't seem to rouse him. So he had taken Gabriel down to his car, leaving him there whilst he ran back to the apartment. He knew he couldn't take Alfie to the hospital with them, couldn't let him see Gabriel in this state. So he had told him that Uncle Gabe was ok but feeling a bit under the weather and just needed to see a doctor. Alfie was a bit upset but seemed to believe Sam’s story that Uncle Gabe was mostly ok. He was more concerned that Uncle Gabe might be mad with him. Sam had to try and reassure him as best he could before dashing back to Gabriel. 

            When they had got to the hospital, Gabriel just lay on the bed in a catonic state, impassive to the doctor’s attempts to try and engage him. It was clear to Sam that the doctor wasn’t making much effort, didn’t seem to care. It felt like he was judging Gabriel, like he had taken one look at his injuries and presumed he deserved it. But Sam hadn’t stood for it, told him to “be more fucking professional” and “fuckin help”. The doctor hadn’t taken too kindly to Sam’s anger. Luckily a nurse had stepped in and calmed the situation down. She said Sam and Gabriel could stay in a private room and that the doctor would come back when Gabriel was more responsive. She said it seemed like Gabriel was in a state of shock and that she would get someone from the psych department to come down as well. It wasn’t that Sam didn’t appreciate her efforts, he just didn’t think Gabriel was crazy, didn’t need a psychiatrist. But he just nodded anyway, couldn’t fight another person. Anyway no one ever arrived from the elusive psych department so it was fine. 

            Later Gabriel had seemed to ‘wake’ up, still seemed dazed though and seemed to cling to him like a small child. Sam had mostly explained what happened; Gabriel hadn’t really seemed to take it in. Seeing him so drained and frightened made Sam want to hold him close and never let him go. He was determined no one else was going to hurt Gabriel.

            Afterwards the doctor had come back, poked and prodded Gabriel; reported that he was doing _ok....._ he had bruised ribs but luckily none were broken. He also had a mild concussion, needed stitches to for the cuts on his face and had some anal tearing. Whilst the damage was apparently not too severe, Gabriel would still require stitches. The doctor reeled off the injuries with little empathy. Sam would have punched him in the face had he not been more concerned with Gabriel’s welfare and what that _fucking bastard_ had done to him. He could feel the rage rising up inside him again but shut it back down again. He knew Gabriel didn’t need him to be like _that_ right now. Meanwhile Gabriel seemed to take in the information with little shock. He just wanted to know when he could leave. The doctor sighed and just recommended that he spend _at least_ the night in hospital.

xxxxx

            Sam didn’t want to leave Gabriel in the hospital alone. But he didn’t have much choice. He had to get back to Alfie, pack up his apartment and get the hell out, before Chris realised that the guy that beat him up and stole his boyfriend literally lived downstairs. And fuck, he was going to have to go to work the next day, wasn’t like the job he was in allowed for ‘personal days’.

            When he got back, Alfie was curled up on the comfy chair watching a TV show about dolphins.  

            “Come on buddy, lets see how fast we can move all my stuff into these boxes and suitcase, huh?”.

            In the end it hadn’t taken long to pack up Sam’s stuff and load it into his car; it wasn’t like Sam had loads of stuff. Luckily Alfie already had some clothes packed in his little rucksack, ready for running away. He had got his favourite teddy bear and his light-up shoes, plus his gifts and birthday cards that had been left at Sam’s anyway. Sam flicked through them idly as Alfie went to the toilet before they left. He stopped with shock when he saw the greeting in the card that Gabriel had got Alfie. That was _nasty._ Why the hell would Gabriel write _that?_

            Just then Alfie emerged from the bathroom. Sam gave the place a cursory sweep and then grabbed up the last of the stuff and shut the door behind them.

xxxxxx

             Chris blinked his eyes a couple of times, could feel himself surfacing into consciousness. He groaned loudly as the pain hit......his head felt like it had been _broken._ He reached up to his face, could feel the blood oozing out of various cuts. What had happened?? The last thing he remembered was fucking his boyfriend hard, claiming him again as his. The memory of _that_ made Chris grin.....but then a stranger had suddenly appeared and launched himself at Chris; Chris hadn’t been able to escape, hadn’t been able to defend himself. He swallowed, it had been _terrifying._ Shit, it must have been Gavin’s crew.....he still owed them. They had probably come down to punish him or something for not paying up on time. Chris slowly sat up. “Gabe”, “Gabe” he called out. Useless bitch didn’t respond. He looked around the room. Gabriel wasn’t there. He slowly pulled himself up and went to look for him. After scouring the flat, he realised neither Gabriel _or_ that little brat Alfie were about. A stir of suspicion arose; if it had been Gavin’s men – then it was _possible_ they might take Gabriel as collateral but _unlikely_ they would bother with a kid. Sure there was a market for pedos but Crowley would never stand for _that._ Apparently he had some morals. Chris rubbed his head again. Had Gabriel taken the opportunity and run off with Alfie? Or had he _known_ that stranger? Had he organised the whole thing? Chris’ mind started spiralling out of control. He clenched his fists. Damn it, the little cunt, Gabriel was going to be _very_ sorry if this _incident_ was anything to do with him. Chris grabbed his coat. He was going to find Gabriel one way or another.......

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ummm no offense to doctors etc....this is just an example of one bad doctor, know they aren't all like that!! hope you enjoy - comments and kudos are love!


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry chapter is late.....hurt myself at the gym (seriously those places are death traps), so was dosed up on painkillers and unable to form a coherent sentence.....please comment or kudos or whatever, is always good to hear from you guys.

             Gabriel had woken up in the hospital, late the next morning. He was alone. There was a note left on his bedside table, but he didn’t know what it said. It looked like part of it was written by a child, the letters big and scrawling. He wondered if maybe it was from Sam and Alfie and he longed to be able to read it and he could hear his foster father’s voice telling him he was a “stupid piece of shit” for not being able to read.

            He stretched slightly but felt nothing; the painkillers seemed to be a doing their job. He knew he was going to have to get up but he didn’t know where to go. After what happened, there was no way he could go back to Chris right now – Chris would be raging and looking for a fight. But then he recalled, Sam had said he wasn’t _ever_ going to let Gabriel go back there. Part of him liked Sam’s protectiveness but another part felt..... _resentful._ It wasn’t Sam’s choice to make. And Sam shouldn’t put himself in danger for Gabriel, who definitely was not worth it. And sure Chris had...... _hurt_ him and things _had_ got pretty out control on the weekend. Gabriel quickly tried to push away thoughts about what had happened....it made him feel _dirty._ He just couldn’t imagine being without Chris - it had just never really been an option. And Chris had always just told him that he would never survive without him. He was just a worthless retard. But then Gabriel thought of Alfie. And he knew that he had to try. Living with Chris wasn’t _good_ for Alfie....and then the memories of Alfie being forced to hit him overwhelmed him; Alfie’s little face screwed up in terror, his little hands slapping him and Chris shouting. Gabriel started to cry......he was so ashamed. He _should_ have been able to protect Alfie. Sure Sam had taken the initiative, forcing him away from Chris but there really was no option... he had to leave Chris.

            But without Chris, Gabriel really _needed_ Sam. Gabriel didn’t have any money, didn’t have anywhere else to go. He was completely dependent on Sam allowing him and Alfie stay in his apartment. And Gabriel wasn’t sure how that would work, what with Chris living so close by....but what choice was there? Gabriel felt his stomach grip with fear - what if Sam got bored with Gabriel? Or decided that he couldn’t be bothered with the danger or the drama? The worries ran though his mind, picking up speed like an out of control train. Gabriel realised that he was just going to have to be super _nice_ to Sam; just do whatever he wanted. He couldn’t afford for him and Alfie to be thrown out on the street.

xxx

            The same day.....        

            Sam spent the day with Gavin and his friends. They had all thought Saturday night had been _hilarious._ Apparently Sam had lost the ‘stick up his ass’ and actually been ‘cool’; getting off his face, dancing like an idiot, punching some guy when he got too close to Gavin and then smashing up part of the club. Apparently they hadn’t realised Sam had passed out and been dumped outside the club. When they heard that, Gavin was in _hysterics._ He liked the new ‘wild’ Sam. He even produced video evidence of Sam’s Saturday night antics. God it was shameful watching it back. And Sam reinforced his commitment to staying away from drugs. But on the upside, it seemed like Gavin trusted him now. And they spent the day ‘hanging out’. It was boring but whatever. Gavin had let him in on a new deal that he was trying to make behind his father’s back – working with a new ‘up and coming’ Colombian cartel, who assured an ‘improved and purer’ product. Sam had wanted to roll his eyes; Gavin’s attempts at proving himself were _pathetic._ But he was pleased – he could _definitely_ work with this information. And he wondered what Crowley would think of his son’s behavior.

            Sam had left Gavin and the crew then; had to go and pick up Alfie from school. Although of course he didn’t tell them that.

            The night before, he and Alfie had gone to a motel. It wasn’t exactly _nice_ ; the people in the next room had their TV blaring all night, the toilet didn’t flush properly and the sheets had a stain on them (Sam didn’t even want to think about that) but Alfie had seemed _happy._

To Sam, it was just another crappy motel, just like the places his father used to make him and Dean stay in when he was a child. But given Alfie’s enthusiasm, anyone would have thought it was the Hilton.

            That next morning, Sam had encouraged Alfie to write a ‘get well card’ to Gabriel. He was surprised that Alfie didn’t seem to want to; didn’t seem to want to talk about Uncle Gabe at all. But Sam had cajoled him with the promise of candy and in the end Alfie scrawled out a quick message. Sam really didn’t have time to ask Alfie anymore about what was going on for him – had to get him off to school and talk to his teacher about Alfie’s new living arrangements. All before his _own_ day even started. Having responsibility for someone else’s well being sure was a new thing for Sam.....he wondered how Gabriel had managed to cope all these years.

            He introduced himself to Miss Meg (Alfie’s teacher) as Gabriel’s new partner. It gave him a shiver of pride - sure he knew it wasn’t strictly true, but maybe one day?......besides how else was he going to explain his new involvement with Alfie?

            Miss Meg was surprised to meet him - she said no one from Alfie’s family had come in before. And Sam felt sad about that. Alfie seemed to be doing a great job – Miss Meg even showed him Alfie’s latest reading report and a picture he had done that was on the class wall. Gabriel apparently didn’t know about any of this - hadn’t come to any of his parents and carers evening or any of his school plays. Sam wondered what the reason was – he couldn’t see Gabriel letting Chris stop him from supporting Alfie at school.

            After the school visit, Sam had gone to visit Gabriel at the hospital. When he arrived, Gabriel was still sleeping. He had looked like an angel, apparently so peacefully. Sam’s heart _ached_ when he looked at him; he was just _so_ beautiful. He wanted to wake him up and hug him close. But he knew Gabriel needed the rest. So he left Alfie’s card - added his note, telling Gabriel that he wanted to help him; that he had moved himself and Alfie into a motel - and tiptoed away.

            xxxx

Later that day....        

_It was a spring day and Gabriel was graduating from high school; 18 – fresh faced and excited for what life was going to bring. His mom, dad, Anna and all his friends were sitting in the audience, cheering him on as he was went to collect the certificate. He was just like every other kid on the verge of adulthood.....he was actually going to make something of his life._

            Gabriel pushed away the daydream. He often thought about how life could have been different. But it was just a stupid fantasy. It was all too late now. And like he could ever have graduated!!

            Just then, Sam pushed open the door. Alfie was dragged behind him, looking sullen. Gabriel’s heart jumped; he hadn’t spoken to Alfie since.... _the incident._

 _“_ Alfie, honey....” Gabriel held out his arms to him but Alfie just looked down. Instantly Gabriel felt stupid and rejected – of course Alfie was angry with him. He had messed things up – hadn’t been able to protect him from Chris. Sam coughed awkwardly and sat down on the bed. Alfie just stood by the door, biting his nails. Gabriel didn’t know what to do.

            “Um, Alfie hon, um....I um sorry about what happened....it’s my fault, I....” Gabriel stopped as Alfie turned away from him

            “Uncle Sam, is it ok if I go play with the toys in the kids area?”

            Sam could see that the Gabriel-Alfie reunion was not going well – he had questioned whether he should bring Alfie to the hospital but he figured the kid needed to see his uncle. But things with Alfie were definitely not right. He cursed himself for not finding the time to talk to him earlier. Alfie was still looking up at Sam waiting for a response. Sam knew he couldn’t push Alfie to stay in the room;

            “Sure Alfie, I’ll come and get you in a bit”

Alfie darted out without even looking back at Gabriel. Gabriel felt helpless and stupid. He just wanted Alfie to forgive him and love him again. He was all he had.

            “He’s been though a lot Gabe, it will be ok – just give him time”

Sam took Gabriel’s hand and kissed it. Gabriel forced himself to look up at Sam and smile. He couldn’t dwell on bad feelings; he had to make everything seem fine. Otherwise Sam might get pissed off - he couldn’t afford that.

            “of course, it’s fine.......he will be fine” Gabriel gave a quick laugh “and it’s nice to have some time alone babe....” he reached up to Sam’s face and pulled him to kiss him on the mouth. It felt good....Sam moaned slightly and leaned in closer. But it was too much.....Sam’s weight pushing in on him, his kisses becoming more insistent......Gabriel wanted to push him off. But he couldn’t, he had to let him. All of a sudden, Sam pulled away.

            “Sorry Gabe....I didn’t mean....it’s probably too much right now”

Gabriel was about to try and deny this; but the words wouldn’t come. He would be alright if he was on the street wearing his sexy clothes. But lying here in the hospital....he felt _vulnerable._ It was hard to keep the act up. An awkward silence fell between them until Sam broke it

             “Um has the psychiatrist been down?”

Gabriel snapped around to look at him.

            “I don’t need that....I’m not crazy” Gabriel didn’t mean to sound so angry; but he was scared - he just needed Sam to believe everything was ok.

            “Yeh I know, I know, it’s just the nurse said something......” Sam trailed off, unsure how to proceed.

            “I’m not talking to a shrink.....end of”

Gabriel crossed his arms across his chest. Sam couldn’t say he didn’t understand where Gabriel was coming from – but still he wondered whether it might be helpful.......he decided to change the subject though as Gabriel was looking increasingly pissed off.

            “So I think Alfie likes the motel”

Gabriel looked at him quizzically

            “huh?”

            “you know, I told you in Alfie’s card” Sam motioned toward the card that was propped up on the night stand. Gabriel continued to look blank “y’know that I had moved out of my apartment....just gone to a motel.....while I look for a place, um, you know for all of us”. Gabriel briefly looked shocked. Sam was confused, had Gabriel not read the card? But before he could ask, Gabriel’s face was softening. “I can’t believe.....I can’t believe you moved out.....for _me_......you, you don’t have to do this Sam _”_ Gabriel sounded like he was on the verge of tears.

            “You know I want to” Sam smiled and tucked Gabriel’s hair that had fallen onto his face behind his ear “don’t worry about that now, I just want to keep you both safe.....you um, you don’t have to _be_ with me or anything...I mean I would like that, but um no pressure, just want to help you back on your feet, you know”. Gabriel could see that Sam was getting flustered - it made him smile. How was it possible that _Sam,_ a guy completely out of his league in so many ways would be _nervous_ around him? And was it _really_ possible that Sam actually wanted a relationship with him?? He knew he should feel happy, but all he felt was _terrified._ Before the idea of being with Sam and escaping Chris had been a beautiful fantasy. But now it seemed like it was becoming a _reality._ And if that happened.....Sam would get to know him and see all his flaws; see how stupid, how pathetic, how worthless – would find out about his past, all the disgusting things he did with his foster father, prison, porn..... _everything_. And then Sam wouldn’t want him anymore.......Gabriel pushed those fears away. He was just going to _have_ to make sure Sam never saw the real Gabriel....he was going to have to be _perfect.  
_

_"oh_ _Sam_.....of course I want to be with you babe.....I just want to get out of here, I’m fine. The doctor pretty much said I was ok......”

Gabriel wheedled before trying to lean in and kiss Sam again, but Sam moved out of reach.

            “I really think you need to be here”

            In the end, Gabriel begrudgingly agreed to stay in the hospital for another night. Sam had insisted on paying the fees. He had paid Gabriel’s outstanding hospital fees as well, but he didn’t tell him that – didn’t want Gabriel to feel _indebted_. He didn’t realise, that Gabriel already felt exactly that.

            Xxxxx

            Chris was sitting in a scummy bar in the local area. He motioned to the bartender to bring over another shot. He was _not_ having a good week. His cunt of a boyfriend had apparently left him – and Chris did now know where the fuck he had got to. Sneaky bitch. It was concerning.....Chris knew the deadline for his payments were coming up and he needed Gabriel’s little ass to get to work. He shuddered. He was _so_ fucked. He finished off the shot and pushed himself off the stool. He had an idea about where Gabriel might be.......

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> arrahhh this chapter did not go in the expected way, i have no control over those characters.......but not to fear, writing the next chapter now, am excited about it.


	20. Chapter 20

**The next day**

            Sam had visited Gabriel that morning; had brought him some clothes. He said it was “no big deal”. But Gabriel felt overwhelmed...there were new t-shirts, sweaters, pants.... _and_ new trainers. Gabriel couldn’t remember the last time he had actually got new clothes.....especially ones that actually covered his ass.. Gabriel didn’t know how to react....he was so grateful but...he felt _indebted;_ Sam had paid for the motel, the hospital fees, new clothes. It was all too much......

            Gabriel had wanted to leave the hospital then, so reluctantly Sam had brought him back to the motel. Alfie was already in school.

            As soon as they’d got there, Sam flicked on the TV. Gabriel felt nervous, it was the first time they had been alone _properly_ (without any medical staff around) since Sam had been sick that day. And even then, it wasn't like Sam could well..... _do_ anything. Before Sam could jump on him, Gabriel had fled into the bathroom and turned on the shower. It would be good to clean up anyway, he just felt so dirty. He peeled off his new t-shirt and pants and surveyed his body, it was _gross._ He was pale and emaciated...although his stomach wouldn’t flatten no matter how little he ate. He pinched the pale skin covering his belly. So fat and ugly. He looked at the large black bruises covered his sides and chest....and then back down to his cock, which hung limp between his legs. He hated it.....reminded him of all the men who always tried to grab it or squeeze it too tightly or laugh at its size. Sure he wasn’t the biggest guy, but he hated it when people humiliated him about it........his cock always betrayed him; he got hard even when men were doing disgusting things to him. It made _him_ disgusting. He tore his eyes away from his body. He hated looking at himself. He jumped in the shower.....

 **A little later......**        

            It was raining. Gabriel was perched on the edge of one of the beds, next to the window; could see the rain pouring down, He knew only a couple of days ago he would have been expected to go to work in this. Now, he was wrapped up in a duvet, warm and safe. And instead of living with a violent bully, there was only Sam. Sam, who was yet to hit him or belittle him; who always seemed so _kind_ , who said that he _cared_ about him _–_ but was it all too good to be true?

            Sam had left him in the motel, hadn’t tried to touch him, had said something about going to work. God, he didn’t even know what Sam did....and Sam was so shady about it whenever he asked. It was _suspicious._ Gabriel tried to dismiss it – perhaps it wasn’t important. He pulled his knees up, so that he was hugging himself and just kept on watching the rain. He wondered what Chris was doing.....

Xxxx

**Later.....**

            Alfie rushed in from school, Sam followed behind. Sam had picked him again; had refused to let him take the school bus. He dropped his bag on the floor, and ran past Gabriel, ignoring him completely. Gabriel was still in the same position, on the end of the bed, wrapped in the duvet.

            “Hey, Alfie” He spoke quietly. Alfie ignored him and just turned on the TV.

            “Alfie, c’mon, your uncle spoke to you” Sam reached forward and turned off the TV.

Alfie just shifted away, started to look through his school bag. Gabriel got up, kindof shuffled over to him.

            “Hey, um, how was school?”

Alfie continued to ignore him. Sam knew he couldn’t get involved with this, decided to go take a shower.

_20 minutes later_

            Sam turned the shower off, could hear shouting. It was Alfie.

            “I HATE you....I HATE YOU.....just go away!”

Sam stumbled out of the shower.....shit, what was going on? He could hear crying.....He quickly wrapped a towel around himself and pushed open the door. Alfie was in the process of throwing over a chair, his face was red and he was still yelling “I HATE YOU”. Gabriel was just sat on the floor, crying. Sam could make out the words “sorry, sorry”.

            “WHAT IS GOING ON?”

Sam almost surprised himself with the loudness of his own voice. Both Gabriel and Alfie stopped and looked up at him. Alfie immediately burst out crying. Gabriel tried to reach out to him but he shrugged him off and ran over to Sam. Sam easily lifted him and rested him on his bare chest.

            “Buddy, what’s going on?”

Alfie just clung to him, while Gabriel just stood there, looking awkward.

            “C’mon you gotta let me in, tell me what’s going on”

Alfie’s snuffles had stopped by this point and he was sucking on his thumb; he refused to say anything. Sam sighed. Clearly, things were not going to go smoothly.

**Later that evening.**

            Alfie was in his bed; probably exhausted from all the emotion.....even after the ‘argument’, the atmosphere had been tense for the rest of the evening. Gabriel had tried to keep things light; tried to make a few jokes, tried to smile at Alfie. But he felt empty.....Alfie _hated_ him. And now all Gabriel wanted to do was curl up around Alfie and tell him how much he loved him. But he couldn’t. He had fucked things up so badly. He deserved Alfie’s hatred....

            Gabriel lay on the bed next to Sam. The TV was on, but he wasn’t really watching it. Sam was reading something.....it looked like the sort of book that Gabriel fantasised about being able to read....it looked like it had at least _1000_ pages. Sam shifted and pulled his arm around Gabriel, bringing him in closer; and absentmindedly started rubbing Gabriel’s arm. Gabriel immediately tensed. He didn’t want to do anything sexual whilst Alfie was only 2 feet away in the other bed. But what choice did he have? If Sam got angry, he could chuck them out.....perhaps once they got started, then he could somehow persuade him to go outside or something .Gabriel forced himself to calm; started stroking Sam’s stomach with his hand, moving his hand lower, lower.....

            “oh woah! There!”

Sam literally jumped off the bed, away from him. Alfie made a little noise and shifted in his sleep. They both froze and then relaxed when it was clear Alfie wasn’t going to wake up.

            “What is it babe? I can make you feel good, but please, is it ok if we do it in the bathroom or something?” Gabriel reached his hand out to Sam; hoped that Sam wouldn’t be too mad. He just didn’t want to do anything sexual around Alfie.

            “What?” Sam barked out before he realised Alfie was asleep “what?” He whispered “the hell? I don’t want to _do_ anything......”

            “But.....” Gabriel felt confused; Sam had been rubbing his arm, trying to initiate sex “you were touching me”

            Sam sighed as he got back onto the bed “Sweetie, that, um, it....doesn’t mean I want sex......anyway Gabe, even if I was wanting _that...._ you can say _no_. It’s ok”

          Gabriel looked away, tried to swallow the lump in his throat. He didn’t think he could remember anyone ever telling him that he could say no. And he felt stupid; he was messing things up. Sam was probably already _pissed_ about earlier, what with Gabriel’s inability to deal with Alfie’s meltdown. And now, he had shown himself to be the whore he was – misinterpreting a simple touch as a come-on. He just needed to be _perfect,_ otherwise Sam was gonna chuck them out.....and that couldn't happen......Alfie needed somewhere safe to live, needed a _normal_ childhood. But it wasn't just that. Gabriel really wanted Sam to  _keep_ liking him...he didn't want to lose the only guy who seemed so nice. 

            There was a short pause as Gabriel was overthinking everything and Sam was getting comfortable on the bed again -  careful to keep his distance from Gabriel now. He suddenly furrowed his brow

            “Hon, I just realised.....I was meant to take you on a date tonight......”

Gabriel laughed despite himself;

            “It’s ok, I reckon there’s been enough other stuff going on”

Sam leant over and pecked him on the lips.

            “How about I take you and Alfie out tomorrow?”

Gabriel shook his head.

            “I don’t think Alfie will want to come....he hates me”

He whispered out the last part, didn’t want to even say it.

            “He doesn’t hate you Gabe, he’s just really confused right now.....”

Gabriel hugged himself

            “I don’t know what to do.......”

            “How about I try and talk to him tomorrow when I take him to school.....see what he says....and I think it would be a good idea if we can all spend some time together”

            Gabriel didn’t agree, besides he didn’t want to go out anywhere. His face was busted up and it still hurt to move. And he was scared...what if Chris saw him? But then, he didn’t want to challenge Sam. He was interrupted from his thoughts as Sam was speaking again;

            “Gabe....can I ask you a question?” Gabriel looked up at him and nodded “why haven’t you ever gone to Alfie’s school? It seems like he’s doing really well...and I guess I’m just surprised you haven’t even been in”. Gabriel curled himself up under the covers. How could he tell Sam, that whenever he thought about going to Alfie’s school, it just reminded him of his own school experiences? The feelings of shame and fear......But it wasn’t just that....what if one of Alfie’s teachers asked him to read something? How would he get out of it? And what he showed Alfie up or someone realised he was a whore? It had just been easier to stay away. And Alfie had never complained about it.

            “I, I....um.....I don’t know” Gabriel gave a short laugh, hoped that Sam would let it drop. Sam was silent then – and Gabriel wondered if he failed some sort of test to impress him.

Xxxxx

            Alfie lay in his bed, could hear his uncle Gabe and Uncle Sam whispering to each other – couldn’t make out what they were saying. He cuddled teddy close. His mind still felt jumbley. And he still felt a bit hot and shaky. Things had just been horrible recently........but _at least_ he was no longer living with Chris anymore. Uncle Sam was _way_ nicer – had even been to see Miss Meg at school and everything. Uncle Gabe had never done that. And Uncle Sam had told him he was doing a real good job....it made Alfie feel warm inside....and _normal,_ all the other kids had parents who came into school _......_ But things weren’t all great, not at all..... the other day Uncle Sam made him make Uncle Gabe a ‘get well’ card. He hadn’t wanted to; hadn’t wanted to think about Uncle Gabe at all. Because even though Uncle Sam told him not to be, he still felt so ashamed about what happened, what he had _done._ He could still see Uncle Gabe’s frightened face begging him to stop.....he just didn’t want to think about what happened at all.....but he couldn’t think of Uncle Gabe without remembering _it._....Besides he kindof thought doing a card was a bit pointless, he knew his uncle couldn't read. Chris had told him that the other day, when he forced him to watch TV with him; had told him that Uncle Gabe was a "loser who couldn't even read". But he didn't tell Uncle Sam...he wasn't sure why....just thought vaguely that he didn't want Uncle Sam to know _that_ about his uncle.........And then Uncle Sam had made him go to the hospital.....he hated the hospital. Uncle Gabe usually went there when Chris had _really_ hurt him. Even though Uncle Gabe didn’t know that he knew that....Chris had always filled him in on where Uncle Gabe was. So Alfie had been scared when he found that Uncle Gabe was in the hospital; maybe Alfie had really hurt Uncle Gabe that day and that’s why he was in the hospital?......and then he had seen him, and he had all these bruises and cuts on his face. Alfie had been so upset....he must have hurt his uncle so bad. Had just wanted to run away and hide. And then today had been _horrible._ The mean boy, Adam, from school had picked on him all day; had pushed him over. Alfie hadn’t done anything back to him – he didn’t want to hurt him. He hadn’t told Miss Meg either....he just felt embarrassed. And then he had come back to the motel and Uncle Gabe had been there. And he just didn’t know how to act.......and he just wanted him to go away. Because every time he looked at him, all he could see were the bruises that he had made. And then he screamed that he _hated_ him. But it wasn’t true....he just wanted it all to go away. And then Uncle Gabe had started crying. And Alfie didn’t want to upset him. And he felt like a really bad boy. Alfie felt the hot tears slide down his face. He just wanted an Uncle Gabe hug but he knew he just didn’t deserve it......

**The next morning**

            Sam woke before his alarm that morning – eyes adjusting slowly to the gentle light that was being let in through the blinds that didn’t quite shut. He could feel Gabriel’s head on his chest, could smell his hair – he must have used the coconut shampoo that had been left in the shower. He breathed him in. He smelt _divine._ It wasn’t the shampoo....it was just his own ‘Gabriel’ like smell. Suddenly Sam just felt so grateful. He couldn’t quite believe that things had worked out. That he had Gabriel here with him, safe. And Gabriel seemed to want him too....hadn’t he said in the hospital that he wanted to be with him? But then Sam thought back to last night. It made him...... _sad_ ; was Gabriel so unused to gentle _non-sexual_ touch that he perceived Sam rubbing his arm as an initiation of sex? Even worse, it seemed like he was going to agree to it even though he didn’t seem to want to......But then Sam knew that with his _old_ job as a....um sex worker and with Chris forcing himself on him (god that made him sick to think about that) that Gabriel must have some pretty fucked up ideas about consent and sex......But Sam was determined to be different....he would take things slow with Gabriel. But as he looked down at him, he just wanted to trace his hands down his body, wanted to reach up underneath his t-shirt and stroke his skin; wanted to roll him underneath him and kiss......Sam shifted uncomfortably, could feel himself getting hard. And then he heard Alfie rustling in bed – knew he would be up soon. Right – think CLEAN thoughts.

            Alfie had been pretty quiet that morning. Sam tried to talk to him in the car, but Alfie closed up like a clam. He just hoped that it would all blow over. Alfie and Gabe just needed to spend some time together and it would be _fine._ With that in mind, after he dropped Alfie off, he called a pizza restaurant and booked a table for them all. He would have liked to have gone back to the motel, snuggled in bed with Gabriel. But he faced another day ‘hanging out’ with Gavin. But before that, he was going to drop in on Crowley.....

Xxxx

            The three of them sat around the table at the pizza restaurant. A couple of people had done double takes at Gabriel’s face.....but he’d just laughed and talked loudly about being into boxing. And Gabriel seemed really happy about being taken out....had been so enthusiastic, said everything on the menu looked so great that he couldn’t make a decision - had wanted Sam to order for him. Sam really didn’t like to do that, he wanted Gabriel to make his own choices but Gabriel had insisted. Alfie had picked at his menu, hadn’t looked at either of them in the eye; had whined that he wanted to go home. Gabriel had tried to initiate conversation, but Alfie didn’t seem interested. Gabriel tried again but this time he was more insistent. He was clearly trying to be _strict_ with Alfie.

            “Alfie, c’mon......Sam’s brought us out for a lovely meal, you can’t just sit here sulking!”

            Something seemed to snap in Alfie then

            “I’m not sulking!! I just don’t want to sit here with YOU!”

Gabriel looked furtively around at the restaurant; a few people had stopped eating and were looking around at them

            “Please Alfie....Please”

Gabriel’s attempts to calm Alfie seemed to have the opposite effect.

            “I don’t want to be here...with _you._...you’re just a LOSER... _who can’t even read”._ Alfie shouted out the last words. Gabriel was painfully aware that people were looking at them. That _Sam_ was looking at him. And he couldn’t help himself. He got up and ran out of the restaurant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so ending the chapter here as was getting too long.....this chapter was just about getting things to breaking point (and mysteriously Chris has not featured....)


	21. Chapter 21

             Gabriel ran out of the restaurant; the words still stinging like poison darts; the adrenaline pushing him forward. But his broken body couldn’t take him far and he collapsed in a nearby alleyway, breathing hard. He crawled next to the dumpster, leaning against it before putting his fist into his mouth to stop his cries from being heard by passersby. It was all ruined.... _Alfie,_ _Sam, everything._

            Gabriel hadn’t even wanted to go out to a restaurant. Not only did he think Alfie needed some space from him but a restaurant? Just the prospect had made him feel uncomfortable. Especially as places like that had menus he wouldn’t be able to read, would be filled with people who would most likely judge him _and_ he would have to sit and eat _in front of Sam._ Gabriel couldn’t even remember when he had eaten a ‘proper’ meal; he always preferred to snack on sweet food. It gave him energy without filling him up and making him fatter.......but of course he had agreed to go to the restaurant; he could hardly say no to Sam. And it had been embarrassing enough, what with his face all bruised. He was sure that everyone knew what he was – a beaten-up whore. But he tried to put a brave face on; tried to look happy and enthusiastic. But Alfie had been sullen and Gabriel had got increasingly frustrated with him – what would Sam think?

            Gabriel lent against the dumpster....of course that didn’t matter now. Sam knew now he was an _illiterate whore_.....a stupid piece of trash. Gabriel could still see Sam’s horrified face when Alfie revealed his secret. The bitter pang of shame swept over him......but how did Alfie even know? Gabriel thought that he had been so careful hiding his secret from him. But somehow Alfie had found out – and it was just as he expected. Alfie thought he was a _loser,_ just like the rest of the world. Gabriel rubbed his head....god, he was an idiot. It was only a matter of time before Alfie grew up and saw him for what he really was. And what about Sam?.......Gabriel realised now that he had been deluding himself about Sam. An overwhelming sense of loss swept over him like a huge wave.......it was like he was drowning under its weight. Of course, he knew it wasn’t like Sam was his to lose but hehad allowed himself, _fooled himself,_ into thinking that being with Sam _was a possibility_. But now, his eyes were open.....he realised the whole thing was just so _ridiculous._ He and Sam were too different.....Gabriel was just a retarded whore and Sam, well he was an amazing, intelligent, handsome, _perfect guy_.......really, the idea that he could ever have been Sam’s equal was _laughable_ ; the idea that maybe Sam could have lov.....Gabriel didn’t want to even _think_ the word. How could he have thought that Sam could ever reciprocate his feelings? Or could even respect him? He was just a worthless nothing.        

            But as he sat in the alley way, his thoughs spiraled out of control - what the hell was he going to do now? And shit.....he couldn’t just leave Alfie with Sam.....Gabriel wiped his eyes, stood up and straightened his shoulders. Sam could judge him all he wanted....fuck him. He would take all the insults, the snide looks whatever......he was used to it from Chris anyway. He just hoped that Sam would still want him around.....because he _needed_ Sam to let him and Alfie stay. Alfie needed the stability.....and Gabriel needed the _protection._ Chris could still find him. Gabriel knew that Chris would be extremely _pissed_ that he had run off. He needed Sam to keep him safe from Chris. Of course Gabriel needed more than that....but he knew it wasn't possible. But maybe he could persuade him to let Gabriel stay as pet or a toy? That would be ok.

            Gabriel straightened his shoulders again as if squaring up for a fight. He started to walk slowly back to the motel.

xxxx

            20 minutes or so earlier......    

            Gabriel ran out of the restaurant. Sam, stunned by Alfie’s revelation, had been too slow; hadn’t been able to stop Gabriel run off. His first reaction after that was to go after him but he couldn’t leave Alfie alone; Alfie, who was starting to whimper “I’m sorry....I, I didn’t mean it, Uncle Sam...I didn’t mean it”. Tears were rolling silently down his face. Sam didn’t have the heart to tell him off. Alfie knew what he’d done. Sam just wanted to find Gabriel; he knew Gabriel must feel ashamed but he just wanted to tell him it didn’t matter to him and it made sense now – the birthday card (which clearly Chris must have written), the inability to read or chose anything off the menu, not helping with Alfie’s homework.....just little things but it made him wonder how had Gabriel survived with everything else.....and why had Gabriel never learnt? Sam realised then how little he knew about Gabriel – his childhood, his family, how he had got with Chris, how long he had been a prostitute.......?

            The waitress was edging over now, clearly nervous about the fuss that had been caused “is everything ok sir?” Sam gave her a quick smile “sure, I think we’ll get those pizzas to go”.

            There was no sign of Gabriel outside the restaurant or near the car.....Sam was worried. He had no way of contacting Gabriel; Gabriel didn’t have a phone. Fuck. Alfie and he stood by the car. Sam didn’t have a clue what to do. Alfie was fiddling with his coat sleeve:

            “Where’s uncle Gabe?”

Sam raked a hand through his hair, tried to smile and look calm despite the storm that was going on inside his head

            “er I don’t know Alfie....maybe he’s gone back to the motel, it’s not that far”.

Alfie nodded before mumbling

            “I was bad today....I’m a bad boy”

            Sam frowned, before kneeling down in front of him

            “Alfie, bud...... I think you know you shouldn’t have said that in the restaurant.....it hurt Uncle Gabe a lot.....but you’re not a bad boy, you made a mistake. Uncle Gabe loves you very much......and er....I do too”

            Alfie started crying and pushed himself onto Sam, his arms clinging around Sam’s large neck.

            “Alfie, I know it’s been so tough for you, but you need to start being nicer to your Uncle Gabe.....what’s going on, hey?”

            But Alfie just clung limply to his neck and refused to speak. Sam sighed

            “Come on, I’m going to take you back to the motel”

xxxxx

            When they arrived back to the motel, Gabriel wasn’t there. Sam could feel himself panicking......What if someone had hurt him? What if Gabriel was too ashamed to face him? What if Gabriel went back to Chris? Sam slipped into the bathroom, just needed to keep himself calm; couldn’t let Alfie see him getting upset. Taking deep breaths; he looked at himself in the mirror. He looked like he was on a come down – pale and on edge. God what was going on? Things were never meant to get this complicated....he was just supposed to take this simple job with Crowley. But instead he was barely thinking about his job; his focus had been entirely on Gabriel and Alfie. His stomach lurched – he knew he needed to be more professional, he _needed_ this job – but it didn’t feel like that anymore. Gabriel and Alfie were just more important. He splashed some water on his face. As he stepped out of the bathroom, he could hear Alfie whispering....his heart jumped, perhaps Gabriel was back? But as he looked over, he could see Alfie was sitting on the bed alone, with his back to him. He was cuddling his teddy, whispering to him;

            “and now Uncle Gabe probably hates me.....he’s run away....and he probably won’t come back, like mommy.....I made him go away.......it’s all my fault...and I, I, I, hit him so hard, he had to go to the hospital and, and....” Alfie buried his face into his teddy.

            Listening to Alfie’s confession broke Sam’s heart......so that was it! Alfie thought he was responsible for Gabriel’s injuries....Poor Alfie; he had been through so much. He cleared his throat and Alfie looked up with a start.

            “Alfie, buddy......do you want to talk now?”

Alfie shook his head. Sam sank down, so he was sitting next to him

            “What about your teddy.....can I ask him about how you're doing?”

Alfie shrugged; didn’t say anything. Feeling slightly foolish, Sam bent forward and shook the teddy’s paw.

            “I don’t think we have been formally introduced....my name is Sam....what’s yours?”

And then Alfie giggled

            “He doesn’t talk to grown-ups”

            “Oh! Well maybe I can ask him some stuff and you can tell me what he says?”

Alfie paused a bit before responding

            “ok”

Xxxxx

            It took Gabriel over an hour (maybe more) to walk to the motel. He wasn’t really sure how to get there and he had to keep stopping random strangers to ask the way. By the time, he got there it was really dark. He was terrified......kept thinking about Chris; kept expecting him to jump out on him or be around the next corner. His mind tormented him with all the things that Chris would do to him......he swallowed hard; tried to push the thoughts away. He just needed to get back to Sam. His heart sank a little at the thought of Sam – but he tried to steel himself. If Sam wanted to judge him – fine! It wasn’t like he wasn’t used to it......he would just smile and let Sam patronise him; think he was so dumb dog – as long as he just let him and Alfie stay.

            He slowly made his way up the steps until he was outside the room. He tapped on the door and waited, nervously shuffling on his feet. Damn, did he need a drink (*definitely alcoholic). Sam opened the door and before Gabriel knew it; he was being picked up and squeezed tightly to Sam’s chest. His first instinct was to try and resist; push him off. But it felt.....so _comforting._ All his worries seemed to momentarily fade and he relaxed into the hug. It was _strange......._ he had been expecting Sam to be pissed that he had run off......and then to maybe laugh at him; call him stupid, tell him that there was no way he would want to be with him anymore.....a dumb whore. Gabriel was expecting to have to beg, to plead, to show him how good he could be for him.......But Sam was not acting as expected. Instead he was saying something quite different;

            “Gabriel......I’m so sorry about what happened with Alfie.....we’ve had a chat and baby, he feels terrible.....but I can’t imagine how you felt..... Gabe, I don’t care about the reading stuff.....I just, god, it must have been so hard for you.....”

            Sam was still hugging Gabriel tightly........and Gabriel couldn’t quite understand – was Sam saying it didn’t matter that he was stupid? Why wasn’t he laughing at him? Gabriel pulled away – Sam wasn’t behaving like he expected and it left him...... _confused._

            “Gabe, Gabe.....what’s....are you ok?”

Gabriel stood stiffly in the doorway

            “You’re not laughing at me” Gabriel spoke slowly; couldn’t work it out.

            Sam looked sad when he said that.

            “Baby, I would never........” He lent in, wrapped his arms around Gabriel and kissed his forehead

            “I know that’s probably........ but I would never think it’s funny.....I think you’re.....you’re so tough and brave and so damn _clever,_ I mean......you survived! what with Chris.....and looking after Alfie....I mean I freaking struggled with Alfie and I only been looking after him for a couple of days....and you did all that without being to read.....I mean....you’re amazing”

            Gabriel could feel the tears in his eyes.....no one had ever said _that_......and he couldn’t believe that _Sam_ (*the most wonderful man in the world) had said _that_ to him......but could he trust it? Even Chris had been nice enough about his reading _problems_ to begin with....but there was something different about Sam.....and then Gabriel felt guilty – Sam wasn't like Chris, wasn't like anyone.....he was _good_

            “I don’t know....I don’t know what to say.....” Gabriel could feel his voice breaking “um......thanks Sam”. He spoke quietly and couldn’t meet Sam’s eyes.

            “That’s ok.....I just wanted you to know that...... Alfie’s asleep, but we had a good talk earlier...I think when he wakes up, he will want to talk to you....but babe, I want to know more about you...and, and, maybe I need to tell you some stuff about me.....but I want you know.....there’s nothing you can say, that would make me push you away....I want to be with you Gabriel”.

            Gabriel was shaking a bit. He couldn’t believe this man could be for real.....but it felt right as he followed Sam into the motel room.

XXXXX

            Chris woke; his head was buzzing, he couldn’t open one of his eyes; fused shut with swelling.......his body was coursing with pain.... he choked; he realised he was lying in his own blood..........


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is where the newly edited bit starts (mainly just from the last paragraph)

Early the next morning.......    

            Gabriel lay awake; could hear Alfie’s gentle snores from across the room. From his position on the bed, he could see through the cracks in the blinds to the dull grey sky and the blinking street lamp. He lay on his side, Sam’s larger frame wrapped around him. It felt...... _safe._ He still couldn’t believe that Sam had said he _didn’t care_ about the reading thing ....and had gone so far as to call him _amazing....._ he kept replaying the moment in his mind as if trying to look for an alternative meaning to those words. But Sam seemed so _genuine._ And then that night, Sam had just crawled into the bed beside him; had held him close but hadn’t demanded anything sexual of him. Gabriel had just assumed that it was because Sam felt too awkward with Alfie there……he wondered what would happen in the daytime, when Alfie wasn’t around.....he swallowed hard. It wasn’t that he wasn’t physically attracted to Sam; he _definitely_ was. And he liked being physically close; he liked the hugs and kisses....but sex? Gabriel shuddered slightly. He knew he was being stupid about it; knew tons of people would be envious that Sam wanted to fuck him.....it was just that sex, at best, was a distraction or boring chore; at worst, rough, painful and degrading. If Gabriel had a choice, he wasn’t sure he would ever want sex again.....but he was realistic - he knew that if he wanted to be with Sam; wanted to make him happy, sex would very much need to be on the agenda. Gabriel thoughts turned to what Sam would be like to fuck; he just hoped that he wouldn’t be too rough; wouldn’t have any weird kinks, would be done quickly....

            Just then Sam, started to move a bit behind him, leaned in and kissed his ear; brought his arm around him and hugged him closer

            “mmmmm, morning baby”

Gabriel moved onto his back, looping his arms around Sam’s neck; forced himself to ignore his previous thoughts and smiled up at him

           “hey”

Gabriel moved up to kiss Sam lightly on the lips; Sam very eagerly kissed him back, deepening the kiss and pushing his tongue into Gabriel’s mouth. Gabriel let him, moaning slightly, Sam’s kisses were...... _nice_. But then Sam was abruptly pulling away and hopping out of the bed

            “just gonna get a shower” he mumbled as he fled into the bathroom.

            Gabriel sighed and sat up on his elbows. He wondered if he did something wrong. But he didn’t dwell long on these worries - he glanced over at Alfie’s sleeping form. Sam had said that Alfie had talked to him last night......Gabriel just hoped that Alfie was ok. He didn’t care that Alfie had shouted about the reading thing in the restaurant....yeah it was _freaking shameful_ ; but he deserved it after everything he had put Alfie though..... But last night Sam made out like Alfie felt bad about what happened and wasn’t angry with him. Gabriel hoped that it was true. He slowly eased out of the bed and padded over to Alfie’s, sitting next to him; he nudged him gently

            “Alfie, honey, it’s time to get up.....”

Alfie’s big blue eyes fluttered open, adjusting to the dim light in the room.

            “Uncle Gabe!”

And all of a sudden, Alfie jumped up out of bed and flung himself around Gabriel.

            “I, I......I’m sorry about everything Uncle Gabe.......I didn’t mean it.....don’t leave me, please don’t leave me”

            Gabriel felt overwhelmed; he wondered what Sam had said to Alfie, to cause this turn around. He hugged Alfie back:

            “It’s ok.....it’s ok, don’t worry about what happened..........I would never leave you Alfie.......I love you so much....”

            They sat there for awhile, Gabriel holding Alfie on his lap, hugging him close, before Alfie started talking; he stumbled over his words as he tried to get it all out

            “Uncle Sam said......he said, that I......I thought I hit you bad but Uncle Sam, he said that I wasn’t the one....I didn’t make you go to hospital......I didn’t want to do it Uncle Gabe.....but Chris.....I, I....didn’t want to.....I didn’t want to......”

            Gabriel sat stunned, horrified. Had Alfie really thought that his little slaps had landed Gabriel in hospital?

            “Honey, why would you think that? Of course you didn’t hurt me.....and I know you didn’t want to do it......it was Chris.....I know Chris made you.....I’m so sorry honey, that he did that.....it was my fault.........”

            “I don’t know.......” Alfie looked up at him; his eyes wet with tears “and, and, and I didn’t mean to say that um...stuff yesterday......I was just er I don’t know......Chris told me and I just got all....MAD..........but I didn’t want you to go.....”

            “I know honey, it doesn’t matter, it’s all over now.....it’s ok, it’s ok”

Gabriel didn’t know what to say; he felt _terrible._ Poor Alfie......

Xxxxx

            Several days later......

            Gabriel had taken Alfie down to the park on the Saturday. He hadn’t wanted to leave the motel room, it felt safe there......but Alfie had been insistent and Sam had said it was ok...so Gabriel had done it. In truth he had been terrified; he was convinced that Chris would somehow know where he was; would see him and grab him......

            “I want to do the WALL OF FEAR......can I? Plleaaassseee”

Gabriel looked over at the climbing wall with some trepidation; it looked high

            “er Alfie, it’s very...... _high...._ I think it’s for bigger boys and girls? _”_

“I don’t think it’s that hard.....please I can do it....”

Gabriel knelt to tie one of Alfie’s laces that had come undone. And then, before he could say anything Alfie was scampering off.....Gabriel just decided to stand at the bottom praying that Alfie wouldn’t fall.......He positioned himself under the wall and watched Alfie scale the wall with a certain amount of anxiety and......pride. Man, Alfie was an _amazing_ kid. Gabriel only wished that he could be so fearless.

            Things had been better between them over the last few days.......there had been no more ‘meltdowns’, and Alfie had mostly been his usual excitable self.....but Gabriel had noticed that sometimes, Alfie was quieter. And when he thought no one was watching, Alfie would cuddle his teddy and whisper to him (although Gabriel could never what was said). Sam just said Alfie needed time. Gabriel hoped he was right.

            And things with Sam were......good. He went out to ‘work’ everyday.....but was still vague as to what he did and Gabriel didn’t want to press him; didn’t want to risk pissing him off. Gabriel mostly stayed in the motel....cleaned the room, watched TV. He didn’t like going outside too much. Inside the motel was ok....it was safe. It was maybe just a bit boring, a bit lonely. Gabriel chastised himself for his lack of gratitude......being with Sam was wonderful _and_ he hadn’t hit him....at least he hadn’t yet. Gabriel didn’t want to believe that Sam ever would hurt him.....but he wasn’t sure if that was realistic; it never had been. But maybe Sam was different? It certainly seemed so......every evening, Gabriel would sit with Alfie and Sam while they ate takeaway (*he didn’t really approve of all this fatty fast-food, but he hoped it would just be temporary). Sam would then help Alfie with his homework...once Sam had to leave to go back to ‘work’. But on the other days he had stayed in and watched TV with them both......it was nice, it felt like what a family should be like. There was no shouting or violence....it was just calm. But still somehow it made Gabriel _uncomfortable._ He felt a bit like a soldier who had returned from war and was trying to readjust to living in a peaceful world. He was used to chaos and abuse and living in a constant state of tension, panic and aggression....the only time it was calm was when violence was just around the corner......and so it was _weird,_ this _calmness._ And Sam had been nothing but a gentleman, no sexual advances except for spooning at night; no complaints about Gabriel’s apparent laziness or lack of desire to leave the motel. He even brought him candy, he picked Alfie up from school and dropped him off in the morning _and_ sorted out the laundry....nothing seemed too much trouble. But somehow it felt.....like limbo. Like Gabriel was just waiting for the grenade to go off. And even though Sam had said they would talk more about important stuff; about Gabriel’s reading, about Chris and what had happened on the day when Sam had found Chris fucking him.......(*God Gabriel was glad they hadn’t talked about that one).....about Sam’s job......somehow those conversation topics had never come up; there was no opportunity; Alfie was always there or Sam was at ‘work’. But tonight, Sam had arranged for Alfie to go to Hannah’s for a sleepover; said that he wanted to have a ‘talk’ with Gabriel. Gabriel was dreading it......he was snapped out of his thoughts by Alfie’s shouts;

            “UNCLE GABE....I got to the top!!!!”

Xxxxx

            Sam had dropped Alfie off at his little friend, Hannah’s place. They had immediately run off to the TV room, while Sam was left to make awkward conversation with Hannah’s mom in the corridor.

            On the drive back to the motel, Sam was looking forward to spending some proper _alone_ time with Gabe. Of course, Alfie was a great kid but Sam need some time to be with just Gabriel......and the kid seemed to be doing better anyway; he seemed more relaxed; not so stressed and hyper all the time. And it seemed to have helped, having that chat with him, setting him straight about who was really responsible for Gabriel’s visit to the hospital. Sam clenched the wheel tighter.....he wanted Chris to pay for what he had done to Gabriel; he still couldn’t get the image of Chris forcing himself on Gabriel, out of his head. But Gabe seemed _ok_ considering everything......but still, he seemed _fragile._ He barely ate, except for candy bars.....and he didn’t seem very inclined to leave the motel room either. He seemed edgy, like he couldn’t quite relax. He had offered Sam sex several times when Alfie was asleep, said they could go outside but it never seemed like he really wanted to. Not that Sam would have taken him on it....but god it was torture, waking up with a hard-on, curled up around Gabriel every morning, wanting nothing more than to pull his legs apart and thrust into him.......but he couldn’t, not just because Alfie was there, but because he wanted to make sure Gabriel was fully consenting, that he fully wanted it.....the only problem? He wasn’t sure how to ascertain this.......Sam shook his head suddenly.....tonight wasn’t going to be about sex; he just wanted to talk about some more important stuff; maybe the future; where they could live, if Gabe wanted to try and get a job.....or even learn to read...And he wanted to make sure there were no secrets between them.....Except for the obvious; he couldn’t tell him about his job, not yet anyway......

           XXXX

            While Gabriel was in the shower, Sam set up the room. Overturned two of the bedside tables and put a spare sheet over it....put some tulips on the ‘table’ (he used a glass as a vase)....had picked up some Chinese takeaway (*he wasn’t sure Gabe would eat it, but he hoped he would at least try it), and laid it out on the makeshift table. He’d even bought a candle and lit that....stepping back he sighed. It looked pretty shit. He just wanted to do something nice for Gabe.....and since Gabe hadn’t wanted to go out for dinner, Sam had tried to bring the restaurant to him. It was a dumb idea. Gabriel stepped out of the bathroom in a cloud of steam and smelling of coconut shampoo. He had dressed in the bathroom....just simple t-shirt and pants. His shoulder length blonde hair was still damp from the shower and face, while still bruised, was make-up free and fresh looking...his lips pink and inviting. He looked at the sad little table that Sam had made. But all he could do was smile.

            “What’s this..?...you did this......for me?”

Gabriel’s voice seemed to choke a bit. But Sam wasn’t focused on Gabriel’s reaction....

            “god you’re gorgeous”

He couldn’t help himself; he walked over and kissed him on the lips. Gabriel clung to him; feverishly kissing him back. His hands reaching towards Sam’s belt.....Sam groaned and pulled back.

            “what is it baby.....?”

Sam smiled at him

            “nothing hon, hey you want some food”

Gabriel smiled slightly and nodded.

Xxxxx

            An hour or so later

            Gabriel and Sam were sat on cushions around the little table. Gabriel had forced himself to eat a little bit of each of the dishes....it felt weird; hot and spicy; more substantial than chocolate and biscuits.

            Sam was sitting close to him, rubbing his knee. It felt....good. He just didn’t want it to go any further. But then....Sam had been so nice; had set this little date night, made him a little pseudo restaurant table. It was so cute. And Gabriel wanted to show _how much_ he appreciated it; no one had ever done anything so _sweet_ before.....He realised that Sam was starting to talk;

            “Y’know Gabe, I know you probably don’t want to talk about it much.....but the whole reading thing…….what er happened?”

Gabriel sighed; he knew Sam was going to ask him about this but now it came around to it, he wasn’t sure how to explain it; he didn’t really understand it himself.

            “I dunno know Sam…..I guess I don’t know, I wasn’t good at school…..I was just stupid….and I didn’t go that much really coz my mom was sick; kindof, she had like bipolar….and there was no one to look after her…..I dunno know, I just can’t do it now….pretty stupid huh?”

            Sam leaned over and kissed him on the forehead.

            “y’know I don’t think you’re stupid babe…..sounds like you had a tough time growing up…..”

Gabriel tensed slightly; withdrawing into himself.    

            “how’s your mom now?”

            “dunno, not seen her since I was 8” Gabriel’s response was curt; he sounded desperate to shut the conversation down. But before Sam could ask another question, Gabriel got up suddenly, walked over to the photo of Sam and his brother and picked it up

            “why do we never talk about you huh…….. what about him? You ever see him?”?”

Sam sighed “what Dean? Nah....”

Gabriel put the photo frame back down and settled himself back down next to Sam

            “What’s he like?”

Sam shrugged “god I don’t know.....I don’t know anymore.....but y’know growing up he was like my dad.....I mean our actual dad was..... _a dick......_ but Dean was, he was always there for me.....I thought I could rely on him for anything.......but god, then I met Cas......and I knew it, I knew it when I introduced them....that there was something between them.....but Dean said he didn’t even like Cas, that he thought I could do better.....and then I’ll never forget.....coming home early and Cas’ car was in the driveway.....but yeah after I found out him and Cas, well we had a massive row....I told him some stuff, maybe some stuff I shouldn’t have about our parents.....about the way my mom died, what my dad had told me when he was wasted one day.....and Dean couldn’t take it, told me he thought I was a liar....and well things got out of hand........and I told him I never wanted to see him again....and yeah well....I haven’t. That next day, I left the house we lived in, I left Cas, left the town....just went someplace new......I guess it’s been eight, nine, years now........I heard from a family friend, he’s still living in the same place, still with Cas.....but I don’t know....I mean I don’t care that him and Cas are together anymore....but god, I’ve changed a lot since then...he doesn’t know anything about the drugs, how I fucking messed up my life.....nothing.....I can’t face him, not now”

            Gabriel listened to Sam’s story quietly; his heart ached for him. It was so fucking sad. When Sam finished talking; Gabriel just took his hand and kissed it:

            “Sam, I reckon your brother would just be glad to have you back.....I don’t think he would care about all the stuff you’ve done.......you’re a good man Sam......” Gabriel uncrossed his legs and kneeled next to Sam, opening his arms and hugging the big man, who lent into him.

            “You’re a good man and your brother would be lucky to have you back in his life”

Sam just grunted slightly. Gabriel relaxed further into the hug. It was good hearing more about Sam; he wanted to know more; like about his mom and dad. It was weird too, hearing more about Sam’s life; like in many ways Sam seemed so confident, so self-assured – but then it sounded like he was ashamed of stuff he’d done too; like maybe he questioned his worth too….which to Gabriel was _ridiculous._ Sam was _perfect._ But it seemed like maybe they had both been though some shit. And maybe they weren’t so different…..Gabriel exhaled deeply and took a risk….

            “Y’know I always wanted a brother? But Anna, my younger sister....she was the best sister ever”

            “Alfie’s mom?” Sam jerked back, curious to hear more.

            “Yeah......”

            “Where is she now.....?”

            Gabriel sighed “I don’t know......she was pretty heavy into drugs.....I mean she would get off ‘em for a bit and things would be ok…..and then something would happen.....and there was nothing I could do…..” Gabriel’s voice sounded distant; emotionless. “I mean, I knew what it was like.....but then I met Chris and I…I guess I oded….Chris found me; he saved me….and he forced me off it......he made all the local dealers not sell to me… and he would have beaten the shit out of me anyway if I’d tried…..but yeah, Anna…..I couldn’t stop her…..couldn’t help her”

            “what.....I didn’t know.......” Sam was shocked

Gabriel gave a quick snort “what? That I was a junkie? Well yeah…I guess I was the same as you….made some bad choices coz of a guy I loved….but that was a long time ago”.

            Sam waited to hear more but Gabriel wasn’t forthcoming; seemed like he was getting uncomfortable again. So Sam just decided to leave it there;

            “Thanks for telling me babe…..it means a lot”.

Gabriel gave him a slight smile “I guess no one’s really asked before……not even Chris really…”

Sam noticeably stiffened at the mention of Chris. Gabriel sighed      “y’know he wasn’t bad all the time Sam….he could be ok….and he _saved_ my life….he gave me a place to stay….er, he looked after me in prison…” Gabriel looked over at Sam, studying him, waiting for some judgement but none came; instead Sam just asked;

            “you wanna tell me about it?”

            Gabriel almost wanted to; almost wanted to share his burdens, lay out all his pain and the past. But it felt like he’d already said so much. It felt like Sam was getting too close; it was…..scary. So he couldn’t say it all…..not yet. It was too _exposing._ And he was still, after all these years…..so _ashamed._ He wondered if Sam knew the real him; all the things he’d done – whether he would still look at him with such quiet adoration. And so Gabriel shook his head;

            “no…..”

Sam nodded as if confirming something;

            “It’s ok…..but I guess…..how long were you with Chris anyways?”

Gabriel sighed again “I don’t know....nine years or something like that, wasn’t like we had an official anniversary or anything......” There was a long pause as Gabriel tried to think of how to change the conversation topic but Sam was speaking again;

            “he hurt you all that time?”

            “ye......BUT he _was_ good to me too sometimes.....” Gabriel’s spoke so quietly, Sam could barely hear him. Sam couldn’t believe that Gabriel was _still_ defending Chris.... _the fucking bastard._

            “Baby, Chris shouldn’t have done that..... Gabe, I’ll never hurt you....I can promise you that....”.

            Gabriel nodded slightly. But he realised….maybe that he was starting to believe it. Maybe Sam wouldn’t hurt him? Maybe he was the guy that Gabriel had been imagining, dreaming about all those times that Chris put him down; beat him; humiliated him; forced himself on him. But he looked down at himself – how could a used-up whore like himself be good enough for Sam?

            The atmosphere in the motel room felt heavy and tense....talking about _personal stuff_ had been tough for both of them.

            The tension was suddenly broken by Sam’s phone; the ring tone incessantly calling him until he finally picked it up….he mouthed an apology to Gabriel as he took the call outside. It was Crowley.

            Gabriel sighed, he wondered who the mysterious caller was – whoever it was certainly seemed to make Sam look stressed. He started to clear the food away. As he finished piling up the trays, Sam came back into the room, look harried and tired.

           “babe, I’m really sorry, there has been an _issue_ at work….I’m gonna have to go in”

            Gabriel was confused – what the hell did Sam do that required him to drop everything and go out on a Saturday night? Gabriel pushed down these worries; it didn’t matter. Sam didn’t seem to want to talk about his work and he certainly didn’t want to force him; didn’t want to aggravate him. He plastered on a big smile:

“That’s ok, I’ve got Saturday TV…what more could I want?!”

Sam collected up his wallet and came over to peck Gabriel “thanks hun….I, er don’t know when I’ll be back…..but hopefully not late”.

            And with that he banged the door shut, leaving Gabriel feeling very much like an abandoned housewife.

            An hour later….

Gabriel hadn’t known what to do with himself – wondered around the room for a bit, worried about where Sam was before he had finally settled on watching a boring movie which involved car crashes and pseudo-heterosexual sex (ughhh). And then someone had banged on the door. He jumped out of bed – Sam must have forgotten his keys! 

 But as he opened the door.....Gabriel looked at the man in horror; it was Gavin……

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think pls! :)


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!

If Gabriel was shocked; it was nothing compared to Gavin’s reaction. He took several moments standing in the doorway staring at Gabriel trying to work out why the hell his whore was in his employee’s accommodation – But then a slow smile creeped across his face as he began to work out the situation:

           “Didn’t know old Sammy boy had it ‘em….ha! looks like he likes fucking trashed out old whores as well”

            Gabriel on the other hand was terrified – he hadn’t seen Gavin since _the party_. He hadn’t want to think about him at all, what had happened. He had told himself it was no big deal. But now suddenly, here he was and Gabriel felt….scared.

            “Well, where the hell is he?.....Sam…I’ve had a shit night and wanna get wasted…and he isn’t picking up his fucking phone”

Gabriel stood in the doorway; he didn’t know what was going on, didn’t know why, _how_ Gavin seemed to know Sam. He just knew he needed to get Gavin away. He could barely stand being so close to him – all the memories of that day were starting to tumble forward: of Gavin’s maniacal grin, feelings of terror, of being held down….

           “He’s um not here, he had to go out for…. _work_ ….please he’s not here..”

Gabriel stuttered out, hating himself for sounding so weak. He forced himself to look at Gavin in the eye, before flashing him a smile. Never show weakness. Gabriel started to shut the door.

            “What the hell are you saying, _Bitch_ …” Gavin held the door, preventing Gabriel shutting it. He pushed his way over the entrance, forcing Gabriel back into the room.

           “What the hell…. _work?_ oh FUCK!.....bet my dear old dad fucking called him....Jeesss, I MAKE ONE FUCKING MISTAKE…. ….”

            Gavin was getting more pissed off. He hit the wall in his hand before raking back his greasy black hair. Gabriel wasn’t making eye contact, was trying to make himself small, standing close to the wall. His mind was running so fast he couldn’t work out what to do…..He drew himself up, squared his shoulders a little. He needed to get Gavin OUT. But Gavin was looking at him, hungry eyes taking in Gabriel’s small frame, like a wolf eyeing up new prey. He felt exposed – Sam’s t-shirt the only item of clothing protecting his nakedness. And he was alone.

           “Look, I don't know when Sam’s gonna be home….but you should go…..”

Gavin stepped closer to him, licking his lips slowly, smirked at him. He could tell the smaller man was scared of him: “oh hunny, this isn’t your home, this is a motel room…and you’re a whore…a very good little whore, so what about it…how about we have some fun?”

            He was so close now, Gabriel could feel his hot breath as he stepped closer…and then he reached forward and grabbed Gabriel, who tried to squirm out of the way:

           “NO! I’m not a _whore_ …I’m SAM’S BOYFRIEND….GET OFF ME….he’ll hurt you if you touch me…”

            Gabriel was screaming, trying to claw Gavin’s face, trying to push him off …..but he was too strong, easily manhandling him onto the bed, laughing as he did so. He pushed Gabriel’s wrists together, held them above his head as he straddled him

           “You’re Sam’s _boyfriend_ huh?? That’s cute….that what he paying you for? To get the boyfriend experience??” Gavin smirked at him before he mused “or maybe he really did tell you that...haha, maybe he just wants a free fuck huh bitch?”

            Gabriel continued to struggle, fear and adrenaline surging within his body making him fight. He wasn’t listening to Gavin, he couldn’t….none of this made sense. He continued to scream:

           “Sam’s gonna hurt you so bad….”

           “ENOUGH” Gavin suddenly sat up and slapped him hard around the face, the force silencing Gabriel and shocking him into stillness:

           “Sam is not your fucking boyfriend…..and even if he was, he also works for me, so I think the chance of him fucking me up is pretty slim, dontcha think?”

            Gabriel stopped struggling then – what the hell was Gavin talking about? Gavin laughed in glee again; he could tell the little whore had probably got attached to Sam. After the shit night he’d had, he deserved some fun.....

He let go of Gabriel's wrists, the little whore seemed to have calmed down anyway. He pulled out his phone….he pulled up the video of Sam from the other night….doing lines, kissing some random girl, completely wasted and punching some innocent bartender, who got in his way. The video zoomed in on Sam hitting and hitting the guy…before he got off, laughing and covered in blood...the video showed Sam hugging Gavin and smiling in a vacant way…..Gabriel started at the video as Gavin played it again. This couldn’t be….he’d known Sam had problems with drugs, but he’d said that was done…and he knew Sam could be violent, he’d beaten Chris up bad, but then, at least Sam was protecting him….and how could Sam be friends with, _work for_ Gavin – what the hell did he do? Who the hell was Sam??           

            Gavin continued to chat away “Yeah, you’re little Sammy boy works for me, works for one of the most _dangerous_ families in the city…he likes to hurt people real bad, likes to torture ‘em….I’ve probably got a video of that somewhere…..”

            Of course Gavin was lying about that, but Gabriel didn’t know that. He just shook his head, he didn’t want to see anymore. How could he have got this so wrong? Sam, his sweet, precious boyfriend…was really what? A soulless psychopath who worked for the Mafia? Oh god, he’d let Alfie stay with this guy….suddenly Gabriel felt very sick. He was such an idiot, a stupid, worthless idiot.

           Gavin lent back with a smile. This had been fun. He wondered what Sam’s game with the whore had been, but he didn’t really care all that much. Although it was interesting to know that Sam liked men….Sam was hot after all.

            Gavin pushed aside those thoughts…right now, he needed some stress release. And luckily his favourite little pain slut was here to serve his needs…..

Xxxx

Several hours later…

Gabriel just lay there as Gavin pulled off him. His whole body hurt from the abuse Gavin had administered. He’d been fucked for _hours;_  Gavin was a _machine_. The man had enjoyed Gabriel screams – didn’t care if they were for pain or for pleasure. Gavin lent forward, ghosting a kiss over his lips....the slap came from nowhere. Gavin laughed as he hit him one last time. Gabriel barely reacted. And then he left Gabriel in the motel room, money on the side. He always paid, he was honourable like that. Gabriel rolled to his side, staring at the money. $50 - all he was worth. Hot tears slid down his face…he hadn’t wanted to have sex with Gavin. In truth, it had been terrifying and hurt like hell - but he couldn’t stop him. After he found out about Sam, the fight had just left him. He got up slowly, his body screaming at him. But he had to get out, he couldn’t bear seeing Sam right now…..

XXXXX

It was still very early in the morning, maybe 4am; the light was only starting to streak across the dark sky. The air was fresh and cold as Sam got out of his car and made his way to the motel room. The night had been a nightmare….Gavin had massively fucked up, beating some kid so bad he was barely alive. Although he wasn’t just some kid, he was one of the leading member’s son. Things had got ugly fast…And the man was calling for revenge. Crowley was beyond rage, and Sam had spent the night listening to his shit. And Crowley wasn’t just pissed with his son, he was mad with Sam too. Sam had clearly not been doing his ‘babysitting job’ well. He was going to have to step up his game. It was a mess, with no clear solution. Sam rubbed his head. He just wanted to roll into bed with his baby.

But as he opened the door, he was greeted with an empty room. The sheets of the bed were messed up, the smell of sex unmistakable. He pulled the sheets back – blood and cum stained them.

Sam started to panic – Chris must have come back, hurt Gabriel and forced him to leave…..Sam was out of the door in seconds….

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So maybe it looks pretty bad right now?? but this has been planned since the beginning.....don't hate me! :))) let me know what you think!!


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heed the warnings.....
> 
> Also this story is written in honour of one of my fave authors - fluffy miracle.

          Sam pounded up the stairs of his and Gabriel’s old apartment block. By this time, he was utterly convinced that Chris had somehow captured Gabriel. He banged on the door……he could hear music inside. Images of Chris _hurting_ Gabriel flooded his mind, he tried the door and realising it was unlocked, pushed it open. He was immediately greeted with a strong stench of marijuana. It was dark in the corridor, but he could see the light coming from the lounge. Could hear the music and a raised voice. His stomach clenched. He ran down the corridor, shoved the lounge door open and ran in shouting; “ _don’t you fucking hurt him you bastard_ ”.

            Chris started screaming and dropped his phone when he saw Sam tearing into his living room. Sam looked about the small, shabby room – quickly realising that Chris was alone. Gabriel wasn’t here. He zeroed in on Chris, could see the guy was badly beaten. Had a broken arm; a black eye and cuts all over his face. He strode over to Chris, who was shaking, and pulled him up.

            “What the fuck have you done to him….where is he?”

Chris was struggling now.

            “Get the fuck off……I don’t know what you’re talking about……”

            “Gabriel….where’s Gabriel?”

Sam let go of Chris; let him sink back on the sofa. And then Chris laughed; brittle and quick.

            “oh fuckkkkk, you’re the bastard that _stole_ Gabriel from me……and what? Now he’s run off? You got to keep that bitch in line, he…..”

            Chris didn’t finish his sentence. Sam had punched him in the face. Chris’ mouth was bleeding when he turned to look up at Sam.

            “You fucking bastard….Gabriel’s _mine_ , he _belongs_ to me…..you better fucking pray that Gabriel comes back here….when I’m better, I’m gonna find you, gonna kill……” Sam punched Chris in the head again. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and he slumped back onto the sofa unconscious.

            Sam looked at him; couldn’t understand how Gabriel had spent all those years with this vicious bully; a man who saw him as nothing but property. But that didn’t matter right now……it was clear Chris didn’t have Gabriel. So where the fuck was he? Surely Gabriel wouldn’t have run off….not without Alfie…..oh god, how was he gonna explain Gabriel’s disappearance to Alfie? The kid couldn’t take another knock, he was sure of it. He _had_ to find Gabriel…and fast. He would have called the police, if he thought they could do anything.

            He walked out of the apartment block and got back into his car, trying to calm himself down – he just needed to _think._ Suddenly his phone beeped. He reached for it – only to be greeted by a picture of Gabriel…..his boyfriend was face down on their bed, red belt marks covering his naked ass. Sam couldn’t quite understand what he was seeing….and then he saw who the message was from. It was Gavin. He suddenly felt very sick. The text read “maybe you should spend less time working and more time having fun, I sure do…maybe next time we can fuck him together??”. Before Sam could work out what was happening, his phone beeped again. Only this time it was a video…it was dated from a few months ago. Sam was terrified of what it would be. But he opened it anyway. He needed to know what was going on.

The video was playing….the frame was moving too fast; he couldn’t make out the image. Then suddenly, it came into focus – all he could see was some guy’s cock disappearing into what looked like a very sore hole. He could hear men laughing on the video and someone begging. It was sick. The video panned out; he saw it was Gavin’s who was doing the brutal fucking. And then the video panned out further and his heart dropped. The man struggling underneath Gavin was _Gabriel._ Sam dropped the phone in horror……

All Sam remembered doing was driving. He was shaking with rage. Clearly Gavin was one of Gabriel’s old clients…perhaps he’d shown up at the motel. Sam had never told him where he lived…but then again, someone like Gavin hardly needed to be told…..As he put it together, he realised that Gavin must have taken Gabriel….it was so fucked up.

As he sped through the city, all he could think about was the video of Gabriel. He had only seen a fraction of it, but it looked _horrific._ Sure, he had always known what Gabriel did, but perhaps part of him had always tried to ignore it or at least _minimise_ it. But now after seeing the video… _seeing_ Gabriel’s brutal existence so clearly depicted; he couldn’t turn away from the reality of Gabriel’s ‘profession’; what Gabriel _had to do…._ He didn’t know how Gabriel had survived but he swore to himself, Gabriel would _never_ have to do that again…. He just hoped and prayed that Gabriel was ok…He just needed to get him away from Gavin.

            When he arrived at Gavin’s house, the gate was swinging open (someone must have forgotten to close it). The sky was a lighter shade of grey; the sun just beginning to rise. Sam banged on the front door but to no avail. He got his phone out and rang Gavin. The front door suddenly. It was Gavin, phone in hand, wide grin plastered across his smug face. He wore a silky dressing gown, which was open at the chest, revealing his pale, hairy chest.

            “hey Sammy-boy _…._ you like the video then?”

Sam had to use all his self-control not to punch Gavin’s smug face in. Instead he banged past him, started up the stairs;

            “Where the hell is he? What have you done to him?”

Sam could feel himself getting irate. Gavin just chuckled

            “as if he’s here! I just fucked him in that motel room and left him there…don’t need to bring that trash back”

            Sam had stopped on the staircase.

            “You hurt him……” Sam’s voice was low and quiet. But Gavin didn’t seem to notice the menacing tone.

            “C’mon, that little slut likes getting hurt…but anyway enough about that past-it cum dump…. I’m much more interested in talking about you and more specifically you _and_ me”. Gavin smiled at him. It was probably meant to be sexy. But it felt creepy as hell.

Sam just stared at him. When Gavin had sent him the picture of Gabe, the video, all he could think was Gabriel…..But of course, Gavin had clearly been _propositioning_ him. Thinking that it would get him hot – showing him images of a man (that Gavin clearly thought he’d hired) being hurt.

Sam made his way down the stairs and stepped close to Gavin, who shivered slightly with excitement. Sam leant in close before whispering in his ear;

            “I wouldn’t fuck touch you if you were the last fucking piece of shit alive…..you’re disgusting evil trash….and don’t you EVER fucking touch Gabriel again….he is worth a million times more than your _pathetic cunt”_ Sam abruptly punched the wall, narrowly missing Gavin’s head, causing Gavin to cower and flinch. “For what you’ve done to him, you’re lucky I’m not gonna fucking kill you …” And before Sam lost further control, he walked out of the house, banging the door behind him. Consequences be damned.

XXX

            As Sam had racing around the city, looking for Gabriel…..All along Gabriel had actually been in the 24 hour café across the road. He just couldn’t face being in _their_ motel room, in _their_ bed. Although nothing was _‘theirs’_ any longer.….He didn’t want to see Sam. But he knew he'd have to go back - pick up Alfie's and his stuff....but he couldn't, not after everything Gavin had told him. It was clear that not only was Sam into some shady stuff but also that he’d been leading him on, laughing at him. He had never loved Gabriel….It was just like _before_ ; Sam was just like Luca…….

**16 years ago**

            _Gabriel fell in lust the first moment he met Luca; the man’s beauty was sinful. He was all sharp edges with a grace beguiling his muscular 6’2 frame. Clad in a designer suit; an air of masculine sophistication and authority clung to him like his expensive cologne. But it was eyes that Gabriel was most drawn to; their colour changing like the ocean – one moment dark and unpredictable; another– tranquil blue, reflecting the summer light. And whilst he was Gabriel’s senior, being at least 46 to Gabriel’s 15 years; it didn’t matter - Luca was perfect._

_They met in the same way Gabriel met all men when he was a teenager – Michael, his foster father, had rented him out. It initially surprised him that Michael let him go to the hotel room unattended; at the time he was becoming rebellious; fighting against Michael’s rules and touch. Refusing to play nice for Michael’s customers or submit passively for the videos Michael commissioned. He had even tried running away, taking Anna and sleeping rough in an abandoned car park. But that escape didn’t last: Anna had missed home and Michael had found them not two days later. After Gabriel had recovered from the beating; Michael had been quick to whore him out again. He hadn’t wanted to go – didn’t want another grubby man’s hands roughly caressing him; holding him down, forcing him……but when he met Luca, it was different. Luca told him that he had never paid for a boy’s time before…..said he barely knew Michael; had met him briefly at a bar the night before. He said he was lonely and just wanted a beautiful angel to talk to. Gabriel had smirked; initially disbelieving him. But Luca had meant it…..he didn’t touch him that night or the next time or the time after that. Instead he brought Gabriel fancy clothes and took him to posh restaurants; ordering him the most expensive food simply because he wanted to ‘spoil’ him; and he talked to Gabriel – told him how beautiful, how wonderful, how clever he was. It was like finally being fed after years of starvation. And slowly, so slowly, Gabriel began to wonder if maybe Luca was for real. After a lifetime of feeling worthless and used; Luca made him feel special. And Gabriel loved him for it with all the passion and need of a lonely teenage boy. But tt was Luca who first confessed his love, not three months after they had first met. And all this time, they had barely touched. But hearing his feelings were returned, Gabriel surged forward, taking Luca’s mouth and kissing him passionately. It was Gabriel that initiated further touch, he was the first to sink to his knees and beg for Luca to let him suck his cock. Luca had tried to stop him at first but given in when Gabriel had begged so hard. And it was Gabriel that was the one to instigate sex, presenting himself and whining to Luca about how hard he wanted it. And Luca had lightly kissed his shoulder, huskily asking if he was sure. But Luca hadn’t been brutal or forceful; instead he was passionate and attentive in a way that Gabriel had never known. Gabriel came so hard he saw stars. Afterwards Luca had hugged him close; said that he wanted to free Gabriel from Michael’s abuse. And Gabriel knew it then; other men may have had his body but Luca had his soul._

_And so it went on…..Luca said that he couldn’t get him and Anna out right away; he had a wife – Lillith, who was by accounts an ‘evil bitch’. His finances were tied up with her and she wouldn’t let him get a quick divorce. It would take a while. Gabriel said he would wait. Just the promise of freedom and a life with Luca, made suffering Michael and the other men that much easier. And Michael was pleased - Gabriel became pliant and docile; no longer angry and rebellious. Love made Gabriel softer; and of course he could now dream of Luca when his clients pawed and pulled at him._

_Luca continued to dote on him; showering him with affection and gifts. And for the first time in his life, the sex was…..sublime; almost as if he forgot where he ended and Luca began. Luca was so loving, so caring and……so reverent of Gabriel’s body; he even liked to take pictures of Gabriel, naked and fucked out or even film their love-making. He always assured Gabriel it was for his eyes only….just a memento of their time together. And if this stirred feelings of discomfort, Gabriel forced the feeling away – he would do anything to please his lover. Luca was perfect._

_It was almost a year later and it appeared Luca’s divorce was no closer to completion. In his frustration, Gabriel followed Luca home. He was determined to have it out with this ‘Lilith’ bitch. But curiosity got the better of anger; he wanted to see what Luca’s other life was like. So when he saw Luca enter his house (a modest building, which surprised Gabriel, given Luca’s apparent wealth), he waited a while and then trying the front door and finding it open, quietly crept in. Immediately he felt afraid – a strange insidious feeling hung in the air. Almost as if the house was screaming for him to get out. But he heard men’s laughter from down the hall and it called him liked a siren’s song. He positioned himself by the doorway; peering though the crack - he recognised Luca’s companion immediately. It was Michael. Luca and he were chatting like old chums. He hadn’t meant to burst in on them but he couldn’t control the impulse. They laughed at him. And then they told him the truth._

_There was no Lillith, no divorce, no promise of freedom. Luca was Michael’s brother – he was doing him a favour and training his most errant boy. Luca told him that he had never loved him, just enjoyed him for a good fuck. And when Gabriel heard this; his world, like his heart, shattered completely. It wasn’t long after that….that Michael introduced him to various happy highs which stopped him crying and kept him submissive. Gabriel didn’t care anymore; he never wanted to bear feeling again._

**Present day**

After the confrontation with Gavin, Sam had driven around the local area, trying to find Gabriel. His anger had faded into extreme disgust with Gavin. But more than that, he was afraid for Gabriel…. It was clear that Gavin had hurt him, _raped him._ He swallowed in horror – he thought that he would be able to keep Gabriel safe but he had failed. And now he couldn’t bear the idea that Gabriel was wondering around by himself – hurt and afraid. He knew that Gabriel was probably blaming himself; probably wouldn’t want to tell him what had happened in case Sam thought worse of him. Sam _needed_ to find Gabriel, _needed_ to reassure him that he would never judge him…. _needed_ to tell him that he _loved_ him.

            He drove back to the motel, just hoping that Gabriel had managed to get back. He was overjoyed to find Gabriel sitting on the step outside their motel room. His head was down and he was chewing on his nails. Sam’s heart leapt in relief and joy seeing him and he rushed over, drawing into a hug

            “Baby….I was so worried….”

Gabriel remained frozen before he replied in a cold voice

            “Get the hell off me”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ..kudos/thoughts/comments would be mucho appreciated
> 
> SPOILER...have faith in me that things will get better
> 
> Also if you are rereading this - this is where the edited section finishes*


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmm I feel a little nervous posting this for some reason. Thoughts / kudos welcome! Thanks for reading and hope its ok!

Sam could see Gabriel was hurting; his eyes red and swollen from crying. He’d also got a dark bruise forming on his jaw and his shirt was ripped. Sam could see more bruises on Gabriel’s stomach and hips. He grimaced. He was seriously going to hurt Gavin the next time he saw him.  But as he went to hug Gabriel – Gabriel was stiff and shouted at him – told him to _get the hell off him_.……It wasn’t like the last time that Gabriel had returned to the motel after that argument with Alfie. Then, he’d eagerly accepted Sam’s embrace. But this time he seemed so cold, so angry. Sam slowly withdrew the hug and stood awkwardly over Gabriel’s still huddled form. He realised that Gabriel was probably pretty traumatised after the previous night. He just wanted to make it all go away;

            “Baby…I’m so sorry, I know about what happened…I know it wasn’t your choice…..oh god, are you hurt? Are you ok?”

Gabriel snorted slightly and muttered something under his breath, that Sam couldn’t quite hear, before hissing;

            “Just let me in the motel, I just want to get Alfie and mine’s stuff and go”.

Sam was startled; he didn’t want Gabriel to leave.

            “No babe. You don’t need to go….I know what happened…I know Gavin…”

Gabriel stood up then and stepped closer to Sam, holding his gaze, eyes full of fury. And for one moment, Sam was terrified. Gabriel stepped closer again;

            “Yeah, I know _you know_ all about Gavin…..you think I’m just another dumb _whore?_ That I wouldn’t work it out??  What the hell have you got to say for yourself?....Why would you do this?”

Gabriel’s voice seemed to quaver slightly and Sam could feel his heart sinking….. This could not be happening. Gavin must have told Gabriel that Sam worked for him and now Gabriel probably thought he was some sort of monster….it was what Sam feared all along; that Gabriel would judge him. Not that he blamed him for it. Anyone working with Gavin or his father was definitely scum. But  he didn’t want to work with Gavin…..he just didn’t have a choice. But how could he explain that?  Sam looked down; didn’t know what to say to Gabriel’s angry tirade.

Gabriel shook his head, when Sam didn’t respond

            “Just what I thought….….just let me get the stuff; just let me go”

He sounded tired; like he’d given up.

            “NO! come on Gabe…..” Sam was raising his voice now. Gabriel flinched slightly as Sam stepped closer. But Sam didn’t see the fear flashing across Gabriel’s face; too intent on trying to get Gabriel to listen, to understand. Just then, a woman came out of one the motel rooms, wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Sam ignored her, tried to take Gabriel’s hand, who pulled it quickly away

            “C’mon please Gabe…..look I’m sorry I didn’t tell you….but it’s not….it’s only _temporary…_ c’mon, please it doesn’t have to be a big deal…I don’t want you to go…”

Sam knew he was begging, pleading. But Gabriel just shook his head and walked to the motel door;

            “It might not be a _big deal_ to you, but it is to me…..and to Alfie, you're not safe for him”

Sam came up beside him, found the keys and opened the door

            “lets just calm down, lets talk about this….”

Gabriel darted inside; started to pick up clothes and Alfie’s toys and school stuff. Sam tried to grab the stuff off him

            “Please Gabe, look I know what Gavin did to you….i’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you baby……but please don’t go….”

            Gabriel just laughed slightly “c’mon, you don’t need to lie anymore…you probably invited him here”

            “What?! Baby…...I would _never_ do that, Gabe….just stop!” Sam pulled the sweater, which Gabriel had just picked up, out of his hands “C’mon, you can’t do this, you can’t go….”

Sam was desperate…..Gabriel couldn’t go. He needed him. Sam paused before continuing;

            “babe, where are you gonna go?”

Gabriel stopped his frantic packing for a moment before continuing to shove it all in a bag he found the floor.

            “Just away from here….away from YOU”

            “Gabe, you can stay  here….I’ll go….and we can talk later…..you can’t just leave….you and Alfie have got nowhere to go…I’ll pay for this motel room….we need to talk about this”

Gabriel had finished packing everything up. It wasn’t like he and Alfie had much stuff.

            “Alfie and I don’t need anything from you…..I can’t believe I fell for it….you must have had a good laugh….”

            “WHAT? What the hell are you going on about…..just stay here please,  I’ll go and stay in another room or something….please Gabe…..we need to sort this out…..just don’t leave me”.

 Sam sank onto the bed; could feel tears begin to fall; he looked up at Gabriel.

            “Please don’t leave me….I can’t bear it”

 Sam’s voice was small and pleading. Gabriel looked momentarily surprised, before shaking himself slightly;

            “No! no! just shut up Luca! I mean….Sam. No! I can’t…… I won’t be lied to again, I won’t be fooled…”           

Sam was confused; what had Gavin been saying to Gabriel?  And who was Luca?

            “Babe, I didn’t mean to fool you,…. _please_ don’t go….I’m sorry, I’m not a bad person, not really….I didn’t tell you coz  I just didn’t think you’d understand”. Sam grabbed Gabriel’s hand and held onto it, beseeching him.

            “Understand? I don’t think I’ll ever understand men like you….just get off me” Gabriel struggled free. Pulling the bag over his shoulder, he opened the door. Without looking back, he said;

            “I NEVER want to see you again”.

He banged the door shut behind him just as Sam whispered, “I love you”.

XXX

            Gabriel walked to the edge of the motel complex before almost collapsing on the side of the street. He just wanted to cry. Shit, what had he done? Could he have been wrong? Sam had just seemed _so_ convincing….acting so hurt and vulnerable at the prospect of Gabriel leaving. But it must have been an act! Gabriel had to fight so hard to be strong; to harden his heart against Sam’s puppy dog eyes.  He couldn’t fall for those tricks…..he knew the game; he’d been played by Luca, by Chris even. But he wouldn’t be fooled by Sam. The kind, caring, wonderful Sam was just a lie. Really Sam was a vicious and cruel man; a man who worked for a crime syndicate and was friends with bastards like Gavin. A man who had been laughing at him all along; leading him on…probably so that once Gabriel was fully hooked, Sam could do what he wanted with him; could pass him around his friends, let men like Gavin fuck him for free, probably start locking him in the house, beating and whoring him out....maybe he would even hurt Alfie. God! He was such an idiot to believe that things could be different. No one would _ever_ think he was special or worth caring for. He was just a dirty whore to be used.…..Gabriel hugged himself; if only he’d just stayed with Chris; at least there he and Alfie had a place to stay. Sure Chris hurt him; but at least he knew what to expect. He never saw it coming with Sam, maybe that’s why it hurt _more_. Gabriel tried to stop his thoughts. He didn’t  have time to feel sorry for himself. He had to go and pick Alfie up from Hannah’s. He had to figure out what to do….. All he had was fifty bucks from Gavin. His mind almost froze with fear….why the hell had he got so angry with Sam? It didn’t matter if Sam wanted to use him or laugh at him….at least it was better than living on the streets _with_ Alfie. But then again, if Sam was bad and going to hurt Alfie, he knew they couldn't stay. But then again, how was he going to keep Alfie safe now? Provide for him? …..

He pulled his coat around him and gritted his teeth as he got up. His ass was still hurting….Gavin had been so rough with him. He tried not to think about it. It didn’t matter. He started the walk to the bus-stop – he needed to go get Alfie; he needed to figure something out. He had to.

XXX

            Alfie had had an AWESOME time at Hannah’s. Hannah and he had watched ‘Frozen’ AND sang _all_ the songs loudly. Hannah’s mom was very impressed. Hannah had a Labrador dog called Henry. They couldn’t take him for a walk because it was too late. But they both chased him around the house and played games with him. They had fish-fingers and beans for tea. AND ice-cream! Then they watched Frozen again. AND sang _all_ the songs again. Hannah’s mom was definitely very impressed. Then they made a den in the TV room and told each ghost stories. Hannah’s story, about a vampire child that got kidnapped by some foolish humans, was really scary!!They both promised each other to stay up all night in case a monster came…..but somehow Alfie couldn’t keep his eyes open and suddenly it was the very next morning.

            Uncle Gabe had come to pick him up. Alfie was kindof surprised; thought that Uncle Sam would come as he had a car. Uncle Gabe looked kindof upset and he had a bruise on his face. As soon as he saw that, Alfie’s stomach felt all knotted up. But Uncle Gabe just laughed and said he had fallen. Alfie wasn’t sure but he knew Uncle Sam wouldn’t have done that, so it must be true. Alfie went and got his stuff while Uncle Gabe stood in the doorway, trying to talk to Hannah’s mom about the weather. Grown-ups sure could be weird and boring sometimes. Once they’d left Hannah’s, Uncle Gabe told him that Uncle Sam had got some work stuff to deal with and they couldn’t stay with him anymore. Alfie didn’t think this sounded quite right. Uncle Sam LOVED having Uncle Gabe and him around. But he supposed that Uncle Gabe wouldn’t lie to him. And then Uncle Gabe said they were going on an adventure. He said that they’d both be camping out under the stars. Alfie was super excited. He’d always wanted to go camping! It was going to be just like a Bear Grylls adventure! But first Uncle Gabe said they could go to the library and Alfie could get a book and do his homework. Alfie was happy; he hadn’t been to the library for ages….he loved it there - all the colourful and exciting books; a thousand adventures just waiting to unfold. He reached up to Uncle Gabe and gave him a kiss. “I love you Uncle Gabe”. He didn’t notice the tears that his uncle blinked away.

LATER THAT DAY

            The library would shut soon. Gabriel was on his third cup of coffee. He had brought a chicken and vegetable pie from the library café for Alfie, who was happily munching it down. Even though he hadn't eaten all day, Gabriel couldn’t face food right now. He was just trying to stop himself shaking. He knew that they were going to be sleeping rough that night. He was terrified. He tried to calm himself down - at least it wasn’t raining. And Alfie had bought the story about ‘camping out’; he’d even seemed excited. Gabriel didn’t want to lie, but at least this way maybe Alfie wouldn’t feel scared. Gabriel just didn’t know what else to do. He knew they couldn’t go to a homeless shelter – he didn’t have any id. Plus, he worried they might call social care about Alfie. Gabriel couldn’t let Alfie go into the care system; didn’t want him to get hurt. And where else could they go? He had no family, no friends.....

            “Can we go CAMPING now, Uncle Gabe?”

Alfie’s face was all youthful exuberance.

            “Sure thing Alfie…..this is gonna be so fun”

Gabriel tried to sound happy and excited.  Alfie nodded before pausing

            “where’s all the stuff tho, like a tent and things”

Gabriel paused slightly, desperately trying to think up a reason:

            “well….er, to be real ‘Bear Grylls’ adventurers, we can’t have stuff like that…..”  

xxxx

            Before they left the library. Gabriel and Alfie washed at the sink in the toilets and brushed their teeth. Gabriel then also managed to sneak out a rug, from the ‘chill-out’ zone, into his bag. He reasoned the library had enough rugs, they wouldn’t notice one missing. He also found a couple of flattened cardboard boxes in the bin outside the library. He and Alfie made their way to a park, a couple of streets away. Alfie was bouncing along…he was so excited. Gabriel smiled wanely; he just hoped he could figure out a more long-term solution before Alfie realised the truth. They found a covered area, near some bushes. Gabriel laid the cardboard down. Alfie used his little backpack as a pillow and hugged teddy close. Gabriel wrapped the stolen rug around him.  Gabriel shivered slightly….while he was thankful for the warm clothes that Sam had bought him, he still felt cold. He wondered what Sam was doing…..

            “Look at the stars, Uncle Gabe, they’re so cool….um this was the BEST idea ever”.

Gabriel smiled down at his nephew and kissed him on the nose

            “I love you, Alfie”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bear Grylls - is an survival expert on TV - check him out! 
> 
> Also I read back though this whole story...and arrahhh so many mistakes and things I want to change (and somehow I have forgotten to write about that birthday card ha!.....I'll fit it in somewhere!).....but thanks for reading despite my complete newness at writing! This story does have a plan..I promise!!
> 
> Also....if you think its far-fetched that Alfie would believe that he was going on a camping adventure as opposed to being homeless….then I should say this is based on a true story (*not mine). plus I wanted to write about homelessness for lots of reasons……I think it’s probably one of the most horrifying and scary things to happen to anyone….


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this is so super late.....have had an evil month at uni...still have a ton to do but just wanted to get a chapter out!

           Sam groaned loudly. The rum, gin and vodka concoction that he had swallowed down several hours earlier, no longer seemed such a good idea. His head was pounding and he felt an imminent urge to throw up.  He leant over to feel for Gabriel and then it came back – it hadn’t been a bad dream. Gabriel was gone; had left in a storm of anger and accusations. And Sam had almost immediately found himself drinking alone in a disgusting downtown bar. It was the only thing he could think to do to block out the pain. But now the pain, like an unwelcome guest, had returned. He could almost feel the shattered edges of his heart cutting and tearing inside of him. He had been an idiot to think someone as brave and gregarious as Gabriel could possibly care for him. He’d failed to protect him and now it seemed like Gabriel thought he was just like Gavin. Sam held back a sob; the thought of Gavin touching Gabriel was….. _repellent._ He thought back to the video of Gavin and his ‘friends’ gang raping Gabriel. It was almost too horrific to fully comprehend. He felt sick. And not just because of the alcohol. He just wanted to hold Gabriel; tell him it would be ok. That he would look after him. But Gabriel hated him…….. He wondered where he and Alfie would have gone; were they safe? Should he try looking for them? try to talk with Gabriel again? Sam lay in the bed alone, imagining all possible conversations with Gabriel. The things he would say, how he would apologise and explain to Gabriel. How he would convince him that he genuinely _cared_ for him. In some of these imaginings, Gabriel mellowed and forgave him; in others, he screamed at Sam and turned away. But still Sam, wondered – perhaps he should try and find Gabriel? He could always go to Alfie’s school – ask Alfie where they were staying…….but what if that made Gabriel angrier?  Sam was interrupted from his thoughts by his phone’s insistent ring. He jumped up – maybe it was Gabriel? He pulled the phone off the bedside table –and almost slammed it back down again - it was Crowley. No way he was gonna take that call. He shoved the ringing phone back on the table and edged himself off the bed. There was only one place he was going today. And that was back to the bar.

Xxxxx

            _A week later……._

            Alfie decided he didn’t like camping anymore. Even with several blankets it was cold. Plus the ground was so hard he couldn’t sleep properly. And he wanted to watch TV and have his own room again; he wanted to do a sleepover for Hannah and have all his books and toys out. He didn’t like having to pack everything in his bag. And he didn’t like washing in the bathrooms in McDonalds. He was even getting sick of fast food. And Uncle Gabe said they couldn’t have a campfire; so it wasn’t really proper camping.  And even though Uncle Gabe said he was having the best time, he seemed pretty edgy; he’d even yelled at Alfie a couple of times when he had asked when camping was going to be over. And one night, Alfie had even thought he had heard Uncle Gabe crying. But Uncle Gabe said he hadn’t been. Alfie wasn’t sure if that was true. He thought maybe Uncle Gabe was missing Uncle Sam. Alfie definitely was. But Uncle Gabe said Uncle Sam was too busy for them and wouldn’t talk anymore about it. Alfie didn’t know what to do. And then he got sick.

Xxxx

            Gabriel knew it wouldn’t last. He knew he couldn’t just keep up the pretence with Alfie for long about the ‘camping’ expedition. He just didn’t realise that it would come to a head so quickly.

            Every morning for a week, he’d dropped Alfie at school. Then he’d gone to the city centre; tried to beg for money. He dodged the cops and lived in fear of being picked up and Alfie being left on his own, waiting for him at the end of the school day. But he had to get money someway – needed to be able to buy Alfie food. His own appetite had dwindled considerably and he was pretty much running on empty.  Out of desperation for dollars, he offered himself out. He didn’t want to; felt like a little part of himself was being torn away every time he got down on his knees or lent against a wall with his ass out, letting random men grab at him and do what they wanted. But no matter, he didn’t have many takers anyway. No wonder; he knew he looked like shit.  And in the long hours between dropping Alfie off at school and picking him up, he thought about Sam. Constantly oscillating between thoughts that Sam was an evil bastard who had played him for a fool to thinking maybe that Sam had just got caught up in the wrong business, that Gavin had lied about Sam playing him and that maybe just maybe Sam was not really bad……

            And then Alfie got sick. It started off as a cold. And then seemed to turn into flu or some sort of virus – he was burning up but said he was cold. His skin an unnaturally pale hue, covered in a fine sheen of sweat. He huddled up in the blanket, and clung onto Gabriel. And Gabriel was consumed by guilt and terror; he had to do something.  He couldn’t afford to see a doctor and he knew they couldn’t stay outside anymore. He had to go back to Sam. No matter if the guy was going to hurt him; Gabriel would let him. He had been a fool; he couldn’t look after Alfie by himself.

            Gabriel wrapped Alfie up in his blanket and had asked him to sit on the step outside the motel room; said he needed to talk to Sam. As he walked up to the door, he was shaking. What if Sam didn’t want him anymore? What if Sam had left the motel? What if……..but he found himself _hoping, maybe it would be ok?_ He knocked on the door and held his breath.

            But instead of Sam, a woman answered the door. She looked _professional._ Her blonde hair cut in a sleek bob and her smart suit in direct juxtaposition to Gabriel’s own tatty attire.

Shit, Sam must have left. Gabriel could feel his heart sinking in despair. The woman had simply stared at him in confusion, until she’d had broken the silence;

            “I’m sorry, can I help you?”

Gabriel shifted uncomfortably under her gaze “I em was just looking for my er….Sam…..but I think I got the wrong room or something…..” He turned to leave but she grabbed his arm

            “and you are….?”

            “Gabriel”

The woman released his arm “oh so you’re Gabriel” She crossed her arms and looked at him with a sudden distaste  “you haven’t got the wrong room,  Sam is here but I’m very sorry but you’ve had a wasted trip…..he’s told me _everything_ and I should tell you that he’s decided that he feels better that you left; doesn’t want your _mess_ in his life……so really I think it’s best if you just go. It’s not fair on him, you being here……” The woman gave him a satisfied smile as she could see her words crushing him.

            Gabriel simply felt numb as the woman shut the door in his face. All he knew was that now the decision had been made – he knew that he didn’t want to turn around and walk down those steps. He just wanted _Sam_. And then he knew, he’d always wanted Sam from the moment he had met him. Even when he had been denying it; even when he had been so angry with him – really, underneath it all – he knew he loved him…….And damn he had made a huge mistake – had judged Sam wrongly – suddenly it had hit him with absolute clarity. Sam was a good man. Sam would never hurt him. But it was too _late_ ……and what the hell was he going to do? He could feel the panic rising within him. So he stuffed it down. There was only one place that he could go back to now…….

Xxxxxxxx

            Sam stepped out of the shower and stared at himself in the motel mirror; the week’s worth of drinking had done him no favours. He looked drawn and haggard; his eyes bloodshot. God, if Gabriel saw him now, no way he would fancy him. He stepped out of the bathroom after dressing. Jess was waiting for him in the bedroom; furiously tapping on her laptop.

            “Was someone at the door, thought I heard talking” he enquired casually; hoping foolishly, that maybe it was Gabriel? 

Jess looked at him, blue eyes wide and innocent

            “don’t worry it was nobody – just the cleaner”.  She smiled at him briefly before returning to tapping at her laptop. Sam’s heart sank. Jess suddenly snapped the laptop shut and slide off the bed, before walking over to him. She stepped closer and reached over and played with his shirt collar for a moment

            “Look you need to get back to work; get your head in the game…..this is important

……don’t let some guy, some _whore_ fuck this up for you…..”

She looked up at him, all beguiling sweetness. Sam bit his lip and pushed her away

            “don’t call him that”

Jess smiled quickly

            “of course, but you know what I mean……c’mon, call Crowley”

XXXX

            Gabriel was standing outside the number 28 flat. Alfie was asleep; clinging onto his neck. Gabriel was barely holding him up. Even though he was kid, he was still pretty damn heavy. As Gabriel stood outside the door; everything inside him was screaming at him not to do this; not to knock on the door. But looking down at Alfie; he knew he didn’t have another option.

            Chris opened the door; a smug smile spreading across his face, when he saw Gabriel standing in the entrance

            “well well, the bitch has returned”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to write the next chapter, as story getting to the main turning point soon!
> 
> Please comment / kudos - makes my day! :)


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for comments and kudos - without them I wouldn't have found the motivation to finish this chapter - so very much appreciate!

Sam was standing in Crowley’s opulent office: Crowley was yelling at him and Gavin was sitting back watching the scene, a permanent smirk on his face. Apparently Sam had a lot to answer for: not only had he gone MIA for the past week but Gavin had also filled his father in on how Sam had acted toward him: told him he had been threatening and spoken to him like trash. Gavin was definitely pushing to get him out. A part of Sam didn’t give a damn but then, after everything that had happened with Gabriel, the one thing he felt he could do was revenge. He wanted to bring Gavin down. But for now, he was going to have to wait. So he bowed his head and patiently bore Crowley’s tirade and Gavin’s glee. After Crowley was done, Sam apologised profusely: said things had got way out of control but that he was _desperate_ to get back in the game. In the end, Crowley decided to forgive Sam’s lack of availability _just this once……_ as for threatening Gavin, Crowley had decided that he didn’t care too much about that, acknowledged that Gavin probably deserved it. Gavin had been less pleased with this observation but he could hardly confront his father; no one challenged Crowley and got away with it. Not even Gavin.

            As Sam left the office, he just felt empty. Sure he’d kept his job…..but what about Gabriel…and Alfie. It had been two weeks since Gabriel had left. He’d even decided to go to Alfie’s school to see if he could speak to Alfie about where they were staying. But apparently Alfie hadn’t been to school for several days. He didn’t even know where Gabriel would have gone….no way he would have gone back to Chris…..Sam felt overwhelmed by depression. What did it matter anyway? Gabriel said it was over….not that _it_ had ever really started. And maybe it hadn’t meant anything anyway….Jess had said that he’d probably just caught up in the fantasy of rescuing someone…..Sam pushed the feelings down. It didn’t fucking matter. He had a job to do. He needed to go back to being cold and uncaring; everything was so much easier then.

xxxx

            I _t’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok_ …….Gabriel tried to tell himself. The feeling of Chris’ cock in his ass felt like a poker ramming inside him….He was on his back, legs spread as Chris pulled out and violently thrust back in. It hurt. It hurt real bad. And it seemed like Chris was never going to stop. Gabriel closed his eyes. He tried to imagine it was Sam… _it’s ok, it’s ok._

**One week earlier…..**

            After Chris opened the door, the first thing Gabriel noticed about him, aside from his smug face, was his broken arm and cuts on his face. It looked like things hadn’t been going all that well for Chris either. But before Gabriel could process that any further, Chris had practically jumped on, trying to pull Alfie off…..wanted to fuck him right there in the hallway. Gabriel had struggled away from him; said he would let him do it but just needed to put Alfie to bed.

            Alone in Alfie’s bedroom, Gabriel had taken his time tucking Alfie in – not wanting to face Chris. But looking at Alfie he knew he’d made the right decision - Alfie still looked terrible….so pale and small; Gabriel knew he’d fucked up. Making Alfie sleep rough was probably one of the worst things he’d ever done…and now Alfie was sick because Gabriel couldn’t look after him properly. He stroked his head lightly, before kissing him on the forehead:

            “Love you Alfie”

And with that Gabriel got up slowly and made his way to the bedroom door, taking a deep breath. Chris was waiting for him in the lounge; as soon as Gabriel walked in, he was on him, pulling him down on the couch, kissing him all over;

            “babe…I’ve been _so_ worried about you….that fucking bastard stole you off me…didn’t realise who it was when he took yer....but then that big bastard came around looking for you a week ago…..and I remembered him….he was one of your clients…the one that I knew liked yer…”. Chris lent back and traced the bruise on Gabriel’s face “what the fuck did he do to yer huh?”            The bruise was of course, courtesy of Gavin. But Chris didn’t know that. Gabriel knew if he didn’t want to incur Chris’ anger, he was going to have to play along; make out that Sam was an abusive client that had ‘stolen’ him against his wishes. Gabriel just hung his head

            “I don’t want to talk it…it’s over now….I managed to get away with Alfie”

            “Yeh I know…I thought you’d wanted to run off…..but when that bastard came around….man, fuck, he’s an _evil_ bastard….knew then my baby would never have gone with ‘im freely……” Chris stroked Gabriel’s hair, it almost felt loving before he tugged on Gabriel’s hair, hard. “….so where the fuck have you been since then huh?” Chris’ mood was turning sour…

            Gabriel was confused – when had Sam came around here? But he couldn’t dwell on that question, Chris was pulling at his head hard and looking increasingly pissed off.

            “um yeah, we got away….he left the door unlocked must have been by accident or something and I just grabbed Alfie…..but we’ve just been sleeping rough….I wanted to come back hun, but I was scared you wouldn’t want me anymore ….but then I just couldn’t stay away anymore….I love you so much”

            Gabriel hated himself for lying; hated himself more for telling this particular lie.  But it seemed to work on Chris. He pulled him in closer; hugging him tightly

            “yeh babe, I’m not angry…..it wasn’t your fault that bastard took you….I know you love me….I mean, who wouldn’t right?”

            Gabriel smiled weakly; trying to fight the urge to push Chris off and go and throw up.

            “But from now on, I’m going to be more careful with your clients…..make sure you’re safe babe”.

            Gabriel swallowed; he knew Chris would make him go back to prostituting; he’d just hoped that he could persuade him that maybe he could do something else, just like Sam said he could.

            “um babe…I don’t think I can do that anymore…I er I was thinking maybe I could stop…”

Chris laughed

            “c’mon babe don’t be dumb….besides we need the money, look at me….those fucking loan sharks fucked me right up….mmmmm but I don’t want to talk about your fucking job….haven’t seen you for ages….I’ve missed my baby’s ass….” He started to nuzzle Gabriel’s neck and pulled at Gabriel’s pants; pushing them down a bit and grabbing his ass. Gabriel let him; known this would happen. What he hadn’t considered was how strongly he would feel repelled and disgusted by Chris. All he wanted instead was Sam’s reassuring closeness and gentle kisses. But Chris’s hands were pushing him onto his back and pulling his pants down; exposing him. He wanted to cover up and run away. But this was his life now. Sam wasn’t going to come and save him now. No one was.

xxx

            It took a couple of days, but finally Alfie was starting to get better. Gabriel had made him soup and sat with him watching cartoons; fussed over him and tried to spoil him as much as possible. But Alfie wasn’t happy; he didn’t want to be back with Chris. In fact he told Gabriel clearly that he didn’t like Chris. Not at all. Gabriel had felt a fresh wave of guilt. He didn’t want to force Alfie to live with Chris: after all this was the man who had hurt Alfie so badly - Chris had beaten Gabriel in front of Alfie, had locked him in his room and forced Alfie to hit Gabriel. He knew that what Chris had done was unforgiveable. But living with Chris was the only way of surviving. How could he explain that to Alfie? On top of this problem, Alfie also missed Sam; had been crying for him. Gabriel had to tell him he couldn’t get upset about Sam and couldn’t talk about him; Chris would get mad. Besides, Gabriel really didn’t want to talk about Sam. Just his name made his heart hurt that little bit more. He wished he had just listened to Sam’s side of the story. But he’d just got angry and assumed the worse – and now he was paying for it. Sam no longer cared for him…..

            So whilst Alfie was getting physically better, he wasn’t happy. He clung to Gabriel in the day and then didn’t want to sleep alone. Of course, Chris wouldn’t allow Alfie in their bedroom. And Alfie’s general neediness was starting to piss Chris off. Gabriel felt stretched between the two of them; he couldn’t please them both no matter how hard he tried. And so often, he ended up doing what Chris wanted in fear of being hit or worse; Chris hurting Alfie. But the more he did what Chris wanted; the more upset Alfie would get…he couldn’t win…..

            Chris had been nice to him for the first couple of days; hadn’t talked about him going back to work again. But it didn’t last. And four nights after Gabriel had returned to Chris, he was standing on the street corner, in his red dress hugging himself and rocking back and forth in his high heels, in an attempt to keep warm and smiling and shaking his ass at the random men who drove slowly past him.  It was almost as if nothing had changed; as if he’d never met Sam……but things had changed and Gabriel couldn’t forget……

Xxxx

            Gabriel was kneeling down on the car floor, his head in between Zachariah’s legs, swallowing down his fat cock….

            Earlier that night….

            Gabriel had been out for a couple of hours and no one had stopped. The familiar feeling of fear and desperation was seeping in….Gabriel didn’t doubt that Chris would be raging if he didn’t at least bring something back……he looked around; there were other prostitutes on this corner…..some of them young (…too young); others looked as beaten and jaded as Gabriel felt. He’d always hoped that somehow he would get out of this game….he looked over at some of the older queens…..one looked like he was in his later forties. Gabriel shuddered - he didn’t know what was worse – dying or living this life _for that long_. But he knew he had to try and keep going for Alfie……

            Finally Gabriel had been picked up…..just a typical, _normal,_ guy: probably had a wife and kids and a dog – not the sort of guy anyone would think would pick up a sleazy hooker from a street corner. Gabriel had grabbed up the guy’s money and was just leaning over to undo the guy’s belt, when someone had tapped on the car window. Zachariah. Fuck, that cop had the worst timing. Gabriel couldn’t afford to be giving freebies right now - but hardly like he had a choice. So that’s how Gabriel ended up sucking off Zachariah….trying to get him off as quickly as possible so he could get back to work…..

            “ohhhhh god, right there…..feels so _good…._ god I missed your mouth….”

Gabriel just bent down further, taking more of Zachariah’s cock till it was hitting the back of his throat….concentrated on breathing through his nose….. It was vile; but hell he was used to it. He could feel Zachariah was close and he prayed it would be over soon…..and then Zachariah was shooting his load down his throat…. Afterwards Zachariah seemed reluctant to let him go; pulled him up and lay with him; kissing him and stroking his body. Gabriel lay obediently under his weight; counting the seconds, barely listening to Zachariah’s incessant babbling, until he heard the name ‘Gavin’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh wow....this chapter did not want to get written...my inspiration completly left me and I really didn't want to hurt Gabe anymore :( but it had to be done.....my original idea is starting to come into play now and therefore this chapter had to be written in this way.....but yeah will need to tidy this chapter up and probably put more detail in....but just wanted to get it out there! 
> 
> PLEASE comment and/or kudos - is so helpful to me!
> 
> and oh yeah I have tumblr (tomorrowgoes)....don't have much stuff on it....but hey, come chat to me :)


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A SUPER THANK YOU to people who commented last time.....REALLY means a lot and really keeps me going :)

            It was 3am before Gabriel finally stumbled though the doorway. Home; Well kind of.

            Chris wasn’t there, so Gabriel was able to breathe a little easier. Sure things had been _ok_ with Chris…he hadn’t really been hitting him (well not that hard)…..it was just that the violence was always a threat, like a looming thunder cloud.

            He stepped into the shower; the cold water abrasive on his pale skin. It had been his first night working – sure he’d sold his ass a couple of times when Alfie and he had been sleeping rough….but that at least felt _temporary._ Now he’d returned to Chris, it was like everything was just supposed to snap back into place, like an elastic band….just go back to how it had been; back to being a good little whore. But after having the break away from Chris; seeing how things could have been with…..well it was 100 times harder now to stand back out there, wearing those slutty clothes and pretending that everything was _fine._

Gabriel desperately tried to push away the memories of the night…..he was being stupid; this was his job; this was all he could do. He vigorously scrubbed his body; but he could still feel the echo of sweaty hands touching him….. He stopped the cold run of the water and hugged a towel around himself. He took a deep breath. _Things were fine; he was lucky to have Chris, he was being stupid….._ but Gabriel knew he couldn’t pretend anymore; he felt trapped and afraid. But that wasn’t the worst of it…..

Xxx

**Several hours earlier**

            Zachariah hugged Gabriel close to his bulbous stomach; petting his hair and rubbing Gabriel’s body all over with his meaty palms. Gabriel lay there swallowing down the disgust; could still feel the aftertaste of Zachariah’s seed in his throat. He’d just wanted to get out of the car; but Zachariah had wanted someone to ‘talk’ to. It wasn’t like Gabriel could refuse. It had been dull mostly and Gabriel had barely tuned into the complaints about his home life (apparently he still lived at home with his mother). But then Zachariah, perhaps sensing Gabriel’s lack of interest, had turned to talk about his work life – it was almost as if he was trying to impress him – said he was getting involved with ‘real police work’….Gabriel hadn’t followed the details until he mentioned ‘Gavin’…..apparently there was a huge police operation to bring down Crowley’s organisation. In three nights’ time, Crowley, Gavin and several others of Crowley’s most trusted were to meet at the dockside with representatives from an infamous Columbian drug syndicate in order to buy a large quantity of drugs, with a view to make further deals. But it was a set-up; the police were going to break up the deal and arrest Crowley and the others in the process. Apparently the police had already collected further damning evidence against Crowley’s crew. It was only a matter of time before they were all gonna be sent down. As Gabriel lay there listening to Zachariah ramblings; his stomach knotted – what if Sam was going to be there? Gabriel had already thought a lot about Sam’s involvement with Crowley and Gavin and had come to the conclusion that whatever Sam had done….he wasn’t a bad man. Sam had probably felt trapped….thinking he couldn’t do anything else…just the same as Gabriel felt about his ‘job’. And dread had gripped Gabriel then; what if Sam got arrested and sent to prison? He didn’t deserve that…….. Gabriel knew he had to talk to Sam; find out if he was going to the dockside and stop him….even if Sam didn’t want him anymore, he knew he had to do this for Sam…..

Xxxxxx

**The next morning**

            Gabriel woke to find that Alfie had crawled into his bed with him; his little fists clinging tightly to Gabriel’s t-shirt. He sighed…..he knew Alfie hated living with Chris and he couldn’t pretend anymore that Alfie didn’t know about Chris’ violence…….He wondered where Anna was; whether she’d be angry for what he had put Alfie through. He’d always tried to protect Anna and he’d failed at that…and now he’d also failed at protecting Alfie. He was worthless; couldn’t do anything right.

            He shifted slightly – he was gonna have to get Alfie up and ready for school and then go and speak to Sam. At least Chris wasn’t around, so he’d be able to slip out. He wondered what it would be like to see Sam again…..but what if Sam refused to speak to him? The last time he had tried to see him, _that_ woman had made it quite clear Sam didn’t want him……he’d wondered who she was; was she just a friend or was she something more? Maybe an ex-girlfriend or a _girlfriend?_ Had Sam moved on that quickly? But it didn’t matter….going to see Sam now wasn’t about getting back with him; clearly that ship had sailed. He just wanted to stop Sam getting arrested. That was all.

            Just then Alfie began to moan slightly, gripping onto Gabriel’s t-shirt even tighter….he was clearly having another bad dream.

            “Alfie, honey, wake-up….it’s just a bad dream”; Gabriel shook him slightly

Alfie woke up slowly; his eyes blinking with the morning light. Tears were evident in the corner of his eyes. Alfie mouth started to turn down and he muffled back a sob as he tried to speak.

            “Uncle Gabe….I, I, I…”

            “Shhhh, Alfie it’s ok, it was just a bad dream”

Gabriel pulled him close and hugged him tightly

Xxxx

 **Several hours later…**.

            Gabriel was standing outside Sam’s motel room door; just willing himself to knock. It was stupid; he was being a wuss. It wasn’t like he was here to try and win Sam back or anything. He just wanted to help him. That was it. So what did it matter if Sam was now with some beautiful, totally together, _woman?_ It wasn’t like it could have worked with him anyway, a trashy whore. But despite himself, he had still made an effort – had washed his hair and tied it back, was make-up free (well just a little foundation to cover some bruises and some mascara…because well, mascara is a _necessity)_ and was wearing the black jeans and white t-shirt that Sam had bought him. It wasn’t like he looked _attractive;_ but at least he didn’t look like such a slut. He cringed at the memory of when he first met Sam…..

            And so he knocked at the door. And again. And again. Nothing.

            So Gabriel went to find the manager; thought he could leave a message or something with him. But according to the manager, the room was now empty. Sam was gone.

XXXX

            The rest of the day kindof passed as a blur. Gabriel couldn’t stop thinking about Sam. He didn’t want to admit it, but maybe part of him had hoped that maybe, just maybe that he and Sam could talk about everything that happened. That Sam would make him understand about Gavin and the job…..that Gabriel would be able to convince him to quit…..and that _stupid_ woman would just fuck off….and then he, Sam and Alfie could all run away together somewhere….somewhere near the ocean, Gabriel had near even been to the beach before......But now Sam was gone, god knows where. And in two days there was a strong possibility, that Sam was gonna show up to a drug deal and get arrested…..Gabriel swallowed down the cold coffee and stared morosely around at the flat. He didn’t know what to do…..

            And then there was the letter from Alfie’s school on the breakfast bar. Alfie had pulled it out of his bag that morning and left it on the side before darting out of the door. Gabriel didn’t know what it said but it looked official…..He could feel a headache starting. Another problem. It was just too much. He could feel his eyes closing….he just wanted to sleep.  

            He curled up on the unmade bed and drifted off. In his dreams, he could see Sam’s huge smile, could almost hear his laugh. He was in Sam’s arms – he felt safe, _loved._ And Sam was kissing him….he wanted it. It felt _so good;_ their tongues exploring…..And then Sam was gently pulling down his pants, slipping a hand inside his boxers, stroking his dick. It was just the right pressure, the right speed. He could hear himself moaning out. He didn’t want it stop; he pulled Sam closer. But then it changed; Sam was started to get rough, holding his dick just that bit too tight. And then all of a sudden, Sam was pushing his cock inside Gabriel….it was too soon, he was too big….and Sam’s weight upon was crushing his chest; he couldn’t breathe. Gabriel’s eyes flew open. And it wasn’t Sam on top of him. It was Chris.......

            x

            Gabriel lay staring at the ceiling, let Chris get on with it. Gabriel’s earlier arousal had faded away. But Chris had continued to thrust hard inside him, groaning as came inside him. It was all over pretty quickly anyway. No harm done. What had hurt more; had been the snap back into reality; reminding him that Sam was just a fantasy.

            Chris nuzzled into his neck, nibbling and sucking as he rode out the final wave of his orgasm. Gabriel could still feel Chris’ softening cock inside of him. He wanted to scream to just GET IT OUT; but he didn’t.

            “mmm, babe, that was nice…..” Chris whispered in his ear “but you didn’t cum”

Gabriel did his best to force out a smile “it’s ok…I, I just like being with you babe…I don’t need to cum”

            Chris sat back, his cock finally slipping out of Gabriel’s ass. He lent forward, gripping onto Gabriel’s cock.

            “I’m so good to you babe…..”

Some time later

            Gabriel hadn’t got hard, despite Chris’ attempts. Chris was pissed and gripping his cock too tight, Gabriel tried to squirm away as Chris continued to jerk him harder:

            “You’re dick is more like a clit anyway….fucking hell…it’s so small…you’re more like a fucking woman….no way you could ever top with that little thing…might as well just cut it off”.

            Gabriel’s heart stopped….he wouldn’t….he was just joking right?

            “babe stop please…I’m just tired….please”

            Chris started to twist his balls; Gabriel tried to pull his hands off to no avail. Chris just laughed as Gabriel started to cry…..

**Two days later…..**

            It was late afternoon; the street was empty. There was the threat of rain in the air, maybe even a thunderstorm…Gabriel shivered. He hated storms. He was standing on his usual corner looking every bit the whore. He was wearing knee high boots and a skin-tight leopard skin dress; his hipbones and newly pieced nipples, clearly visible through the thin material. He was wearing too much make-up again and had his blond hair scrapped into a high pony tail. He looked horrible and he knew it. But he didn’t care. His thoughts were on Sam…..this was the night that Zachariah had said the deal was gonna go down. Gabriel didn’t know even know if Sam was gonna be there….but he feared the worst. He knew he was gonna have to do it….was gonna have to go down to the dockside. If Sam was there, he was gonna have to stop him. With his mind made up, he left the corner, started to walk toward the dock…..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have some ideas for a sequel....although not sure if ppls would be interested??
> 
> Please comment and kudos - it's so inspiring :)
> 
> Also Fluffy if you reading....sorry I kinda nicked your idea about the thunderstorm.....can take it out if you don't like!!!


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok beware of the warnings/tags
> 
> Also as always, thanks so much to ppl who comment and kudos - makes me SO happy :)

It took Gabriel an hour to walk to the edge of the city. On the way, some guys had yelled at him from their car, called him a _slut,_ threw a couple of beers cans at his head. It hadn’t really hurt; but the dregs of the beer had gone in his hair; spilled on his dress. It didn’t matter. Except that it did. He kept on going though. When he finally got there, he almost backed out. The harbour side wasn’t exactly a safe place for gay hookers. But he figured if he loitered by the entrance, he would see if Sam drove in and then he wouldn’t have to fully go in. He leaned against the wall, could almost hear the ocean under the sounds of the honking boats and men yelling and shouting at each other. If Sam was coming, he hoped he would get there soon…….

             As it turned out, Gabriel didn’t have to wait long before he saw Sam’s unobtrusive silver Vauxhall driving toward the entrance. He could feel his heart literally skip a beat; he hadn’t seen Sam since the argument; since he’d yelled that he never wanted to see him again. And now all he wanted to do was jump back into those strong arms and just be held. He swallowed hard; he knew he was here to convince Sam to leave; to not get arrested but, but….there was a tiny spark of hope. Maybe, if Sam explained everything about Gavin, maybe things could work out? He’d _missed_ him so bad. He couldn’t help but admit that now.

            He saw Sam drive through the entrance and park up nearby. He took a deep breath, squared his shoulders, put his best sexy smile on and walked toward the car.  As Sam climbed out of the car, Gabriel almost faltered. God damn it, the man was _stunning._ Was he just being deluded that Sam had ever liked him? Maybe Gavin was right. He shook himself, he had to talk to Sam about the arrest, the other stuff could wait…..

            Just then, Sam looked over, looked twice. Almost as if he couldn’t quite believe that it was Gabriel. Gabriel he knew he looked like a pathetic, ugly sight, but he pushed himself forward, still holding the smile. Never show fear. Or Shame. Or any other emotion.

            Sam walked over to him, he looked _pissed_ , grabbed him by the arm, pulled him closer to the car

            “Gabe, _what the hell?_ What the…..”

Before Sam could finish, Gabriel had pulled his arm free

            “Sam, look, I can’t explain everything right now, but you need to go, I know what you’re doing here….and you’re gonna get arrested, you need to leave, like _now_ ”

            Sam took a step back as if trying to process the unexpected scenario in front of him. It was almost as if he was frozen.

            “C’mon, you gotta go”

Gabriel tried to pull on Sam’s arm a bit; opened his car door. The action seemed to spur Sam into motion and he slammed the door shut

            “Gabriel, what the fuck? What the fuck? I'm not going nowhere….and what the fuck?! why are you even here telling me this shit? _you_ dumped me, left me in that freaking motel..and what? How do you even know I’m gonna get arrested and….oh my god” Sam stopped talking as he looked at Gabriel’s busted face and slutty attire in horror “you went back to him didn’t you?” Gabriel looked away, biting his lip.

            “Oh freaking hell, I should’ve known…man, I’m so fucking stupid to think you wouldn’t….you just couldn’t keep away from him”

            Gabriel slapped him suddenly. It wasn’t hard, but it just happened. He just wanted Sam to stop looking at him with disgust; stop judging him.

            “Look I don’t care what you think of me….you think I’m a slut who likes getting hit, fine, whatever! But I’m serious, this er guy who picks me up, Zachariah, he’s a cop and he told me they’re doing a drugs bust down here…..please Sam you gotta listen to me, I just want to help you….”

            Sam rubbed his jaw where Gabriel had slapped him, leaning back on the car, he looked over at Gabriel slowly

            “Gabriel look, I'm not listening to this…..it’s probably just one of Crowley’s cops, who heard about this deal and wants to sound important or something by telling you he’s in some fuckin’ bust….besides you think I haven’t sorted out the security for this place….no one is going to get arrested, so just leave”

            Gabriel shook his head

            “I’m not going anywhere….I, I, know I never stopped to listen to your side…and I don’t know what you’ve done Sam but I don’t think you’re a bad man….whatever your involvement is with Gavin and Crowley, you deserve a second chance at things, you don’t deserve to get arrested…and um, I know what it looks like me being back with Chris….but I don’t want to be with him..I really don’t……” Gabriel paused a bit before continuing “I want you to um maybe give us a second chance……”

            Sam looked away briefly, almost looked as if there were tears in his eyes but when he looked back at Gabriel, his face was blank and it was like he hadn’t heard anything Gabriel had said;

            “Gabriel, you need to GO”

            Gabriel heart dropped a bit but he just shook his head again

            “No, Sam…”

He didn’t get a chance to finish, Sam was grabbing his arm hard, trying to pull him toward the entrance, Gabriel was struggling, started to shout

            “NO! Sam, I’m not going until you get in the car and get out of here…..the COPS are coming”

Sam stopped abruptly

            “you’re giving me no choice here are you?”

Gabriel smiled a bit and shook his head again. Sam sighed;

            “Gabriel get this into your head…I DON’T love you….I don’t want to be with you…you’re fucking prostitute…I’m over my whole ‘rescue-a-whore’ thing…so yeah, just let me get back to work, get on with my life and you get on with yours….just go”

            Sam didn’t look at him, just walked away. Gabriel stood for a moment. He couldn’t process what had just been said – “ _Fucking prostitute_ ” , “ _Rescue-a-whore thing_ ” -  the words ringing in his ears. He couldn’t cry, he couldn’t throw up, all he could do was stand there. He could literally feel his heart being torn and ripped inside his chest.

            “Right, of course, yeah”

He whispered to himself, before turning around and slowly walking out of the gates, shoulders slumped.

Xxxx

            Gabriel didn’t know how he managed to get ‘home’. His head felt like it was in a bubble; like he wasn’t quite connected to the world around him. His feelings were so mixed up like a kaleidoscope…confusion, anger, sadness…..blurring and sliding into one another uncontrollably….and underneath it all he just physically _hurt._ All he kept thinking about was Sam - he’d known it was a long shot telling Sam how he felt, taking the choice to trust that he wasn’t what Gavin had said…..and he’d _hoped_ …..it was stupid. And after all that he hadn’t _even_ managed to get Sam to leave the dockside…he was probably being arrested _right now_ …..Gabriel pushed the thoughts away. It didn’t matter. Sam didn’t want him; had never wanted him, just needed to ‘rescue’ someone to make him feel better – and now Gabriel didn’t have any further use……just a disposable toy, that’s all he ever was. 

            Gabriel climbed the stairs slowly. It wasn’t really late, like 9pm or so. He knew he should stay out on the corner, but he couldn’t do it. He didn’t have any money saved….had given the last of the money that he had earned from Gavin all those weeks ago to Chris to pay for the bills…..but he just couldn’t sell himself tonight. He just felt…..too _hurt._ If Chris wanted to beat him then Gabriel didn’t care….almost wanted it; anything to take his attention away from the _hurt inside._

He pushed open the front door with some trepidation. He hoped Chris wasn’t in; he even hoped that Alfie was in bed….couldn’t face pretending to him that everything was fine.

            He could hear a low beat of music coming from the lounge area; the hum of voices, and damn it! The heavy scent of marijuana.….shit! Chris must have friends over. He wondered if he could get to the bedroom and slip into bed without anyone noticing…..but before he could decide what to do; Chris had come out of the lounge, saw him standing in the hall.

            “Babe….you’re back early”

He had a stupid grin on his face, must have smoked a lot already. He stepped closer to Gabriel…lent in and kissed him hard, possessively. Chris still had a broken arm, but was strong and pushed Gabriel against the wall easily and took his mouth again in a hard kiss. Gabriel wanted to fight him off…..but then, what was the point? Besides Chris was his boyfriend, he could do what he wanted to him. 

            Vern stepped out of the lounge then, leaned against the doorframe,

            “Alright love birds…..” He grinned at them both, a wide smile which showed his crooked, yellowing teeth. Chris released Gabriel then;

            “Thought you were meant to be working babe”

Gabriel nodded

            “Yeah…yeah….I’ll get back….”

It would be better to be on the street that up here with Chris _and_ Vern. But Vern stepped forward:

            “Nah, don’t let him go yet Chris, reckon we can find a use for him…..”

Chris smiled slowly again and then pushed Gabriel forward into the lounge, slapping his ass hard as he went.

             The room was occupied by a couple of Chris’ ‘mates’; Gabriel recognised them as other small time drug dealers from the local area. One guy was rolling up, the other lounging on the sofa, a beer in hand.  Gabriel swallowed, just tried to sit down in the corner. But Chris pulled him onto his lap.

            “ay, Ryan, give us a joint here…my boyfriend wants to get high”

Normally Gabriel would have protested, said he didn’t want to. But this time, he just didn’t care. Chris pushed the roll-up to his lips and lit it. Gabriel inhaled deeply; the feeling rushing back. He used to get high all the time…..He lent back, still toking on the cigarette. Chris’ hands were wandering up his dress, pulling it up around his waist, started to play with his cock. Vern was leaning over, watching with interest. And then Gabriel could feel Vern’s hands on his lower leg, rubbing them slightly, getting higher and higher, just like his mood. He lent back on Chris further and arched his back, opening his legs wider. He knew what they were gonna do….might as well just them let get on with it. He was a fucking prostitute after all.

xxxx

            The next morning Gabriel woke to someone incessantly nudging him

            “Uncle Gabbbeeeee, wake up”

            Gabriel’s eyes immediately flicked open. Alfie. Shit. The light from the broken blinds streamed in, exposing the room for the state it was; beer bottles lay discarded on the floor, along with a bong and several fag ends; and worse the heavy smell of weed hung in the air.

Gabriel’s head was pounding; last night with Chris and his friends had been…. _nasty_. Gabriel tried to lock the memory away; and then the thoughts of Sam rose up and he tried to lock that away too….he just wanted to forget, forget, forget. He could feel Alfie’s worried eyes on him; he looked up at the sweet kid – wait….

            “Alfie why aren’t you in school?”

Alfie just looked down at him, tried to pat his hair;

            “you don’t look so good uncle Gabe, are you sick, do you need me to get you anything?”

            Gabriel groaned slightly, dreaded the sight he made; his over-done make-up was smudged over his face, his hair loose and wild…and then realised he was still wearing the dress, or rather it was hiked up around his waist, his lower half completely naked. Dried cum on his legs….Alfie had seen him like this? Gabriel felt a wave of shame…

            “Alfie, I’m sorry…..just let me get up, I’m ok hunny, I’m ok….”

Gabriel moved to get up and pull his dress down

            “Why are you wearing a dress Uncle Gabe….only girls wear dresses….”

Chris gave a snort, had appeared suddenly in the lounge doorway

            “That’s coz your Uncle Gabe is a little bitch, Alfie”

Alfie stiffened when he heard Chris’ voice, didn’t turn around and look at him. Gabriel got up off the sofa, tried to get ignore Chris’ comments, get past him. He just wanted a shower, sort himself out, so he could get back to Alfie.

            “not so fast…where are you going”, Chris grabbed him by the arm

            “I’m just getting a shower, babe…don’t, you’re hurting”

            Gabriel tried to smile while he pulled his arm away; tried not to show that his heart had started to beat faster, tried not to show the panic. Chris gave him a grin

            “yeh, me too, we’ll have to shower together, saves water…” he lent in, started to nuzzle Gabriel’s neck. Alfie looked at them and sighed. He went over to the window and opened it, started to clear up some of the beer cans while Chris continued to grope Gabriel.

            After the shower….

            Gabriel spat in the sink; trying to get the taste out of his mouth. He hated giving head in the shower….water always got in his eyes, the shower floor was too hard….plus Chris liked to hold Gabriel’s nose, liked to see Gabriel gasp and struggle for air; completely at his mercy….Gabriel finished spiting in the sink – He  caught a glance of himself in the mirror. He glared at himself;

            “I hate you”

Xxx

            The rest of the day, Gabriel tried to keep busy. Felt like he was on auto-pilot, just trying to get through the day while his heart didn’t feel like it was beating anymore. It had all been confirmed, his worst fears; Sam NEVER wanted him back. He was just a disgusting whore. Kept hearing those words that Sam had said to him…..

            He tried to spend time with Alfie; but it was hard. Chris was in the way; kept grabbing at him; didn’t like Gabriel giving any attention to anyone but himself. Alfie eventually gave up and went into his room.

            Gabriel was worried though. Alfie hadn’t been himself since they got back. Not really surprising, he guessed. And he also needed to talk to Alfie about the ‘official letter’ from school. He managed to disentangle himself from Chris, when someone rang. He walked to Alfie’s room:

            “Hey Alfie”

Gabriel spoke softly as he tapped on Alfie’s bedroom door, pushing it open. Alfie was curled up on bed, arm around his teddy. He looked tired. Gabriel perched at the end of his bed.

            “guess you missed the school bus now huh? You know you didn’t need to stay home to look after me, I’m fine…..but are you ok babs?”

            Alfie shifted to look at his uncle, he sighed

            “Music was loud last night…I couldn’t sleep…”

Gabriel shifted uncomfortably, he hoped the music covered up everything he had been doing with Chris and his mates.

            “I’m sorry….that was my fault…. Um I guess I’m not doing such a great job at being your uncle am I?”

Alfie frowned and then jumped up, wrapping himself around Gabriel

            “You’re the best uncle ever!” He paused a bit “but….but Chris isn’t though…I liked Sam better”

            Gabriel choked a bit when he heard Sam’s name, he looked away

            “Please Alfie, I told you not to talk about _him_ again”

Alfie ignored his request and continued

            “But Sam _was_ better…. _and_ he was so nice to you, he looked after you…and now Sam’s isn’t here and I can’t look after you so good”

            Gabriel didn’t think he could hurt anymore, but hearing Alfie say _that,_ just about broke his heart again

            “You, you don’t have to look after me….it’s _my_ job to look after you, Alfie”

Gabriel stroked Alfie’s hair as Alfie looked at him, as if not quite registering his words. 

Gabriel decided to change the subject

            “Alfie, I need you to tell me about that letter from school”

Alfie started to play with Gabriel’s t-shirt

            “Can we go to the zoo today?”

            “Alfie, I asked you a question”

Gabriel tried to sound stern, he knew being authoritative wasn’t his forte, but he had to _try_.

            “But I like the zoo and we can go and look at the mia cats again, pleaseeeeee”

            “Alfie! This is SERIOUS” Gabriel raised his voice a bit “What’s in the letter?” He was getting desperate, he needed to know……

            Alfie retreated to himself “I don’t want to say”

            “Please Alfie, tell me, I need to know”

            “Ummm, you’re not allowed to be mad at me”

            “OK, _ok_ ”

            “um I wrote a story um about the best day I ever had, for this um competition, it wasn’t for school, it was just for um this other thing me and er Sam were doing…and I wrote in my workbook….and um…anyway, I don’t know Miss Meg saw it and um she _really liked_ it” Alfie smiled up at Gabriel. He tried to smile back but he could feel that this story was not going to end well “um…but she asked me lots about it…and um I know you told me not to, but, but I told her that Chris hurts you _all the time…_ and she said she has to tell someone about it….and they’re going to come and ask you about it as well……and she wanted to phone you but you don’t have a phone and so she wrote you a letter….I, I didn’t tell her you can’t read….” Alfie was speaking fast before he suddenly stopped and then looked up “I’m sorry Uncle Gabe, was I bad?”

            Gabriel tried to smile, wanted to reassure Alfie but there was huge knot forming in his stomach. His thoughts were starting to race…school were going to get involved, they were going to tell social care, social care were going to find out he was a whore, gonna find out Chris was a violent, drug dealer…THEY WERE GOING TO TAKE ALFIE AWAY…..they were gonna hurt Alfie….Gabriel couldn’t breathe…everything was going wrong….he couldn’t take it…..

            “Noooooo Uncle Gabe, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please be ok”

Alfie was trying to hug him

            “I’m ok Alfie, don’t worry, it will be ok” Gabriel slide down to the floor. It was a lie. It wasn’t going to be ok. Not at all. Just then, Chris appeared in the doorway;

            “What’s going on?”

            “Nothing babe…it’s fine…..” Gabriel felt shaky, felt like his world was falling apart and he didn’t even have the first idea about what to do.

            Chris just nodded at him

            “C’mon, don’t leave me lonely out here”

Chris sounded sweet but Gabriel heard the menace in his tone. He didn’t want to leave Alfie but he didn’t want Chris to get angry…..just then a little hand touched his arm

            “It’s ok, Uncle Gabe….I just want to do some drawing now anyway, you can go”

            “Alfie, I, I…we need to um talk about this, _later”_

Alfie just nodded as Gabriel got up and Chris guided him into the lounge.

            The TV was on……

_“Police say it’s one of the biggest heists in recent history…..no figures have yet been reported, but a large amount of heroin and crack cocaine has been seized….several men have been arrested…..”_

Gabriel’s heart stopped as he sank down in front of the TV… _Sam_ ……….

            Behind him, Chris was cursing “Fucking pigs….hey babe…you wanna get high?”

Gabriel just nodded….

 Xxxx

            Later that night…..

A man was dragging Gabriel down the alley (the alley where he took most of his clients)….Gabriel stumbled a bit over his platforms – he laughed too himself over nothing at all. The man just ignored him and pulled him a long harder. The world was all bleary, he couldn’t quite make sense of it. He was so high; felt like he could taste the colours…like all his senses were merging into one. Nothing made sense and everything did. The man who was dragging him abruptly stopped and pushed him against the wall, started mouthing at his neck, feeling under his skirt. He couldn’t remember if the man had given him any money…tried to push him off…..he needed to ask him something about money – what was it? Gabriel’s head lolled back a bit. The man was pushing his panties down, pulled them off and threw them on the ground. He immediately grabbed Gabriel’s ass, pinching it before stuffing two dry fingers in his hole. Gabriel barely even felt it. The man was pushing his own pants down now, hiking Gabriel up against the wall; wanted Gabriel to wrap his legs around him. He complied as best he could; but couldn’t quite co-ordinate himself. The man didn’t seem to care that much; spat on his cock and then started to press it against Gabriel’s hole – hard and insistent – and then  started to fuck him – hot breath on his neck as he thrust in him. Gabriel’s back scrapping against the concrete wall behind him. The world was spinning faster, he might just fall off. The world seemed to be getting further and further…..he looked down toward the end of the alley, thought he saw someone standing there, someone very tall….thought maybe it looked a bit like SAM; but that was stupid, Sam had been arrested, Sam didn’t love him……..and then he was passing out as the man fucked into him harder…..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So please dont hate me....
> 
> I dont know, might go back and edit some stuff on this chapter....not sure I got it quite right...and I was really hoping to get the next chapter up soon (basically coz Gabe's had such a horrible time) but i'll have to see how things go....
> 
> Also...the bit about some guys yelling at Gabe, throwing beer cans at his head and calling him a slut? that happened to me....was not impressed!!
> 
> Please comment / kudos - helps me loads!
> 
> Also I reckon I am gonna do a sequel


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this chapter is big....so I will be making it into two chapters...but not sure where to break it....so for now it is one.....
> 
> I was going to make you guys wait for this....because seriously my life is freaking busy right now!! (uni sucks!) but then I felt mean, so have stayed up and written this instead of working (ha, who I am kidding...I defo wouldn't have been revising anyway)
> 
> But yeah comments, kudos, show the love!
> 
> This is Sam's story

_Nine years ago_

            Sam was standing in the family kitchen, arms crossed. Dean was in a similar stance; at least he had the decency to look ashamed. Castiel had already left; had cried and begged for Sam’s forgiveness; had said the whole thing with Dean “ _had just happened”_ ; apparently they had fallen in love – and Sam had never even noticed. Sam had just yelled at him to leave. And now he wanted Dean to leave as well. But Dean was staying, trying to make him understand, trying to apologise. And all the while, Sam could feel his heart breaking – his whole world was Castiel….and he just wanted someone else to hurt. And he _was so damn angry;_ he’d been betrayed by those closest to him; those he trusted the most. And then he said it; the thing he wished 1000 times since he’d never said;

            “I’ll NEVER forgive you or Castiel…….what you’ve both done to me…..I fucking _hate_ you both….y’know what this whole family is fucked, everyone just lies all the fucking time….y’know what dad said to me right before he disappeared, huh? He said it was _him_ that burnt down the house, he was drunk and one of his cigarettes caught fire….HE KILLED MOM…and he could never admit to it…he made us run around the country, fighting _imaginary demons_ , made us believe all that bullshit….but it was him all along…”

            Sam watched as Dean’s face crumpled; watched him fall apart. His father had told Sam several years before what had happened right before he dumped them with a family friend; Bobby Singer. But Sam had never told Dean; knew the truth of it would kill him; knew that Dean would rather believe his father’s fantastical version of events (that demons were real and killed their mother) than hear that his father was a waster who fucked up their lives and killed their mother.

            He left Dean then, standing alone in the kitchen; tears running down his face. But Sam just grabbed up his stuff; didn’t say goodbye; didn’t even know where he was going. He wasn’t even thinking; just needed to get out, needed to get away.  

            _Over Two years ago_

            Sam was lying faced down on the bed, he roused himself slightly and upon opening his eyes, he found Ruby gazing back at him

            “Hey baby…..you’re looking _rough”_

Sam grunted; right now he didn’t care how he looked – just about how he felt. As if reading his mind, Ruby got up and started to rustle around in her bag. She managed to produce some white powder in a little packet. She tossed it over to him; Sam grabbed it up desperately; poured it out on the bedside table. Ruby watched on, with an almost unperceivable smirk as Sam started to cut the lines; it was going exactly to plan, exactly how her boss wanted it to….Sam knelt over the line without even a backward glance.

            _1 year later_ …..

            Sam stood; watching on as the guy in front of him got repeatedly punched in the stomach by another much larger guy. He didn’t do anything, didn’t stop it; but inside he felt sick. The guy’s face was bleeding heavily now; his eyes rolling back in his head. He wasn’t gonna make it if he took much more of a beating. But Sam stood there impassively; didn’t want to make a move. But it was all wrong, he wasn’t a gang member, wasn’t a violent thug….he was _a cop after all……._

XXXX

            Sam had originally enrolled as a cop because he thought he could make a difference. And he wanted to get away from Dean, from Castiel from all his problems….But it hadn’t worked out like that really….he’d thrown himself into work and found that he was actually _really good_ at it. He got promoted again and again….but he still felt empty inside. He met other girls, other guys….but they all seemed to mess with his head and break his heart. He couldn’t catch a break. And so he just worked harder. Tried to forget everything…. and then he finally got promoted into the special ops….got to start working undercover and that’s when things really got fucked up.

             He was working undercover as _Sam Wesson_ (*not his actual name, but close enough to his real name of Sam Winchester, that he could easily get used to it). He was investigating one of the big mafia families in the city but he’d been made. Sam didn’t realise it at the time though – no one did. Ruby was just another member of the organisation…she was considered weak; the plan was to get close to her and turn her. But it didn’t work out like that. She knew who he was all along – played on his weakness, his fears….it didn’t take long before he was hooked on more than just her love. And the white powder took everything away – the loss of his mother, his anger toward his father; Dean and Cas’ betrayal….and the rejection of every other lover….but before long he was not the one chasing the dragon; it was chasing him……

            ….and soon he was spilling all the secrets; all the information gathered by the investigation, even started feeding the police bad information….only Ruby and a few of the top guys knew who he really was, the other members didn’t have a clue. And things got worse…he  got deeper and deeper into the organisation’s more violent activities. He started taking more and more drugs just to handle the memories of everything that he had done. And he started getting a reputation as a tough and merciless leader. And even Ruby’s love was not enough to hide how much he hated himself…..and finally he realised Ruby had never loved him, just used him…..

            Soon after that epiphany, the cops were onto him….found out he was leaking information; that he was an addict…..they were gonna prosecute; going to send his ass to jail for a long time. He knew it was no more than he deserved. And a part of him was relieved; it was all over. No more lying.

             But then some of the team heard on the wire chatter going between members of the mafia and Crowley’s organisation (an even more prominent and violent crime family) – talk about _Sam_ ; his reputation.  And the cops found a new use for him; if he got cleaned up; if he sorted himself; if he did this job, then they wouldn’t charge him….he was the only who could do it – police had been trying to get someone in on the inside for Crowley for years and never got anywhere….

            And so he begged Ruby to let him go; said the cops wouldn’t come after their organisation (at least not for a while)….just as long as she introduced him to Crowley as a cruel and soulless bastard. She agreed with barely a second thought; that stung – she never cared at all.

             He was offered rehab but he rejected it – he didn’t want anyone’s help. So he just took himself off a couple of weeks; got a cabin in the middle of nowhere – time to get clean, to think – to leave Ruby and everything evil that he’d done behind…….He was determined that he was going to put everything right; he was gonna make a difference…..and then after he’d done this job he decided he was just gonna disappear. He’d thought about lots of ways he would do it; would kill himself…..he figured he would jump from somewhere high; a fall from grace somehow fitted with how he perceived his life had gone. He just wanted to get this final undercover job done so he could go; so he could leave and no longer have to live this life that he’d got so wrong….wasn’t like he cared about anyone; wasn’t like anyone cared for him.

_The first night Sam moved into the apartment_

            It didn’t take long to get his few belongings packed up into boxes and shoved in the hallway. He came up the stairs with the final box….he was panting; he was gonna have to get fit again….while he’d been on the drugs, he’d let his body slide…..and then as he entered his apartment, he found a man wearing a _red dress_ , bending over his things, looking intently at the photo of him and his brother……He was covered in bruises but somehow still managed to smile and joke…..and in that moment when Sam met this man, everything changed…..

            And then he met Alfie…..the kid made him smile; the first time in a long time that had happened.

            After that Sam found the man in the red dress on the street….after what looked like a pretty vicious rape. It was.....horrifying and Sam felt so incredibly sad and angry; like he just wanted to fucking hit something so bad….but he pushed these feelings away, he didn’t want to feel anything….feeling meant _caring._ But he took the guy to hospital anyway….

            Not long after, Alfie started coming around to his flat on a regular basis….and deep down he loved it. The kid was funny and clever and so sweet. And another reason that he loved to see Alfie was that even though he didn't want to admit to anyone, least of all himself....he was lonely.

            And then that day happened when the man, Sam had only met briefly, turned up on his doorstep with Alfie…..and Sam found out that his name was Gabriel; that his boyfriend beat him up....and that he was most beautiful and wonderful and funny and brave man that Sam had ever met. And Sam just wanted to help him….wanted to protect him. And protect Alfie too. But it terrified him….this feeling, whatever it was…..he didn’t want to feel; he just wanted to get his undercover job done with Crowley and then _go._ THAT WAS THE PLAN. 

          The interview with Crowley went well….of course going in Sam had been terrified (not that anyone would have ever guessed from cool appearance). Fortunately Crowley was impressed…. Ruby had definitely embellished upon his past criminal activities…she made him sound like a complete _psychopath._ But what did it matter….Crowley lapped it up and he got the job. Although when he heard what the job was his heart sank…..Gavin sounded like a grade A tool.

            But he tried to focus on work, tried to forget about Gabriel; about Alfie. But then he saw Gabriel on the street….and met his boyfriend Chris as well. It killed him to see how Chris treated Gabe – like it was ok to hit him, treat him like trash, like a piece of meat. It was _disgusting_. He wanted to hit Chris right there, but he knew he had to keep it together. If his police boss found that he was going around punching random pimps, he would not be pleased. So he gave Chris money instead; took Gabriel to a little café. Sure it wasn’t the greatest place, but maybe it felt a bit like a date. And Gabe was sweet, trying to ask him questions about himself....but he didn’t want to talk about himself; about his love life….didn’t want Gabe to know how much of a loser he was. But it ended up coming out anyway…..Gabe didn’t seem to judge him about anything, about the mess of his life, about the drugs...he just seemed to _understand_ ….he even tried to cheer him up; told him loads of cute stories. And Sam felt _safe;_ like he’d trusted the right person with his hurt.

            But that night he couldn’t sleep….his thoughts kept him awake…and maybe just maybe he was staying awake and keeping his front door slightly open because he was waiting for Gabriel to walk past…..and then he heard him, crying in the hallway. And even though he told himself it was a bad idea, he invited the guy in……and it seemed that Gabriel liked him, even seemed to want to have sex. And Sam couldn’t stop himself….Gabriel was _so beautiful; he just wanted to worship him._ He barely registered the bruises and the scars; all he saw was Gabriel’s beauty. But then Gabriel got upset when Sam tried to go down on him…..seemed to think that Sam should just fuck him hard and not treasure him and treat him with the respect that he deserved. It was so fucking sad. Sam just wanted to hug him close; wanted to take his hurt away. And that night Sam heard his nightmares, heard his screams….he didn’t know what they were about….but it destroyed him to see Gabriel so scared.

            But then when he woke up the next morning Gabriel was gone. Sam tried to tell himself that it didn’t matter….but he felt _hurt._ So he did what he always did - threw himself into work. As expected, Gavin was a complete _loser…._ but worse than that he was vindictive and spoilt. He wanted attention, to be noticed….luckily Sam managed to get away a couple of times, sneak into the office and start downloading information for his computer….stuff about their contacts, their business…..everything the police needed for conviction…..but the work didn’t matter, he but he kept thinking about Gabriel. And after he’d spent enough time hanging with Gavin and the crew, he went back to his place. It wasn’t home. And he felt lonely......And then Gabriel knocked on the door; had Alfie with him – wanted him to take care of the kid while he worked. Sam didn’t want to; could see that Gabriel had got hit again – wanted Gabriel to stay, wanted to look after him. But it came out all wrong..….besides Gabriel didn’t seem to care about him at all. And it hurt all over again.

            And worse, Alfie seemed pretty messed up….what was going on with Gabriel and Chris was not good for him….and when Sam heard _everything…_ he wanted to KILL Chris…he knew he was going to have to talk to Gabriel….things were starting to get complicated and he felt himself being sucked into their world….and for once, he didn’t want to fight it. He wanted to help. But Gabriel was so stubborn, he wouldn’t take the help Sam offered. Man it pissed him off…..

            And then they had the birthday party for Alfie; it was the most fun Sam had had for a LONG time...and he couldn't help himself, he couldn’t hold it in anymore, he needed to tell Gabriel _how much he cared…._ and then it had just happened; they kissed again….and it was amazing and wonderful and Sam never wanted it to stop….and that night, nothing else happened between them but Sam didn't mind...he loved just being close to Gabriel, feeling his body meld around Gabriel's smaller frame...it felt like they fitted....and then the trip to the zoo….and it was all so perfect…..and he couldn’t stop himself hoping….but then it seemed like Gabriel was rejecting him, pushing him off, saying that he needed to _think…._ And Sam got angry; shut the door in Gabriel’s face…afterwards he regretted it but by then he was half way across town; was going to get drunk with Gavin, of all people. But he had to do it….had to get his head back in the game…he had a job to do after all. It was a stupid mistake…taking those pills, those lines…it reminded him of the person he no longer wanted to be….and it terrified him how easy it was to fall back.

           He was a mess that next day....but then Gabriel was at his door….and Sam managed to completely shame himself by throwing up all over him. But Gabriel didn’t mind, he looked after him, even though later Sam found out that he was really hurt himself….He never told Gabriel that it wasn’t the flu, he was ashamed of his weakness of going back to drugs again…..It was at this point that Gabriel told him that he _did_ care about him. Sam was ridiculously happy. But Gabriel seemed pretty scared about his lame ass boyfriend….Sam didn’t care about him, he had definitely dealt with more dangerous men. He just wanted Gabriel to have faith in him, that he would be able to protect him and Alfie…But Gabriel said he needed to sort things out, he just seemed to scared to leave Chris. 

            Later Alfie creeped into his flat; declared he was going to run away. He told Sam just how awful Chris had been and that was it; Sam couldn’t take it anymore. He ran upstairs to Gabriel’s flat…found him there being raped by his boyfriend; just lying on the bed while Chris pounded into him, his eyes staring blankly, his body looked so fragile….Sam went mad, beat Chris into unconsciousness. Afterwards when he took Gabriel to hospital, all he could feel was a deep sadness…and then it really hit home; all this time he’d been feeling sorry for himself….and here was Gabriel, barely surviving and still just trying to get on, with hardly a word of complaint….it was humbling.

            And Sam was determined Gabriel wasn’t going to be hurt again.

            But of course it wasn’t as simple as that.

            Everything with Alfie took time to resolve…Sam didn’t realise that Alfie blamed himself for Gabriel’s injuries….and Alfie tried to hide his feelings by getting angry; screamed out in the restaurant that Gabriel couldn’t read. Initially Sam was shocked….everyone could read….but then he was so proud of his baby; Gabriel had managed to survive everything without this basic skill.

            After Alfie's outburst, things seemed to get a bit better….sure Gabriel was pretty messed up but Sam just hoped he needed time……He just wanted to get closer to him. He realised he was falling in love. 

            And things were going well with work too; Gavin had let him on a new job that he was working out and Sam could see the potential for a massive drugs bust on this one. He just needed to get Crowley on board and he could bring them all down.

            But then things messed up…after a beautiful evening together, he'd had to leave and go back to work....And Gavin had turned up at the motel room - he'd taken his opportunity, hurt Gabe, forced him to have sex.....no reason other than he thought it was fun. Afterwards, Gavin had been propositioned him...Sam had known that for the sake of his job, he should take Gavin on the offer…..but no way. He didn’t give a damn about his job, all he cared about was Gabriel.

            But it was too late. Gavin had told Gabriel that Sam was working for Crowley, for Gavin.....that Sam was a criminal, a violent bastard who sold drugs and tortured and killed anyone who got in his way. And Sam desperately wanted to tell Gabe _everything._ But he couldn’t….it would be too dangerous for Gabriel to know the truth at this point…..And Gabriel didn't have faith in him, just believed Gavin. That hurt worse than hell. And so Gabriel left him. Sam tried to stop him….he didn’t even know where Gabe and Alfie were going to go…and it just hurt so bad, this rejection.....

And Sam couldn’t stop himself…. _nothing mattered….._ and he found himself in a dirty bar drinking his troubles away _just like his father._ And Jess had to come in, she was a cop as well (his contact point when he needed to report new information about Crowley)…..she had to drag him out of the bar, clean him up. She was _pissed_ that he’d managed to get involved with “ _some whore”,_ who messed him up.....told him that he needed to sort himself out; get this job done. And he agreed. Get the job done. Get the hell out.

            And so he went back to work; resolved things with Crowley and watched and waited as the drug deal started to come together…..all the while feeding information back to the cops. Everyone was excited. This was gonna be huge. They were gonna need extra men on board to cover the drugs bust. And Sam collected other information….more data off the computers…these guys were going down for a long time…..It was at least a small revenge for what Gavin had done to Gabriel...

            But Sam didn’t like to think of Gabe, of Alfie…it hurt too much. But he couldn't stop himself, he wondered where they were….he hoped they were safe…..

            And then on the night of the bust, Sam drove to the dockside; was so nervous but just wanted it to be done. He was wearing a wire so that everything could be documented.

            And somehow Gabriel was there….it was all so confusing…..and he saw what Gabriel was wearing….and his heart broke. Sam never looked at him in disgust (as Gabriel thought at the time)…instead Sam was looking at him in despair…it hurt so much to see the man that he loved treated so badly by the world…..And then Gabriel was saying he wanted a second chance. It was all too much….too confusing….Gabriel did want him, he did care??? He couldn’t get his head around it….so sure that Gabriel rejected him, like everyone else….And then Gabriel was trying to get him to leave…told him about Zachariah (afterwards Sam smirked about that one…all the cops listening had heard it…Zachariah was going to have some explaining to do)....but Sam couldn't leave, he had a job to do and he couldn’t tell Gabriel what was going on….the police were listening in plus Gavin and Crowley could turn up at any point…it was too risky to tell Gabriel the truth….And it wasn’t safe for Gabriel to be there. So he said the only thing he could think of to get Gabriel to leave. He called him a "fucking prositute"; told him that he didn’t love him. Sam couldn’t look at him in the face; couldn’t watch the devastation on his face……

            After that.....the drugs bust was crazy……everything went down as planned….it was perfect. The anger on Crowley’s face; the fear on Gavin’s – of course they didn’t know Sam had betrayed them. He got arrested like everyone else. It would be dangerous for Sam if they knew the truth.

            The next day was hectic…trying to sort through all the information…watching the interrogations…..but Sam kept thinking about Gabriel; knew the first chance he got, he needed to go and find him…sort things out….and now at least, he knew where to go.

            And so that’s where he found him….in the alley. Gabriel was off his head; wasn't even conscious....was being raped by some overweight bastard…The guy was hurting Gabe, violently thrusting into his body....like Gabriel didn't matter…..And Sam hadn’t been there for Gabe so many times; hadn’t been able to protect him…but he was here now and this time he could…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmm so what do you think???
> 
> also I know absolutely nothing about the police....my only information is based on "the wire" (awesome show)


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to people who commented and kudos.....makes me so happy to know people are enjoying the story!

**The next morning**

            Gabriel didn’t want to open his eyes….his head was pounding and he felt so sick he didn’t want to move. He wriggled slightly….whatever he was lying on was comfortable but….where the hell was he? And what the hell happened last night?

            He remembered that he’d got high with Chris earlier the previous day…just smoked some weed. He needed it after Sam’s brutal rejection and then finding out Alfie had told his school about Chris’ violence…He just needed all the hurt and worries to go away. Then Chris had given him a couple of pills and some shots of the cheap vodka…After that, he was pretty out of it….Chris had taken his clothes off, manhandled him into one of his ‘slutty’ outfits and then taken him down to his corner. Gabriel had hardly been able to stand but that hadn’t deterred anyone…..the last thing he remembered was being fucked roughly against the wall by a client, remembered his bad breath, his sweaty hands, the guy forcing his hard cock inside….and after that, Gabriel couldn’t remember anything…. Shit! maybe the guy had taken him to this place? His eyes flew open…he was in a motel room, alone. He was under the covers….a glass of water by the bedside. He pulled himself up and drank the water down.

The guy wasn’t anywhere…but maybe he had gone to get something (ropes, blindfolds….??)…Gabriel knew he had to get away before the man came back. Gabriel struggled out of the bed, his limbs heavy and non-compliant. He found that he was wearing a huge t-shirt that went down to his knees, but was naked underneath. He felt his hole…it felt _clean…_ that was weird…. _._ He looked about the room, he couldn’t see his clothes anywhere….not that he was entirely sure what he had been wearing the night before. But how the hell was he gonna get home wearing only a t-shirt and no shoes?  He slowly got up, started to cautiously look around but he couldn’t find his clothes in the bedroom or the little bathroom. He was panicking…he didn’t know how far it was to get back and the man could come back anytime….He quickly wondered if there was any money he could take (he figured the guy owed him for last night anyway). A cursory search indicated that the room was pretty devoid of any personal items…there were two huge suitcases by the wall but they were locked and the cabinet by the bed was locked as well……and no money. But he knew what Chris would say  when he returned with nothing…a feeling of dread settled upon him but he couldn’t think about Chris right now, he just needed to get out. So he went to open the door…but he was too late. The door was being opened….Gabriel screamed, he didn’t even look at the person entering….kept his head down and just ran at the guy in a bid to get past. But this person was a _huge_ wall of muscle, no way could Gabriel get past him. He was terrified, he needed to escape! The guy was saying something, trying to grab at him. Gabriel sank to his feet, clawing at the guy’s jeans and sobbing;

            “Please let me go, sir…please….”

He felt himself being picked up. He closed his eyes…he didn’t want this to happen, _not again_ ; could hear the door being shut behind them. And then he heard the man’s voice

            “Gabe, open your eyes honey, I’m not gonna hurt you…it’s me, SAM”

Gabriel wondered if he was hallucinating…..his mind taking him to a better place while he was in this terrible situation. No way this was SAM, he’d been arrested. Besides Sam didn’t care for him anyway. He kept his eyes screwed shut and his body tensed.

            The guy had sat down on the bed with Gabriel on his lap. He was holding him close, stroking his hair and whispering to him

            “It’s ok, Gabe…I’m sorry, I’m sorry…..please be ok”

Gabriel could hear his steady heart beat, took a deep inhale….the guy even smelt like Sam, even touched him like Sam…but it couldn’t really be him, could it? He slowly opened his eyes and looked up…it was Sam! Gabriel’s mind couldn’t process what his eyes were telling him….

            “Sam! I don’t…..”

            “Oh god, baby its so good to see you….are you ok….that _bastard_ yesterday was hurting you, I had to get you away”

            Gabriel didn’t say anything as he peeled himself off Sam’s lap, he didn’t trust himself to speak….He was trying to work out what was going on….it was like he just entered the freaking twilight zone….Sam had said he didn’t want him because he was a _fucking prostitute_ plus he'd been arrested…so how was he here? _Why_ was he here?

            “Look, please can you just let me explain everything….and you can leave and do what you want but please just let me say what happened”

            Gabriel just nodded dumbly as he stood in front of Sam. He didn’t know how to feel…it was like a dream.

            “Ok I’m just gonna say it…..I’m not really working for Crowley..I never was. I’m a cop, an undercover cop…been working to bring down Crowley’s organisation…and I was sent in to get the last pieces of evidence needed for the case….I couldn’t tell you…..and when you came to the dockside, babe, I couldn’t leave coz we were doing the bust that night and I couldn’t tell you then….I just needed you to go coz it wasn’t safe….oh Gabey, I’m SO sorry I said those things…I hated myself for saying that stuff to you…and it’s not true, it’s not true….I want to be with you more than anything…you have no idea…”

            “Wait, what….you’re a cop…..I don’t understand….what….all this time, you’re a cop” Gabriel said the words quietly, almost to himself.

            Sam looked at Gabriel nervously; would he hate him for lying and saying those cruel things. He grabbed his hand

            “Please….please forgive me babe….please…”

            Gabriel could barely take this in…..could all this be true? Could Sam really be a _cop_ ; AND could Sam really want him??

            “But I went back to the motel room and you weren’t there….”

It was Sam’s turn to be shocked

            “What? When did you go back….”

            Gabriel spoke softly, eyes cast down

            “um Like a week after I left…I realised I didn’t give you a chance to explain things…um but there was a woman there, she said you didn’t want me anymore…..I, I…didn’t know what to do….I missed you so bad….I’m sorry Sam that I didn’t listen to your side…it was just after Gavin, he was so convincing, he had all these videos of you and him partying….and I just felt s _o stupid…._ but I should have listened….” Gabriel started to cry.   “Oh hun” Sam pulled Gabriel in close, breathed him in “I think that might have been Jess, she’s my handler….but that was WAY out of line…I _never_ said that to her…. I told her about you, babe I was a mess when you left…I, I, started drinking…she said that I was letting personal stuff get in the way….but babe if I’d known you’d come by, I would have told you everything then……..and then you came to the docks, babe that was so brave..and you just wanted to protect me, god that meant so much…..….and when you said about giving us second chance, I was so happy …babe, I really want that, to give us a second chance….I just can’t imagine not being with you…..I’m so sorry for lying, for saying those terrible things, for not being there for you….”

            Gabriel sobs had lessened as he listened to Sam...He took a deep breath in;

            “I forgive you Sam….I forgive you”

Gabriel felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Looking at Sam, he knew this was the truth…. _he trusted him._ Things made sense – he’d always known, always felt, that Sam wasn’t a bad man, which was why he’d been so confused when Gavin seemed to provide evidence to the contrary. He’d thought at that time then, that everything he’d felt about Sam must have been wrong…but now he knew the truth. But he was still bewildered;

            “but why do you want me Sam, I’m nothing….look at me” Gabriel pointed to his emaciated bruised body clad in Sam’s huge t-shirt  “I’m used up old whore, I don’t even know how many men have fucked me……I’m _disgusting,_ why would you ever want me?”

            Sam gently pushed some of Gabe’s hair out of his face and shook his head slightly

            “oh babe, how could I not want you?…..you’re beautiful, brave, kind, funny… it hurts that you don’t see how wonderful you are Gabe” Sam paused before continuing  

            “I want you in my life….I want to fall asleep with you in my arms every night, and I wanna face each morning with you by my side….. I want us to just do normal stuff, like watch tv together and take Alfie to the park or zoo …I want to see you happy, to see you safe, I wanna take care of you and I want to be the one to put that beautiful smile on your face….I never want to hurt you. EVER…..I know what your job is, I know that Chris made you do it….your job isn’t who you are….and I don’t want you to ever have to do that ever again…..Gabe, I love you and nothing you can say, will stop me loving you”.

            Gabriel had been looking away the whole time Sam had spoken; tears slowly crawling down his face. Sam rubbed them gently with his thumb. He felt completely exposed, vulnerable. Gabriel turned to look at him slowly.

            “I love you too Sam”


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I really can't tell you guys how much it means to me when you comment and kudos - I love writing this story but it can be tough....so it's good to know your thoughts and feelings about it!

Sam couldn’t stop grinning – Gabriel was here with him. It felt so good to have told him about who he _really_ was and to finally tell him how much he loved him; how much he wanted to be with him. And when Gabriel had said he felt the same – well Sam was sure there wasn’t a happier man in existence.

            After that conversation, Gabriel seemed pretty exhausted, seemed content just to sit quietly on his lap, legs wrapped around Sam’s body, his head resting on his chest. He had his eyes shut and was so quiet, Sam wondered if he’d fallen asleep. He smiled to himself; Gabriel was just so cute. He started to stroke down Gabe’s back. But as he stroked him again, he realised he could feel all Gabriel’s vertebrae through the thin shirt. He rubbed his sides gently, could feel Gabriel’s ribs. Man, Gabriel had always been skinny but it seemed like he’d lost more weight since they’d been apart. He looked down, looked closer at Gabriel; could see the dark circles around his eyes, could see his hollowed cheeks; he looked like he’d been starving. Sam wrapped his arms around him tightly as if trying to keep the world away. He dreaded to think about how things had been for Gabriel the last couple of weeks. Obviously he knew now that he’d gone back to Chris and all _that_ entailed……

            He sighed; thinking back to how he’d found Gabriel the previous night - being fucked by some random guy in an alley. The dude didn’t even seem to care that Gabriel was unconscious. It was gross. And so fucking wrong. When he seen what the guy was doing, he’d yelled at him, run at him and pulled him off Gabriel. He was horrified when he realised that he wasn’t even using protection. It made him sick. The guy hadn’t put up much of a fight when he’d seen Sam. He was an overweight, middle aged man; hardly a match for Sam. Afterwards, Sam had just picked Gabe’s unconscious body off the ground, carried him back to his car. Laying him on the backseat, Sam had grimaced at Gabe’s appearance – his makeup had been crudely applied and he’d lost whatever top he’d been wearing. Sam could see someone had pierced both Gabe’s nipples; they looked sore and painful. The rest of Gabe’s exposed body had been covered in cuts and bruises. The only clothing he had on was a little leather skirt and platform shoes. Sam had never felt more desperate - this was no way for the man he loved, to live.

            When they’d got to his motel, he tried to rouse him. But Gabriel had been completely out of it. He’d hoped maybe a shower would wake Gabe up – initially he tried to put him in the shower with his skirt still on. But the skirt was dirty and stuck to Gabriel’s skin. He knew he was going to have to take it off -  Gabriel needed to be washed properly – after all that man had been fucking Gabe without protection. It was in no way sexual – he just removed Gabe’s skirt and cleaned his hole out quickly. He tried to be as gentle as he could, but Gabriel’s hole looked red and puffy. He tried not to think too much about the bruises.

             Afterwards, he had wrapped him in towel, found one of his t-shirts and popped that on. It had been late but Sam couldn’t sleep. Too many thoughts; too many fears. Plus he was worried that Gabe might choke in his sleep. In the morning, Sam had slipped out quickly to chuck out the shoes and the skirt; it had cum stains on it and was disgusting. Sam never wanted Gabe to wear that stuff again. He just hoped that once he’d told him about his true identity that Gabe would let him help even if he didn’t want to be with him.

            But it had all worked out! And now Gabriel was here with him, letting him touch him and hold him close. He felt like the luckiest man alive. But even though he was so happy, it was worrying how he’d found Gabriel last night – clearly off his head. He wondered what Gabe had been on – was he back to using? If that was the case, it would be dangerous for them both. Sam didn’t want to get tempted again but he sure wasn’t going to leave Gabe…..He knew they had a lot to talk about…….

xxxx

            Almost in a daze, Gabriel sat quietly on Sam’s lap, while Sam stoked his back. It felt so….good and so _normal_ , like they’d had not been apart. It had been amazing to find out the truth. It was still shocking though…Gabriel always thought he had a good sense for deception and trickery – it takes one to know one after all. But Sam had completely blindsided him. 

            Sam coughed slightly;

            “Look babe…about what happened last night…how are you feeling?”

            Gabriel didn’t know how to answer that question  – he wasn’t sure that anyone had ever really asked him. Besides he really couldn’t remember much at all of last night and what he could remember, he’d rather forget.

            “I er I’m ok”

Sam didn’t believe Gabe on that one. But he didn’t challenge him. Instead there was something else he needed to raise;

            “That guy wasn’t um, using protection”

Gabriel swallowed. He didn’t know how to tell Sam that this information was hardly a surprise.

            “I think you should get tested….”

Gabriel nodded slowly. He felt disgusting. What must Sam think? Once again, he wondered how Sam could possibly love such a dirty, broken thing like himself. And he wondered what would happen if he was……he pushed the thought away, he couldn’t think about it.

            Sam continued

            “I don’t care what the result is, I really don’t…but it’s important babe that, y’know, we er do get you um tested…..”

            Sam felt awkward talking to Gabriel about getting tested for STDs. He didn’t want to make him feel worried or judged. He sighed; sometimes seeing what the world done to this beautiful man hurt too much.

            Meanwhile Gabriel had been thinking about the night before, about the state that Sam had found him in....he cleared his throat;

            “Look I know what you’re thinking about the state I was in…. I was um high….I ‘d had some weed and vodka and um Chris gave me some pills, I don’t know they were…” Gabriel looked up at Sam “but baby I promise, I don’t want to be using…it just….it just got too much…...but I don’t ever want to touch any of that stuff _ever_ again”

            Gabriel’s face was pink with shame. Sam took a deep exhale; it was a relief to hear that Gabe didn’t want to use. Of course, he knew it wasn’t always that easy. But for now, it was enough.

            “Thanks for telling me babe….look I understand, I fell apart big time when we broke up….but I think from now on, we gotta work together to help each other stay on track…how does that sound, huh, babe?”

            Gabriel nodded slowly. It felt good to know that Sam needed him as much as he needed Sam. They just had to help each other.

They held each other for a bit, before Sam shifted slightly

            “C’mon babe, think we better go”

Sam wanted to move, to get going. Gabe clung tighter onto him, like a baby monkey.  He didn’t want to move; he’d missed Sam so much, just wanted to stay close to him and never let him go. Plus, it was safe here in the motel. He didn’t know what the next step would be. Of course he knew he wanted to be with Sam, to get away from Chris. But he was still scared of Chris, what he would do if he found out the truth about Gabe and Sam….and then there was everything that was going on with Alfie and the school…...

            “Where are we gonna go, Sam?”

            Sam looked thoughtful. Earlier when he’d spoken to his boss, he’d been told that he would still need to keep in touch with the police about the case, but he’d done his job and done it well. He was free to leave.       

            “Y’know I really don’t know!….um my work with the police, it’s over now…..I haven’t told you everything about my er _career_ and I will, but I think now isn’t the time… what I’m saying is, we’re free to go anywhere…I’ve got some money saved….we don’t have to stay in this city. We can take Alfie and go anywhere you want…”

            Gabriel took a moment to think about that. He’d been in this city most of his life. Didn’t really remember the place where he’d been born and lived with his Mom and Anna. This city was really all he’d known; with its stark skyscrapers, dirty sidewalks and urban chaos. He’d never loved it but it was familiar. But then….he’d always imagined escaping, going on adventures…

            “Can we go to a beach….I er I’ve never been before”

It was a dumb request. But instead of laughing at him, Sam smiled widely            

            “yeah lets do it! Lets go on a road trip….have a holiday…that’s a brilliant idea, I can’t wait to see Alfie and tell ‘im!”

            Gabriel smiled thinly

            “Look um, there’s something I need to tell you….Alfie told his teacher that Chris was, was hurting me…she said she was gonna call social care or something….babe I’m…. _scared…._ I’m scared they’re gonna take him _”_ Gabriel whispered the last part out.

            Sam hugged Gabriel again. What a mess this was – but he couldn’t help but feel proud that Alfie had tried to stand up for his uncle and told his teacher about the abuse.

.           “It’ll be ok babe it’ll be ok….we just need to tell them that you’re not with Chris anymore….that you’re with me, that you’re changing your life. They’re not gonna take him anywhere, I won’t let them….”

            Gabriel relaxed slightly. It felt good to have someone on his side. He wasn’t alone anymore. The thought of Alfie being taken….it was more than he could possibly bear. And it felt good to hear…about changing his life. He wondered briefly what life would be like if he was no longer a prostitute…..His thoughts were interrupted when Sam kissed him on the nose:

            “So what do you say….shall we go get Alfie?”

Sam shifted, moving Gabriel gently off his lap.

            “Yeah, but look can I call Chris, I just want to check he’s not at our place….”

Sam raised an eyebrow

            “babe, it doesn’t matter if he is, I won’t let him hurt you or Alfie”

Gabriel still looked worried

            “Please, just let me call and check please…”

In the end, Sam relented – gave Gabriel his phone, just changed the setting to ‘no number’. He couldn’t help but notice that Gabriel was shaking when he tapped in Chris’ number.  

XXX

            10 minutes later

Sam was driving to Gabe’s flat to pick Alfie up. He’d heard the phone conversation Gabriel had had with Chris – his _ex-boyfriend_ (although Chris didn't know that yet). Had seen how Gabriel had hunched up as Chris screamed down the phone at him….He clenched his fists. No way should anyone EVER talk to Gabe like that. Fortunately however, the phone conversation had revealed that Chris wasn’t at the flat. So Gabriel had deemed it safe to go back and pick up Alfie and their stuff.

             Out of the corner of his eye, Sam could see Gabe biting his nails and jigging his foot. He wasn’t wearing any shoes; of course Sam’s shoes were too big. Sam had only been able to lend him a t-shirt and some pants, had to use a belt to keep them but they still swamped him. He looked even smaller in Sam’s oversized attire. Sam reached out and gently rested his hand on Gabriel’s leg

            “Don’t worry, it’ll be ok”

Gabriel gave him a quick smile; but Sam knew him well enough now to see that he was scared.

            Sam pulled up on the road by the apartment block. It was weird being back.

            “You don’t have to come up”

Gabriel tried to smile.

            “Of course I’m gonna come up, want to make sure it’s ok”

Gabriel rolled his eyes

            “It’ll be fine, Chris isn’t in”

Sam shook his head and got out of the car anyway.

            The beat of loud house music and a dog incessantly barking hit them as soon as they entered the apartment block. They walked up the stairs, Gabriel gingerly checking his path as he made sure not to stand on broken glass or any other debris with his bare feet. They passed Sam’s old flat. They could hear a couple arguing inside. Sam gripped Gabriel’s hand….it all seemed like such a long time ago that he’d first moved in and met Gabe. He would never have predicted this turn of events. But he was so very glad of the ways things had turned out.

            They got to Gabriel’s flat, he pushed the door open. Sam wrinkled his nose. The place stunk of weed. The place was quiet though, almost eerily so. Luckily there was no sign of Chris. As they walked down the hall – Sam could see into the kitchen – washing up was piled in the sink and the rubbish bin was overflowing with bottles.

            Gabriel laughed nervously “I guess I’ve let things go a bit”

In truth he felt ashamed that Alfie was living here. He’d let all his problems get on top of him and hadn’t been looking after Alfie very well.

            Gabriel made his way to Alfie’s room -  it was still relatively early in the morning but he was surprised that Alfie was still in bed. He opened Alfie’s bedroom door. He couldn’t see him anywhere.

            He called out to Sam “Is Alfie in the lounge….?”

            “No…is he not in his room??”

Gabriel felt a kernel of dread unfurl in his stomach.

            “Uncle Gabe?”

He heard a little voice coming from under the bed. Kneeling down, he found Alfie curled up with his teddy.

            “hunny, what are you doing?”

            Alfie started to crawl out, his face covered in tears

            “I…..got……scared”

He whimpered out as he crawled into Gabriel’s arms.

            “It’s ok, ok” Gabriel kissed the top of Alfie’s head. He hugged him tight before leaning back and smiling at Alfie “…..guess who’s here?”

            Alfie looked at him quizzically

            “Santa?”

            “um no..”

Just then Sam appeared in the doorway. Alfie looked up, over Gabriel’s shoulder

            “UNCLE SAM!”

All tears and upset temporarily forgotten, as he scrambled out of Gabriel’s arms, dropping teddy and running over to Sam, who picked him up and hugged him.

            “I MISSED you so bad uncle sam….”

            “Me too buddy”

            “Where have you been??”

            “Well er it’s a long story….but first we gotta get out of here….let’s see how fast we can pack your things up”

            Alfie didn’t seem to question the new situation all that much, just jumped out of Sam’s arms and started to rush around his room picking things up. Gabriel smiled as he watched Sam help Alfie pack up the things. He walked over to his and Chris’ bedroom. He didn’t really have much stuff, but he still had some of the clothes that Sam had bought him – and at least they fit. He quickly changed. He pulled out a bag and put the rest of the stuff that Sam had bought him in there. He looked at his wardrobe – a range of ‘sexy’ clothes were hung up. He wondered if Sam liked this stuff, Chris always had. He quickly shoved the red dress and shoes in the bag. He wasn’t sure how he felt about sex but wanted to please Sam; wanted to look sexy for him.

            “Are you ready babe?” Sam called out

            “Yeah”

Gabriel came out of the bedroom, holding his bag. Alfie and Sam were already in the hallway.

            “Ready to go?”

Gabriel nodded. Sam lifted Alfie up and opened the front door, Gabriel followed. He took a last glance; he couldn’t believe he was finally escaping Chris and all that life involved. It was over. He shut the door.

            Alfie was excitedly talking to Sam about his current school project and a new movie he’d watched as they piled into the car. Gabriel took a deep breath of relief as he buckled Alfie in and slide into the passenger seat. Sam took his hand

            “See babe, everything is fine”

Sam was just about to start the engine, when Alfie cried out

            “I haven’t got Teddy….I left Teddy….I need Teddy”

Gabriel sighed before smiling back at Alfie

            “It’s ok, I’ll go back and get him….I won’t be long Sam”

He gave him a quick peck before getting out of the car again.

            Once inside the flat, he quickly located Teddy, Alfie had dropped him by the bed. He picked the old bear up, thankful that he’d managed to find him. Casting his eye around the flat again, he went to open the front door. But……

             Chris was standing in the doorway

            “Where the hell are you going…..?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is almost near the end.....I promise!! SORRY to end on another (kindof) cliff hanger (I can't help it!!)


	33. Chapter 33

Chris was still standing in the doorway, blocking his exit – literally standing between his current life and freedom. Gabriel desperately tried to come up with a response but for some reason his stupid brain was frozen. He clung onto Alfie’s teddy, while Chris continued to stare at him, looking increasingly pissed off

            “well…where the fuck are you going?”

Gabriel felt himself panic, it was too early for him to be working and the rest of the time, he mostly stayed in the flat – Chris didn’t like him to leave. Gabriel went to his default - forced himself to relax and smile;

            “just gonna get some snacks, we’re kinda out and I know you love those beef flavoured chips….”

            Chris surveyed him stonily

            “with what fucking money?”

Gabriel’s stomach lurched; he could feel this becoming another argument. He tried to smile again;

            “um just from work last night, y’know…um it’s only a couple of snacks, it’s not a big- …”

            Gabriel didn’t get to finish the sentence, Chris smacked him across the face. Gabriel fell against the door frame, dropping Alfie’s bear. His face stung from the smack - Shit, shit, shit, this wasn’t good ….Chris stood over him

            “don’t fucking spend _my_ money” He slapped him again, causing a red mark to bloom across Gabriel’s face

             “….and I bet you’re just gonna buy stuff for yourself….you selfish little bitch….yeah, don’t think I don’t know about all that candy you’ve got stashed under the bed…..you’re so _fucking_ fat and disgusting”.

            Gabriel didn’t want to cry but Chris always said the things that hurt him the most. He knew he was fat and disgusting. He hid that food under the bed and ate it when no one was around because he didn’t anyone to see how gross he was. Candy made him feel better even if he did feel guilty about it later.

            “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, babe”

Gabriel tried to reach up to Chris, wanted to calm him down. He didn’t want to get hit again. But really, he just wanted Sam. Chris slapped his hand away and stepped over him, pushed him back into the flat and shut the door:

            “Just give me my money and I _might_ forget about this”

Gabriel gulped….he didn’t have any money to give Chris.

XXX

            _Meanwhile (rewind….Gabriel had just slammed the car door shut)_

Sam felt a distinct sense of unease but pushed it away. It was fine. Gabriel could go up to the apartment by himself. There wasn’t anyone there. He didn’t want to seem _overbearing_. To distract himself, Sam turned the radio on in the car, fiddled with a few knobs to find an appropriate radio show. Pop music filled the car and Alfie started trying to jig about in the backseat in the time with the music. It was so cute.

            “you happy bud?”

            “YEP! This is the best day ever…don’t want to see Chris’ stupid face ever again”

Alfie grinned at him again. Sam couldn’t help but smile back.

            _10 minutes later_

Sam was beginning to feel more uneasy – surely it didn’t take this long to find Alfie’s bear? Or maybe Gabriel had found some other stuff he needed? Maybe he should go up there?....He realised he was getting caught up with his thoughts and that Alfie was still chattering away. Sam forced himself to pay attention:

            “…..I think it would be cool if we lived in a tree house or maybe that would be too small…unless it was a big tree house?….but oh no! I don’t really think I like sleeping outside all that much….”

            “er bud, I don’t think any of us are gonna be sleeping outside!”

Sam smiled at him. Alfie sure came up with some funny ideas. Alfie nodded at him gravely. He didn’t say anything for a bit, just played with his hands

            “Um…..you promise we don’t have to sleep outside? Coz me and Uncle Gabe camped out when you got busy and didn’t want us around anymore…..I didn’t like it really but Uncle Gabe said it was fun. But we couldn’t even have a camp fire and it was cold……”

            Sam choked.

            “What are you talking about kid?”

            “It’s Alfie….and do you promise?”

            “Alright, sorry Alfie….and yes I promise , we won’t have to sleep outside…..but what do you mean about the camping….and the bit about me being too busy?”

            “Uncle Gabe said you were too busy so we couldn’t stay with you anymore…and then he said we could go camping and it would be fun….but er…I didn’t want to but he _really_ seemed to like it…..um Uncle Sam I don’t want you to get busy again”

            For a moment, Sam was so shocked, he didn’t know how to feel.    So this is what happened….Gabriel hadn’t gone straight back to Chris but what? instead felt there was no other option but to sleep rough?? Sam didn’t know whether he should feel guilty (he had tried to make Gabriel stay, but could he have done more?)….or angry with Gabe (if only Gabriel had just stayed….but then he knew Gabriel had been pretty messed up when they’d had that argument and he could hardly blame him for his anger and distrust). God, but the thought of Alfie and Gabriel sleeping rough somewhere under the guise of ‘camping’, it was so hard to hear. Sam knew Gabriel must have been so scared but, despite that had still tried to protect Alfie from the truth…He couldn’t help but feel proud of him. But, still the whole situation had been fucked – and poor Alfie. Sam rubbed his head. This was _never_ going to happen again. He turned to look at Alfie:

            “Alfie, look, I’m so, so sorry about not being around but I’m not going anywhere again. If there is one thing I can promise you it’s that, from now on, it’s me, you and your Uncle Gabe – we’re family”         

            Alfie beamed at him;

            “I love you Uncle Sam”

xxx

            After that conversation, Sam and Alfie sat in relative silence – only the radio music playing. They were just waiting for Gabriel. But he didn’t come.      

            It had been over 15 minutes and Gabriel still wasn’t down. Sam decided maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea just to go and see what the hold-up was, it was probably something dumb and Gabriel would probably roll his eyes or something. But still, Sam would rather just check.

            “ok Alfie, I’m just gonna go and find your uncle Gabe, seems like he got lost up there or something!”

            Sam slammed the door shut and locked Alfie in the car. He strolled to the apartment block entrance – he didn’t want to worry Alfie. But as soon as he was inside, he raced up the stairs, taking them two, three at a time. Now he was alone, he suddenly felt more panicked. Something wasn’t right.

            He was outside the flat door, it was shut. He tried the door knob – and the door opened.

            As soon as he was inside, he noticed Alfie’s bear in the hallway. Where was Gabe? He felt a sense of dread. He walked slowly on the corridor and walked straight into the lounge only to be confronted with the image of Gabriel on his knees, face deep into Chris’ crotch – the wet sounds of a blowjob filled the room. Chris’ head was lolling back, eyes shut - hands holding Gabriel’s head firmly in position.

            “oh yeah babe just like that     …nice…oh yeah you like that don’t yer…such a slut”

It didn’t take an idiot to work out what had happened. Sam cursed himself – _he should have_ _known, he should have come earlier._

“GET THE HELL OFF GABE”

In that moment, Chris’ eyes flew open as he heard Sam’s shouting – in shock or terror, he let go of Gabriel’s head. Gabriel scrambled away and then Chris was face to face with a very _pissed off_ Sam - the veins on his neck were standing out and his eyes were black with rage. Sam punched Chris in the head once, twice – would have kept going if it hadn’t been for….

            “STOP, Sam, stop, please…..”

Gabriel was trying to pull him away. Sam released Chris, shoved him back on the sofa. Chris just lay there, bloody and confused, his dick still hanging out of his pants. Gabriel was looking down at the floor as he started to plead with Sam:

            “Please, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…I didn’t want to….but he was…..”

Sam grabbed him and hugged him – tried to ignore his reddened, wet lips….

            “It’s ok, it’s ok….it’s over now”

Behind them, Chris was regaining his composure - he shook his head.

            “What the fuck…..”

            Gabriel pulled away from Sam, felt braver now that Sam was here. He looked Chris right in the eye

            “I’m leaving you Chris, it’s over”

Chris just stared at him slack jawed

            “you what….but him, he….” Chris was looking at Sam, had recognised him immediately as the _big bastard_ client who had _stolen_ Gabriel “but babe...he took you….and you, you got away – you don’t want to go back to him…”

            Gabriel laughed “he never _stole_ me, I _wanted_ to be with him...I LOVE him”

This was too much for Chris, nothing about what Gabriel said sense.

            “No, you’re with _me,_ you love _me_ ”, Chris asserted

            Gabriel shook his head “No! I _did_ love you, I loved you so much……but you hit me, you _hurt_ me and your whored me out….and even then  I would still have loved you, because I didn’t think I was worth anything else….but you hurt Alfie”

            “That little brat…he’s…..”

            “SHUT UP CHRIS” Gabriel was standing over Chris, defiant and angry “you _hurt_ Alfie…..and _I_ _hate you_ for that" Gabriel took a deep breath "I'm with Sam now...he makes me feel like I’m something _better, like I’m worth something…_ I love him. I’m leaving you and that’s it and there’s nothing you can do”

            Sam had stayed silent up to this point, knew that Gabriel just needed to end things finally with Chris, to say all the things he needed to. But now, he just wanted to take Gabriel away somewhere safe and tell him how much he loved him.

            Chris was struggling to his feet.

            “You little bitch….” He tried to slap Gabriel again, but Gabriel lent back, before screaming at him

            “I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU”

            Sam jumped in between them, pulling Gabriel away. He didn’t want Gabriel to get hurt. Chris sneered at him

            “you want _that”_ He pointed at Gabriel “bitch is so loose, might as well be chucking a hotdog down a hallway…look at him, he’s a fucking old, ugly, cum-dump …tell him baby” Chris turned to Gabriel “how many men you fucked? Yeah you’re such a slut, you don’t even know….” Chris laughed and looked at Sam again “you think he’s gonna be satisfied with just one dick? He even fucked his foster daddy, that’s how much of a slut he is for it”

            Chris looked triumphant as he spilled his vicious bile. Sam was horrified – he tried to step forward, wanted to smash Chris’ head against the wall. Gabriel stopped him again

            “Please don’t…. I want to go now”

His voice was shaky and he couldn’t quite make eye contact. They both turned to leave.

            “No babe, you can’t go…..you can’t leave” Chris suddenly sounded terrified

            “No, come back here…” He tried to grab Gabriel’s arm but Sam pulled him off and pushed him back. “The only reason I’m not beating you right now is because of Gabriel, for some reason he doesn’t want me to hurt you….BUT we are leaving. Gabriel’s made his choice, he's coming with me. I’m getting him as far away from you as possible – _you fucking bastard….”._

 _“_ No!!! You can’t take him. He’s mine….He’s the only thing I have….he’s mine”

Chris looked half way between angry and scared, he turned to Gabriel

            “I love you baby, you can’t go, you can’t go….I’ll kill myself and it’ll be your fault”

Gabriel looked back at Chris, held his gaze for a moment

            “just let me go, Chris, just let me go”

            "NO, you can't leave....I won't let you....I'll find ya..."

Sam stepped forward "you will stay away from him, if you _ever_ come near him again, god help you, I _will_ break you"

Gabe took Sam’s hand

            “let’s go now”

            They made it down the hallway, Gabriel picked up Alfie’s bear on the way. They made it out onto the hallway and down the stairs. Outside, Gabriel silently still held onto Sam’s hand, Sam could feel Gabriel still shaking. They got into the car. Alfie gleefully accepted his bear back, not knowing what had happened. Slowing, Gabriel sank into the passenger seat as Sam started the engine. As the car turned the corner, Chris was standing on the sidewalk.

            “No……NO……..BABE DON’T LEAVE ME.........i won't let you go”

He was screaming and tearing his hair. He started to run after the car. Gabriel could see him in the side mirror, still running and screaming, as he got smaller and smaller as they drove further and further away. He sank back into his seat. He was free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos? thoughts? comments? (you know I love them!) ;)  
> 


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING for triggers - child sexual abuse.

Alfie woke the next day; the bright sunlight filtering through the thin motel curtains. He stretched out and looked over at his uncles in the neighbouring bed: could see his Uncle Sam’s arms protectively wrapped around Uncle Gabe, whose back was pressed into Sam’s chest. He was breathing gently and muttering quietly to himself.

            Alfie smiled to himself, everything was going to be so much better now than Uncle Sam was here - he just knew it.

            Even before they had first moved out with Uncle Sam, it had seemed like Uncle Gabe and Sam had really liked each other. And Uncle Sam had always been so kind and gentle with his Uncle Gabe – not like Chris. To Alfie, it had always been straight-forward: that his Uncle should be with Sam. He knew most kids had a mom and a dad (or some-sort of variation on that), but he didn’t want an Aunty. Uncle Sam was just right. And then when they’d moved out the first time with Uncle Sam….neither Uncle Gabe or Sam had talked about their relationship but suddenly it had seemed like they were just family. It had felt right. But then things went wrong and Sam had got busy and they’d had to leave. Alfie had tried to understand that. But it had hurt. A lot. And things had gone downhill without Uncle Sam around…..what with the camping (which turned out _not_ to be fun at all) and then getting ill. But most especially because his Uncle Gabe had got back with Chris. Alfie felt the knot in his stomach when he thought of Chris. He tried not to think about him, Chris was the monster in all Alfie’s waking nightmares; the person he most feared.

            When he’d realised that his Uncle had got back with Chris, he had been _terrified._ His uncle Gabe had tried his best to cheer him up and look after him when he was ill, but Alfie was still upset. He just wanted to get away. He missed Uncle Sam. But he wasn’t allowed to talk about him. That made him even more sad. And he’d begged his Uncle Gabe to leave Chris, but his uncle wouldn’t listen: just said they had to make Chris happy. But nothing had worked; Chris was always cross. He saw Chris punching his uncle in the face, heard him shouting at him and dragging him in the bedroom and slamming the door; heard his uncle crying and pleading with Chris. And at those times, Alfie had hidden in his bedroom, tried to put his hands over his ears to block out the sounds; tried to imagine he could fly far away with Uncle Gabe and Uncle Sam. At times, he even thought about his mommy, imagined that she was with them too. At other times, he had tried to stay close to his uncle; reasoning that if he did so, he could protect him as much as possible – stop the violence before it began. But it never worked. Sometimes it even seemed to make things worse.

            And when he got better from his illness and went back to school, he just worried what Chris was doing to his Uncle Gabe. But he tried to work hard in his classes anyway, wanted to make his uncle proud. And at lunch break, he worked on his story for the competition that he and Uncle Sam had talked about. It made him feel close to Sam, even though he wasn’t around. And then Miss Meg had found it. She seemed really interested and asked him lots of questions, about his Uncle Gabe, Chris, everything. And then he’d started crying. He hadn’t told anyone about what Chris did, except to Uncle Sam. And now Uncle Sam was gone. It felt good to tell someone else. Especially as Miss Meg was his most favouritist teacher. But he couldn’t help crying. He was just so sad. And frightened. Miss Meg hugged him close and got a tissue to wipe his tears. She said he was a brave boy. Alfie didn’t feel very brave. She said she was going to tell someone else. She said they were going to stop Chris hurting his Uncle, stop Chris hurting him. Alfie shook his head. Chris would get angry about this, he knew it. And no one could stop him, except maybe Uncle Sam. But he wasn’t around. And he knew his Uncle Gabe would be angry too. He never really talked about what Chris did, seemed like he just forgot about it after it happened. But he had told Alfie once that he should never tell anyone about it. But Miss Meg said he shouldn’t worry, that everything would be ok. And he wanted to believe her: wanted to believe that maybe things could change and that they could get away from Chris and his violence.  But even so, when he took the letter home, he hid it under the bowls on the breakfast bar. He was scared about getting in trouble.

            Several days later and his Uncle hadn’t asked him to read the letter for him, hadn’t asked about it all. He’d seemed preoccupied and distant. The house was all messy and smelt funny _all_ the time. There was hardly any food in the fridge. Alfie didn’t like it. And he missed Uncle Sam even more.

            Miss Meg asked him if his Uncle Gabe had seen the letter, she said she had talked to a social worker, said they would be coming around to his house. Alfie just nodded. But he felt scared. And lonely. He felt like he was carrying a lot of worries all by himself. He couldn’t talk to Hannah at school. And to add more worries to his stress-bucket, Adam the mean boy was still being mean. One day, he’d pushed him in a puddle. He’d run home, he just wanted an Uncle Gabe hug – but Chris said (with a smirk) that he was out working. Later that evening, he heard, over Chris’ music, his uncle’s voice coming from the lounge, heard other men as well. He had padded quietly down the hall and peered through the crack in the door: could see one of Chris’ friends (Vern?) straddling his uncle Gabe, on the floor. The guy was pushing up against his uncle and kissing him; his uncle was moaning a bit and sounded in pain. But Chris and a couple of his friends were laughing and shouting. Chris had his phone and was filming them. Alfie didn’t know what was going on, but it felt bad. He wanted it to stop but he was _scared_. So he crept back to his bed and put his pillow over his head. But he could still hear the noises. He couldn’t sleep.

            The next day, he found his Uncle Gabe on the couch. His uncle looked pale and he was kindof naked. But Alfie tried not to look. It was embarrassing. He couldn’t wake Uncle Gabe up initially. Alfie got really scared. He didn’t want to go to school. Maybe his uncle was really sick and needed him to look after him. After awhile, his uncle finally woke up, but was bleary and disorientated. Alfie just wanted to hug him in relief but his uncle didn’t look good. And he was wearing a dress. It looked weird. Although, it wasn’t the first time he had seen him in a dress; had seen him standing on the street before, wearing one. A couple of boys from school (including Adam) had also seen his Uncle Gabe too. They’d all laughed and called him a whore. It made Alfie feel ashamed. He didn’t like feeling ashamed of his Uncle. He loved him very much. And Alfie didn’t want his uncle to be a whore. He didn’t really understand what it was but from what little he did glean, did not sound good. It didn’t sound safe.

            Later that day, Alfie had finally got the courage to tell his Uncle Gabe about Miss Meg. His uncle hadn’t been mad, worse he had looked terrified. Alfie wanted to be brave for him. So he just said he was ok. But really he was terrified too.

            His uncle and Chris had spent the rest of the day, drinking and smoking in the lounge. Alfie felt hungry but he didn’t know what to eat. He wished Uncle Sam was here. Then he heard Chris and his Uncle leaving. He didn’t want to be on his own…..Not long after, Chris had come back but without Uncle Gabe. Alfie just lay awake in his room. Chris had pushed his door open and Alfie’s stomach had clenched. He didn’t want to see Chris right now. He felt scared. He hugged his teddy. Chris walked in and sat on the edge of his bed. Neither of them had said anything until Chris had asked him how old he was. Alfie had whispered out his age. Chris had just grunted before saying “you know your uncle’s made a couple of films, you think you would like to do that?” Alfie hadn’t known what to say, he didn’t know his Uncle was an actor. That was pretty _cool._ But then again, he wasn’t sure he wanted to do that. Kind of had his heart set on being a palaeontologist or maybe an astronaut. Chris had kept talking “yeah maybe we could set you with doing something, but maybe when you’re a bit older, I’m not a paedo….but then again, I guess I would just be filming it, so that’s not bad…..” Chris had seemed lost in thought for a moment before he spoke again “yeh, this could work….y’know your Uncle Gabe’s not making enough money, so maybe you could do a little bit of _acting_ , make some money…..”. Alfie didn’t know what to say; didn’t really understand what Chris was saying. But he did know that Chris and his uncle had money problems. He wanted to help. “I can do some acting if it helps…I guess it could be fun”. Chris had laughed at that, shook his leg a bit “that’s good, kid”. Alfie hated it when Chris called him kid. Made him feel small and stupid. Chris had left him then. But Alfie had felt the dread curdle in his stomach. He crawled under the bed with teddy. He didn’t want to talk to Chris again.

            His uncle Gabe found him there the next day. And the best thing was - Uncle Sam was there too. And it seemed like Uncle Gabe and Uncle Sam were back together. It was like he’d always hoped. Uncle Sam had come back!! And the way Uncle Gabe and Uncle Sam were looking at each other, he just knew they cared about each other a lot. And it seemed like Uncle Gabe had finally dumped Stupid-Face Chris. Alfie saw Chris out of the car window as they drove away, screaming and tearing his hair out. A wave of relief had hit him as he realised he never had to see Stupid-Face Chris again.

            That day, a Saturday, they’d just driven to a motel on the edge of town. Uncle Sam said they need to figure stuff out with his school and the social care people. But he said when it was all sorted, they were gonna go on holiday. Alfie felt super excited. He’d never been on holiday. Sam had bought them all a huge pepperoni takeaway pizza (Alfie’s most favourist pizza) for dinner. And then they’d had just stayed in watching films. His uncle Gabe seemed really happy, just lay curled up around Uncle Sam. He even saw them kissing a bit. It was _embarrassing,_ his uncles kissing like that. But it wasn’t like when Alfie had seen Chris, or even that Vern guy, kiss his Uncle. It didn’t feel _horrible._ Alfie felt happy. But there was kindof a worried feeling lurking in the back of his mind; that maybe Uncle Sam would get busy again. He put it away. Uncle Sam said he would never leave them again, said they were all family. This time they were all going to stay together.

xxxx  

            Gabriel was asleep……

 _In his dream....His foster daddy, Michael was watching him. Gabriel was trying to make a sandwich in the kitchen, could feel his foster daddy’s eyes on him, on his ass. He tried to cover up but he always felt exposed around him. Michael was coming closer, brushed against him, could feel his hot breath and hands grabbing his ass, could feel his weight pushing against him…._ then suddenly in the dream he was in the bath… _Michael was sitting on the side, had insisted he needed help washing even though he knew he was much too old for that. Michael was soaping him, rubbing his chest, his stomach and then his_ _cock and balls – fondling and playing with them. It made Gabriel feel dirty but he knew he wasn’t allowed to make it stop….._ and then in the dream, things changed again… _they were in his bed, Michael was on top of him, kissing him hard. Gabriel knew he had to kiss him back, make a show of it. But he felt like he was choking on the huge adult tongue in his mouth.  In his dream, he could feel the man’s weight on top of him, pushing down against him. He wanted to scream but he could barely breath….Michael’s kisses stopped, as he looked down at the boy beneath him, “you’re a sexy little boy…..tell me you want my cock…go on I wanna hear you beg for it”. Gabriel couldn’t speak. He could feel himself on the verge of tears. He never saw the slap coming. “Beg for my cock, you little slut”._ _Gabriel knew he didn’t have a choice. He’d prayed for someone, an angel, God even, to come and save him. But no one had. Maybe he wasn’t worth saving. And Gabriel knew what he had to say, had said it a thousand times before. “Please daddy….I need you big cock…please daddy….I need it….”.It was dark but he could feel Michael’s vicious grin as he lent forward to pull down his pants; could feel calloused fingers prodding at his hole…and suddenly Michael was inside him, his cock inching in too fast…Gabriel could feel it stretching him inside, it was too much....it hurt....he wanted it to stop….his cries muffled by Michael’s shoulder….. his legs were pulled up around his ears as he was bent in two, his body violently shaken as Michael thrust into him. He could hear lurid sounds of their bodies slapping against each other…..but then something changed and he could feel the beginning of arousal in his belly. Gabriel could feel the horror of it - and then he knew his foster father was right - he was a slut._ Suddenly time skipped in the dream _they weren’t in the bedroom anymore, instead they were in the lounge. Gabriel was sitting on his foster father's lap, rubbing up against him and giggling and whispering in his ear "I need you daddy...." In the dream Gabriel had the vague realisation that he'd got a bad report card from his school and was trying to get Michael's mind off it....and then things were speeding up; Michael was pushing him on his back, ripping off his school unform.....roughly tearing into him as he lay on his belly…And then Gabriel realised they weren’t alone. Lisa, Michael’s wife, was standing above them….Michael hadn’t anticipated her arrival....she began screaming at Gabriel, pulling at him, hitting him….“you nasty  little slut, trying to steal my husband….”. Gabriel could feel the shame oozing through his body “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to….I’m sorry…..I’m sorry”_   

            Gabriel was jolted awake by insistent shaking – “C’mon baby, wake up”. And then Gabriel could feel big arms around him hugging him, could feel someone wiping at the tears on his face….could feel someone kissing his hair.  “Baby, you’re ok, you’re ok” It was Sam. Gabriel shuddered, the dream just felt so real, could still feel the shame in the pit of his stomach. Sam continued whispering quietly “it’s ok babe, Alfie’s asleep…but um, I think you might have had an accident….”. Then he felt it…like he was sitting in a warm bath. Oh god no…..he was that pathetic that he’d pissed himself _because of a dream._ He dreaded seeing the disgust on Sam’s face.  How the hell would Sam ever look at him the same again?

            It was hardly past 2am as Sam quietly rolled up the sheets while Alfie continued to sleep in the bed nearby. After washing himself, Gabriel took another of Sam’s shirts and putting it on, went and sat outside. He needed a cigarette badly. Too bad Sam and him were on a clean living kick.

            Gabriel sighed. Everything had gone so well yesterday, Sam had even said he was proud of him for standing up to Chris. Gabriel still couldn’t quite believe that had happened, had been shaking afterwards, he’d been so terrified. But the feeling of driving away from Chris….like a weight had finally been lifted. It had been beautiful. Things had worked out for once. They’d found a motel, things still needed to be sorted with Alfie and the school, so they couldn’t leave the city yet. But Gabriel didn’t feel so worried with Sam by his side.……But then.....he could also see Sam was itching to ask him more about everything that had gone down with Chris….Of course he’d apologised about giving Chris that blowjob…..but he just couldn’t talk about Michael. He just felt so ashamed. He just wanted to forget about it......And then yesterday evening, it felt good just to be sitting with Sam and Alfie....kissing Sam and holding him close, it felt safe. And Alfie seemed good, happy. And then when Alfie gone to bed, things had got _intense_ with Sam, ended up kissing on the floor...it felt _good..._ but it scared Gabriel too....he knew Sam said he could stop, but......he wasn't used to being in control. But it didn't take long before Sam had pulled away. Alfie was in the room after all. A part of Gabriel had been disappointed but another part of him had been relieved.... Gabriel sighed again, man he was such a mess. He wished he could just be normal; not so _damaged_.

Sam found Gabriel outside, huddled in the shirt, sitting on a bench outside, just staring at the ground.

            “Hey”

Gabriel didn’t look up, just spoke quietly “I’m sorry about the….bed”

Sam sat down sat next to him “look don’t sweat it….it’s not a big deal….”

Gabriel didn’t say anything, he still felt so embarrassed. He just felt like an idiot, a dirty, pathetic idiot. But Sam didn’t hit him like Chris would have and when he looked up at him, Sam didn’t even look angry or disgusted.

            “you had those dreams again huh? I heard you crying in your sleep….and er you must have been pretty frightened babe to um….”

            “what? wet the bed?” Gabriel finished for him “it was just a stupid dream, it’s nothing”. He snapped out at Sam. He just wanted this conversation to be over _now._

            “Babe, don’t do that….don’t shut me out like that….um I thought maybe after everything that Chris said yesterday, I thought maybe it was something to do with that….”

Gabriel’s heart went cold. He _really_ didn’t know how to have this conversation. He didn’t want this wonderful, amazing man he was in love with to see this part of him. He wished he wasn’t a complete wreck, he wished he could be the perfect, totally together guy Sam deserved.

            Sam was still talking “Look, I don’t want to push you Gabe….I just want you to know I’m here for you….I meant what I said there is nothing that will stop me loving you”

            And then Gabriel couldn’t stop himself. It suddenly came over him, almost like a wave of grief and he couldn’t stop the tears. And it felt like he was never going to be able to stop. He just let go; let all the locked up feelings of shame and disgust and horror and sadness and pain out. All he could do was make garbled noises as he sobbed and sobbed. His face covered in snot and tears and he couldn't stop shaking. Sam just pulled him in close and held him against his body, kissing his hair, while Gabriel clung onto him.

“I love you Gabe”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? this chapter was freaking hard to write! I'll probably try and change it again. 
> 
> Also i will be editing this story later and taking bits out and adding bits in....if there are any bits you don't think I should take out let me know!!
> 
> Oh and in other news.....am currently planning my travelling trip for when I finish uni...yay something happy to look forward to!


	35. Chapter 35

            Gabriel had stopped crying after a while. Sam hadn’t known what to do – it just hurt so much to see the man he loved, suffering. He felt completely powerless in the face of such pain. So he did all he could do, just wrapped himself around Gabriel and held him close. He wished he could take all the pain away. But he was determined to help Gabriel in whatever way he could.

            Gabriel’s head was on his shoulder, they were both staring out into the almost, empty parking lot. It was still pretty dark, pretty much the only light was a blinking street lamp and their porch light. It was quiet; Sam could hear Gabriel’s gentle breathing. Gabriel broke the silence.

            “It’s not a pretty story y’know…..you sure you wanna hear it?”

He spoke almost with a laugh, as if using humour would make everything ok. Sam steeled himself: he didn’t _want_ to hear how Gabriel had been hurt but he knew if he was going to really understand Gabe, to really support him, then he _needed_ to. 

            “Yeah Gabe…it’s ok”

Gabriel sighed “it’s not really all _that_ bad, like it probably could have been worse…..” Gabriel coughed slightly and then continue “…..anyway, my er mum wasn’t really looking after me and Anna all that well….anyway finally she told the social care people she couldn’t look after us anymore….I guess I didn’t really get why she did it at the time, just thought she didn’t love us anymore….” Gabriel paused a bit “anyway we went to this foster home and er this foster dad, he tried to touch Anna and when she told me, I told the social worker…..we got moved….and then I don’t know, we went to a couple of other places… some of em’ were ok but there was always a reason why we couldn’t stay… I guess I er, I always pissed off the foster parents, one of ‘em ended up hitting me pretty bad…..I wasn’t the easiest kid” Gabriel laughed and shrugged, like it was a funny story he was telling. Sam just took his hand and kissed it, he knew that Gabriel was being _typical Gabriel –_ trying to make his story palatable by telling it with a smile.

Gabriel continued to talk “….and then the last foster home we went to, I was about 11 at the time....my social worker, said before we went…she said I needed to be good coz if that placement didn’t work, they might have to separate Anna and me…coz I was jeopardising things for her…” Gabriel kindof trailed off but Sam didn’t try to speak, just let Gabe take his time “anyway, the foster dad, Michael, well Anna liked him but I thought he was dick…” Gabriel laughed again, but it was strained “and yeah so 10 points to me, I was right….coz um, he….he….er….came in my room one night, started um touching me….said if I didn’t let him fuck me then he would do it to Anna. So, I um, let him” Gabe was speaking quickly, like maybe if he spoke slower he wouldn’t be able to get it out “I let him fuck me…i didn’t want to….But I chose it, I _consented…._ I said he could, so it wasn’t _really_ like er, r-r-rape or anything….” Sam clenched his fists, he had to _challenge_ Gabriel on this but for now, he let Gabe continue - he knew Gabe needed to get it out

“and that’s it….he fucked me, not exactly the way I wanted to lose my virginity” Gabriel snorted slightly before speaking again “and er after a bit he said his friends wanted a go…and y’know wanted to film it….and then it wasn’t just his friends but just random men that paid…and that was….” Gabriel swallowed “y’know it wasn’t always bad, it didn’t always hurt…sometimes it felt _good…._ and Michael said if I didn’t want it, I wouldn’t have got hard, wouldn’t cum….but I didn’t, I didn’t want to, I really didn’t… _…._ but I _just_ had to…for Anna” Suddenly, it sounded like he was on the verge of tears – his previous attempt to make light of the story, gone. And Sam wasn’t even trying to stop his own tears anymore, he just let them flow silently down his face. Gabriel continued to talk “and then his wife found out….she was _pissed…_ thought I seduced him or something…I mean I tried to tell her but she didn’t listen and then she left anyway…after that I then got expelled from school… I mean I wasn’t a good kid, I was always doing stupid stuff coz I didn’t want to admit I couldn’t read…and then I pulled the fire alarm on a dare, I just wanted the other kids to like me, to think I was cool….anyway that was it….after that Michael ‘home-schooled’ me…..except it wasn’t the sort of education I wanted….” Gabriel stopped abruptly, was taking some deep breaths, while Sam continued to hold him.

            And then Gabriel started to talk again, his voice low and quiet “but at least I had Anna…she didn’t know about _it,_ what he was doing…she always said she thought Michael was awesome or whatever….but it made it ok knowing that I was keeping her safe…..it wasn’t like I was anything special, it didn’t matter if they hurt me….anyway I could, I could handle it….” Gabriel squirmed slightly in his seat, as if his body was rebelling against the lie in his words. He started speaking again  “but when I got a bit older, maybe 14 or so, I would start trying to fight them off…but I knew that put Anna in danger…and Michael always punished me bad for that……so I tried to run away a couple of times with her but he always found us…the last time we ran away, I didn’t think I was gonna survive…he beat me so bad and then locked me in this cupboard for like 3 days without any food” Gabriel swallowed suddenly. Sam was working hard not to make a sound, not to just start openly weeping – but Gabriel needed him to keep strong and hear his story – it was just that his story was so incredibly painful to hear.

“……and then I fell for this guy, he was a _client…_ Luca his name was …I knew I was gay then, because I fell in love, I really did....and he treated me so good, made me feel _special_ …but it was all a lie”. Gabriel wiped away a tear that had suddenly fallen “He was Michael’s freaking brother…..been in prison or something and come out to find Michael had fostered some cute kids…Michael just wanted Luca to keep me in line…and he did….I mean I did everything Luca said…all sorts of stuff…. _nasty_ films, er y’know that sort of thing….just coz he said he liked it, said it was _love-making_. I thought Luca was gonna get me and Anna out, I thought he loved me…..but when I found out the truth…. I was a mess….I pretty much just got high all the time after that….” Gabriel’s voice sounded far away, like he was trying to distance himself from the story he just told.

“As I got older, Anna and I just stayed with Michael, I didn’t even really think about leaving…..I mean I kinda would leave for a bit, maybe go and stay with a client….but he always knew I wouldn’t stay away for long…..I would come back to  pick up more pills or whatever from him….and I’d let him do whatever he wanted…just didn’t think it mattered, didn’t think I was worth anything anyway….And Anna was doing so well at school and then college…..it didn’t matter as long as she was ok…..but she was worried about me….realised I’d become a druggie, that I slept around, took money for it…she begged me to stop but I couldn’t…..

“And then, when I was about 21.....I was over at Luca’s house….me and him still hooked up even after everything  he did to me…I guess I was just _grateful_ for his attention….I wouldn’t admit it then, but I still loved him even though he treated me like shit….” Gabriel sighed “anyway I was over at his house and Anna barges in….she was so upset, Luca just left me to it, left me to calm her down. And she told me….said she was pregnant….she was only 19….I mean, she was thinking about going to university all that stuff, like she actually graduated from high school….I went mad, wanted to know who the father was….and then she told me….she told me it was _Michael”._ Gabriel spat out the last word, his anger keeping his tears at bay. “the fucking bastard had lied to me….he _hurt_ her for years and I _didn’t even know_ , I didn’t protect her AT ALL, my stupid sacrifice was for _nothing_ …he raped her anyway…..and he’d messed her head up so bad, she thought she was in love with him, thought they were in a _relationship_ …..and when I found out, I just grabbed this baseball bat from Luca’s house…she couldn’t stop me….I just ran over to Michael’s house,  it wasn’t far…..and I don’t know…Michael was always stronger than me….but I guess I had the element of surprise…..and as he turned to greet me, I swung the bat over his head, beat him till he was on the floor, covered in blood…..I didn’t beat him for long, Anna and Luca weren’t far behind me….Luca was the one who finally managed to get the bat off me….but I wanted to kill him; there isn’t a part of me that doesn’t _hate_ him….he could do what he wanted to me, but not Anna…...” Tears spilled down Gabriel’s face as he recalled the brutal memory.

“But Michael didn’t die…..and afterwards he pressed charges….and that’s how I ended up in prison and yeh that’s how I met Chris…." Gabriel's voice faded a bit more before speaking again "Anna visited me a couple of times, said she’d got an abortion….but she said she was still going back with Michael, said she loved him….” Gabriel’s voice hitched “I couldn’t make her, Sam, I couldn’t make her see the truth......how he'd manipulated her....hurt her...used her” Gabriel’s voice was cracking “and then I when left prison, I was with Chris…..she told me she was pregnant again, said that Michael didn’t want the kid…but she couldn’t bear having another abortion….” Sam mouth opened in shock, as he started putting the pieces together….it couldn’t be…. “so yeh, Michael is Alfie’s dad…”. Gabriel was quiet for a moment as he let the information sink in.

“..I thought I wouldn’t be able to love Alfie…but when I went to the hospital just after he’d been born….I couldn’t help it, his little finger clung to mine and wouldn’t let go….and right there, I was in love….Alfie is _nothing_ like his father…..” Gabriel asserted fiercely

“But everything Michael did to Anna messed up…I don’t know how he convinced her that she was in love with him…..maybe how Luca did it to me…..but anyway he chucked her out when she kept Alfie…she was _heart broken….._ she stayed with Chris and me for a bit, but Chris didn’t want her around…and then she met another guy......who was equally as bad news…she started doing drugs…I’d got clean by this point and so I tried to stop her ….but she wouldn’t listen….she started down a dark path and _I couldn’t stop her_ …god, I don’t even know where she is now….I couldn’t protect her….I couldn’t protect her…..I never could”. The guilt in Gabriel’s words hung heavy and unsaid.

Gabriel didn’t say anything then. He and Sam just sat in silence for several moments…Sam was desperately trying to process everything that had been said, whilst Gabriel was desperately trying to regain his composure….He took a deep breath “….so now you know how fucked up I am…..” He let out a humourless laugh “but I um, I just want to let you know….it’s not like what Chris said, ok….it’s not like I liked it…I’m not desperate for _it_ ….I won’t cheat on you, Sam”. He looked up at Sam and for the first time, realised Sam’s face was wet with tears “oh baby, I’m sorry, don’t cry….it’s ok….”

            Sam shook his head, could barely get his words out. “I’m so sorry Gabe…God, I’m so sorry”  Sam choked back the tears. “Gabe, everything that’s happened to you and Anna” Gabriel looked away but Sam continued “it’s _fucking horrifying_ …what that fucking bastard paedo did…he raped _both_ of you….." Sam just couldn't get his head around the fact that Gabriel could see that Michael had abused Anna, but seemed to think that somehow he had consented to having sex with Michael......Sam thought carefully before he continued to talk "Look, I know you said you consented coz you wanted to protect Anna….but you were only 11 – how could you give consent? And if you could….what choice did he give you babe? .....god it breaks my heart to hear you say that you think you agreed to it”. Gabriel was shaking his head. Sam could feel himself getting angry but he knew Gabriel didn’t need that. He reached down, and gently took Gabriel’s jaw, made him look at him “he raped you baby…..and I’m _fucking raging_ about what he did _…._ I think, you know, deep down, he didn’t give you a choice, you couldn’t consent…..I think you know, when he did to you was abuse….” Sam wiped his own eyes, could feel the lump in his throat rising again. “All the shit you’ve been though…you’re so brave…both you and Anna…”

And then Gabriel was crying again, turning his head into Sam’s chest “But I should have known…..I should have known what he was doing to her…..”

Sam shook his head, looked down at Gabriel “….babe, how were you to know about Michael?? You were so young…oh baby, you _tried_ so hard to protect her, to be her big brother….”

“But I didn’t try hard enough, I wasn’t good enough to save her…I’m just a stupid, worthless, ugly hole….” Gabriel started scratching at himself. Sam pulled his hands away “stop it babe…..YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME for what happened to Anna…you are not to blame…..” Sam repeated this several times as Gabriel continued to cry “babe…you have _so_ much worth…I wish you could see yourself, like I do….”. Sam stroked Gabriel’s hair, as he lent against him, weeping softly.

After some time, Sam took Gabe’s hand as he stood up “babe I want you to know I would _never_ believe what Chris said about you….and I’m gonna protect you, no one is gonna hurt you like that ever again….And I don’t care who Alfie’s biological father is….Alfie is a wonderful kid….and he’s a credit to you and Anna, he’s nothing to do with Michael” Gabriel didn’t speak, just looked up at Sam as if searching for something. After a moment, he nodded before standing up and leaning into Sam, who hugged him back.

Sam kissed his head “thank you for trusting me….I know that telling me everything must have been so hard…” Gabriel nodded, he could feel himself begin to cry again, quiet sobs wracking his body. No one had ever really listened to his story before. He just held onto Sam. He never wanted to let go.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok...this chapter was SO huge, like 5000 words so I cut it two.....I would have liked to have included the second part as it has a different tone....but it was just getting toooo lonnnnngggggg.......so yeah, been struggling with the previous chapter and this one.....to the point where I really started hating this story and thinking that I suck at writing and on and on (yay a spiral of self-criticism....so much fun) and then I realised I just should lighten up!! ....and that I'm not going to get any better at writing if I don't keep at it! but also reading your previous comments have been so helpful in keeping me motivated....so thank you...and if you have any thoughts etc please comment :)


	36. Chapter 36

_The next morning_

           “THE SKY’S AWAKE SO I’M AWAKE”

            Alfie’s loud voice and enthusiastic bouncing on the bed jolted Gabriel from his dreams. Gabriel could feel Sam groaning behind him, burying his head into the back of his neck.

            “C’mon, I’m hunnnngrrrryyyy”.

Alfie was still bouncing. 

            Gabriel slowly tried to disentangle himself from Sam, but Sam latched onto his waist and snuggled in, close again.  Gabriel huffed but for some reason couldn’t get himself to move.

            ““C’monnnnnnnnnn”

Alfie was impatient! Gabriel knew he should probably yell at Alfie or something, but he didn’t have the heart to get angry. After everything that had happened yesterday – he just felt grateful that he was here with Sam and Alfie; his little family.

            Gabriel finally managed to separate himself from Sam and sit up.

            “C’mere Alfie-bo, give me a hug”

He opened his arms and Alfie stopped jumping and crawled over. Sam groaned slightly before turning onto his back and stretching.

            “ughhhhhhhh, Alfie, it’s so early!”

            Alfie just giggled and hugged his uncle Gabe harder. It was so fun being all together. Sam yawned loudly. Gabriel looked over at Sam, sighing inwardly. Even this early in the morning, the man was _so_ hot – his hair was all messed up, but in a kinda sexy way. He wasn’t wearing a t-shirt, revealing impressive muscles. Gabriel just wanted to lean out and run his hands across _his boyfriend’s_ bare chest. Instead he looked down at Alfie,

            “C’mon Alfs, time for you to have a bath and then breakfast it is….”

Alfie started moaning about the bath, but Gabriel pushed him, with some determination, into the bathroom. Sam could hear the running water and Alfie’s little voice chirping away. He stretched again. He checked the time, 7am. He wondered why (and how) kids always got up so early. But even so, he wasn’t complaining. Alfie always made him smile.

            But man, he was exhausted after all the events of yesterday. Sam thought back to the confrontation with Chris; _god,_ it had been horrific. But then again, Gabriel had been so _amazing_ , so strong _–_ standing up to Chris like that. And now that bastard was history….everything was working out!

But still there had been little chance to have a proper talk about it in the day…..of course Gabe had tried quietly apologising a couple of times about giving Chris a blow job; seemed like things had got violent and Gabe had been trying to distract him. Not that Sam would have thought otherwise. He could see the marks on Gabe’s face. Besides he knew Gabe wouldn’t want to do that with Chris, _voluntarily._ It made him sick to think Gabe had been forced _…_ He’d reassured Gabriel that he wasn’t upset, that he didn’t think Gabriel had cheated on him….but after that they hadn’t had much chance to talk more. Not with Alfie around. And then when Alfie had gone to bed that evening, well they’d just been preoccupied with each other…their kisses had started to get more intense….Gabe seemed like he was into it but Sam had pulled away. He wanted _so_ much more. His hard-on was practically burning a hole through his pants. But obviously Alfie was in the room. Besides, even if he hadn’t been, Sam didn’t think Gabe wasn’t ready for _that,_ not after everything with Chris…..

And they’d gone to bed and Sam woken later that night to the sound of Gabriel crying…and to the feeling of sleeping in a huge wet patch….and when he realised that Gabriel had wet the bed because his dream had terrified him that much – well it frightened Sam, what had Gabriel’s dreams been about? And then it had all come out......

Initially of course, Gabriel had put up his brick walls – didn’t want to talk, was ashamed of wetting the bed. But Sam stayed with him. And so Gabriel told him about his childhood, the abuse…everything. How he tried to protect his sister, everything he endured. Sam felt sick when he recalled the conversation, he literally wanted to kill Michael. He couldn't believe he was Alfie's father. And he never wanted Gabe to hurt ever again. He loved him so damn much. Sam made that promise to himself: he would do whatever it took to look after Gabe. He would always be there for his Gabe.

            He shook himself from his thoughts. He wouldn’t dwell on this darkness. Today, he wanted his family to have some fun; to finally enjoy the safety they had now found. He roused himself out of bed, he was determined to make this a fun family day. He wanted to see Alfie and Gabe smile and laugh.

            So after Alfie’s bath, Sam had gone out and picked them up some muffins for breakfast. They’d sat around, munching the food. Except for Gabriel, he kindof picked at the food: just said he wasn’t hungry. Sam had wanted to force him to eat, he was too skinny. The night before, when he had snuggled up to Gabe in bed, he felt again how thin he was….gone was his cute little rounded stomach. Instead, Sam could feel all his ribs through his shirt, could feel how his stomach caved in. Sam had just kissed him on the shoulder and hugged him closer, determined that things would change: he would look after Gabriel properly…..

            “So what are we gonna do today?”

Alfie had finished his breakfast and was hopping around.   

            “Dunno bud, we could go up to the lake outside the city, maybe hire some cycles?”

            “Oh yeh!!! But I can’t ride a cycle…but we could go to the lake…can we Uncle Gabe, can we?!”

            Gabriel just nodded “yeh the lake sounds nice….”

            Sam smiled “Great! But Alfie, maybe this is a good chance for you to learn….maybe we could get you a bike with some training wheels?”

            Alfie cocked his head a bit, before looking up at Sam and smiling widely

            “YES!! I want to learn!! This is gonna be awesome…!”

Alfie hopped around the room in excitement before running over to his bed to find his socks and shoes.

            Sam grinned over at Gabriel, who smiled back wanly. He’d never ridden a bike before - no one had ever showed him how. He was gonna have to tell Sam.

            “I er I can’t ride a bike either, babe”

Sam just grinned again. He didn’t laugh at him or call him stupid, just said:

            “well looks like I’m gonna teach you too huh?”

Xxxxx

            It was well over an hour’s drive to the lake. After five minutes, Alfie fell asleep, much to Sam’s amusement:

            “that’s how the kid is so energetic in the morning, he naps during the rest of the day…ha!.maybe I’ll just start shouting, give him a taste of his own medicine”

            Gabriel snorted “If you do that, he’ll find a way of getting you back”

             Sam smiled “yeh me and my brother used to that, practical jokes on each other….it _always_ got out of control…..but yeh, got to be the boring adult now, huh?”

Gabriel leant over and kissed him on the cheek “you’re not boring to me, babe”.

Sam raised his eyebrows and Gabriel laughed: “what?! Too cheesy for you?”

Sam lightly punched his arm and grinned as he pressed his foot on the gas.  Everything was good.

_49 minutes later (yeah Sam drives fast)_

            It had become a beautiful sunny day by the time they’d arrived at the lake. The lake was huge, they could barely see the other side. Some people were already swimming and a couple of dogs were jumping in and out of the water, chasing after sticks their owners had thrown. At the side near the car park – there was a line of shops – selling snacks, hiring out canoes and bikes. Up to the right, there was a cycle path into the forest. A couple of families had already set themselves up on the grass by the lake edge but the place wasn’t really all that busy and they easily found a calm little spot under a tree to sit under.  Alfie ran off to dip his toes in the lake while Gabe and Sam set the rug out. When they lay down, Gabe rested his head on Sam’s stomach and looked out across the water, could hear children’s gleeful shouts and various bird calls. It was so beautiful, so calm. So far away from what his life had been. He almost felt like crying, but he was being stupid. There was no need to cry when he just felt so happy. He sighed;

            “Thanks for bringing us here, it’s _wonderful”_

Sam stroked his hair “yeh, its pretty nice huh?…..I stayed somewhere near here, when I was..er clearing my head y’know…..it’s so peaceful, getting back to nature and all that”

Gabriel grinned “I didn’t take you for a hippie, babe”

            Sam lent down and jabbed him in the stomach “oh hun, there is _a lot_ you don’t know about me! But lucky you, I’m sticking around so you get to find out….”

            At that, Gabriel sat up suddenly and climbed on top of Sam. He lent down, caging him in his arms before reaching down and kissing him on the lips, lightly at first but then deepening it. Sam let him take control; let him take what he needed. Gabriel broke the kiss and looked down at Sam, “I love you babe”.

            Just then, Alfie danced up and knelt down next to them, “we gonna go and find some bikes now?”

            Sam grinned “sure thing Alfie-boy”.

Alfie whooped. Gabriel smiled but he still felt pretty nervous, he didn’t want Alfie to get hurt and he didn’t want to make an idiot of himself in front of Sam.  

            Sam hired two bikes, he got Alfie’s with training wheels but Gabe refused to even consider the option of _adult training wheels._ They were ok for kids but he would _not_ bear that humiliation. Sam found a flat area near the car park for their first lesson – Alfie immediately started whizzing around on his bike with the training wheels, he rang the little bell on the bike “this is eassyyyyyy…I’m the best bikest ever”.

Gabriel didn’t find it _so_ easy. Sam held his shoulder while he gripped the handle bars…the ground suddenly seemed like a long way down

“DON’T let go…DON’T let go” he heard himself squeal

“I got you babe, just relax”.

Gabriel huffed as he continued to grip the bars, the bike was dangerously tilting to one side.

“I hate this, it’s stupid….I can’t do it”.

But Sam didn’t shout, didn’t laugh, instead he just said “you’re doing good…just keep going”.

            _33 minutes later_

            Gabriel had fallen over at least five times but he’d kept climbing back on the bike, his face set in a determined grimace ( _he would not be beaten by a freaking bike) –_ he’d finally managed to ride the bike for _a little bit on_ his own. Sam kissed him on the head “just need a bit more practice and you’ll be up to Alfie’s standard in no time”. Gabriel just punched him in the arm. But as they walked back to give the bikes back, he smiled himself – maybe he didn’t completely suck at riding a bike. Maybe, with Sam’s help, he could learn.

            Afterwards, they gave the bikes back and sat by the lake. Sam had bought them all some sandwiches and other snacks. Gabriel felt guilty that Sam had bought everything….but Sam said it was ok, said he wanted to. Still, it didn’t sit right with Gabriel – but he didn’t have a choice about it right now. He chewed on the sandwich, it tasted pretty good. He wasn’t used to eating all that much and got full pretty quickly. But he could feel Sam watching him eat, it made him feel kindof awkward and self-conscious. But Sam had bought it and he didn’t want to seem ungrateful.

            Alfie went off then, had found some other kids to play with. Sam and Gabe sat quietly by the water, just holding hands. Gabriel didn’t bring up what they’d talked about yesterday - he didn’t want to talk about all that ugly stuff in this beautiful place. He just wanted to enjoy this day with his boyfriend and his nephew without all that shit taking over.

            Sam suddenly took his hand and kissed it “babe….look, I know you probably don’t want to talk about this…but I just need to say this…Alfie told me about your ‘camping trip’...I’m just so sorry…I just didn’t realise….god, you must have been so scared…..” Gabriel tried to interrupt but Sam kept going

“I don’t want that to ever happen again…..so I’m gonna set you up with a phone, so you can always call me and I’m gonna get you a bank account, if you ever need to leave, even just for a bit, I want to know that you’ll be safe”

Gabriel started shaking his head but Sam took a deep breath and kept going “I just want you to know that after everything you said yesterday…I don’t see you _differently,_ I don’t see you as _‘fucked up’_ ….I love you Gabey…. I just want you to know that.”

      Gabriel couldn’t speak….he couldn’t trust himself not to cry. He glanced over Sam, who was staring intently at the lake. They both sat quietly for a bit, before Gabriel shifted closer to Sam, put his head on his shoulder, while Sam put his arm around him. They both continued to stare out into the lake, before Gabriel broke the silence:

“Thank you, Sam….for _everything_ ”

XXX

            After the day at the lake, Gabriel felt calmer. Sam knew mostly everything about him now and it seemed like nothing had changed. He felt lighter – knowing that Sam didn’t judge him; that he still seemed to love him, despite all the disgusting things that he had done. And Sam had been talking about all the plans for the future, part of Gabriel felt overwhelmed – he wasn’t used to _looking forward_ to things – previously it had just been enough to survive each day. 

It was early evening, but Gabriel was tired. He shoved on a t-shirt and some long pants. Sam seemed to sleep with minimal clothes, but Gabriel didn’t feel comfortable like that. He just felt ugly.

As Gabriel exited the bathroom, he found Sam and Alfie snuggled on Alfie’s bed, a book lying discarded on the side, both of them snoring quietly. Gabriel felt his heart swell with love for them both. He clambered in next to Sam and gently lent his head on his shoulder. _How did he get to be so lucky?_

XXX

_The next evening (Monday evening)_

Sam had gone out to get takeaway and Alfie was sleeping over at Hannah’s. Gabriel was alone in the motel room. He was standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom – fiercely applying brusher in an attempt to make himself attractive. He could barely look at himself in the eye. He was wearing his red dress and heels. He was determined tonight would be the night when Sam and he would finally fuck – if they were going to be in a _proper_ relationship, he knew he was going to have to let him. As he dabbed on the mascara, he just hoped that Sam wasn’t too kinky or rough. It wasn’t like he wasn’t attracted to Sam, but sex was….. _scary._ It made his stomach lurch just thinking about it. But he would do it, for Sam.....

xxx

_That day (Monday)_

Alfie was due back to school. Gabriel had woken with a feeling of panic; his stomach was churning and he couldn’t think straight. He was _terrified_ , he was so sure that Alfie was going to be taken away. He was also terrified about setting foot inside a school again. But Sam seemed to know just how he was feeling- had kissed him on the head and squeezed his hand. And immediately Gabriel had just felt calmer.

            When they arrived at school, Alfie had bounded off to find Hannah. And Sam and Gabriel had gone to find the _dreaded Miss Meg._ However, she turned out to be nothing like Gabriel had expected. She was small with bright eyes and shiny black hair and walked with a bounce, as if she couldn’t quite contain all her energy. Gabriel liked her immediately.

            She was surprised about their arrival but said she could meet them before school started. She found a quiet room by the head’s office. And then she showed them the story that Alfie had written, the story that had raised her concerns. Sam didn’t tell her that Gabriel couldn’t read but simply read it out loud.

THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME

_Me and my Uncle Gabe and my Uncle Sam (he’s not really my uncle, but I REALLY want him to be) all ate Coconut-Wheats before we had the best-est day ever!!!!! (I know i have to write that because it's in the competition, but we really did eat them!! I promise!)_

_It was the day after my birthday. I am 8, which is the oldest I have been._

_I said to Uncle Gabe I wanted to go to the zoo and Uncle Sam said it was a good idea too. So we went. It was a sunny day. We saw lots of animals. My favouritist was the mia cats, because they are furry and funny and like to play together. But my Uncle Gabe says I can’t have a pet one._

_I haven’t been to the zoo before. I always wanted to go because I REALLY, REALLY love animals. And we saw a gorilla and Uncle Gabe said Uncle Sam was like one. It was really funny. We laughed a lot! It made me happy because my Uncle Gabe doesn’t laugh a lot. He is sad a lot._

_And then my Uncle Sam bought me an ice-cream, it was mint-choc chip, which is the best. And then I rode on Uncle Sam’s shoulders. He is really big and I could see over everyone. It was cool! I want to be as big as Uncle Sam._

_And then I went on the activity playground. And I did two monkey bar rings and climbed the biggest wall. And my Uncle Sam and Uncle Gabe hugged a lot. They didn’t think I saw them but I did!! It made me smile ALOT because I really like Uncle Sam. He is very nice and never hits Uncle Gabe or calls him bad names. He is not like Uncle Gabe’s boyfriend, Chris. I don’t like him, NOT ONE BIT. He is mean and makes Uncle Gabe cry and he doesn’t buy ice-cream or like animals!_

_I wanted to go around the zoo again but Uncle Gabe said it was late. I really wanted to sleep at the zoo but Uncle Sam said a tiger might eat me. Uncle Sam is SO silly!_

_That was the best-est day of my life. It was super fun ALL DAY. And Uncle Gabe was really happy and we liked it a lot. I wish everyday was like being at the zoo._

_But then later...I woke up and I was back home with Uncle Gabe and Chris. And my Uncle Gabe was sad and scared again. And then I feel sad and scared too. And I just wanted Uncle Sam to come and make it better. I wish that Uncle Gabe and Uncle Sam and me all could live at the zoo. And I wish a tiger would eat Chris._

            At the end, Gabe was trying not to cry, he couldn't speak. And so Sam explained to Miss Meg some of what had been going on with Gabriel and Chris (*he missed out the prostitution and drug-dealing). He emphasised that things were now different and that Gabriel was no longer living with Chris. Miss Meg seemed relived; said she would contact social care to update them. She said they still might want to do a visit, but she seemed to think it would be unlikely that Alfie would get removed. Gabriel just kept quiet, which was unusual for him. It was just a lot to hear. And he was overwhelmingly relieved: he would rather die than let Alfie be taken away. And he knew it was all because of Sam - that he and Alfie were safe. 

            Later that day, Gabriel had spent a lot of time hugging Alfie, telling him he was a good boy and they were going to spend ALOT of time at the zoo. Alfie had become super excited at that prospect. However, he also wanted to go to Hannah's for a sleepover that night - Gabriel didn’t need much persuasion, he just felt Alfie should be having fun after everything he had gone through but Sam had concerned about it being a school night and the importance of _routine_. Both Alfie and Hannah had BEGGED AND BEGGED! In the end, Hannah’s mom had convinced Sam that she would ensure that Alfie went to bed early.

xx

_Monday evening_

            Gabriel had finished his make-up and looked at himself in the mirror. He sighed. He didn’t feel sexy or attractive. He just hoped that Sam would like it, other men always had. Just then the door opened and Sam’s voice rang through:

            “I’m back, I got Thai”

            Gabriel took a deep breath in, tried to stop his hands shaking. _He could do this_. He swung the bathroom door open

            “Babe, we can eat later…..right now, I’m your personal whore”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amazing Aimee made this art based on the Alfie's story - SO cute - go check it out!  
> http://astrangecreaturecalledaimee.tumblr.com/post/149486004792/gabriel-and-sam-with-8-year-old-alfie-at-the-zoo


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter contains sex....

Gabriel didn’t look directly at Sam, just heard him drop the takeout bag onto the floor. He swallowed – _he could do this, sex was no big deal after all._ He strutted over to the bed, got up and bent over onto all fours, exposing his pantie clad ass to Sam.

“You can use me how you want…..you can fuck me hard baby…..I _like_ it”

He voice was barely louder than a whisper. He just hoped Sam thought it was sexy. But Sam wasn’t speaking, hadn’t _done_ anything. Usually guys were all him by this point. He looked over his shoulder. Sam was just staring at him, open mouthed, food bag forgotten on the floor next to him.

Gabriel was confused, perhaps Sam needed more encouragement? He’d been with guys before who got nervous or shy when they realized sex was definitely on offer. Gabriel steeled himself again, got up and approached Sam. He lent up to try and kiss him. That seemed to spur Sam out of his stupor – he pushed Gabriel away, who stumbled over his heels and fell back onto the bed. And then Sam was shouting at him:

“You think I want you like this? You think I want you to be my _personal whore?_ JJJeeeessus……I can’t believe this…..I thought you understood I’m NOT LIKE THOSE GUYS…..”

Sam was getting more and more irate. Gabriel didn’t even hear his words, just the angry tone. Instinctively he curled up onto the bed. All he had wanted to do was make Sam feel good. Now it seemed Sam didn’t even want to fuck him. Apparently just his offer was enough to make Sam push him away in disgust; get angry with him for even trying. For the first time since he’d known Sam, he felt afraid. He couldn’t even run away, there was nowhere to go. He curled up into an even tighter ball – his body tensing, waiting for the beating to begin.

Sam was taking a deep breath. He couldn’t believe this, after everything – Gabriel had seemingly been opening up to him, trusting him. And then this, Gabriel offering himself up….in _that dress…._ the same dress he’d been in when Sam first met him, when he’d been working as a _prostitute_ …..in that dress that clung so tightly to his small frame, showing off his sharp hipbones and pierced nipples beneath the sheer material….and then Gabriel had bent over, pulling up the dress and exposing his ass so that Sam could see his rounded cheeks separated by a tiny thread of black lace……..and damn it! If Sam wasn’t just a _tiny_ bit turned on……he could imagine himself draped all over Gabriel, kissing his tight little body, removing that tiny piece of lace away with his teeth…..It wasn’t till Gabriel was trying to kiss him that Sam had realized what was happening….he didn’t want it like this! He didn’t want to be turned on by Gabriel _like this_ , he didn’t want to be like all those guys who had taken advantage of him, who just used him and treated him like a mindless slut.

He sighed. Right now, he could see Gabriel was upset, curling into himself like he was about to get hit. He hated that was how Gabriel saw him…..how many times had he told him that he would never hurt him? It seemed like it was going to take Gabriel a long time to truly understand that message, to _truly_ trust him. He slumped down on the bed next to Gabriel and then crawled in next him,

“Come ‘ere baby, I’m not gonna hurt you…..”

He started stroking his hair. But Gabriel didn’t respond.

“C’mon Gabe…I’m sorry I yelled”

Gabriel just continued to bury his head in his own arms. Finally he mumbled out

“You don’t want me”

“oh babe don’t say that…..I want you so bad….but I don’t wanna push you…”

“You’re not pushing me, I _offered_ ….” Gabriel’s voice, sounding slightly more defiant, rumbled out. He paused before suddenly uncurling himself, laying out in front of Sam and gestured toward his body: “I don’t blame you for not wanting to fuck me….I’m _disgusting_ ”

“oh babe…..” Sam lent over, touching Gabe’s arm gently “how can you say that? you’re _gorgeous_ …..”

Gabriel rolled away from him, onto his side “but you don’t wanna fuck me…”

“babe…you’ve been through so much…”

“what so I’m too broken to fuck?” Gabriel was starting to sound pissed off. Sam took a deep breath again, traced his fingers down Gabriel’s spine through the thin dress. Gabriel shivered slightly.

“babe…I don’t want you to be my _personal whore_ …… I’m not a client, I’m your _boyfriend_ ….and when or even _if_ we _make love_ , I want you to be you…I don’t want you to be pretending to be something, _someone_ else… _”_

Gabriel lay on his side, while Sam continued to lightly trace his back with his finger-tips. He shivered again. It felt good, Sam touching him like that …but what Sam was saying…… _it was overwhelming_ – it sounded like he wanted Gabe to be _himself_ when they fucked….He wouldn’t be able to hide behind his usual ‘sexy slut’ façade; wouldn’t just be able to cut off from his body while he got fucked– Sam wanted him to be fully there with him, to be fully present. It wasn’t something that anyone had ever wanted before – no one had ever really wanted _him_ , not even Chris. They just wanted an easy hole to put their dick in.

He turned back around to face Sam – the way he was looking at him, made him feel like _he was someone worth something_. It wasn’t a feeling he was used to. They lay there looking at each other for a bit, Sam tracing his sides with his fingers. Gabriel smiled at him before leaning in to kiss him on the lips. Sam let him explore, allowing him to push his tongue deeper into his mouth. He wanted more….But Gabriel abruptly pulled away. He started to speak quietly, keeping his eyes fixed on Sam’s shoulder.

“I, I…um…babe, sex is….i don’t really like sex….I, I know that’s weird,..with my _old_ job and….anyway everyone likes sex right? but it makes me feel….um _dirty_ and out of control and-” Gabriel suddenly stopped himself, he was shaking a bit ….“but babe, I wanna make you happy so bad….I just don’t know if I can do all what you just said…”

Sam could feel tears in his eyes “hun….you already make so happy, I don’t need sex to make me happy with you….I’ll never make you do anything, you know that…..”

Sam absolutely meant what he said, but he knew it would be hard: shutting the door on _ever_ having sex with Gabriel. Trying to put that thought away, Sam continued “and please say you know I would never hit you…..I just couldn’t take it if you thought I would do that…the way you acted, hunching up on the bed…..”

Gabriel looked away in shame “I know, I know….it’s just sometimes it’s like my mind knows it, knows you’d never hurt me….but maybe the rest of me hasn’t quite caught up” He looked up at Sam, and touched his arm “….and I’m sorry about y’know with this dress and the make-up and everything….it’s just that’s what men seem to like, I just thought you would too….stupid huh?”

“it’s not stupid….you er, you do look kinda hot in that dress…..but I just, um….you can wear it if you want…..but I just think…it’s just when I see you wear that stuff….. it’s just _not you_ babe”

Gabriel looked at Sam again and smiled, his eyes crinkling at the sides.

“Man, I love you…..” He lent across and closing his eyes, he kissed Sam again, messy and wet. It was perfect.

Xxx

After that conversation, Gabriel had gone to wipe off all the make-up and get changed into something _less revealing:_ just pants and Sam’s t-shirt –he loved wearing Sam’s clothes – they smelt of _Sam;_ a slightly musky smell. Gabriel hugged himself in Sam’s t-shirt – it was huge and and easily covered his body _._ He’d told Sam that he didn’t want to wear slutty dresses anymore – it was just another thing Chris had made him do. And wearing that stuff reminded him of being a prostitute, something Sam said he would never have to do again.

Gabe looked at himself in the mirror and managed a small smile back at his reflection…..maybe things really were getting better.

And then Sam and he sat on the bed, watched TV and ate the (slightly cold) Thai food. Gabriel still struggled but surprised himself with how much he managed….like maybe he wasn’t disgusting for eating more, as Chris had always told him.

And then Sam had lent over and kissed him…..”hey babe, I know what we can do with that dress…..”

10 minutes later…..

Sam and Gabriel were standing outside…..Sam had set a small fire inside a trash can. Gabriel hugged the dress to his chest briefly before throwing it into the fire. He took Sam’s hand and gripped it tight while the watched the flimsy material burn away. He looked over at Sam, who seemed mesmerized by the small fire and started to speak: “I want to try babe…..I wanna try and um y’know _have sex_ ….I don’t want Michael, Luca, Chris…er _everyone else_ to take this away from us….I don’t want them to keep ruining stuff for me….I want to be with you babe” Gabriel lifted his chin resolutely, as though he’d made his decision.

Sam looked down at Gabriel in surprise

“really…..babe, you’re sure…you know it’s ok not to?”

Gabriel nodded. He was scared but he was determined as well – he could do this, not just for Sam but for himself as well.

Xxx

Gabriel led Sam back into the room. He went to turn on only the side lamp, so the lighting was low, casting long shadows onto the bed.

Sam came up slowly behind him, grasping him around his stomach and lent down, whispered into his ear

“babe, we can um…do it however you want, you’re in charge here”

Gabriel swallowed; the thought of Sam giving over his control so easily made arousal swirl deep in his gut.

He turned around, leaning up, kissed Sam, before pulling back with a grin. Catching Sam by surprise, he pushed him back onto the bed, before jumping on top of him, immediately covering with kisses on his face and then lower, started to suck gently on his neck. Sam’s head dropt back as he moaned quietly. Damn did it feel good! Gabriel sat up suddenly and pulled his t-shirt over his shoulders….it felt exposing but he pushed the thought away and reached forward to rip off Sam’s shirt.

Sam lent forward to stroke Gabriel’s bare skin.….Gabriel just sat on his lap allowing him to trace the scars, burn marks and bruises with the pads of fingers. Sam lent forward and kissed the scars on his chest.

“You’re so beautiful”. Sam whispered, sounding almost reverent. Gabriel shuddered. How did this man make him feel so wanted, so desired? Sam’s fingers danced over his nipples, pulling them slightly. Gabriel tensed; they were still sensitive from the piercings.

“What are these?” Sam fingered the piercings gently

“errr, Chris put ‘em in, he said it was sexy” Gabriel whispered, ashamed.

Sam growled “you don’t need these to make you sexy”. But he kissed them too, making sure not to hurt Gabriel, before he lent back and they both looked at each for a moment….

Gabriel could see Sam’s deep brown eyes were blown wide with lust….just from looking at _him_ , just from touching _his_ body…..Gabriel felt a sense of power stir within him. Sam moaned slightly, as Gabriel shuffled back further, easing his bottom over Sam’s dick, starting to move.  He could feel Sam’s dick start to harden beneath his ass. Their pants were still on, so Gabriel didn’t feel too overwhelmed. He still felt in control.

He lent forward and whispered quietly into Sam’s ear:

“I want to bottom Sam, I want you inside me….”

Sam just nodded dumbly, his mouth went dry….the idea of Gabriel allowing him to _do that_ made him dizzy with desire.

Gabriel continued “Chris always said my ass belonged to him…but I want you to show him who I belong to baby…..”

Gabriel sat back and winked at him. He winked at him!

Sam tried to move forward and kiss Gabriel, tried to grab him and roll him underneath him….he _needed_ him so bad. But Gabriel nimbly jumped off him.

“No baby….you said I was in control….and right now, I want you to get those pants off…..”

Sam grinned, he was more than happy to oblige. Not that he was _arrogant_ about his size, but well he always had appreciated that he had been particularly _blessed_ in that department.

He lay back on the bed and rolled off his pants and boxers. His dick sprung forward….he was already hard, just from touching Gabe, just from the _idea_ of being inside him. He grabbed at his thick cock, as he did so, he looked up at Gabe. The man was standing by the bed, practically drooling. Sam had never been ashamed of how he looked, but he’d always been unaware of _just how hot he was._ Gabriel seemed to be suffering no such illusions – he was _fully aware_. It made Sam feel good, Gabriel looking at him like that – Gabriel wasn’t always good with words, didn’t always tell him how he felt or whether he thought of Sam was sexy….but there was no denying Gabriel’s reaction…

Gabriel climbed on the bed, still wearing his pants, and crawled toward him on his belly, like a panther about to pounce. He pushed Sam’s hand away from his cock….before sitting down on Sam’s stomach, he bent forward and started to lick and kiss Sam’s chest, moving himself low as he kissed low down onto Sam’s toned abs, rubbing his hand’s along Sam’s huge biceps. He looked up at Sam:

“Baby….I wanna, I wanna suck you” Gabe managed to breath out. He sounded almost shy about it. Sam just nodded, barely believing that this actually was going to happen.

Gabriel shuffled himself down between Sam’s legs. He took Sam’s cock in his right hand, moved it slowly up and down, before reaching forward and taking the large head of Sam’s cock into his mouth, lapping slowly at the slit. Sam groaned as his cock was enveloped by Gabriel’s wet mouth. Gabriel continued to mouth at the tip, his tongue licking and lapping the precum, taking it a little more each time, adjusting to Sam’s thickness. He kept one hand at the base of Sam’s cock and the other rubbing Sam’s inner thigh. Then without warning, he opened his jaw, lent forward and swallowed down all nine inches of Sam’s fat cock

“ohhh myyy godddd, bbbabbbeee”

Gabriel swallowed around Sam’s cock…before sliding off, swirlng his tongue around the head again before sucking him down again, humming slightly as he did so. Sweet torture. Sam felt so hot all over, like his skin was burning up. He thrust into Gabriel’s mouth…slowly at first, but he needed, he _needed…_

He reached up to pet Gabriel’s hair, but Gabriel shook him off. Sam understood - he wasn’t allowed to take control, to hold Gabriel’s head in place.

Sam could feel his orgasm building, he surged forward…trying to fuck Gabriel’s mouth. Gabriel just let him…didn’t even gag. Sam wanted so bad to cum…could feel he wasn’t far off, as he snapped his hips up, pushing his cock further into Gabriel’s willing mouth again. And then suddenly Gabriel pulled off his still hard cock, with a loud pop. Sam groaned in despair.

“ _babe_ …..”

Gabriel looked up at him….god he was gorgeous,….his cheeks were flushed pink and lips plumped and wet with saliva and precum….He looked utterly debauched. He grinned

“poor Sammy….”

He didn’t look in the slightest bit concerned about Sam’s predicament. He grabbed Sam’s cock and began to pump it up and down, just a little to gently. But Sam was eager to encourage him

“yeh babe…please, please….just harder…please”

“Do you want to fuck me babe?” Gabriel looked down at him with a coy smile, but his eyes dark with desire.

“YES”

“ok, but you gotta turn off the light”

Sam groaned….he wanted to _see_ his boyfriend naked…besides he had already seen him naked before…..but he understood, right now Gabriel wasn’t ready for that.

Gabriel released his dick and Sam lent over and switched off the light. Immediately, the room was bathed in darkness and Sam could feel it even more then…the thick tension between them….

Gabriel pulled off his pants and then crawled on top of Sam again, crushing his naked body against Sam’s…..pushing his weight against him….Sam could feel Gabriel’s hard cock against his stomach as Gabe lent down to kiss him, intense and passionate….He could taste his salty pre-cum on Gabriel’s tongue…. _it turned him on._ He wanted to touch Gabe so bad….but he wasn’t sure he was allowed so he kept his hands by the sides of his body…..

He could hear Gabriel moaning slightly, whilst he continued to kiss him…the guy was bobbing up and down, his ass just slightly grazing Sam’s cock…..Sam just wanted to grab him and sink inside that hotness wetness…and then he couldn’t resist it…he reached up and grabbed Gabriel’s ass….pinched the thick cheeks with his fingers, before slapping his ass gently. It was only meant to be playful. But immediately he regretted it…Gabriel froze above him

“No babe” His voice was thick and low, like he was choking it out.

Sam let go “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry babe….are you ok?”

Gabriel sat still, above him, taking some deep breathes before replying shakily “I’m ok….don’t worry…I’m ok”

“You sure?” Sam whispered out into the darkness

“I’m sure…..I just need a moment…” He pulled himself off Sam and fled into the bathroom.

Sam lay in the darkness for a moment, berating himself – why was he such an idiot, he shouldn’t have tried to touch Gabe like that. But just thinking of Gabe’s ass right now was not helping him to calm down…..

After several moments…Gabriel still hadn’t appeared from the bathroom. Sam pulled himself off the bed, he needed to make sure Gabriel was ok…He was still semi-hard, his cock jutting out as he gingerly walked over to the bathroom….the darkness of the room impinging his progress. He gently tapped on the door….

“babe…you ok”

There was no answer…Sam was really starting to worry.

And then Gabriel thrust opened the door, the light from the small room momentarily blinding Sam, before his eyes adjusted. He could see Gabriel still standing in the doorway; still completely naked. And Sam realized Gabe was almost completely hairless; his pale skin shining, with a slight sheen of sweat. But Sam’s eyes were fixed onto Gabriel’s cock, which was now lying flaccid between his legs….of course, he’d seen Gabriel naked before, but he forgotten just quite how _gorgeous_ his cock was _…._ whist it wasn’t huge, it was large enough…His cock was cut…and hung tampering slightly to the right….Sam just wanted to lean forward and take the warm flesh between his hands…

Gabriel followed his eye line, and realizing what Sam was looking at, he put his hand in front of himself, like he was ashamed. He coughed slightly to get Sam’s attention:

“Sammy, I’m fine….I was just getting these….” He held out a condom and a small bottle of lube.

Sam’s jaw fell open…”you mean, you still want to….”

For his answer, Gabriel stepped forward and reached up on tiptoes to kiss him, their cocks brushing against each other. Sam moaned and pushed him against the wall, wanting to kiss harder….

“pick me up” Gabriel whispered

Sam complied without a second thought, lifting him up easily and pushing him against the wall, as Gabriel wrapped himself around Sam…..spreading his legs around Sam’s waist and locking their hips into place….pushing his cock against Sam’s, providing much needed friction.

“Babe, I want you to take me to bed…lay me out….I want you to touch me….all over…put your fingers inside me…..get me ready for you….babe, you’re _so_ big….I need to be ready for you….” Gabriel was talking fast but Sam was taking in _every_ word….

He placed Gabe on the bed gently, the light from the bathroom allowing him to see the silhouette of his boyfriend lying on the bed, his legs spread, his cock hardening…..he was a beautiful sight. Sam didn’t see the scars or bruises…..just his gorgeous boyfriend laid out for him…..Sam grabbed up the lube, and poured some into his hand….the silky liquid sticky between his fingers. He knelt down before Gabriel….started to caress his boyfriend’s legs…and then pulled them a little wider….gently started to rub Gabriel’s stomach

“you’re so soft baby….you feel so good”

And then Sam tried to take Gabe’s cock into his hand, but Gabriel pushed his hand “no….I don’t like….I don’t want….”

Sam moved his own hand away, continued to caress Gabe’s body “that’s ok, you don’t have to explain”

He reached down and traced over Gabriel’s hole, could feel the tight furl between his fingers, started to play his fingers over, around it but never going inside until….

“oh my god, put them in….please”

Sam smiled and slowly started to press a thick finger into his boyfriend’s tight ass, pushed into the hot, velvety thickness until he was up to his second knuckle – _it felt amazing._

“Oh my god….” Gabriel breathed out “I need more……”

Sam lent forward, buried himself in Gabriel’s neck, breathing in his sweet scent and started sucking and nibbling….all whilst pushing his finger in slightly further, before withdrawing and then repeating….Gabriel was pushing his hips, his pelvis thrusting against Sam’s neglected cock….

“Plleassseeee…..”

Sam smiled again “ok baby…”

He pushed in another finger….moving them in and out slowly, pushing against and stretching out Gabriel’s tight channel….

“does that feel good?” Sam asked, concerned he might he hurting his baby…

“…oh my god….c’mon fuck me already”

“such a romantic” Sam grinned drily.

“Babe…I’m ready….please”

Sam looked at Gabriel; could see his head was thrown back against the pillow, his jaw slightly open…..”I love you Gabee….”

In the semi-darkness, Gabriel looked back at him

“I love you too….”

Sam sat back then, rubbed a little more lube over his cock and then picked up the condom. He ripped off the wrapper and slowly pulled it down his achingly hard cock and rubbing more lube over himself. Gabriel sat up: “I want you to lie back, Sammy….I wanna ride you”

Sam nodded, swallowing thickly of the image of Gabriel bouncing above him, riding his cock.

He lay back and Gabriel clambered onto him and then lifting himself up, he positioned himself over Sam’s cock…

Before he could do anything, Sam reached up and stroked his hair

“you with me baby….you ready?”

“Yeh…..I’m with you Sam…” Gabe smiled at him in the semi-darkness

And with that he slowly began to sit down, the mushroom head of Sam’s fat cock disappearing past his tight rim….taking Sam’s cock in slowly inch by inch. Sam threw his head back….as Gabriel’s glorious hot, tight ass surrounded his cock…..“urrhhhhhhhhhh, oh Gabeee”

Gabriel pushed himself all the way down, so Sam’s balls were touching his ass…he sat for barely a moment adjusting to Sam’s thick cock filling him up…. _it hurt a bit but it felt good too, it felt right ._

Sam was rubbing his thighs, trying to help relax. They looked at each other - Gabriel reached down and stroked Sam’s face….and Gabriel could feel it, the love between them was almost tangible. Slowly he began to rock his hips back and forth, finding the rhythm as Sam lay underneath him. Gabriel reached down, pulled Sam’s hands onto his ass….let him cup his ass cheeks, helping him to move. He knew Sam wouldn’t hurt him.

And then Gabriel ground down, impaling himself deeper onto Sam’s cock making Sam groan hard. Gabriel continued to push himself up and down, rolling his hips…..

The room was filled only with the obscene sound of their bodies slapping together and Sam’s babbling….

“oh god…Gabe that feels so good…you’re so tight baby, so tight for me…oh god I love you….so much…..”   

Gabriel pushed himself further down again on Sam’s cock, his mouth falling opening at how stretched he felt. Sam was half sitting up now thrusting in harder, now gripping his hips., as they moved together in perfect tandem. And Gabriel didn’t care anymore, he didn’t care about being in control – it just felt so good, so right being with Sam….he never wanted it to stop……could feel Sam’s cock just hitting his prostate at the right angle…Sam thrust up hard into him one more time before he came with a long moan. Almost without thinking, Gabriel took his own cock in his hand, thrusting into his palm…..he hadn’t wanted to touch himself like this in a long time, but it felt good….he could feel himself surfing on the edge of his orgasm, his ass tightening around Sam’s cock, before suddenly he came with a scream, spilling his seed all over his stomach and chest. Riding out the waves of orgasm….he ground down again, making Sam moan out softly.

Gabriel collapsed on top of Sam, their sweaty bodies sticking together but neither of them cared or tried to move….Sam’s softening cock still lodged in Gabriel’s ass. The room smelt of sex – musky and sweet. Neither of them spoke just breathed slowly together as they came down from their orgasm high….Slowly Sam pulled out of him, rolled Gabriel away and pulled the condom off and threw it away. Sam lay back down and Gabriel clambered back on top of him, laying his head down onto his chest. Gabriel could feel his eyes close as Sam reached his arms around him in a tight hug. He let himself drift to sleep, feeling safe and loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	38. Chapter 38

Gabriel woke in the early hours of the next morning. Sam’s naked body was pressed against him, his large arms wrapped around him. It felt good being so close…..it made him feel _protected; loved_. But then again, he also had an overwhelming urge to break free of Sam’s arms and just be alone. He didn’t move though….just continued to lie in the darkness, listening to Sam’s regular breathing.

He thought back to the previous night, a small smile playing on his lips….. the man was a _sex god….._ there wasn’t a part of his body, that wasn’t _perfect_ ….even his freaking cock was perfect– thick and long without being grotesquely huge. Gabriel remembered the sweet taste of it on his tongue…..but just because Sam was supremely hot didn’t mean that the experience had been easy…..Gabriel had been scared – scared of being out of control, of being held down and forced, of being hurt and humiliated…..but it hadn’t been like that, Sam had been so good….even when Gabriel had the freak-out after Sam had slapped his ass; of course when it happened, a part of him knew that Sam was just being silly, but then at the same time, he’d been immediately flooded with image of Michael and Chris and times with clients; times when he’d been belittled and pushed around and made to feel cheap and worthless…but then he’d heard Sam’s voice in the darkness, could feel his soft hands rubbing his ass and he’d been able to breath again…..and then Sam had let him go to the bathroom to calm down; hadn’t stopped him, hadn’t forced himself on him…..and when he’d come out, Sam just let him dictate the pace…had _respected_ him, hadn’t even touched his dick when he asked him not to….Gabriel knew his cock was pathetic and gross, he didn’t want Sam touching _that_ …..…But the sex, oh the sex had been pretty _damn_ amazing…..sex hadn’t been like that _ever_ , not even with Luca. It felt _special._ It didn’t make him used or dirty; he hadn’t even zoned out or tried to ‘just get through it’. Instead the sex had been intimate in a way he’d never experienced before; it had made him feel powerfully connected with Sam…..It had been _beautiful._ For the first time, in his life, Gabriel felt like sex hadn’t involved something being taken from him. For Gabriel sex had been always experienced as an act of hate in some form or another….but after last night, he could understand now why people called it ‘making love’. It almost made him feel sad that at 31, this was first time of experiencing sex in this way.

But, as he lay in the darkness, Gabriel felt the edge of fear – being so close to Sam was kind of terrifying……He’d always been so used to dealing with everything by himself. But now after a lifetime of feeling alone, being with Sam like that, feeling so genuinely close……well it was so _unfamiliar,_ it almost made him feel uncomfortable…..

Gabriel struggled out of Sam’s arms, a difficult process since even in sleep, it seemed that Sam was apparently unwilling to let Gabriel go. He finally managed to extract himself – he pulled on some pants and a t-shirt. He could still almost feel the imprint of Sam’s gentle hands on his body. He looked down at the sleeping man – he wanted to take a photo – he literally couldn’t believe that someone so beautiful would ever look at him. But just as felt compelled to get back into bed and cuddle back close to Sam, the opposing urge to be alone kicked in. He just needed to breath; just needed to be outside….He opened the front door of the motel room just as the first of the sun’s rays started to spread across the sky.

Xxxx

            Sam woke several hours later, alone.

            His eyes were still closed with sleep, but he felt around the bed for Gabriel – it was empty and cold. Sam felt confused - he wanted to wake up cuddling his boyfriend…...last night had been _perfect._ Gabriel had been _gorgeous_. Of course, there were a few hiccups….but it all worked out….and the sex had ultimately been awesome – intense and electric – it was unlike anything Sam had ever experienced. And he couldn’t believe that Gabriel had trusted him like that…..in truth he’d been relieved that Gabriel had wanted to bottom….Sam himself had never really done that….well, he’d tried it once with Gadreel. But it had been so painful…Gadreel had literally just rammed his cock in. After that he’d sworn he’d never do it again. Plus, he didn’t like to admit it, but perhaps there was something about bottoming and maybe feeling less of a man…but then again Sam didn’t like to think about that too much…besides, if Gabriel had needed him to do that, he’d have done it….but as it was, he didn’t have to worry about it……and now just thinking of Gabriel riding his cock made Sam want to go again……He slowly sat up, stretching his arms slightly and rubbing his eyes - where was Gabe? He couldn’t have gone to pick up Alfie – Hannah’s mom had said she would drop the kids at school…..

The room was eerily quiet, the bathroom door was open, so he wasn’t in the bathroom then. Sam hated the feeling of anxiety that rose from the pit of his stomach…the thoughts of _what if Gabriel has been hurt? what if Gabriel has been taken by Chris? What if Gabriel has run off because he really hated last night?……_ But before Sam could assemble his thought and jump out of bed to look for Gabriel…..the front door swung open and Gabriel strode in, looking pleased with himself and carrying two cups of coffee.

            “Good morning baby….y’know it’s a very good morning!….I have been out hunting and bought you back breakfast!”

Gabriel set the cups on the table and jumped on the bed. Sam immediately felt relieved and pulled him in close, he reached up and drew him in for a long kiss. He finally withdrew, leaving Gabriel panting for more

            “thanks babe…but right now, not really thinking of breakfast”

He lent in for another kiss, reaching under Gabriel’s t-shirt. Gabriel shuddered slightly and pushed him off

           “not now babe……”

Sam looked at him in confusion

            “oh….huh? I….I’m sorry…..I thought you liked last night…oh god, no…”

            “no! it’s not that….last night….it was um, _amazing_ ….it’s just, y’know…just need to take it slow….” Gabriel reached forward and took Sam’s hand “is that ok?”

            Sam smiled at him “of course baby….I get it”

           Gabriel grinned “besides my ass needs a break….”

           Sam leaned in again and kissed him again. Gabriel settled down next to him and kissed him right back. This felt good…this felt safe…….

            **20 minutes later**

Gabriel and Sam were still on the bed, making out like teenagers. Gabriel was lying on top of Sam, he was still wearing pants, but somehow his t-shirt had been removed…..he was pushing his hardening erection against Sam’s already hard cock. His earlier worries about having sex again appeared to have been forgotten as their kissing and humping got more intense…..until, Sam’s phone started to loudly ring, rudely interrupting their make-out session.

            “babe, let me up….I need to get that……”

Gabriel tried to pin him down, but Sam easily pushed him off and reached for his phone.

            “Yeah Hello……”

His demeanor went from blissed out to attentive and stressed as soon as he heard who it was.

            Gabriel noticed the change – he wondered what was going on. He chewed his lip – he just hoped it wasn’t anything to do with Alfie. He got up slowly and retrieved the coffee.

After a short, tense conversation in which Sam had mostly just provided monosyllabic answers and the motel address, he hung up. He took a deep breath in:

            “Gabe, that was social care…. er they’re gonna come here later to meet us…..apparently the woman already tried to go and see you at Chris’ flat last week, but thank god no one answered…….and um they want to meet Alfie as well at some point….”

            Gabriel was frozen for a moment, before he dropt the coffee cup he was holding….luke-warm coffee splashed all over the floor….

            Sam immediately jumped up and drew Gabriel in for a hug

          “It will be ok babe….I’m not gonna let anything happen”

Gabriel just stood limply in his arms….this was his worst nightmare….the world could do what it wanted with him, but he couldn’t bear Alfie being taken away and hurt like he had been…it just couldn’t happen…..he muffled a sob as he lent into Sam’s body

            “shhhh babe, it will be ok”

**Several hours later….**

            Gabriel was frantically cleaning, his hair was a mess and he was covered in dirt…but he was determined that this motel room would look vaguely acceptable…..Sam had gone out under strict instructions to buy flowers and coffee and mugs……He sighed suddenly…of course he understood that Sam hadn’t wanted to pay for an apartment as he didn’t want to stay in the city, but he just hoped the social care people wouldn’t hold that against them, hoped they wouldn’t think they weren’t providing an ‘acceptable home environment’ for Alfie…..Sam had said they would be able to explain it all, but he just hoped they would listen. He could feel himself start to panic again, so he just scrubbed harder….

            A slight tap at the door roused him out of his manic cleaning state. He just hoped it was Sam back with the stuff…..but as he opened the door, he was horrified to see a rather striking woman, with bright blue eyes and wavy dark hair, flashing an official badge at him:

            “Hi, I’m Pam…..the social worker, you were er…expecting me???”

She held out her hand as Gabriel continued to look at her in horror…..already he could imagine she was judging him for the state of his appearance, could almost hear her thoughts as she decided that he wasn’t a worthy carer for Alfie…. _this could not be happening…._ just as she was withdrawing her hand in slight confusion, Sam arrived, carrying flowers and plastic bag full of cups and food.

            “Hi, you must be the social worker right? I’m Sam and this is Gabriel, my partner”

Sam had plastered on a huge smile and shook the social worker’s hand. Gabriel immediately felt himself relax. This was ok, he could do this….. _they_ could do this.

A little later…

Pam was perched on the edge of Alfie’s bed, joting notes down and looking around the small room. Sam and Gabriel sat on their bed, Gabriel’s hand held firmly in Sam’s hand. Pam had been here long but she’d been asking a lot of questions – about their relationship, how they met, how long they’d been together, why they were living in a motel room……Gabriel was getting more and more tense. He snapped back at her a couple of times, particularly when she started to ask about the violence that Alfie had witnessed.….

“Look Alfie didn’t see much….and then I left Chris when it got really bad didn’t I?…..And Sam’s not violent like that…..anyway I tried to protect Alfie from all that, I tried my _best_ …..he was ok……it was ok….really”

Pamela Barnes didn’t look particularly impressed:

“often parents or carers think that kids don’t know….but poor little Alfie probably saw a lot more than you think…”

The thought of Alfie knowing about the violence between him and Chris for a long time and hiding in his room and being afraid of saying anything made Gabriel’s stomach turn…..he didn’t want to think about it….but before he could say anything, Sam was talking, smoothing everything over….

“We do appreciate that Alfie has been through a lot, he has seen a lot of stuff he shouldn’t have…..and I know Gabriel tried to protect him, but I know it wasn’t always possible….but I think that, it maybe when we have moved and everything has calmed down, that maybe Alfie should go and talk to someone, a therapist or something…..we want the best for Alfie and we love him very much….”

            Pamela had just nodded at this before moving on…..she seemed to know a lot about them….she knew Anna, Alfie’s mom was not around. She also knew that Sam was a cop (that seemed to go down well, luckily she didn’t seem to realize he was no longer employed). She also knew that Gabriel had been in prison for a violent offence and that Chris had been in prison for drug offences. And then she dropt the big one:

            “so I understand that you have been arrested for prostitution several times….”, she looked hard at Gabriel.

            Gabriel froze; he suddenly felt very exposed. It was bad enough that she just thought he was loser and victim of his ex-partner’s violence, that he was shit carer and put Alfie in danger…..but now she also knew he was a worthless, dirty whore…..there was _no way_ she was going to let him continue to take care of Alfie. He looked away, he could feel the tears welling in his eyes……could feel himself start to panic, he couldn’t let Alfie go, he knew what would happen……

            Sam was speaking…..

“Yes you’re right, Gabriel worked as a prostitute in the past but Chris forced him into that er job…..but Gabriel is getting his life together now and he will never be doing that again….and can I just say, Alfie is a damn good kid, and a credit to Gabriel….sure I’m not saying that things have been perfect…but Gabriel is an amazing father figure for Alfie…he’s done so well to look after him despite everything with Chris…..” Sam was looking flustered and hot by the time he’d finished speaking. Pam just raised an eyebrow and wrote something down on her pad of paper.

“You’re gonna take Alfie away aren’t you?”

Gabriel’s voice was small and tight.

Pamela gave a brief smile ““Look I need to think about what is best for Alfie…..it sounds like he has had a tough time and been living in really chaotic environment…..and I still worry about his current living circumstance…and I want to talk to Alfie, Miss Meg as well….…..but I’m not making a decision at this point…..”

Gabriel didn’t hear what she said…..he couldn’t process it…..All he knew was that he had to get Alfie, they had to escape….he wasn’t going to let anyone take Alfie away……..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I feel guilty....feel like I haven't kept my regular writing schedule.....(won't bore you with my life events and general laziness reasons)....also I'm not really a social care expert, so this might not be the most accurate of stories......but y'know I try my best!  
> But if you are wondering how Pam knows so much....I would assume she has done some sort of police check (I have no idea if social workers actually do this).....
> 
> also re Sam's attitude about sex/bottoming - thats not my view! and i have a feeling Sam might need a bit of an attitude adjustment!
> 
> Anyhoo, I hope you have liked :) 
> 
> comments and kudos are always loved and appreciated!!


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i found this chapter upsetting to write....warnings for talk about child exposure to domestic violence....please take care of yourself

_The following day...._

         Alfie stood quietly in the classroom doorway, not wanting to go in but Ms. Barnes who was standing behind him, gently pushed him through the entrance.

         “c’mon Alfie there’s nothing to be scared about….I just want to have a little chat with you”

Alfie grimaced….sure Ms. Barnes _seemed_ ok, but he couldn’t be sure. Besides last night Uncle Gabe had been really upset. He’d tried to hide it but Alfie always knew when something was wrong. In the end, Uncle Sam had told him that a nice lady called Ms. Barnes wanted a little talk with him about the times when he was living with Uncle Gabe and Chris. Alfie didn’t really know why. Uncle Sam just told him not to worry and had given him a big smile. He said that everything was going to be ok but maybe not to say too much about everything that Chris did to Uncle Gabe. Alfie didn’t know why. He didn’t like it. It was hard to keep secrets. It made him feel lonely. But Uncle Sam seemed to think it was important. Uncle Gabe hadn’t said anything, just hugged him. He’d even slept in Alfie’s bed, curled around him tightly. It made Alfie feel safe. But in the night, Uncle Gabe had another nightmare. Uncle Gabe always had nightmares. But it was scary being woken up by him screaming and crying. Uncle Sam had to calm him down and kiss him better. So he was ok then.  In the morning, he’d been quiet; just told Alfie to have a good day, before he’d crawled back into bed. Uncle Sam had taken him to school. And after his first lesson (where’d they learnt how trees grow)….Ms. Meg had taken him aside and introduced to Ms. Barnes. Alfie’s first thought was that she was very pretty. She also had a cool bag with loads of Avengers stickers on it. She even let him have a closer look when he asked. And then Ms. Meg took them both to an empty classroom. And all of a sudden Alfie didn’t want to go in. He didn’t want to be alone with Ms. Barnes. But it seemed like he didn’t have a choice.

xx       

       Alfie was sitting in the classroom, on one of the little chairs by a desk and Ms Barnes was sitting on the floor, on a a mat next to him. He was fiddling with the end of his jumper, the sleeve of which was fraying.

            “Alfie…..do you know what a social worker is?”

Alfie looked down at his hands and shook his head. He really did not understand what was going on.

            “Well I’m a social worker and that means I’m someone who makes sure children are safe and happy….and that’s why I want to talk to you today, just to get to know you and make sure you are ok”.

Alfie sighed. This was dumb. He was safe and happy. Mostly. Everything was fine now.

           “So Alfie…..do you like drawing or coloring?”

Alfie did very much like drawing and coloring. But he just shook his head quietly and turned away from Ms. Barnes.

           “Really? Wow! I guess Miss Meg must have got it wrong then, coz she told me that you were a great drawer….”

Alfie fiddled a bit more with his jumper

            “well I _kind of_ like drawing….” He whispered out

            “Really? I bet you are really good at it…..hmmm, I wonder if you could draw me a picture of the people in your family?”

Miss Barnes produced a large piece of paper and some colors. They were really good ones as well….not like the ones he had, which were old and almost running out. Alfie looked at the blank page. He really wanted to make the picture. And it wasn’t like Uncle Sam had told him not to draw.

_20 minutes later….._

            Alfie had completed the picture of him, Uncle Gabe and Uncle Sam…They were all holding hands. He’d also drawn a puppy…because he really wanted one. The picture was of them at the lake. He told Ms Barnes all about it. How they got bikes and how he was really good at cycling and the picnic…and how nice and kind and fun Uncle Sam was…Alfie said he loved his Uncle Gabe and Uncle Sam very much. Ms Barnes seemed really interested and asked him lots more questions. But it was ok, she wasn’t rude or anything. Alfie liked her. He didn’t know why Uncle Gabe had been upset about him meeting Ms. Barnes. Maybe he had been upset about something else instead……

           But then Ms Barnes asked him if he could draw a picture of how his family used to look, before Uncle Sam arrived. Alfie put the colors down. He didn’t want to draw Chris or his mommy. He didn’t want to think about Chris at all. And it made him sad to think about his mommy. Why didn’t she want to be his mommy anymore?

           “Are you ok Alfie?”

           “yeah”

            “it seems like you don’t want to draw that picture?”

Alfie nodded

           “oh….why’s that?”

Alfie looked down and sighed. “I just don’t…it’s a dumb idea”

            “oh…..I thought you didn’t want to because maybe you don’t want to think about who used to be in your family…because it’s really hard for you to think about that……”

            Alfie was a bit shocked. Ms. Barnes was right. How did she know that?

Alfie paused before he suddenly picked up a black color and drew a big black stickman and then scribbled over the face

           “That’s um stupid face” he whispered, not daring to look up.

            “oh? Who’s stupid face?”

Alfie paused

            “Ch-Chris….he’s um my Uncle Gabe’s old boyfriend……he’s um….not nice….but we don’t live with him anymore…….we drove far away from him”

Alfie paused, he could feeling tears rising up. It had been SCARY seeing Chris screaming and shouting in the street as they drove away. Luckily Uncle Sam drove away fast.

         “he’s, he’s, not nice….but Uncle Sam said we don’t have to go back there and he’s going to look after us and we’re a family now…..but um I don’t know…..” Alfie stopped suddenly and took a deep breath before continuing “um like last time, Uncle Sam got really busy and me and Uncle Gabe had to go camping instead but it was horrible and cold….and then I got sick and then we went to live back with Chris….and I REALLY hated it….. ….and I told Uncle Gabe and everything….but he didn’t listen….”

Several tears slid down Alfie’s face. Ms. Barnes reached out and gently touched him on the arm

      “it sounds like you’ve had a really tough time Alfie….where did you go camping?”

Alfie sniffed loudly “um just in the park…we didn’t even have a tent or camp fire or anything…..but it was better than being with Chris…..”

          “oh ok…..that doesn’t sound very good….but um tell me, what was so bad about Chris?”

            Alfie took another loud sniff. He didn’t like talking about Chris at all. Besides he didn’t know how much he should say….

           “I can’t say……Uncle Sam told me not to say about Chris….”

Ms. Barnes reached over and took his hand. Alfie looked up at her and she gave him a radiant smile.

            “It’s ok Alfie…..you can tell me….your Uncle Sam must have been confused when he told you that….it’s really important that you tell me…”.

Alfie felt confused. But Ms. Barnes seemed nice. Besides it was hard keeping everything all bottled up. And Ms Barnes really seemed to listen.

            “um ok…..um Chris was, he um, he he he was mean to my Uncle Gabe…”

Memories of what Chris had done flashed in front of Alfie’s eyes.

           “He called him fat all the time…..and he isn’t! And um, don't tell anyone but Uncle Gabe…he um can’t read and Chris said he was dumb….and, and, and also he used to-to-to…..hit him! I saw him….and it wasn’t Uncle Gabe’s fault…..he didn’t do anything….and he couldn’t stop it…..and I tried to…I tried to stop it! but he was too big and Chris slapped me and he locked me in my-my-my room”

Alfie was crying now. It was scary and horrible to remember his Uncle Gabe being hurt by Chris.

            “Oh Alfie, that sounds so hard and you sound like you tried really hard to help your Uncle Gabe….and oh I didn’t realize your uncle couldn’t read…..” Ms Barnes paused before continuing, “so Alfie, when did Chris start hurting your Uncle Gabe?”

Alfie looked up into Ms. Barnes’ big blue eyes for a moment before looking away

            “He _always_ hurt him…..um, even when I lived with my mommy and I just stayed over night with Uncle Gabe….Chris would hit him….and then when I first moved in after my mommy…..” Alfie stopped himself; he didn’t want to talk about his mom. “anyway even since then, Chris would be mean….Uncle Gabe would put me to bed….but I couldn’t sleep…and I could hear…….and then he would be crying and…”

            “It’s ok, Alfie. This is really hard for you. You are being really brave”

Alfie was biting his nails. This was hard but it felt good too, to talk about it. He’d only talked to Uncle Sam and Miss Meg before. But he’d never spoken this much. Ms. Barnes just nodded and encouraged him to continue.

            “Uncle Gabe didn’t think I knew….but one time, it um sounded like Chris was going crazy and Uncle Gabe was screaming….I called 911……but they didn’t do anything…..but Uncle Gabe told me never to do that again…..and he said Chris wouldn’t hurt him again but he did….but…but….I couldn’t ever ask about _it_ ……I er I didn’t want to upset him…so I just pretended that I didn’t know…..it seemed to make Uncle Gabe happy if I didn’t know……but really I just wanted it to stop…..but Uncle Gabe couldn’t stop him…Chris was too strong and Uncle Gabe was scared…..and, and then sometimes Uncle Gabe had to go to the hospital…Chris always told me he was gonna, gonna di-die. But Uncle Gabe always came back!!”

            Alfie tried to smile as he said the last part “I love my uncle Gabe, he is the BEST UNCLE ever!….he um, he tried to make things ok…..he looked after me!! He always made me nice dinners and if I was sick he would look after me…he got me my special teddy….and he told me funny bed-time stories…. But I was bad to him…..I um, um, I did it” Alfie was whispering now “I kicked Uncle Gabe really hard….I didn’t want to!!! Chris told me to…and I, I, was scared….”

Snot was running down Alfie’s face and he wiped it on his sleeve. He tried to stop himself crying, it was stupid to cry.

            “Uncle Sam and Uncle Gabe said I wasn’t a bad boy…..but…..”

Alfie wiped away more tears. He couldn’t speak for a bit and so he and Ms Barnes sat quietly. The only noise the loud tick from the clock on the wall. After a bit, Alfie started to speak again, his speech quick and mumbled:

            “But um, Chris made Uncle Gabe wear dresses and make-up….and I saw Chris’ friends kissing Uncle Gabe and he didn’t want them to but he couldn’t stop them…..and I didn’t like it….I didn’t like it when Chris hugged and kissed my Uncle Gabe…and and um sometimes I saw Uncle Gabe on the street wearing a dress….and Adam at school said Uncle Gabe is a whore….that’s a bad scary job I think…..and….and he would go to work at night and I was scared he wouldn’t come back…and i was all alone......and I couldn’t sleep…..then one night Chris came in my room and he said I had to be in a movie like my Uncle Gabe….and I didn’t want to….but he said they needed the money….but I don’t like acting but...um it was ok because then we left Chris but, but, but I don’t want to go back there EVER”

Alfie started to cry and cry then….it felt like he couldn’t stop. He just curled over the desk and sobbed.

            Ms Barnes knelt next to him and rubbed his upper back slowly.

            “You’re safe now Alfie, you are safe now”

Abruptly Alfie stopped crying and shouted out

            “I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM”

He sat up suddenly and ripped up the page with Chris’ picture on it.

Xxx

Meanwhile…..

            Gabriel was huddled around Sam on the bed….the TV was on, but nothing could distract him from his worries.

            As soon as the social worker had left that previous day, he’d been fretting. He just didn’t know what to do…..Sam seemed to think everything was going to be fine….but Gabriel didn’t agree. All he knew was that he had to keep Alfie safe….he couldn’t allow him to go into care…..he couldn’t, he just couldn’t. They needed to run away…..but he didn’t want to leave Sam. It would break him to do so. He loved him so much.….but if he couldn’t persuade him to run away with him and Alfie….what choice did he have? Alfie had to come first…..but where would they go? And how would they survive? Gabriel shuddered, he didn’t want to go back to prostituting – but what else could he do? His thoughts and worries whirred faster and faster…..

            He’d thought Sam would get pissed off with him moping about. But he didn’t. Instead he had tried to cheer him and had taken him out for lunch. But Gabriel could barely eat anything. Even then, Sam didn’t get cross, despite the fact he’d clearly wasted his money on Gabriel’s lunch. After that, they’d just gone to a park and walked around. Gabriel found it difficult to talk but just holding Sam’s hand as they walked around made him feel a bit better.

            Back at the motel, Gabriel was worried that perhaps Sam would pressurize him for sex again. After all they’d done it now…..but Sam seemed content to kiss him and just hold him. Gabriel was reminded again, how different Sam was from everyone else.

Later that afternoon, after Alfie had got back from school….Gabriel had just wanted to hug him tight and keep him close – keep him safe from the rest of the world. He couldn’t talk about the social worker with Alfie., he was too frightened himself. Luckily Sam had been able to.

            That night Gabriel had wanted to sleep in the same bed with Alfie. He’d thought perhaps Sam would be angry. But he’d just kissed Gabriel and said he understood that Gabriel needed to be close to Alfie right now. Gabriel had another nightmare…….in the dream, he could feel Michael’s body pushing down against his, could smell his sweat and spicy aftershave….could hear his hot hands on his body…he felt the familiar surge of disgust, he didn’t want this, he hated it…..and then he could feel Michael’s wet mouth pressing down and his fat tongue pushing in.…..he couldn’t breath….and then suddenly in the dream, he was standing by the bed….watching….and it wasn’t him that was underneath Michael, it was Alfie.….

            He couldn’t remember much after he’d woken up screaming……Sam just held him close.

            That next day, he hadn't wanted Alfie to go to school, hadn’t wanted him to see Ms. Barnes. But Sam had insisted on taking him. All Gabriel could do was worry…..

And Sam had taken ages…. He had told Gabriel that he’d needed to go back to his old job to sort some stuff out. But Gabriel felt that really shouldn’t take too long…..and then Gabriel remembered that Sam had told him that there was more to the story of how he had become an undercover cop working against Crowley….he wondered what was going on…..But he decided he wouldn’t push it with Sam. He was sure Sam would tell him when the time was right. Besides he couldn’t think about anything else other than Alfie right now.

When Sam had finally got back…he hadn’t wanted to talk about what had happened with work. But Gabriel could tell he was worried. But before he could ask more about it, Sam had produced a new phone from his bag – said it was for Gabriel, just like he’d promised. He showed Gabriel how to press certain buttons to get to Sam’s number – the only one saved. And he gave him a piece of paper – said it showed that Gabriel had a bank account with $500 in it. Gabriel took the thin piece of paper with the card attached. He didn’t want to leave Sam…...but with this sort of money, he could run away with Alfie….

Afterwards they lay quietly on bed….Gabriel nuzzled into Sam’s body, breathing him in. And the realization that he may have to leave Sam started to sink in…..he was suddenly overcome with overwhelming despair….Sam was the only man he’d ever felt safe with, the only man he truly loved and _felt_ loved by….he _couldn’t_ let him go…..he was just gonna have to persuade Sam to leave with them….

            “Babe…..I-I- can’t do this….oh god, y’know they’re gonna take Alfie…..”

Sam tried to interrupt but Gabriel continued…

            “YES, they are!….I know what they see when look at me…..a dirty whore who couldn’t stop his boyfriend hurting him….and, I know I didn’t, I didn’t look after Alfie properly…..”

Sam tried to interrupt again but Gabriel was talking fast and kept going…

            “They ARE gonna take him….babe, we need to get away…..” Gabriel looked up at him imploringly

            “Gabe! Please tell me you’re not thinking of taking off?” Sam was incredulous.

Gabriel pulled away and sat up “Babe we need to!!….we need to keep Alfie safe…”

Sam rubbed his jaw slowly “Babe, I love you…y’know that right….” Sam looked down as he spoke. Gabriel looked back at him and nodded slowly

            “Good….coz I do, I love you and Alfie so much and I wouldn’t do anything to put either of you in danger….but running away is not a good idea babe……it’ll just make things worse….”

Gabriel bit his lip. This was not going well. But before they could continue, Sam’s phone rang. When he answered, Gabriel could hear Miss Meg on the other end of the phone….telling Sam he needed to come and pick Alfie up. Apparently the conversation with the social worker had been very upsetting and Alfie needed to come home……

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE comment to let me know your thoughts.....is so helpful to me!! love you guys!
> 
> So if you don't like spoilers look away now.......just to clarify, this will end happily!! and i promise it will get happy soon!


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for comments and kudos - makes me happy and i always love hearing what you think!
> 
> anyway....i hope you make it to the end of this chapter (please don't throw anything at me while you are reading it!!)

[Sam and Gabriel pick Alfie up from the school and take him back to the motel room]

            Sam carried Alfie through doorway into the motel, Gabriel trailing behind. Alfie was sucking on his thumb, his eyes red from crying. Sam tried to set Alfie down on bed, but Alfie clung on tightly and buried his face in Sam’s chest. Gabriel just hovered about helplessly…..

            “C’mon Alfs, let Sam go…….how does some candy sound huh?.....I’ve got some here, you can have….”

            Alfie didn’t speak, just shook his head and continued to hold onto Sam. In the end, Sam coaxed him off with the promise of a story. In the meantime, Gabriel had found his candy stash and had taken it outside. He kept the door a jar, just so he could hear the reassuring sound of Sam’s voice as he read the story.

He sat on the step and started to chew. He felt guilty; not only had Sam paid for all the candy, he also knew it would make him fat. He pushed those thoughts away, it didn’t matter, he _needed_ it. Everything was too hard….seeing Alfie so quiet and withdrawn broke his heart. And he dreaded to know what Alfie had told the social worker…….

            He finished the candy…..the sugar high almost made him feel normal again. He could hear from inside the room that Sam had finished the story…..he was about to go back in, when he heard Alfie:

            “I’m sorry, Uncle Sam”

            “Alfie…what have you got to be sorry for, huh?”

There was a short silence and Gabriel could feel himself holding his breath as he lent closer to the door.

            “um…don’t be mad….but I _told_ ….I told about Chris….I couldn’t help it……Ms Barnes was nice and um, she asked all these questions…..PLEASE don’t be mad….”

Gabriel could hear the tears in Alfie’s voice. He wanted to rush in and hug him but he knew he needed to wait; knew he needed to let Sam handle this.

            “Alfie, I’m not mad! It’s ok…..I’m not mad…” Sam cleared his throat before continuing “um but what did you say Alfie?”

            “I just said I always knew all about Chris hurting Uncle Gabe and that I _hated_ him….and that I couldn’t stop it and that Uncle Gabe was always scared....”

            Gabriel lent his head against the doorframe. He thought he had protected Alfie from the worst of it…..

            Inside the motel room, Alfie was continuing to talk

“and I said that Chris was mean, because he was…..and um I told her he was gonna make me do movies like Uncle Gabe, even though I don’t like acting….”

           Gabriel felt his heart stopping – what was Alfie saying?

            “woah…what was that Alfie…about the movies?”

            “oh um, Chris said that Uncle Gabe is an actor! Even I didn’t know that! And that’s cool, but I don’t like acting….and um Chris said he wanted me to do coz they needed the money…..”

           “Oh Alfie…..”

            “but it will be ok won’t it? It’s not bad I told?”

            “no, you did good….Alfie”

Gabriel felt tears slide down his face. He was useless…pathetic…..god, if he’d stayed with Chris, Alfie would have been…….Just as he was spiraling into a pit of shame, Sam was there, kneeling down next to him. He brought him in for a hug. Gabriel tried to be strong; tried not to cry; but he couldn’t help it.

            “hey babe, it’s ok……Alfie is ok……he’s in there watching cartoons now….”

Gabriel shook his head and pulled away:

            “nothing is _ok....._ Chris was gonna ra-……and Alfie……and I didn’t protect him, not at all…..oh god, I’m shit, I’m shit….oh god, what is that social worker gonna say??.....”

Gabriel was finding it difficult to talk properly, was finding it difficult to think coherently, could feel himself getting hysterical…..

           “it’s ok Gabe, just breath”

Sam was trying to reach forward to touch him but Gabriel pulled away again.

            “so guess you know about me doing porn now…….” Gabriel tried to laugh but it stuck in his throat. So he continued to speak “…..but I promise I didn’t know about Alfie…..I never would have stayed…do you think he……?”

Sam lent forward, reached out and stroked Gabriel’s hair. Gabriel tensed before finding himself leaning into his touch. Sam slowly moved next to him on the step and wrapped his arms around him before pulling Gabriel onto his lap, so that Gabriel was facing him:

            “Babe, Alfie’s ok….I don’t think Chris um abused him……I know you would never have let Chris hurt him……” Sam kissed Gabriel’s hair “oh Gabe….y’know I don’t care about you doing porn, it’s just….I know you wouldn’t have wanted it, I just fucking hate that Chris made you……”

Gabriel didn’t say anything for a moment. He looked away from Sam:

            “Porn’s not a big deal….” Even Gabriel could hear the lie in his words. “I just wanna forget about it…..but, but….Alfie…..oh god, I fucked up so bad, they’re gonna take him…….”

Sam sighed;

            “Gabe…..Alfie’s been through a lot….but he’s _such_ a good kid….and that’s down to you…Ms Barnes will see that”

            “No! she won’t! she’s gonna say I can’t look after him! We need to leave Sam! Before she takes him!....”

Sam shook his head

            “No Gabe…..it’ll be ok, just have some faith?”

Just as Gabriel was about to protest, Alfie appeared:

            “Uncle Gabe….why are you sad?”

XXX

            The rest of the day, Gabriel had tried to be funny and happy for Alfie. But he didn’t feel like he was fully there. He wasn’t sure if Alfie noticed though….after all, Sam had taken them out for ice-cream much to Alfie’s delight. It bothered Gabriel though: Sam was paying for everything. It wasn’t right. But that was the least of his worries…..

            While they were out, the social worker had called Sam, said she wanted to meet them at the social care office _as soon as possible, ideally tomorrow_ to discuss Alfie…..she hadn’t said anything else apparently. Gabriel had immediately felt sick. For the rest of the day, as they wandered around the park, all he could think about was what he needed to do to keep Alfie safe…..he tried to whisper urgently to Sam about running away, but Sam had said he didn’t want to hear anymore about it. He seemed to think everything was going to be ok. But Gabriel couldn’t believe it….he just felt stressed and frightened…..and deep down, he knew what he was going to have to do……

That night…..

            While Sam was taking a shower and Alfie was watching TV, Gabriel started putting their things in a bag. He tried not to think about what he was doing….he didn’t want to leave Sam. But there was no choice! Besides, Sam would be ok; maybe he’d even be better off? No more of Gabriel’s drama dragging him down…..a voice within Gabriel told him this wasn’t true, but he didn’t want to listen to that….He didn’t even know where to go, just knew where the bus station was and figured he and Alfie could just get a random bus…….with his new bank account from Sam, he would have enough money to stay in a cheap hostel or something; and after that…..well, he’d figure something out….

Sam stepped out of the bathroom and Gabriel quickly shoved the bag under the bed. He turned around, only to be confronted with a semi-nude Sam….his toned chest still bare. His dark hair, still damp from the shower, had got so long that he’d tied it back. He hadn’t bothered to shave and stubble covered his lower jaw…..he smelt so fresh and clean….Gabriel couldn’t help himself, after all he was only human, he lent up on tiptoes and kissed Sam. Sam’s body was hard and strong as he pushed himself up against him. He could feel Sam’s arms gathering him up…..He wanted more, but was acutely aware that Alfie was lying on the bed nearby. He pulled back, blushing slightly. Sam was grinning down at him, before whispering into his ear

            “next time, babe, you can come in the shower with me…..”

            Gabriel grinned but turned away before Sam could catch the sadness in his eyes….he couldn’t believe this was gonna be over; that he was gonna leave this perfect guy…..he steeled himself. This was not about him; he’d failed Alfie before, but not again!

Later that night…….

            Sam was wrapped around Gabriel in bed, breathing deeply. Gabriel had barely got any sleep, he knew him and Alfie had to leave tonight……

            He slowly extracted himself from Sam’s grip….his heart dropped, he just wanted to crawl back into Sam’s arms again. But he didn’t have a choice. He slowly picked up the bag underneath the bed. He found Alfie’s coat. He gently roused the sleeping boy and put the coat on him, all the while praying Sam wouldn’t wake up. He felt bad, leaving Sam like this…..he couldn’t even leave a goodbye note……Gabriel forced himself forward and picked up Alfie, who was pretty much out of it….He slowly crept across the room and made it out of the motel……

xxxx

            The bus station was half an hour walk away, but Gabriel was making slow progress. Alfie was heavy! And Gabriel kept having to stop….he wasn’t really that strong and he’d not been really been eating all that much; as a result he was struggling. But he couldn’t wake Alfie, he knew he would get upset.

            Besides it was frightening on the street….it was late and the night was so dark, hardly any stars in the sky. They’d passed a couple of guys, who were drinking and shouting loudly. Gabriel had kept his head down and tried not to make eye contact, his heart beating faster…..it’d been ok, but Gabriel couldn’t calm down….groups of men always frightened him.

            He sunk down onto the sidewalk, still holding Alfie. A blinking light from a streetlamp cast a dull glow on the ground and surrounding area. Gabriel looked down at Alfie, who somehow managed to still be fast asleep….His chubby cheeks were pale and his teeth were chattering slightly…he was cold. Gabriel hugged him closer. He kept repeating the thoughts – _we have to leave, I have to keep Alfie safe, I can’t let anyone to hurt him_ – but as he looked down at Alfie, another thought struck him – _I’m hurting him…..by leaving, by taking him away from Sam, by running away to god know’s where…I’m hurting him! –_ The thought struck him by such a surprise, he gasped. And he thought back to Sam – Sam wouldn’t do anything to put them in danger – he trusted Sam! And god, he didn’t want to be away from him. His eyes pricked with tears, he missed him already and it had only been 40 minutes…..He was suddenly gripped by an urgency – he needed to get back to the motel, he needed to be with Sam…..he needed to put his faith in Sam – he wouldn’t let anything bad happen!

            With renewed energy, he stood up and turned around….he was going back….

Xxx

            (At the same time, Gabriel was realizing his mistake….……)

Sam roused himself….something was wrong…..as he came back to consciousness, he couldn’t feel Gabe…he groped around in the darkness, Gabriel’s side of the bed, was cold. He looked over to the bathroom, but there was no light under the door……he flicked the lamp and suddenly realized, Alfie was not in his bed either….Gabriel and Alfie were gone!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	41. Chapter 41

Sam could feel his heart immediately drop, like a heavy stone in a pool of water…..He slowly sank back down on the bed, he couldn’t do this again; he couldn’t be without Gabe or Alfie….He loved them so much; he _needed_ Gabriel. He could literally feel his heart breaking; he had the desperate urge to hug Gabriel close, but he wasn’t here to be held……..But then where the hell _had_ Alfie and he gone?? And how could this have happened? He suddenly felt a curl of anger unwind inside him - how could Gabriel so easily turn his back on him? But then a part of him also realized just how worried Gabriel had been about social care, just how afraid – all because he feared history would repeat itself. And Sam had just shut him down, hadn’t fully listened. And now Gabriel had taken matters into his own hands – he’d left. Like a frightened papa bear, he’d just run off with Alfie - Sam just dreaded to think where…..

            Sam took a deep breath – he had to find Gabriel and Alfie; help Gabriel see that Sam wasn’t going to let anything bad happen. He would fight hell and high water to make sure Alfie stayed with them.

But right now, he didn’t know where to look. He rubbed his forehead slowly – this was such a fucking mess. Just as he was about to despair…he looked over to the bedside table – Gabriel’s cell was no longer sitting on the side; he must have taken it! Sam immediately grabbed his phone and called the number…..it rang for what seemed like a long time….before he heard a little voice:

“um hello?”

It was Alfie! It was so wonderful to hear his voice. But then again Alfie didn’t sound good, his voice was thick and heavy

            “hey buddy, it’s uncle sam…..are you ok….where are you?”

          “Uncle Sam!…I…I….I…you gotta come…..please help! Uncle Gabe’s lying down and he won’t get up…”

Alfie was starting to wail. Sam could feel the rise of panic….

            “it’s ok Alfie, I need you to take some deep breaths….I’m here buddy….right now, I need you to tell me, is Uncle Gabe breathing?”

            Sam could hear Alfie struggling to fight back the tears; there was a moment’s pause as Alfie was presumably checking his uncle’s breathing

           “um yeah he’s breathing! Is he ok?….but it’s cold…and I was asleep and then I woke up…and Uncle Gabe was dropping me…and I was on the ground and he wouldm’t get up….i tried to wake him up but he won’t, he won’t…wake up…..”

            Alfie voice was breaking, he was getting more and more upset. Sam didn’t know what was wrong with Gabriel but tried to keep calm as he spoke:

            “It’s ok, it’s gonna be ok Alfie…….you’re a very brave boy….but Alfie, I have an important job for you…I want you to tell me what you can see and hear….”

            “oh, um….it’s quite dark here…I’m scared”

Sam felt like screaming….he just wanted to rescue Alfie and Gabe straight away, but he needed to keep calm.

            “ok Alfs, I know you’re scared and I’m gonna come and get you both….but I need to know where you are….what can you see?”

            There was another short pause, before Alfie spoke again

            “um it’s just a street, there is a big old building…..with some fencing around it…um…um…there’s a road that sounds busy”

Sam could hear that Alfie had started to walk

“Alfie, don’t leave your Uncle Gabe”

Alfie didn’t answer

“ALFIE….” Sam shouted down the phone

“It’s ok! I can see some buses……there is a big building and lots of buses! I think it’s the bus station!”

Sam almost cried with relief.

“Well done Alfie, you did an amazing job! I’m gonna come now, I want you to go back to your Uncle Gabe and wait with him….I’m gonna come and pick you both up”.

Sam grabbed his coat and pulled on some pants as he rushed out of the door…..

**10 minutes later (yeah Sam drives fast)…**

            It hadn’t been hard to find them….only a street away from the bus station. Gabriel was lying on the ground and Alfie was sitting next to him, hugging him. Sam jumped out of his car, slamming the door behind him. He pushed away his feelings as he rushed to check Gabriel – what had happened to him?

            “Uncle SAM!”

Alfie ran toward him and hugged his leg.

            “Hey buddy….”

Sam knelt down and gave him a proper hug.

            “You did SO well, you’re so BRAVE!…ok, I just need to check your uncle”

He then reached over to Gabriel – could see cuts on his hands and face, where he’d clearly fallen – they didn’t look to deep though. He gathered Gabriel up, he needed to take him to the hospital. As he picked him, he could feel just how light he was…Alfie followed behind and got into the back seat. He was cold and tired – it had been a horrible night and he just wanted to get back into bed with teddy.

Sam opened the passenger door with one hand, as he tried to maneuver Gabriel into the seat. Perhaps it was the motion or the warmth of the car, or maybe it was being close to Sam again, but it was at this moment, that Gabriel roused himself

          “Sammm!” His voice was dry and cracked

            “Oh thank god, Gabe, are you ok….what happened”

Sam knelt down by the car seat, next to Gabriel, stroking his hair

            “I don’t understand….how are you here?” Gabriel looked at him but didn’t wait for a response as he continued “I’m so sorry Sam, I’m so stupid…I’m so sorry….” Gabriel started to cry.

            “It’s ok hun, I get it, it’s ok, you’re not stupid…..hun, I just think right now we need you to get to hospital, you collapsed…”

Gabriel shook his head vehemently

“I’m ok…..I’m ok….I promise….I just fell, I was so tired….please I just want to go back to the motel room with you….”

Sam was about to shake his head…but he could see that Alfie needed to go to bed. And Gabriel didn’t seem like he had concussion or anything….

“ok, ok…but I’m taking you to the doctor’s tomorrow”

In the short car journey back to the room, Alfie had apparently fallen asleep again and Gabriel had lent his head against Sam’s shoulder. Sam was desperate to talk to him about what happened, but was aware that they needed to get back first.

            They got back to the motel room and Sam carried Alfie from the car into the room, Gabriel limped behind them. Once inside, Sam wrapped Alfie into his duvet covers and placed teddy next to him. Gabriel lent in and kissed Alfie on the forehead before attempting to crawl in beside him, but Sam stopped him

            “babe…I know you’re tired but I really need to talk to you about what happened tonight”

Gabriel looked down and nodded slowly. Sam grabbed a rug from the bed, and stepped outside, beckoning Gabriel to follow him.

            **5 minutes later**

Gabriel was huddled in next to Sam, the huge rug covering them both. Sam was the first to speak, his voice deep and quiet

“Look…I know how scared you are about social care….Jees, I get that with everything you’ve been through, but babe….just to leave like that?”

Sam took a deep breath in, he could feel his voice shaking, tried to steady himself before continuing

“babe, I _need_ you so bad….and god, it would have _broken_ my heart if you had just left like that, like I meant _nothing_ …..but maybe that’s it….do I mean nothing to you?”

Sam stopped himself, could feel a tide of fear rising within him. Gabriel looped his arms around Sam’s neck and hugged him close before kissing him hard. When they finally pulled apart, Gabriel spoke:

“You mean the world to me, Sam”

Gabriel looked at his boyfriend, he could see Sam’s eyes were wet with unshed tears. It was _his_ fault, upsetting Sam like this. He hadn’t imagined that leaving would have this much of an impact. Of course he knew that Sam loved him, but somehow he had believed that Sam would be ok, would be better off even, without him.

“I’m so sorry…I just needed to get Alfie away…and I just thought like maybe you would even be better off…but then I couldn’t do it…….I couldn’t be away from you, I was coming back before I um fell….…I realized I was making the same mistake…..taking Alfie to god knows where, I was hurting him but it wasn’t just that….I just couldn’t bear it, being away from you….I’m sorry, I was stupid….I love you Sam, please forgive me”

In response, Sam just lent in and kissed Gabriel…the kiss getting deeper and sloppier as they continued – it wasn’t enough, Sam could feel the urgency between them, he _needed_ to be close to Gabriel, to be inside him…..but he pulled back. Now was not the time. They both took a couple of moments, breathing heavily before Sam spoke:

“Of course I forgive you Gabe…..but how can you think I would be better off without you? Last time, we broke up I fell apart……that wasn’t your fault…but, I guess what I’m saying is I would _never_ be better off without you…..”

Gabriel looked down at his hands. He somehow couldn’t quite understand how he could mean so much to Sam.

“But Sam, I’m nothing, I’m worthless……god, you could do _a lot_ better than me…besides I just drag you down with drama and getting upset all the time…...”

Sam picked up one of Gabriel’s hands and kissed it, he paused before he slowly started to speak

“I never told you this Gabe….but before we met my life was going pretty shit…..the reason I got that undercover job with Crowley was because no one else could do it, because they needed someone corrupt, someone bad to do it”

Gabriel tried to interrupt, tried to protest Sam’s view of himself, but Sam continued

“……before I got the Crowley job, I’d been working another undercover job, I met Ruby…I was meant to turn her but I guess it worked the other way, and she got me addicted….I did some bad things Gabe, some real bad things…”

Sam was looking away, focusing on the cracked wooden floorboards on the veranda - he couldn’t bring himself to look at Gabriel, feared the judgment in his eyes.

“god, I did things I never want to think about again, but I can’t stop myself remembering _everything_ ….and I can’t blame the drugs, _I_ did that stuff….and then my police boss found out….and I was gonna go to prison but then they heard that Crowley was interested in me…..and so they made me a deal – clean myself up and get the dirt on Crowley and I’d be free to go…so I got cleaned up….…..I um, I, I wanted to do that Crowley job, bring them down and restore what little honor I had left and then just um….I was gonna kill myself Gabe”

Sam finally looked back at Gabe. But instead of judgment, he only saw sadness in his boyfriend’s eyes, and love.

“Sam…..”

Before Gabriel could finish, Sam interrupted

“But then I met you and little Alfie….and everything changed….I mean at first, I was pretty cut off…I didn’t want to care about anything or anyone….but then I got to know you….and how could I not fall in love? You’re so kind, so sweet and so brave…..and god, Alfie – he’s so funny and cute……and I didn’t want to die anymore, because….because all I wanted to do, was spend the rest of my life with you”

And that was it, Gabriel flung himself around Sam, he was sobbing

“Sam – I’m so sorry…..I didn’t know…..I don’t care what you’ve done…..I know you are a good man….I love you”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah as always needed to put loads of other stuff in this chapter...but not feeling well, but then didn't want to wait....so might add another chapter soon once i get better (*hopefully soon)....
> 
> Any thoughts/comments/suggestions always good
> 
> Thank you for reading - I really do appreciate it!


	42. Chapter 42

Sam woke surprisingly early the next morning…perhaps his uncharacteristic early rising was due to worry that Gabriel would have left again or perhaps it was simply excitement at the possibility of waking up next to his beautiful boyfriend…..As Sam slowly roused himself from sleep and before he even opened his eyes, he could feel Gabriel’s smaller body pressed against his; could smell Gabe’s hair, his skin….Sam nuzzled in closer. He could feel his erection hardening against Gabriel’s body…. _god damn it._ He went to jump away, after all Alfie was still snoozing in the next bed…..but Gabriel started to wake, stretching and pushing back against his cock. Sam muffled a groan. Gabriel turned to lie on his back, looking up at Sam, grinning:

           “Someone’s happy to see me”

He reached down, hands lightly cupping Sam’s hardness.

            “you little shit……” Sam groaned out and reluctantly pushed Gabriel’s hand away. He reached down to peck Gabriel on the lips, morning breath be damned….reveling in the fact, that Gabriel was _here,_ here for him to kiss. He pulled back and looking down at him,

            “you’re so gorgeous”

Gabriel looked a little caught-off guard at the gentle treatment, at the compliment before catching himself and smiling, almost shyly. Was Gabe blushing? Sam wasn’t sure. Man, but he was cute. He lent down and kissed Gabriel again, harder this time, he couldn’t seem to stop himself….Gabriel kissed him back, before pushing away gently

            “um babe, sorry, we can’t…..Alfie, y’know….i’m sorry”     

Sam looked over at Alfie, who appeared to still be deep asleep, hugging his teddy close and muttering to himself slightly.

            “it’s ok babe….just got carried away……”

Sam hopped out of bed and ran into the shower, the cold shower.

            X

Gabriel watched Sam jump out of the bed….he still couldn’t believe that _Sam_ found him gorgeous _._ He grinned to himself as he snuggled into bed, he felt safe and warm. Thank god, he hadn’t run away again, that he had decided to stick with Sam. He didn’t ever want to be without him. And as he looked over at Alfie, he knew he made the right choice. He couldn’t manage everything alone……but still, he was afraid. They had the appointment with the social worker that day……it had all been arranged the previous day, before he had chosen to run away….

He crawled out of bed and climbed into bed with Alfie, who made some little noises but rolled over to make room for Gabriel. Gabriel kissed his head and started to stroke his hair. Slowly Alfie seemed to wake, rolling over and latching onto his body, cuddling next to him

            “are you ok, now Uncle Gabe?”

His little voice sounded small and scared. Gabriel could feel his heart breaking. He thought back to the previous night…falling over like that whilst still holding Alfie, he must have been so scared.

            “yep I’m ok, I just tripped last night, and fell….I’m so sorry honey”

Gabriel knew that wasn’t quite the truth, in all honesty, he hadn’t tripped. He had just started feeling faint and light-headed; he hadn’t been able to stop himself passing out. It had happened to him before, usually when he wasn’t eating much. He was interrupted from his thoughts by Alfie again:

            “why did we leave last night….are we safe?”

Alfie was still buried into his chest, his voice muffled. But Gabriel heard every word. He hated that Alfie even had to ask about safety, he shouldn’t be thinking like that.

            “yeh of course we’re safe honey, we’re with Sam! I um just got bit silly last night….I don’t know what I was thinking, but you don’t need to worry about that, we’re gonna stay with Sam forever now”

            Alfie looked up at him then, big blue eyes beseeching

            “You promise?”

Gabriel smiled at him

           “Yeh, I promise”

Gabriel just hoped that he would't be forced to break this particular promise, god, what if social care took Alfie away...

Alfie just smiled slowly, apparently appeased and rolled the duvet over his head.

            “oh no you don’t!” Gabriel tried to push the duvet back “C’mon honey, you gotta wake up….I’m sorry, you have to go to school today….”

Alfie blabbered out some ineligible protest and buried himself further under the covers.

           “I’m sorry, but me and your uncle Sam have a meeting and we don’t have anyone to look after you…..”

            “I don’t need anyone to look after me” Alfie mumbled out from underneath the covers “I’m sleepy…I wanna stay in bed”.

            Gabriel swallowed down the guilt, it was _his_ fault that Alfie was so tired. But there was no way he was going to start leaving Alfie by himself again, he wanted to be a proper parent to Alfie, do everything right; which meant taking Alfie taking to school, even if it did mean playing ‘bad cop’.

                “I know it’s hard….but I mean it, you have to go to school today…..you’re getting up!”

Gabriel pushed the covers back and picked a squirming Alfie up. He almost fell back under his weight – how had he carried him last night?

                “C’mon lets get you breakfast”

xx

                They’d just dropt a morose Alfie at school. He was tired and moaning the whole way. But Gabriel had kept to his word - he wasn’t going to leave Alfie alone in the motel room. Sam had decided not to get involved, he knew Gabe needed to do this – to learn to be more assertive with Alfie.

                The meeting with the social worker was early, so Sam had said they should drive straight there after dropping Alfie off. After that, he apparently wanted to take Gabriel to the doctor. Gabriel had agreed absent mindedly, he didn’t care about his own health, all he cared about was Alfie right now.…..

                On the way to the social worker meeting, Gabriel jigged his foot continually and bit his nails as he stared out of the car window, barely seeing the houses and streets as they zipped by. Sam gently stilled his knee:

                “It’ll be ok”

Gabriel looked at him briefly, before nodding. Inside his stomach was twisted with knots, he felt sick. He grabbed Sam’s hand, it didn’t change the situation, but it made him feel a little better.

x

                The social care building was large, grey and desperately in need of renovation. Sam immediately felt depressed when he saw it. It was worse inside. Gabriel clutched his hand tightly, as they sat in the waiting room. Sam prayed that it was going to be ok, he didn’t think Gabriel could take any more bad news.

Miss Barnes arrived, smiling briefly at them but somehow the smile didn’t seem to reach her eyes. She ushered them into a small, cold room, with ugly chairs and even uglier wallpaper. A box of sad looking toys were lumped together in the corner. Sam and Gabriel sat down, while Miss Barnes sat opposite them and opened her file and took out a chewed up pen.

                “right so, you’re probably wondering why I called this meeting so quickly?”

Gabriel didn’t respond, just looked down at the floor. So Sam just nodded and flashed her his most winning smile. Miss Barnes seemed a little stunned, before she coughed slightly and continued

                “So um anyway it’s really just because I had a cancellation and I thought I could pop you in…..so anyway, this meeting really is to update you on where things are….so um, as you know I met with yourselves, and Miss Meg and of course Alfie…..and I think it’s fair to say, that there are _concerns_ ”

Gabriel’s head snapped up, he held Sam’s hand in a death grip…..he _knew_ what she was going to say……

                “It seems little Alfie has been through a lot, I understand his mom left him with you….and he’s witnessed a lot of domestic abuse between you and your ex-partner, Gabriel. It’s really important that you hear this, that he’s been through a lot…..because last time, when I met you, you seemed to think he had only recently been exposed to much violence? But this clearly isn’t the case and he has been very affected by his experiences…” Miss Barnes paused before going on “Alfie also told me that you had made him to sleep rough”

Gabriel looked down again……he knew what she was saying: that he was worthless, bad, shit. It was all his fault he couldn’t protect Alfie properly. Poor Alfie. He wanted to start crying, right there in the meeting room. Damn it, he was pathetic. Sam could see that Gabriel was too upset to speak and interjected:

                “yeh that was um, that was a mistake and Gabe knows that….it was um, he didn’t have anywhere else to go….but that won’t happen again”

Miss Barnes nodded slightly and wrote something on the lined paper in the file, before continuing gently:

                “I understand that things must have been hard for you too, Gabriel. I know we talked about the um, prostitution….and being in prison….and Alfie also mentioned you had some literacy issues?”

Gabriel wanted the ground to swallow him up. He was so ashamed. God he was so stupid. He couldn’t answer Miss Barnes’ question again, so Sam nodded and answered for him

                “yeh Gabriel’s had a tough time and hasn’t had the opportunity to learn yet…”

                “I see…….ok….” Miss Barnes rubbed her head and shut the file abruptly “look I can see the situation has been _difficult…._ but my concerns are that you and Gabriel have not been together long, you are currently living all together in a motel room which is not suitable for an 8 year old child…..and Alfie is clearly very distressed and confused by his experiences…..in addition, Gabriel, I am concerned about your previous sex work, that Alfie was exposed to this…..and your reading issues…..”

Gabriel could feel the tears rolling down his face: “Please don’t…..Please don’t take him away……I will do better…..I’m know I’m a useless piece of shit,….but Sam’s real good with him and Sam doesn’t hurt me…..so please let Alfie stay with us……" He was literally begging, but he didn’t care. His eyes were fixed to the floor, but he could feel Sam hand on the small of his back, rubbing tiny circles. 

Miss Barnes sighed gently “I’m sorry to upset you….I just wanted to outline my concerns…..I um, I think you have done really well to leave your ex-partner and stop working as a, er prostitute….and I think had those changes not been made, then we may be having a different conversation….but as it is, I think whilst there are definitely more changes that need to be made, Alfie clearly loves you both…so um I think as long as we can all work together to make those changes, then I’m happy to recommend that Alfie stays with you both…..”

Gabriel couldn’t almost comprehend what he was hearing. She wasn’t going to take Alfie away??? Gabriel couldn’t stop himself, he started crying loudly. He turned into Sam, clutching onto his shirt. It was all too much to take in. Miss Barnes awkwardly tried to push the box of tissues towards Gabriel, before saying

                “So I can see this is a lot to hear right now…..I’m gonna give you both a moment…and then I think it would be a good idea to think about a plan for how we can work together to meet Alfie’s needs”

Gabriel didn’t hear anything she said, he was just so overcome with a tide of relief. And suddenly he just felt exhausted, like he had been holding everything together for so long. Sam kissed his hair, murmuring reassurances to him quietly. Gabriel sat back up and looked at Sam:

                “I can’t believe it’s gonna be ok……”

                “Of course it is babe….everything is gonna be fine!” Sam was smiling at him, it light up his whole face.

After that, Miss Barnes had come back in and together they’d outlined a plan. A plan which involved them moving to a new apartment, accessing therapy for Alfie and remedial classes for Gabriel. Sam had said that he wanted to get a new job. He also mentioned that they would be moving out of the city. Miss Barnes had just said that if they planned to move, they would need to update her and so she could liaise with social care in the new city. However, she said if they completed all the tasks, it would be unlikely that their case would remain open for long.

As they left the sad, depressing social care building…Gabriel felt like a huge weight had been lifted. He couldn’t wait to see Alfie later that day, he was gonna hug him and never let go….they were gonna be a proper family, it was like he’d always dreamed….He could a huge bubble of happiness rising within him, so much so, that he almost couldn’t keep still. He started to jump around Sam, like a kid, grinning and laughing. Sam just grabbed him and kissed him hard, pushing him against the car.

                “babe, I want you so bad……”

Gabriel just grinned “I think that can be arranged….”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, things are looking up! :) Also I'm not a social worker, so really not sure how it all works, this is based on my imagination!
> 
> Also thanks to obviousoption about the idea for remedial classes :)


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who commented/kudos - has helped me smile this month :)

As Sam got into the car, he breathed a sigh of relief –he’d tried so hard to be strong for Gabriel but he’d never been _completely_ sure that things with Alfie would work out. But now they had…..and Gabriel looked so happy, it was like he was finally able to start opening himself to the possibility that maybe, just maybe life was going to get better. And if Gabriel was happy, then so was he.

                Sam knew he should be taking Gabriel straight to the hospital to get checked out….but right now, reason was not in control. All Sam could think about was getting back to that motel room and finally having some _privacy_ with Gabe…..

                As if reading his thoughts, Gabriel clambered into the car, lent over and kissed him. But he shook himself, he needed to look after Gabriel, make sure he was ok.

                “C’mon babe…I think we need to get you to the doctors…..”

                “I’m fine….let’s go back to the room”. Gabriel whined before reaching down between Sam’s legs.

                “arrrahhhh”

Sam wondered if maybe it would be ok just to have detour back to the room first…..

xxxxx

                Sam parked up outside the motel room, Gabriel had been kissing him, touching him and practically jumping on him the whole drive….it probably wasn’t safe, but Sam wasn’t going to complain. But now they were here, Sam could _finally_ reciprocate….he’d barely turned the car off before Gabriel had climbed out of the car and rushed off to the room. Sam grinned, Gabriel was as eager as him.

         He wasn’t far behind Gabriel but apparently he was slow enough for Gabriel to have already got to the room and jumped in the shower. Sam grinned again…..perhaps Gabriel wanted him to join? But as he tried the bathroom door he found it was locked. He tried to shout through the door, but the shower was loud. Gabriel probably couldn’t hear him. Sam sighed…he didn’t know how much more he could wait…..

         He turned and shut the curtains, they were old and tatty, but whilst they didn’t keep the light out, they would keep prying eyes away. He stripped off his clothes, his cock semi-hard from the _activity_ in the car. He lay back on the bed … _oh god, why was Gabriel taking so long?_

x             

         Gabriel was shaving and scrubbing himself in the shower - he had to make sure he was clean and smooth for Sam. He pulled out the nipple piercings, Sam hadn’t liked them the other day. He hiked his leg up and pushed one finger into his unwilling hole. He grimaced but it was necessary, he didn’t want Sam to have to worry him about getting him ready. He pushed another finger in, it was too much but he just wanted to get this done quickly……he could feel himself shaking a bit.

         In the car, it had been fun teasing Sam – he’d been in control again and Sam couldn’t do anything about it. Of course, there was a part of him that _wanted_ to touch Sam, to kiss him, to have _sex_ with him…..but there was another part of him, that was……. _afraid_. For Gabriel, sex had always been _problematic._ Sex made him feel powerless, out of control, vulnerable. Even with Luca or Chris, both of whom he thought he wanted to fuck, sex was still somehow…. _degrading._ Because, even when it felt good, sex somehow still made him feel disgusting and dirty. But with Sam, that one time, it had been different…it had been _beautiful,_ _intense, intimate._ Gabriel had never felt so close to anyone. It had made him _feel_ vulnerable in a completely different way. And the way Sam had looked at him, the way he had touched him, with such care……had let him take control, hadn’t rushed him or touched him in ways that he didn’t want, hadn’t pushed any of Gabriel’s boundaries, hadn’t fucked him hard, hadn’t humiliated him or laughed at his cock….hadn’t done any of the things that sex _normally_ involved. It was all so unfamiliar: it was _scary._

But Gabriel couldn’t say no now, he had riled Sam up. Besides, they were in a relationship: Sam had rights and needs. At least, that was what Chris always used to say.

         Gabriel got out of the shower them rubbed himself with the towel, and stared morosely down at his stomach. This time it was daylight; the room wouldn’t be dark. He didn’t want Sam to see him like this…all pale and fat, didn’t want him to see his useless cock, ugly and small.

         A slight tap on the bathroom door

         “Gabe…are you ok in there?” Sam sounded concerned.

         Of course, normally Gabriel would just try and push his feelings away and pretend that everything was fine. But this time, maybe there was some part of him that knew he needed Sam to help him with this. So Gabriel slowly reached forward and unlocked the door, before edging back into the bathroom to sit on the edge of the bath, the towel still wrapped firmly around his body.

         “Hey baby…..what’s going on?” Sam looked worried “You were so happy before…what happened?”

         A wave of guilt hit Gabriel - He could see that Sam was only dressed in boxers, clearly wanted to have sex. Gabe knew he should be servicing his boyfriend… _god, he was so shit, he was so bad, so worthless, why did Sam even bother with him?_ Gabriel looked down as Sam knelt down in front of him – reaching forward to touch Gabriel’s hair gently, before kissing him lightly on the head. Gabriel leaned in, taking in Sam’s smell. Sam sat next to him on the bath, taking his hand,

        “you gonna tell me or am I gonna have to tickle it out of you?”

Gabriel laughed despite himself……although a tickle fight with Sam didn’t sound so bad……

         “I’m just being dumb, babe….”

         “C’mon Gabe….it’s more than that”.

Gabriel’s mouth twisted a bit, he knew Sam was right. But somehow he didn’t have the words, didn’t know what to say. But then suddenly Sam was speaking:

         “I’m just wondering if you’re feeling a bit scared? Like sex the other day was pretty damn awesome, not gonna lie….but I’m just wondering if maybe like this is all quite new to you, huh? Like when we made love, it was so _intimate….._ I’m just wondering if it freaked you out a bit?”.

         Gabriel was speechless. How did Sam _just get it?_

         “mmm yeh….I…I…..I...”.

         “It’s ok, you don’t need to explain….y’know we can just take it slow again”

Gabriel shook his head

         “But babe, I _want_ to…..I just….I’m just nervous or something I guess….

Sam took a deep breath in as he looked around the small bathroom, taking in the array of different bottles “Gabe….how would you feel about a massage?......”

xxxxx

        Sam took Gabriel’s hand and led him out into the bedroom. They stood in front of the bed – just looking at each other for a moment, before Gabriel unwrapped the towel from his body and climbed onto the bed. He stretched out on his front, his back and bare butt exposed. He could feel Sam’s adoring eyes watching him. But for once, he didn’t feel self-conscious. Sam slowly crawled over to Gabriel….he kneeled behind him and sat back on his haunches. He opened the bottle of moisturizer in his hand and squirted out a huge dollop, before rubbing it in his hands and gently reaching forward. Gabriel gasped slightly as Sam started to touch him.

         Sam started with his shoulders…his touch assertive, firm but not painful. It felt _good_ …..Sam leaned forward and kissed his neck:

         “is this ok, baby?” He whispered out

         “uhuh….yeah”. Gabriel’s voice was muffled in the pillow. Sam grinned and got to work again. He started to stroke down Gabriel’s sides and then started to slide his hands down Gabriel’s spine, then back up to his neck, over his shoulders and down his arms to his fingertips.

         Gabriel gave a long groan into the pillow in response. Sam repeated this a couple of times…..Gabriel’s skin felt so smooth, so soft. He never wanted to stop.

         “God, babe, you’re so beautiful…..you’re so gorgeous……”

Sam was worshipping Gabriel with his fingers, his hands….willingly, adoringly touching and rubbing every part of his body.

         Sam began to knead Gabriel’s upper back with just the right amount of pressure, and then his lower back, further down, massaging Gabriel’s butt slowly before starting the process again. He could feel Gabriel’s fragility, he was so thin…..the bones in his back were clearly visible. Sam lent forward to kiss the top of his spine and then lower, until he was kissing the top of his back.

         Sam pulled off him then and squirted out more moisturizer cream into his hand. He moved so that he was sitting to the side of Gabriel. And then going from the top of Gabriel’s butt all the way down Gabriel’s right leg, he stroked and kneaded until he reached his foot. He rubbed the palm of his hand over his foot before gently pulling each toe gently. He lent down and kissed Gabriel’s foot lightly.

         “mwahhhhh” Gabriel made some unresponsive noise into the pillow as Sam repeated it again on Gabriel’s left leg and foot. Sam moved again, so that he was sitting over Gabriel. He started to rub using a circular motion all over Gabriel’s back but moving low to concentrate particularly on Gabriel’s butt.

         Sam could feel his own cock was hard as a rock, he desperately wanted to take his boxers off, but he wasn’t sure whether Gabriel wanted to go further. His fingers started to wander closer to Gabriel’s hole, before he stopped himself , but Gabriel mumbled out

        “no babe…..don’t stop”

Sam needed no further invitation. He reached over to the drawer and grabbed out the lube. Once he covered his fingers in it, he slowly pushed one well moisturized finger slowly in. His finger sank in easily……inside Gabriel felt so warm and silky smooth.

         “God, Gabes, you feel so good…..”

He stretched his fingers deep within Gabriel before suddenly Gabriel moaned loudly and pushed his hips, trying to give Sam better access. Sam pushed against Gabriel’s prostate again, while Gabriel tried to get up on all fours, needing to move to release his hard cock from being pressed into the mattress. Sam withdrew his fingers then. Gabriel’s head whipped around

         “please babe……”

Sam lent over and kissed him, before gently pushing him so Gabriel was on his back. He lent forward again and kissed him

        “will you let me suck you off, Gabe… _please_?”

Gabriel’s mind was blown. First all his body felt like he was paradise – relaxed and turned on all at the same time. And then his beautiful, handsome, hot boyfriend, was asking (aka begging) to give him a blowjob. But Gabriel still felt the kernel of dread deep within him…he hated his cock, hated it being touched….In the past, bad things had happened. Michael used to burn his cock with cigarettes, or hit him there or cut it with razors…..laughing at his tears and screams…..it hurt so bad. Other men, Michael sold him to, would sometimes suck him off, it felt good but it made him dirty too…..to have old men suck him off and for him to enjoy it. Luca and Chris never seemed to bother. Chris told him it wasn’t his thing and besides his cock was too small to suck off……

         “Will you let me babe……..?”

Gabriel looked down into Sam’s eyes…..And he felt it then, SAM WAS DIFFERENT. He just nodded slowly in response to Sam’s question.

         Sam smiled at him, moved down his body. He sighed slightly before taking the head of Gabriel’s cock into his mouth. And then Sam opened his mouth wider, reaching forward and taking all of Gabriel into his mouth, his tongue rubbing against the underside of his cock as he did so. Gabriel nearly screamed in pleasure from that sensation alone. Sam grinned as he moved back up, licking and twirling his tongue around the sensitive head of Gabriel’s cock. At the same time his fingers sneaked around to Gabriel’s ass, two fingers pushing in. Gabriel’s hips bucked as he did so, pushing his cock further into Sam’s mouth. Sam happily took it, slurping and sucking as he did so. His fingers insistently rubbing inside Gabriel. Gabriel could feel himself on the edge…his head was completely empty of thoughts, he was pure sensation.

         Sam pulled himself off Gabriel’s cock.

         “Can I babe….can I come inside you?”

Gabriel was barely coherent but he was able to nod his consent. He just never wanted this to end. Sam started to rustle around, desperately looking for a condom. It seemed he’d found out as he was back on top of Gabriel, this time completely naked, licking and kissing him, tongues exploring….the smell of sweaty arousal filled the room.

         Sam started to push himself in…..

         “You’re amazing baby, you’re so good…..I love you so much”

         Sam slide his cock all the way inside: Gabriel’s inner walls hot and tight.

         “oh gawwwwwdddddd”

Gabriel wrapped his slim legs around him as Sam started to move in and out of him. Sam lent forward, his forehead just touching Gabriel’s as they rocked together. And then Gabriel screamed, releasing a long rope of cum. Sam wasn’t long behind him, collapsing forward onto Gabriel’s chest.

         Gabriel was lying dazed, his legs fallen open, his muscles completely lax. Gabriel could feel Sam’s huge weight crushing him, but the pressure felt good. Everything felt good. He wrapped his arms around Sam.

         “When can we do _that_ again?”

All he heard was Sam’s deep laugh in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh dear......have had an evil month, where literally couldn't write anything.....hope this chapter was ok.....but will try and remedy it later...just wanted to update as had missed a couple of weeks.....and really want to move the story forward, which I know this chapter doesn't do...but had this scene in my head and wanted to write it just to get back into writing again.....but yeah, hope you are all doing ok, thanks so much for reading.


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone who commented/kudos last time....really motivated me! And to all the brilliant Sabriel writers - love you guys!!
> 
> i should warn ppl for mentions about eating disorders.

             

Alfie was exhausted. He barely registered anything Miss Meg had said that morning. Instead he doodled on his notepad and put his head on his arms, his eyes shutting ever so slowly……even though he had talked to his Uncle Gabe about the previous night, he still didn’t understand what had happened – it didn’t make any sense; why would Uncle Gabe want to leave Uncle Sam? His mind whirred around and around - it had been so scary and confusing waking up to the cold night air, not safe in bed. And even more frightening when his Uncle hadn’t woken up, just lay unresponsive on the cold street, nothing Alfie did woke him up. Of course, Uncle Sam had come and saved the day. And everything seemed ok between them this morning…..but Alfie was still worried: just hoped his Uncle Gabe wouldn’t change his mind again. Alfie REALLY didn’t want to go back to living with Chris again. His stomach tightened at the thought….

            A gentle hand on his shoulder slightly shook him:

            “Alfie, are you ok honey?”

It was Miss Meg. Alfie roused himself and nodded in response

            “Are you ok, do you need to go home?”

            “I’m ok Miss Meg….”.

Alfie knew his uncles were having some sort of important meeting and he wasn’t allowed to go home because his Uncle Gabe didn’t want to leave him by himself.        

           “Well ok, Alfie, but if you’re not feeling well, just let me know and I’ll call your uncles…”.

            At playtime, Adam said he was a “teacher’s pet”, he pushed him hard and Alfie stumbled back. Another boy laughed so Adam pushed him again. Alfie fell over but he didn’t fight back. He didn’t like fights. He’d started to cry then. But before Adam could do anything else, Hannah went to tell a teacher and Adam was put in the ‘exclusion zone’ for the rest of playtime. Alfie just wanted to go home. But then again he didn’t really know where his home was or how long he would stay anywhere. He felt scared.

Xxx

            Sam was still in the same position as he’d been for the last 20 minutes – lying on top of, a now dozing, Gabriel. Of course, It wasn’t surprising that he was exhausted given everything that had happened that morning. Sam smiled as he toyed with some of Gabriel’s hair that had fallen onto his face. Everything was going well – Gabriel, his beautiful boyfriend was seemingly trusting him more and now with the decision from social care regarding Alfie - things were going to be good, they were gonna work out…...

Gabriel started to rouse himself, stretching as much as he could with Sam’s weight pinning him down. He opened his eyes:

            “urgggghhh babe, were you staring at me? Y’know that’s _creepy”._

            Sam grinned “oh c’mon, you’re _too_ cute”.

            “and you’re _too_ weird”. Gabriel grinned back.

Sam just laughed in response before leaning down to kiss his boyfriend. Gabriel kissed him back, wrapping his slim legs around Sam, squeezing the man tighter into him, before letting go and lying back. Sam was content to continue to lie on top of Gabriel, just listening to his boyfriend’s regular heart beat. Gabriel smiled as he petted Sam’s head, running his long fingers gently through Sam’s shiny black hair. He abruptly broke the silence:

            “about _before……_ y’know with the sex and stuff… _”._

Sam sat up for a moment “Was it ok? I didn’t hurt you or anything did I ……”.

            “babe, don’t worry…..you didn’t hurt me….I mean I guess it was _ok_ …..”.

Sam raised his eyebrow at that.

            “well I guess it might have been more than _ok”_ Gabriel gave him an evil grin.

Sam went back to resting his head on Gabriel’s chest, mumbling something about “ _little shit”._

Gabriel didn’t say anything for a moment before kissing Sam’s head. Of course, the sex they’d just had, had been _amazing._ Just the thought of Sam on top of him, moving inside him, his eyes looking deep into his. It had been so perfect…..

                    “I just wanted to say um thanks babe…for y’know understanding and ….the _hot sex_ ”.         

Sam looked up, resting his chin on Gabriel’s chest

            “you don’t have to thank me babe….. I just wanted you to feel good…” Sam paused before taking in a deep breath “y’know babe, maybe next time, I could er….we could do it the other way around, switch…..”.

            Sam wasn’t entirely sure what he proposed was a good idea, not after his last experience bottoming. And he still wasn’t completely sure how he felt about _being a bottom._ He was the masculine one, right? But then again, all that masculine bullshit had pretty much been his dad and Dean’s issues. Sam sure didn’t them to his role models. Plus Gabriel had pretty much cum untouched before……Sam was curious: he wondered what that would be like. He smiled, the thought of Gabriel over him, fucking into him….damn that would be _hot._

            Sam realized Gabriel hadn’t responded – he ‘d expected Gabriel to jump at his offer.

            “Gabe, you ok?”

            “mmmm”

            “so you wanna top next time?”

            “mmmm, maybe”

Gabriel didn’t sound particularly sure. Sam brushed it off, Gabriel probably didn’t want to sound too eager.

            Gabriel swallowed. He couldn’t believe Sam had just offered _that._ He wasn’t sure if he was ready for _that._ He’d never done it that way before. After all, it had been clear that his use was to provide a wet, easy hole for men to fuck. Clients had sometimes asked for it, for him to top, but Gabriel had always refused. He knew his place. But with Sam it was different, he liked feeling Sam inside him, so full of him….And he thought that Sam liked it that way too, after all he sure seemed to be enjoying himself. But perhaps it hadn’t been truly satisfying for Sam? After-all Chris had said his hole was getting loose……Gabriel grimaced – what could he do?

            “you ok, babe?….you’ve gone quiet” Sam asked after a bit.

Gabriel smiled wanely “yeh….I’m good”.

Sam lent forward and kissed him, this time on the lips. He wondered if Gabriel was really ok. He caged Gabriel in, resting his arms next to Gabriel’s head

            “you sure babe….?”

Gabriel tried to push away the sudden worry about his sexual performance and gave Sam a wide smile

            “course I am, everything is good right?”

Sam kissed him again, this time longer. His cock twitched with interest. Sam could easily have stayed in bed all day with Gabe. But he pulled away, he really wanted to get Gabriel checked out by a doctor. Sure Gabe seemed fine, but he wanted to be _sure._ He pulled back:

 _“_ C’mon Gabe, get your ass up, we need to go the doctors”.

Gabriel groaned

            “I’m _fine…_ anyway I thought we could go and pick up Alfie early from school, go and celebrate?”

            Sam shook his head “it’s a good idea, we can do it _after_ the doctor….”.

**An hour later**

         Gabriel was sitting on a plastic chair in the doctor’s surgery, nervously swinging his legs. Sam had gone to find a cup of coffee. Gabe just wanted to be home, or rather back at the motel. He didn’t feel safe outside. Chris had dominated his every move for over nine years. It was hard to feel safe. Whilst he knew Sam would do his best to protect them, Chris was dangerous and crazy…..He sighed when he thought of Chris, sure the guy was a bastard and had been intending on hurting Alfie, which was unforgivable…..but still there was some part of him that didn’t completely hate Chris, didn’t want him to get hurt or killed…..part of him hoped that he was ok and hadn’t made any stupid decisions, hadn’t borrowed anymore money…..

         Gabriel drew his knees up, resting his chin on them. He wished Sam would hurry up with the coffee. He sighed…and the day _had_ been going so well…….Gabriel smiled suddenly despite his surroundings, he still couldn’t believe the news about Alfie. The whole meeting felt like such a blur. He’d hardly been able to process what had happened. All he knew was that he was so fucking relieved. He couldn’t imagine a life without his Alfie. He shuddered to think what would have happened if Sam hadn’t come into their lives…….He smiled, Sam, the amazing, awesome Sam. The most perfect man in the world, who for some weird reason seemed to actually _love_ him. Gabriel didn’t think he would ever understand it……But for all Sam’s amazingness, Gabriel was kinda annoyed that Sam had forced him to come to the surgery…..Gabriel wanted to just go and get Alfie and go to the zoo or something. He didn’t need to be checked out. But Sam seemed to disagree and had managed to make an _emergency appointment._ So unnecessary in Gabriel’s mind. But of course, Sam didn’t know the truth…..Gabriel hadn’t tripped and hit his head like he told Sam. He’d passed out because he’d not been eating properly. At least he was pretty sure that was the reason. And if that was the case, then Gabriel knew the doctor would be able to work that out…….Sam was not going to be happy - he seemed pretty obsessed with making sure Gabriel was _always_ eating.

         But it wasn’t only this worry that concerned Gabriel. Sam had also mumbled something about getting tested. He’d even said he would get tested too, so Gabriel wouldn’t have to go through it alone. Gabriel didn’t want to get tested for STIs at all. But he could hardly say no. Of course, he’d been tested in the past and of course he’d had STIs in the past. The first time was when he was 13. His cock and balls had got unbearably itchy…several weeks later, Michael began experiencing the same symptoms and gone to the GP. Apparently it was genital lice. It was ok though, there was cream that treated it. But it had made him feel _humiliated, gross, bad_. And Michael had been pretty pissed with him, had called him a ‘dirty slut’. But at least from that point on, he’d insisted, mostly, that the men Gabriel saw used protection……And later, as an adult sex worker, Gabriel always tried as much as possible to make sure clients used protection, but it hadn’t always happened if they paid extra or forced him plus Chris never used protection and neither did his friends…..He’d been tested recently, a couple of months ago after the whole thing with Gavin happened and then again after the first porn video he’d done with Vern…. If it was up to Gabriel, he wouldn’t have got tested, his health wasn’t important but the hospital had insisted. By some miracle, he’d been fine.....but what if he wasn’t anymore?……oh god, he was pretty sure he must have something, what if he had HIV? Of course, Sam had said he didn’t care about the test results, would stick by him whatever. But Gabriel wondered if that was really true……or what if Sam saw him as dirty and infected? Gabriel tried to hold back the tears. Why was everything so hard?

Xxxx

Sam returned with a coffee and a hot chocolate for Gabriel. He took Gabriel’s hand “it’ll be ok”, he reached over and kissed him on the cheek.

Xxxx

_After the appointment_

Sam sat in the car, his hands tightening over the steering wheel. Gabriel sat quietly next to him, nervously twisting his hands. Things with the doctor’s hadn’t gone well…….the questions about his sex life had been humiliating. Having to tell the doctor that he was whore and didn’t know how many partners he’d had and that he didn’t know how many times he’d had unprotected sex, was shameful. And getting the swabs done had been horrible, he hated his pathetic, ugly cock and being naked in front of anyone let alone this doctor, made him feel vulnerable. Plus Gabriel was terrified of the results, no matter how much Sam and the doctor tried to be supportive.

            But that wasn’t the worst of it. After Sam had told the GP about Gabriel’s fall, the GP had asked Gabriel lots and lots of questions about it. He checked his head and for broken bones, but as predicted, he ended up weighing Gabriel and checking his height. And then it all came out – Gabriel was severely underweight. Gabriel tried to dismiss it but he couldn’t argue with the fact that his BMI was 16.5. Sam had been shocked but put it down to Gabriel’s old lifestyle. He was reassured by the doctor’s suggested meal planning, which would help Gabriel gain weight.

But Gabriel was _horrified._ The suggested meals involved lots of fatty, disgusting, savory foods. Gabriel didn’t want any of that. He’d got angry then, he didn’t want to get fatter! If anything, it wouldn’t hurt to lose a few pounds, that’s what Chris always said anyway. But no one listened to him, instead the doctor mentioned something about a therapist and suggested that Sam _closely monitor_ Gabriel’s eating. It was ridiculous.

            So now they were both sitting in the car... Gabriel was desperately trying to forget the whole appointment while Sam was desperately trying to get his head around the fact that Gabriel didn’t seem to grasp how important it was that he gain weight. Sam looked over at Gabriel and touched his knee:

“You know I love you….gonna be here for you babe, gonna look after you, gonna help you get better”.

Gabriel’s face twisted a bit “I’m _fine”._

Their conversation was interrupted by Sam’s shrill ring tone.

            “Hello, it’s Miss Meg….it’s about Alfie….”.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's so close to the end now, but i keep coming up with extra ideas.....ughhhhh


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is some stuff in this chapter which might trigger people, please be careful if you decide to read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so had a bit of a disaster - with the last chapter, wrote it, posted it and then realised that wouldn't be able to write another part of the story if I didn't change it.  
> Anyways thanks to Aimee and Ann-t-christ (loving the username) for these ideas!
> 
> For everyone celebrating Christmas - hope you have a wonderful time!

            Things were not going well for Alfie. He was exhausted from not sleeping well the night before. He just wanted his Uncle Gabe and Uncle Sam to come and get him from school. And even though Adam had been placed in the ‘exclusion zone’ over playtime, he knew he’d have to face him in class later that afternoon. So, Alfie definitely did not want to stay in school anymore.

But then, at the end of break, one of the teachers he didn’t know very well found him and dragged him to the reception area. Apparently his ‘dad’ was here to pick him up. Alfie was confused; he didn’t have a dad. But he didn’t say anything to this teacher - he’d rather no one knew that. Everyone had a dad, except him.

The teacher pushed him into the reception area and ran off – apparently her class was about to start. Alfie surveyed the man in the office in silent horror.

It was Chris.

Chris gave him a sly grin. His dark hair was slicked back and he was wearing clothes, which were dirty and torn. It also looked like he had recently been in a fight. He had a fresh bruise on his face.

Alfie’s mind couldn’t process what was going on – why was Chris here? He didn’t even know what school Alfie went to. And Uncle Gabe and him had broken up, hadn’t they? He didn’t understand. But he didn’t want to stay around to ask questions, Alfie turned to run out of the reception area. But he didn’t get far. Chris grabbed his arm.

             “Don’t you go anywhere, _son”_ He hissed quietly in Alfie’s ear, before flashing a charming smile to the woman who was sitting at the reception desk.

              “Is everything ok there?” She asked Alfie.

Alfie was beyond terrified. And Chris’ grip was tightening around his arm. He wanted to scream but the look in Chris’ eye gave him second thoughts. Chris answered for him:

            “Yeah everything’s cool, just picking up my _son,_ got to take him to the dentist, he hates those places, don’t ya, _son?”_

Alfie nodded slowly and the woman just smiled and turned away.

            Chris dragged him out of school then. Alfie desperately wished he could stay. He didn’t want to leave school anymore. Chris dumped him in the passenger seat in the car, before getting in the driver side. Alfie wanted to run away but he was so scared. He felt frozen. Chris grinned at him again.

            “You ok there Alfie, you look a little _scared!”_ Chris laughed.

            “I'm not scared” Alfie lied. There was a short silence before Chris huffed out a laugh. Alfie pressed himself away Chris, the guy stank of that funny smoke.

            “Where’s my uncle Gabe?” Alfie whispered. He just wanted to feel safe. He just wanted his Uncle Gabe, he always made things better and kept Chris away. Chris grimaced at Alfie’s question

            “Don’t ya worry about that stupid bitch….we got work to do”.

Chris turned the engine on. Alfie stared out of the window and watched his school slide into the distance. Tears silently ran down his face.

xxxx

_Picking up from the end of Chapter 44…….._

_The conversation was interrupted by Sam’s shrill ring tone._

_“Hello, it’s Miss Meg….it’s about Alfie….”_

 Sam hung up the phone and took a deep inhale. He looked over at Gabriel. The guy’s eyes had gone huge and worried, he was practically chewing his lip off.

            “Sam! What did she say? What’s happened to Alfie?”

Sam looked down again. He was trying to remain calm but inside he was panicking.What the hell had happened to Alfie?? Had he just had enough of school or was there a more sinister explanation? Sam shuddered. And how the hell was he gonna tell Gabriel that Alfie had gone missing? Gabriel was so fragile right now, what with everything with Chris, the STI tests and his weight – Sam pushed those thoughts away. He couldn’t deal with that right now.

           “er Gabe….um oh god there is no easy way to say this…..Alfie’s gone missing from the school and um, Miss Meg said she tried to ring earlier, but I had my phone switched off in the doctor’s appointment…..they called the polic- ….”

Sam didn’t get to finish before Gabriel interrupted        

          “WHAT? Where is he? I don’t understand, how could he just go missing? Oh my god…..oh my god…Chris has taken him….I just know it….”

Tears started to fill Gabriel’s eyes. Sam leaned over and tried to pull Gabriel into a hug, but he pushed him away.

           “Gabe…..don’t do that, don’t push me away. This will be ok, we don’t know Chris has him. We just gotta go down and talk to the police and then I’ll take you back to the motel. I can drive around and look for him”.

Sam really hoped Chris hadn't taken Alfie, but he definitely didn't want Gabriel to get involved if he was. He just wanted to speak to the police, school - find out what they knew. And of course, he had no intention of just driving around. If Chris had Alfie, he was gonna kill him for sure.

Gabriel shook his head in anger in response to Sam

            “NO! This is NOT ok…fucking hell Sam! Chris is hurting him…he could be hurting him right now and I know where he’s taken him……the police don’t do SHIT….”

            “Babe no….”

            “FUCK YOU, if you’re not gonna help, then I will do it myself”.

Gabriel flung the car open and tried to get out. Sam lent over and tried to stop him. He absolutely did not want Gabriel going anywhere near Chris. _He_ would deal with Chris. But Gabriel was apparently a force to be reckoned with when Alfie was at risk. He lent down and bit Sam’s hand. Sam screamed and let him go. And then Gabriel was off. Running as fast as he could across the parking lot. Sam winced looking down at his hand. It didn’t hurt, had just shocked him. He wrenched the car door open and took off after Gabriel.

Xxx

10 minutes later

            Sam hadn’t been able to catch up with Gabriel. Apparently he’d managed to completely disappear. So Sam had gone back to the car. He knew where Gabriel was heading after all. He tried to call his cell, but Gabriel wasn’t picking up. Damn him! He just wished that Gabriel would let him sort the situation. He was much better able to deal with Chris.

As Sam started up his car, he tried to push away the images that were coming into his head – of Chris hurting Alfie, of Alfie frightened and alone, of Gabriel trying to protect Alfie but then getting hurt himself……Sam pressed the gas. He had to get to Chris before Gabriel. At least he had the car, Gabriel was only on foot.

X

Gabriel had caught the bus. Sam had given him some money earlier for food. But of course he hadn’t spent it, which lucky for Gabriel, meant he now he had money for the bus. He couldn’t read the bus signs but had asked a couple of people and finally managed to get the right one.

He stood the whole way, biting his fingernails. He was too anxious to sit. All he could think about was what Chris had said to Alfie, about making him an ‘actor’ in one of his movies. Gabriel felt sick. This could not be happening. He never thought Chris would sink so low. In truth, before Gabriel had heard about Chris’ plans for Alfie, he’d felt a bit worried about Chris - how would cope without Gabe too look after him? Would he get hurt or even killed without Gabe bringing money in? But as soon as Gabriel had heard what Chris had planned to do to Alfie. He hadn’t cared anymore.

            The bus was so slow. It seemed to stop at every stop and a million people seemed to get on each time. Gabriel could have screamed with frustration. He just wanted to get to his baby. Momentarily, he felt guilty about what he did to Sam. But he pushed those thoughts away. Besides, Sam hadn’t seemed to want to help, had wanted Gabriel to talk to the police and just sit in the motel. There was no way that Gabriel was going to sit about while Alfie was getting hurt, abused, raped. Gabriel shuddered. He didn’t know what he was going to do when he got there, all he knew was that he just had to get to his Alfie, his beautiful little boy.

x

            Sam parked up outside Chris’ apartment. He could see a couple of prostitutes hanging out in what was Gabriel’s old corner. He didn't have time to think about that as he rushed into the apartment block. If Chris had Alfie, there was gonna be hell to pay.

            He got to Chris’ flat and banged on the door. No one answered. He tried the door, but it was locked. Sam was feeling more and more desperate as more images about what could be happening behind that door, flooded his mind. He stepped back and gave it a huge kick. The door flung open.

            But the apartment was empty.

x

_About the same time as Sam was kicking the door down……_

A couple of blocks away, Gabriel got off the bus. But he wasn’t making his way to Chris’ apartment. He was going to Vern’s ‘office’. He knew if Chris had Alfie, he’d have taken him there. He just hoped he wasn’t too late. He put his own fears of Chris and Vern aside. He needed to be brave for Alfie. As he ran to the building, he didn’t once think about calling the police or even Sam. His mind was completely focused on getting to Alfie.

He pushed open the unlocked door and made his way quietly up the stairs. The whole place smelt of piss, mold and cigarette smoke. He tried not to gag.

Gabriel opened the door of the ‘studio’ slowly. He couldn’t hear anything. He walked into the main room. The big bed was in the same position in the middle of the room, the cameras were set up….And it all came back. Vern’s smug grin, the taste of the vodka, the feeling of Vern’s clammy hands on his thigh, the immeasurable fear of suddenly realizing he had absolutely no control…..

He felt like his mind was shattering as he remembered the video of what was done to him in that room. But he locked away those memories to the dark shadows in his mind. He had to find Alfie. He crept along the corridor. There was a small room next to the larger room. He pushed the door open. And then he saw him, Alfie!

Alfie was lying on a small bed in the corner of what looked like a child’s room. There was some child’s wallpaper, a lamp on a pink bedside table and toys scattered about the floor. But Gabriel couldn’t take all this information in, didn’t want to think about the implications. He rushed over to him, could see that Alfie was still clothed, he looked ok. But he wasn’t moving, not at all. Gabriel’s heart stopped. His child wasn’t moving. But Alfie had to be ok, _he had to be._ He knelt down next to him:

             “Alfie! Alfie! Wake up!”

He checked his pulse, could see he was breathing. But Alfie was still completely unresponsive. Gabriel knew those bastards must have given him something, just like Vern had done to him, before. _They’d drugged a child, drugged Alfie!_ Gabriel tried to calm himself. He just needed to get Alfie out. He picked his boy up, he was so heavy and Gabriel cursed his own weakness. Alfie’s head lolled against his shoulder as Gabriel turned around quickly. He almost walked into him, into Chris. He had been standing in the doorway the whole time.

            “Hey babe”

Gabriel took a step back as Chris advanced into the room, he could feel himself shaking.

            “Don’t you come any closer…..”

Chris grinned

            “or you’ll what?? No big boyfriend around now is there, you can’t do shit”.

Gabriel stepped further back into the room until the backs of legs were touching the side of the bed, as Chris continued to advance. But Gabriel’s rage suddenly took over any sense of fear. If he hadn’t been holding Alfie, he would have launched himself at the man.

            “JUST GET AWAY FROM US…..how DARE you take Alfie….and DRUG him…and what the fuck, you were gonna rape him? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

Chris was momentarily surprised by Gabriel’s rage

            “Chill out bitch, Jeesss, it’s no big deal…..just gonna take a few pictures, wasn’t gonna touch him or anything. I ain’t no paedo”.

            “You BASTARD….”

Chris was standing over Gabriel by now. He grabbed him hard by the hair

            “You better shut up. This is all your fault anyway…if you hadn’t left me, then I wouldn’t need the fucking money would I?”

Gabriel tried to get away from Chris’ grip, but he was holding his hair and pulling it hard. Chris pushed him back and Gabriel toppled over onto the bed, still holding Alfie. Chris grinned

            “Glad you came back though babe….of course I’ll have to punish you…”

Gabriel tried to push himself up, but Alfie was a dead weight. Chris grabbed Alfie off him and shoved him on the floor. But before Gabriel had time to move, Chris was on top of him, shoving his legs open and kissing his neck and face, pushing his tongue into his mouth. Gabriel tried to turn his head away, tried to push him off

            “GET OFF ME…NO, NO, NO…GET OFF ME”

Chris lent back and cracked him hard against the face, stunning Gabriel into silence

            “You better start being nice babe…..otherwise I’m gonna get real pissed”.

Gabriel tried to squirm away but Chris was too strong. He could feel himself wanting to cry from pure frustration. This couldn’t happen again, not with Chris. He belonged to Sam now. Just the thought of Sam made Gabriel try to fight back harder, but Chris easily grabbed his arms and pinned them above his head, before leaning down and kissing him again. Gabriel almost choked on his tongue as he shoved it in his mouth. Chris lent back again and sighed

            “You’re beginning to piss me off…hmmm maybe I should fuck Alfie, hell of a lot easier”.

 Chris knew exactly how to push Gabriel’s buttons. Gabriel immediately froze.

            “Don’t you dare Chris” he spoke slowly, cautiously.

            “Kids aren’t my thing Gabe, but if you’re gonna be a little bitch, then I might be forced to fuck him”.

 Gabriel shook his head

            “No! don’t! I’ll be good…just don’t hurt him”.

Chris gave him a smug smile and lent over him again, started to kiss him before pulling off Gabriel’s t-shirt. Chris’ hands were all over his body, grabbing him and putting his hands down his pants. 

            “You’re mine again now, everything’s gonna go back to how it was…”.

Gabriel just wanted it to STOP. But he just lay on the bed, looking at the wall. He couldn’t fight back. He was useless. He just wanted Sam. But no, Sam, would never want him now, not after he found out about _this, this infidelity._  Chris interrupted his thoughts, as he pulled hard at his nipples

            “Damn it, you took the piercings out…..your _EX-boyfriend_ not like them huh? I bet that guy had a big cock huh? Bet he fucked you hard….but don’t worry babe, I’m gonna fuck you harder”.

            Chris sat back and started to peel off his t-shirt. But just as he lifted the shirt over his head, Gabriel took his chance, grabbed up the lamp that was sitting next to the bed and brought it down hard on Chris’ head. Chris fell back onto the floor. Gabriel jumped up and hit him again and again, until Chris wasn’t moving. And then Gabriel found he was crying. And he couldn’t stop. He fell back against the bed, sobbing as he hugged Alfie’s immobile body close to his.

He took a deep breath. He needed to get out. He found his cell in his pocket and called the only number he had saved. Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos?? Comments? (I love hearing from you!!)
> 
> THANK YOU FOR READING :))


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, so I promised happy for this chapter....and well....er....I mean I guess it could be kind of seen as happy?? maybe? *laughs nervously, runs away before you can hit me* 
> 
> (triggers for mentioning of child/rape pornography)
> 
> oh just realised been writing this beast for a YEAR!! wow! Thank you to everyone who has been reading, commenting, kudosing, bookmarking - thanks so much, you inspire and motivate me!!

_After breaking Chris’ door down….._

 

Sam was _freaking out._ He’d looked around the apartment, _twice._ Alfie wasn’t hiding anywhere and Chris clearly wasn’t home. But Sam did find something else - a letter, dated several weeks ago, from Alfie’s school informing _Mr. Novak_ about “ _concerns”_ and “ _social care involvement”._ Previously Gabriel had told Sam that Chris had never bothered to learn where Alfie went to school. That knowledge had given Sam a measure of hope – how could Chris take Alfie if he didn’t even know Alfie’s school? But as he looked at the letter, noting the school’s address clearly printed at the top of the letter, he could feel his stomach drop. _Chris had taken Alfie, he was sure of it now. But where the hell was he? And where was Gabe?_

Sam tried Gabriel’s cell again, but with no success. He paused a moment before punching in another number. Jess – his old police contact. Sure they’d told him under no certain terms, that he was _out,_ but Jess had always been good to him and he needed her help. It was an emergency.

She answered on the second ring. Sam was barely able to get the words out. But she’d calmed him down - said she would meet him outside Chris’ apartment, that maybe she could have a look, maybe see something Sam had missed, told him that she was there for him.

Sam hung up the phone and slumped down at the breakfast bar. The place was a mess. He looked around, he hated this tiny apartment, it reminded him that Gabriel and Alfie had living in this dump with Chris. He got up and went outside to wait for Jess.

And then his phone rang. It was Gabriel. He was crying.

_“Sam…..please I got Alfie, please come get us”._

            Sam had wanted to know what had happened, but Gabriel was barely able to give him directions to where he was, let alone have a coherent conversation about the events of the day.

            “ _It’s ok, babe, I’m coming….”_

Xxx.

            It had barely taken Sam five minutes to drive - he’d texted Jess on the way, told her where he was going. He figured he could still do with her help – whatever had happened to Gabe and Alfie, the police should be involved.

Gabriel was waiting for him, outside an abandoned apartment building, his face was bleeding and he wasn’t wearing a t-shirt. He was clutching what looked to be an unconscious Alfie. Sam could feel the panic rising within him, the knot in his stomach, tightening and tightening – _what the hell had happened?_ But he knew he needed to keep calm.

            He stopped the car immediately and jumped out. He wanted to gather Gabriel up in a hug but he needed to check Alfie. He pulled the kid from Gabriel’s unwilling arms.

            “He’s breathing….but he-he- Chris drugged him” Gabriel’s voice was barely audible. Sam bit his lip as he looked down at Alfie’s passed out form. _So it was Chris then, he was gonna kill him._

            “What the fuck? Oh my god!….we need to get him to a hospital right away….”

            Sam reached forward to touch Gabriel’s face, but Gabriel flinched and pulled away.

            “Did he hurt Alfie….why are you bleeding Gabe….WHAT HAPPENED?”

Gabriel looked away and wrapped his arms around himself.

            “He didn’t hurt Alfie….but he, he, he-“

And then Gabriel started crying. Sam pulled him into a hug. Gabriel flailed a bit but then took a breath and lent into Sam. Sam just held him and Alfie.

            “shhhh you’re safe now…you’re both safe now….” Sam paused “but where is he, where is Chris?”

            Gabriel lifted his head and pointed back toward the abandoned building

            “He’s in there…but I think _I killed him_ ….”

Sam eyes widened, _what the fuck had happened?_

            Before he could ask anything else, Jess pulled up. She must have run several red lights and broken all the speeding restrictions to get here this quickly. But Sam didn’t care. He’d immediately fallen into _police mode._ He barely greeted Jess, instead providing her with instructions. He needed to take Alfie and Gabriel to the hospital. The _suspect_ , Chris, was inside the abandoned building, likely to be severely injured. She just nodded and pulled her gun. Told him she would check it out. Sam didn’t hear the rest, he was shoving Gabriel and Alfie in the car. He needed to get them out of here, needed to get Alfie checked out, needed to hear what happened to them both.

           Xxx

They were at the hospital. The doctor was checking out Alfie. Gabriel had initially refused to leave him but had been told that he couldn’t stay. He sat on the plastic chair in the waiting room, nervously tapping his leg and squeezing Sam’s hand. The room was mercifully empty and covered in wallpaper with happy looking animals. It reminded Gabriel of the wallpaper in that room he’d found Alfie. He shuddered in horror. He felt sick at the thought of what Chris was going to do. His mind felt both tired and alert, whirring endlessly with images and thoughts about the day’s events. And then Sam touched his face gently.

           “babe, you gonna tell me what happened?”

Gabriel didn’t know how to start “er….um…I….” Gabriel took a breath, trying to collect his thoughts. “Look, Chris took me there, to that building before…to do porn” Gabriel was looked down at his hands before continuing “so I figured he took Alfie there…..and _he had…._ oh, I’m sorry I should have just told you where to go” Gabriel looked up at Sam imploringly “I wasn’t _thinking,_ I’m stupid _…_ I’m sorry I, er bit you….I just didn’t want to be left sitting in a room somewhere….”

            Sam kissed Gabriel’s head “It’s ok, it’s ok, I get it……look, no mark!” Sam showed him his hand and Gabriel smiled faintly. “Gabe, I guess I just didn’t want you near Chris, I know how violent he has been with you, but yeh I shouldn’t have tried to handle it by myself either….I guess we both need to work harder at being a team…?”

Gabriel smiled at him for a moment and nodded, his smaller hand clutching tightly within Sam’s larger grip. Sam kissed him again on the head.

            “So Gabe, what happened when you found Alfie?”

Gabriel took a deep breath in. He really didn’t want to tell this story, but Sam was right. He was on his side and they would get through this together.

“I found him in one of the rooms, unconscious” Gabriel’s voice hitched a moment, before he controlled himself and continued “…and then Chris was there….and I tried to fight babe, I did! But he said he was gonna hurt Alfie if I didn’t let him fuck me….I’m sorry babe, I couldn’t stop him kissing him and-”

            Sam felt his heart drop like a stone “oh god, did he…..did he rape you?”

“no, no….we were gonna have sex, but babe I didn’t want to…. _I didn’t wanna cheat on you_ ….so I grabbed up a lamp and hit him over the head….again and again…I killed him!! Oh god… _I killed him…..”_

The whole time Gabriel was speaking, Sam was trying to hold himself from hitting something. His hatred of Chris had reached another level. Firstly, he couldn’t comprehend how Gabriel perceived the situation between him and Chris as anything but attempted rape….but he thanked god, that Gabriel had fought him off. But his thoughts twisted into further concern - had Gabriel really killed Chris? After everything Gabriel had said, part of Sam really hoped he had. Another part was terrified – even if it was manslaughter, Gabriel would likely face jail time. It was all too much to take in. Sam just felt incredibly tired, as Gabriel sat slumped in the chair. It was all such a mess. But despite it all, Sam loved Gabe, whatever happened, he loved him. He pulled him into a hug.

“It’ll be ok”. he whispered into Gabriel’s ear. Gabriel just breathed Sam in, he felt safe here; the only place he felt safe. Sam’s arms wrapped around him, his chest pressed into his cheek.

“oh Sam, what if Alfie’s not ok? I just can’t…I can’t….he drugged my baby….but if, if, if I hadn’t left him, he wouldn’t have needed the money….it’s all my fault!”

Sam shook his head before pulling Gabriel back and looking at him in the eye.

“It’s NOT your fault, this is on Chris…..he’s the one who _decided_ to do this….” He took a deep breath “…..Alfie’s a tough kid, he will be fine”.

            Gabriel buried his head back into Sam’s chest. The thought of anything happening to Alfie filled him with so much terror he couldn’t barely breath. The thought of prison, separation from Sam even, everything paled in comparison to the idea that Alfie might not be ok.

            But it was at that moment, the doctor entered the small waiting room, with a tired smile on his face:

            “Alfie’s awake…..he was drugged, but we’ve been able to wake him….we will need to keep him in overnight just for-….”

Gabriel interrupted him by screaming in relief. He jumped out of Sam’s arms:

“I NEED TO SEE HIM NOW”

The doctor nodded

            “oh course, he’s very weepy though….”

Gabriel practically ran out of the room. Sam wasn’t far behind him.

Xxxx

            A little later…..

Sam left Alfie curled in Gabriel’s arms on the hospital bed. Alfie had cried himself out and now was clinging to Gabriel like a terrified baby monkey. He’d had managed to tell them that Chris had picked him up from school and given him a funny-tasting drink in the car. After that he couldn’t remember anything. Sam had clenched his fists the whole time, could feel the rage bubbling and twisting within his gut. But somehow Gabriel stayed calm. Sam was in awe. Gabriel had kissed Alfie and hugged him and told him how much he loved him - had said Alfie would never see Chris again. Alfie hadn’t look convinced but just clung tightly to Gabriel. Sam had hugged him close too, but he’d had to leave the room. It was too upsetting. All his feelings were so near the surface he could barely hold them in. He ran from the room, from the hospital and curled against a wall outside and cried. Everything that had happened. It hurt so much.

After a moment, he composed himself. He couldn’t fall apart now. Gabriel and Alfie needed him. He thought about Gabriel _killing_ Chris – and oh god! Jess! He grabbed his phone and switched it back on. He saw he had at least 8 voice messages, but he didn’t have time to listen. He dialed her number……

She picked up on the second ring.

Xxx

            Sam edged back into Alfie’s hospital room. Alfie was still clinging to Gabriel but was now whispering something about a boy called _Adam._ Gabriel was nodding along, but as soon as he saw Sam, he looked up in concern.

            “You ok, hun?”

Sam smiled wanely

            “Babe, can I talk to you outside?”

Gabriel managed to extract himself from Alfie’s grasp, promising him that he would return immediately and that Chris was in no way going to be able to get him. Alfie didn’t look convinced but finally relinquished Gabriel from his grip.

            Outside Alfie’s room, Gabriel was pissed at having to leave Alfie:  

“What is it Sam?”

Sam ran his fingers through his hair.

            “Jess, y’know the police officer who met us outside that building? She went in… oh god, babe…..Chris _wasn’t there….._ she said there was a like a fire-exit or something…he must have slipped out or something…..”

            Gabriel gripped the side of the wall, his first thought was one of relief.

            “I didn’t kill him?”

           “nah, babe…..you didn’t kill him…” Sam smiled at him. His face twisted slightly “but babe….Jess said she was looking round that _studio_ for a while, found loads of um really bad stuff there….like kids photos, torture porn sites….” The realization suddenly hit Sam “oh god, were you involved in that……?”

            Gabriel didn’t speak for a moment.

“I would _never_ do did kids stuff, I didn’t know they were doing that….but yeh the other stuff….”

He looked down, he couldn’t face Sam knowing _more bad shit_ about him. But Sam didn’t seem angry or disgusted with him. Instead he pulled him into his chest and kissed his hair.

            “oh Gabe, baby….”

Gabriel nestled in closer to him, relishing the feeling of Sam’s strong body against his own. They stayed that way for a moment, before Sam continued:

            “Anyway, some guy turned up while Jess was looking around…..she tried to arrest him and he pulled a knife….but he didn’t have a chance against her….anyway she arrested him….man called Vern…you know him?”

            Gabriel froze in Sam’s arms.

            “mmm…he was Chris’ friend…I did a couple of shoots with him….”

Sam gritted his teeth “well babe, with all that shit Jess found, plus if he was anyway involved with what happened with Alfie….he’s not going to be seeing the outside of a cell for a long time…”

            Gabriel sighed. It felt like, maybe a little bit of justice. But suddenly the thought struck him.

            “But Sam, if Jess didn’t find Chris, _where is he?_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, so I hate myself for the cliff hanger...but literally in my defence it was a good place to end it....are you buying this??
> 
> *spoiler - the next chapter will literally be happiness and sunshine, well most of it will be anyway*


	47. Chapter 47

Sam shifted uncomfortably under Gabriel’s gaze.

            “um……well, we don’t know that yet, but there’s an warrant out for his arrest, what with kidnapping Alfie let alone all the other shit. He won’t get far babe….”

            Gabriel gave a small smile. But inside he was terrified. Chris could be _anywhere._

            Sam touched his face, tracing over the bruise

            “are you ok, Gabe-y….”

Gabriel just nodded. He didn’t want to worry Sam anymore with all his fears. Sam continued

            “Look hun….I think maybe we should go get some food….I could back to the motel, get some of your other clothes…..”

            Gabriel wrapped his arms around himself. Currently, he was wearing the top half of some scrubs, one of the doctors had found it for him – Chris had ripped his t-shirt earlier.  

            “It’s ok babe, you don’t have to do that….and I can’t um eat right now….not with everything that’s happened today…it’s no big deal”.

            Sam sighed. The doctor, literally that morning, had just given him the meal plan, had told Sam to monitor Gabriel’s eating. And Sam had fallen at the first hurdle. But he then again, he didn’t want to argue with Gabriel right now; could see he was dead tired, could see the bags under his eyes, his face pale and drawn.

            Sam kissed his forehead.

            “C’mon babe, let’s go see Alfie….”

Xxx

            Alfie was sat up in bed, vigilant like a solider on guard, waiting for them to get back. Gabriel immediately hugged him close.

            “Don’t leave me again!” Alfie squeaked from inside Gabriel’s hug.

Later that night, Gabriel fell asleep curled up around Alfie on the single hospital bed. It had taken _a long_ time for Alfie to go to sleep. Even though he was exhausted, he kept fighting sleep; terrified that Chris would steal him away. So Gabriel told him a story and halfway though Alfie had fallen asleep. Sam just watched, impressed by Gabriel’s capacity to create such an amusing story. He was almost sad when Alfie fell asleep, he wanted to know the ending of Gabriel’s tale!

            Sam was sat up in the upright chair opposite the bed, his huge frame decidedly uncomfortable. There was no way he was going to sleep. But he didn’t want to leave Gabriel and Alfie. So instead, he stayed up –worrying about Chris. He hoped that Chris would be caught soon. But he most of all, he realized, there was no way he and his little family could stay in this city. They needed to leave.

Xxx

            The next morning, Alfie was checked over the doctor, who deemed him healthy and discharged him. Alfie still didn’t seem right to Gabriel. He seemed so quiet and clung to him, like a monkey. He wouldn’t even let Sam carry him, so Gabriel had to take him to the car. Alfie nestled into his neck, sucking his thumb.

            Gabriel sat next to Sam in the car and surveyed his boyfriend – he looked _knackered._ Gabriel felt a twinge of guilt. Sam shouldn’t have to go through all this stress because of him. He reached over and grabbed his hand.

            “I reckon you deserve some sort of award for being an awesome boyfriend….”

Sam grinned

            “aw babe….right now I’d just settle for a coffee and some breakfast!”

They ended up in some sort of diner. Sam ordered them all eggs on toast. Gabriel tried to force it down, knowing that Sam was watching him. He managed less than half of it. Alfie ate even less. Sam didn’t say anything but Gabriel could see the worry in his eyes. He wanted to eat more, he did, but he just couldn’t; he wasn’t used to eating in the morning, he didn’t really like eggs, he was stressed and….he didn’t want to get fatter. He didn’t want to be ugly for Sam. And deep down, he feared that perhaps he wasn’t worth it.

            Alfie was scribbling on some paper with crayons the waiter had brought, it seemed like he was in his own little world, so Sam decided it was a good time to talk.

            “Gabe, y’know a while ago you said about going on holiday and we talked about moving out of the city……and I know everything that happened with social care, we couldn’t go, but um now it’s all ok…..”

            Alfie looked up, on full alert “what happened with social care?”

Sam froze, he’d thought Alfie wasn’t listening; shit! - he and Gabriel hadn’t discussed what they were going to say to Alfie about social care. But Gabriel seemed unfazed, just ruffled Alfie’s hair:

            “it’s no big deal…y’know Miss Barnes came to talk to you? And well she decided that we should all be a family and live together forever”.

            Alfie rolled his eyes and returned to his coloring

            “well duh!”

Gabriel grinned at Sam – he was so glad that Alfie would never know how close it had got.

            “ Sorry babe, what were you saying?”

Sam looked over at Alfie and lowered his voice slightly, he didn’t want to worry Alfie about any possible move.

            “I was thinking that maybe it would be safer to um…y’know get out of here….just go wherever, just away from this city….start afresh, babe, I wanna build a home for our little family, y’know, someplace new….”

            Alfie continued to color but spoke quietly

            “I want a home”

Sam grimaced; so much for speaking quietly or maybe Alfie just had super hearing. It broke his heart though, the kid sounded so sad. But at least he was on board with the idea. Sam glanced over at Gabriel, who was looking down at his hands

“Gabe, what do ya think….babe are you crying?….oh god, I mean I guess we could stay…..?”

Alfie immediately went to hug his uncle.

            “Don’t be sad Uncle Gabe….if we leave, we can get away from….um, the monster”. Alfie whispered the last bit out, looking around furtively.

            “No…no Alfie hunny, I’m not sad……it’s a great idea” Gabriel kissed Alfie’s hair, ignoring Alfie’s comment about the _monster._ He griped Sam’s hand across the table. “I just….Sam, I just – a _home,_ …I just, I just never believed that….that I’d ever get away from _him_ , that you would ever want me, to um, _build a home with you_ ”.

           Gabriel swallowed down the tears, cursing himself for being so _goddamn pathetic._ Sam reached down to kiss his boyfriend’s hand, before looking into his eyes,

            “Believe it babe - it’s all I want, just to be with you and Alfie – I love you both, so much”

Sam looked over at Alfie

            “no more monsters bud, Chris is far away and you’re safe now…..we’re all a family and we’re gonna find somewhere great to live!”

XX

            They arrived back to the motel room – Gabriel still carried Alfie in – for despite Sam’s reassurances, Alfie was still afraid.

As soon as they got in, Gabriel ran a bath for Alfie, squirted in some bubble bath. But Alfie sat quietly in the bath, staring at the bubbles. It freaked Gabriel out, normally he would be jumping all over the place, playing with the bubbles. Voices outside the bathroom distracted Gabriel and he got up to check it out.

As soon as he exited the bathroom, he saw Sam standing in the front doorway. He was laughing and chatting with a tall, attractive blonde woman – Jess – he recognised her from _before,_ from when she had told him to leave Sam alone. He shuddered at the memory.

“oh babe, ….Jess has just come over to um, update us about _everything_ ”.

Sam pulled Gabriel into the doorway, putting his arm easily around him. Jess surveyed Gabriel coolly, with an arch of her brow, before looking at Sam

“yeah, yeah of course, but I was also hoping we could have a private talk….there are _other_ things I wanted to talk about too”.

Jess gave Sam a winning smile, all beautiful, straight white teeth on display. Gabriel edged closer to Sam, feeling a strong urge to stand between the two of them. _It was clear what she wanted._

Sam rubbed his eyes in tiredness. He didn’t want to leave Gabriel or Alfie right now, but Jess looked like she needed to talk. And he did owe her.

“um yeh sure I guess, Gabe you don’t mind do ya?”

He gave Gabriel a quick peck on the cheek, before stepping outside

            “I won’t be long babe, maybe just start packing up”.

Gabriel just nodded. But he was pissed. He didn’t want Sam to leave; he needed him right now. And how dare he leave with _that woman._ She’d tried to break them up before. And he didn’t like the way she looked at Sam, with such undisguised want. He wanted to push her away, wanted to make sure she never got her claws into _his boyfriend._ He felt a surge of jealousy unwinding deep in his belly, like a dragon’s tail.

He knew Jess must see them as an odd couple, after all Gabriel wasn’t anything to look at. He looked down at his stomach, pinching it. He was fat and ugly. Added to that, he was just a dumb whore in comparison to Sam, who was super smart – he’d been to college and everything. He wondered if Sam wouldn’t be better suited to someone like Jess after all. Not only that - maybe Sam would get bored with being with a man, maybe he would miss having the opportunity to have sex with a woman??

            But then piecing these worries, like the morning sun, the memory of the earlier conversation – Sam had said he wanted to _build a home with him._ Gabriel just couldn’t understand it, but Sam _had_ said it. He wanted a future with him. Maybe Jess didn’t have a chance after all.

            “Unclllleleee Gabe…..I wanna get out now”.

Alfie called from the bathroom and Gabriel hurried to respond.

xxxx

            Putting aside worries about Sam, Gabriel picked Alfie up and wrapped him in a towel. Alfie was quiet and still. He carried him into the main room. Alfie dressed himself and remained quiet and still. Gabriel could stand it no longer.

            “Alfie hunny, do you want to talk?”

Alfie looked down, his eyes shiny with tears. He shook his head.

            “C’mon Alfie…..I just want to hear you’re ok”.

Alfie paused a moment before mumbling “But I’m not ok”.

            Gabriel didn’t know what to say to that. So he kissed Alfie’s head and stroked his hair. He always liked it when Sam did that.

            “I’m just so, so sorry, I’m sorry about….about everything…..but I promise you, I won’t ever let anyone take you again…..I love you so much”.

            Alfie leaned into Gabriel and started to cry.

            “He, he, he was so mean…..and I-I-I was scared!”

Gabriel continued to stroke Alfie’s hair

“I know hunny”.

“But why, why is he so mean? Why did he do that? What did I do wrong?

            Alfie’s words were almost ineligible though the tears, but Gabriel caught every word.

            “Alfie, listen to me, you did nothing wrong. You are a good kid. But Alfie, um, sometimes, there are just some people who are mean and do bad things….I don’t know why…..”.

            They were quiet for a moment. Before Alfie looked up at him

            “Chris said that he was my dad…..but I don’t have a dad do I?”

Gabriel’s stomach lurched at the turn of conversation. In the past, he’d been able to avoid it.

            “Um hun, you do have a dad, but um, we don’t know where he is right now…..um…..”

            “And what about mommy?”

Gabriel felt himself wanting to cry. He wished he knew where Anna was.

            “Alfie…I don’t know but I do know that she loves you very much…and wherever she is, she is thinking of you”

Alfie shook his head “that’s not what my birthday card said….it said I had to be good for you and Chris and that mommy forgot about my birthday…because – because- because she forgot all about me”. Alfie was crying as he spoke. Gabriel hugged him tightly. He felt another surge of hatred for Chris. But he was so god-damn tired of it. It seemed that man’s legacy was never going to let them go.

            “That’s not true hunny, y’know that was Chris who wrote that? He was just trying to upset you….but it’s not true. Your mom loves you very much…but she had a lot of problems. She couldn’t look after you. But she would never forget you. It just not possible.”

            Alfie stopped crying for a moment. Gabriel wasn’t sure he had really taken everything in. He’d probably have to repeat this several times. He’d wished he wasn’t so stupid and could read and write – how dare Chris such a horrible thing on Alfie’s birthday card?

Alfie lent against Gabriel and was quiet, as if thinking hard.

            “Chris is mean. I’m glad you rescued me from him…..you’re like Captain America!”

            “Oh Alfs!!!….”

            “My real mommy and daddy didn’t come….but you did” .

Alfie looked up at Gabriel with complete adoration. Gabriel almost felt as if he needed to turn away, so undeserving did he feel of such adoration.

            “….um so Uncle Gabe, can you be my dad?”

Gabriel felt like his heart was imploding, so overwhelmed by Alfie’s love. Why would he ever _choose_ him as a dad? Alfie continued to look up at him hopefully.

            “I –er….oh Alfs….of course I’ll be your dad”

Gabriel gave him a big smile. How did he ever deserve such a great kid like Alfie? But then really there was no difference….Alfie had always felt like his child. Alfie grinned.

“And um I guess, Uncle Sam will be my dad too then?”

Gabriel smiled softly “yeh I hope so”

            “I have TWO dads!!”

xxx

            A little later

Gabriel tried to distract himself from Sam’s absence by packing their stuff up. After that, he had a shower, while Alfie watched TV. He wondered what Sam and Jess were talking about. He wondered if Jess was flashing Sam that perfect smile and laughing at all his lame jokes…..he tried to push the images away as he scrubbed his skin, harder and harder.

xxx

            Sam returned to the motel, with the place packed up and Gabriel and Alfie quietly watching TV, eating candy.

            “Hey you two….”

Alfie jumped up and rushed over to Sam, giving him a hug. Gabriel seemed more reticent, holding back a bit.

            “You have a fun time with….. _jenna?”_

Sam raised an eyebrow at Gabriel’s snarky comment.

            “er it’s Jess……and um yeh it was ok…she didn’t know anything else….”.

            “So why did you go then?” Gabriel took another bite of candy.

Sam wasn’t quite sure what to say; he hadn’t realized that Jess was going drag him off like that. In truth it had been terrible, she’d been derogatory towards Gabriel and had pretty much suggested that they get together instead. Sam had truly never expected _that_. But clearly Gabriel had seen it coming. Before he could say anything else, Alfie was pulling at his sweater.

            “Guess what Uncle Sam”

Sam lifted Alfie up

            “What is it, Alfs?”

            “Uncle Gabe is gonna be my daddy now and um, um, so are you…..um if you want to….”

            Sam raised his eyebrow in surprise and looked over Alfie’s head to Gabriel, who was biting the edge of his nails, before he spoke:

            “um….is that ok Sam? Maybe we should…….”

            Sam interrupted “I think that’s so cool Alfie….I get to be your dad!”

Sam gave Alfie a huge hug.

            “C’mon Gabe, get over here….family hug”

Gabriel got up and put his arms around Sam and Alfie, leaning into them. This was his family. _No one_ was going to come between them.

Xxxx

Alfie had wanted to say goodbye to Hannah before they left the city. In the end, Gabriel had spoken to Hannah’s mom, who had agreed that since it was a Saturday, Alfie could come and see Hannah for a couple of hours that afternoon. Alfie hadn’t wanted to leave the room, hadn’t wanted Gabriel to go…but in the end, Sam managed to get him in the car and as soon as he saw Hannah he seemed ok. Alfie had been terrified. But he wanted to be brave. And Sam had said that Chris didn’t know where Hannah lived.

            As soon as Sam returned from dropping off Alfie, Gabriel had insisted that Sam have a rest before they drove anywhere else that day. And Sam had been only too happy to oblige, stretching out on their bed. Gabriel edged in next to him. Sam opened his arms and Gabriel immediately curled himself in around Sam, feeling Sam’s huge arms wrapping around him. He rested his head on Sam’s chest, listening to his regular heart-beat and breathing him in.

            They didn’t speak for a moment. Sam’s eyes gently shut, before he spoke

            “That’s pretty big about Alfie…huh, he gonna call us dads”

Gabriel nodded against his chest “yeh, I’m sorry, I was gonna ask you….”

            “No…it’s great….in fact I think it’s pretty awesome”

Gabriel hugged himself closet to Sam. Sam paused a moment.

            “I’m guessing you worked it out before me….but um Jess was um, well I guess she came on pretty strong with me…..I’m not interested babe…you know that, right?”

            Gabriel looked up “yeh…I know….” He sighed as he leaned his head back on Sam’s chest “ …but I don’t like it….you’re mine!”

            Sam grinned even though Gabriel couldn’t see it.

            “oh really huh….I’m yours?”

He suddenly flipped them over, so Gabriel was pinned underneath him, as Gabriel starting laughing with surprise. Sam looked into his eyes, as he got his breath back:

            “Yeh, you’re right, I’m yours”

He lent down and kissed him hard, deepening the kiss, the teeth clacked for a moment before Gabriel stopped

            “um babe….I want to…but I don’t think right now….”

Sam touched Gabriel’s face softly, before kissing Gabriel’s bruised cheek.

            “I just wanna lie here with you, right now….is that ok?”

Gabriel smiled at him slowly

            “Yeah babe…I’m good with that”.

He snuggled in beside Sam again, feeling safe and protected. No matter the events of the previous day, what Chris had done…..They’d survived. And things were going to get better.


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for continuing to read!

Gabriel snuggled in beside Sam again, feeling safe and protected.…..They’d survived. And things were going to get better.

1 day later

The sand was soft and warm beneath his feet. As he sat down, he picked up mountains of sand and then let it fall though his hands; mesmerized for a moment, by its smooth fineness. Distracted by the sound of seabirds calling each other, he looked out at the ocean, only yards away. It’s vast beautiful blue reflecting the deep blue sky, and captivating his attention. The rays of the early morning sun reaching out across the sky, bringing warmth with it. And all this time, the sound of the waves crashed against the shore - regular and rhythmic. The froth from each wave bubbling and fizzing before another wave overtook it, crashing again against the shore. He breathed in the fresh, salty air and smiled to himself. It was more beautiful here, than he could ever have imagined. His hands went back to making sand mountains, cupping them in his palms and then watching them fall between his hands, back onto the sand. He felt alone on the beach, even his thoughts seemed absent. But instead of inspiring fear, all he felt was peace, as he felt himself almost expand into the space.

He got up slowly and walked down the water. His feet were bare and his trousers pulled up. He stepped a toe into the cool, frothing water. And then unexpectedly another wave came from nowhere, crashing higher onto his legs. He squealed loudly and ran back, laughing. And when he caught his breath, he looked again out toward the ocean, far out toward the horizon; it’s line clear against the sky, perhaps showing the edge of the world. He stood staring. And for a moment, he felt in awe of the beauty of this place.

And then all his ugly memories returned, a cruel juxtaposition to the beauty of this place. IT WASN’T FAIR. IT WASN’T FAIR. Everything he’d been through; put others through. WHY COULDN’T HE JUST FORGET? He could feel himself kneeling into the sand; could feel the anger inside him. And then suddenly all he could feel was the rage burning through his veins and then his fists pounding the sand; over and over. Before suddenly he felt himself take off, running down the beach, as fast as he could. He couldn’t breathe but still he ran faster and faster. The sand made firm by the water, hard against his feet. He could hear someone shouting his name. But still he ran, until he could run no more. And he collapsed onto the beach, breathing heavy. And then he felt himself being pulled into someone’s arms; their smell familiar and reassuring; their bigger body, strong and firm.

“It’s ok, Gabriel, it’s ok”.

xxx

1 day earlier…..

Gabriel and Sam had lain together, quietly on the bed, in the motel room, occasionally staring back at each other and kissing. Gabriel had hugged close into Sam, feeling warm and safe. However, their peace had been broken by a knock at the door.

It was Miss Barnes, from social care. She’d heard about the ‘kidnapping’ the previous day – had been trying to get hold of them on the phone but with no luck. In the end, she’d made an emergency visit to the motel on a _Saturday_. She was _highly concerned._ Gabriel had grimaced when Sam had opened the door. The only good thing about her visit, was that Alfie was at Hannah’s.

Miss Barnes had perched awkwardly on Alfie’s bed and reported her worries about Sam and Gabriel’s capacity to keep Alfie safe. She was also still _concerned_ regarding Alfie’s continued living situation in the motel. Gabriel hadn’t said much in the meeting, staring morosely at the floor. He hated social care involvement. But Sam had smoothed things over – told her that they were moving out of the city _as soon as possible_. He told her that they were moving back to his home-town, to stay with his Uncle Bobby, in his _huge_ house. Of course at the time, Sam had no intention of moving his family there, but knew Miss Barnes would only be further _concerned_ if she did not have a forwarding address for them. In the end, she left satisfied, but reiterated the importance of providing a ‘safe base’ for Alfie. She also commented briefly about Gabriel’s weight. Gabriel had shifted uncomfortably, secretly angry that she’d felt the need to comment on his body.

After she’d left, Sam had just hugged him close. Later he’d made him a snack and watched in concern, as Gabriel picked at the salad leaves in the sandwich. Sam didn’t say anything about it though, instead he’d said:

“I wanna get of here, now babe….. _we_ can’t stay here for a moment longer…..I’m _scared”._

Gabriel had taken his hand and kissed it, before slowly nodding

“Yeah, let’s do it”.

            Of course, the doctor still hadn’t called with the STD results. But Sam was desperate to leave. He reasoned, they could always get the doctor to forward the results on to their next doctor or even give them over the phone. Or worst case scenario, they could always return briefly to get them.

Once they’d decided to leave, and before Alfie had returned from Hannah’s, they both had packed up all their belongings into Sam’s car. Sam had done a final sweep of the room before returning the motel key to the landlord. He found Gabriel in his car and kissed him;

            “This is it! We’re finally gonna be free of this place….it’s a whole new life!”

Gabriel had smiled, before suddenly looking sad

            “I want to go, I really do….it’s just Anna…..”

Sam lent back in his seat and sighed. He knew Gabriel was still attached to the idea that Anna may one day return. He personally wondered whether Anna was still alive – surely she would have contacted Gabriel and _her son,_ if she was? But Sam didn’t think Gabriel would be able to hear that right now.

“Babe, we can’t stay you know that, we just can’t…. “ Sam paused “but, if you give me a description of her, then maybe I can get Jess to put out an alert, maybe get Jess to give the description to people in your old apartment building too….if she turns up, sure someone’ll let us know…”

Sam rubbed Gabriel’s knee gently.

“C’mon babe…..”

Gabriel nodded his head gently “ok”.

Xxx

            After that, they’d picked up Alfie, who was infinitely relieved. He’d enjoyed seeing Hannah, but really he just needed to be with his parents right now. He needed to feel safe. He’d given Gabriel a huge hug when he met him at the car and then refused to be put down. He wasn’t trying to be difficult, but it was all too much – relief at seeing his dads and escaping the city, his fear of being taken again, his upset at saying goodbye to Hannah - he didn’t quite know what to do with all his feelings. So he clung onto what made sense; his daddy Gabe. In the end, Gabriel had managed to prize him off and get him into the back seat, with the promise of candy. Alfie clung onto his bear as Hannah waved goodbye. He wondered if he’d ever see her again.

            The sky was getting dark as they left the city, the dark orange sun sinking into the ground, leaving black shadows in its wake. Alfie’s head lolled forward as he drifted into sleep. Images of monsters crept into his dreams and he sat bolt upright. The high-rise buildings and apartment blocks rushing past. His dads were talking quietly to each other in the front seats, before daddy Sam looked back and smiled, unaware of Alfie’s nightmares;

            “you want to stop for pizza, bud?”

xxx

            After dinner, they’d driven long into the night. Alfie had fallen back to sleep, wrestling the monsters in his dreams. He didn’t even wake when the car rolled to a stop, nor did he wake to the sound of the ocean or the feel of the cool night air, when Sam opened the car door and gently lifted him out of his seat. He didn’t even stir when Sam carried him into the little air b&b cottage and rolled him into bed. Gabriel wasn’t far behind Sam. He gently removed Alfie’s clothes and dressed him in his pajamas. Alfie roused slightly but let his dad dress him for bed. Gabriel gently pulled the blankets around his son. For a moment, both he and Sam both watched him sleep before kissing him good night.

          It was late. So Sam and Gabriel didn’t spend too much time taking their stuff out of the car. Besides they were staying in a sleepy seaside town. They didn’t think thieves would break into the car over night. Gabriel wandered into the little kitchen and turned the kettle on. He curled up into the big armchair; that was positioned in the corner. The room was warm and cosy. He couldn’t believe it. After all these years, he’d finally escaped. Chris would never find them here. He shuddered at the thought of Chris. The idea of him so strange in this safe and warm place. He wondered how long Sam wanted to stay before moving on. He wondered where they would end up. But for the moment, Gabriel didn’t care. All he wanted, was to get up early and go and see the ocean; go to the beach. He’d never been before. Suddenly life was full of exciting possibilities. And Gabriel had Sam and Alfie to share them with.

xx

Sam found Gabriel curled up on a big chair in the kitchen, his eyes closed. He grinned down at him, before leaning over and kissing him gently on the forehead. Gabriel roused slightly, groaning a little

“Hey, you want to come to bed, hun?”.

“mmmmm….”.

Sam smiled, sleepy Gabriel was so cute - He leant forward and started to lift him up. Gabriel’s legs curled around his waist, his head lolled against Sam’s shoulder. Sam cupped Gabriel’s round ass as he carried him into their bedroom. _Their bedroom._ Of course, they didn’t actually own the place, and sure it was a modest room, just big enough for the double bed and a small closet. But it still, it was the first bedroom they’d ever shared. And for Sam, that was important. He lay Gabriel gently on the bed and climbed over him

            “Gabe-y….wakey, wakey”

Gabriel mewled slightly before shaking his head

            “let me sleep you bastard” he groaned out.

But there was no real energy in his words. Sam grinned, started to kiss his neck, hands reaching under Gabriel’s t-shirt – he couldn’t resist. He wanted to wake Gabriel up and just make-out a bit, just wanted to feel close to him. Gabriel moaned a bit, he could feel Sam’s heavy body on top of him, pressing him down into the mattress – it felt good……but then somehow, as he surfaced from the edges of sleep, panic gripped him. And instead all he could feel was Chris’ on top of him, Chris holding him down, forcing him, laughing at him as he struggled…..he pushed at the strong body on top of him.

            “no!……no!….get off!…..”

Sam stopped immediately, pulled away.

            “oh god, are you ok? I’m sorry, sorry….”

Gabriel lay blinking a moment on the bed. He was fully awake now - the feeling and memory of Chris receding now but still leaving a slither of fear. But he knew, Sam wasn’t Chris. He still found it weird though - being listened to, when he said no. He stretched slightly, before opening his eyes and looking up at Sam, who was chewing his lip a bit. Gabriel took a deep breath and smiled widely.

            “I’m good, good….just um…..”

Sam reached forward and tucked some of Gabriel’s hair behind his ear.

“Sorry, Gabe, I just wanted to kiss you….but it’s ok….you wanna go to bed?…um, y’know just to sleep?”

Sam was starting to look flustered. Gabriel ignored him for a moment and sat up on his elbows and looked around the room.

            “It’s so nice, this place. And looks like we’ve got our private room…so um you wanna fuck?”

            Gabriel leant forward and rubbed Sam’s thigh suggestively. Sam just took his hand and kissed it, before getting off the bed. He started to rummage around one of the bags on the floor, looking for some sweat pants.

            “Yeah, it’s ok, Gabe…..we don’t have to do anything….I don’t expect…um after everything….. …”

            Gabriel rolled his eyes.

            “It’s fine….I’m fine now…..I want to…I was just sleepy before, but look I’m all awake now”.

            He grinned and lay back on the bed as Sam stood up, sweatpants in hand

            “It’s ok Gabe, we don’t have to rush anything”.

Sam leant forward, kissed him quickly on the forehead and then disappeared off to the bathroom. Gabriel huffed. Sam had started kissing him, woken him up and now decided that he knew best about what Gabriel wanted. It was silly, he was fine. All he wanted was to be with his boyfriend, he didn’t want some stupid memories getting in the way.

            Quickly, Gabriel pulled his t-shirt off and then pulled down his jeans and boxers. He kinda missed his panties, they always made him look pretty, sexy even. And really, he could use all the help he could get to look good. He dimmed the lighting instead. He opened the bags, found the lube and squirted some on his fingers. He lent back on the bed, opened his legs and reached forward, pressing a finger firmly inside. His head lolled back, it felt nice. But he didn’t want to stretch himself too much, didn’t want to be loose for Sam – but still, one finger was surely ok.

            Sam opened the bedroom door and was greeted with the sight of Gabriel, naked on the bed, legs open and a finger pumping into his hole, cock hard against his stomach. FUCK. Gabriel opened his eyes lazily, when Sam walked in. He grinned as he withdrew his finger slowly, and held his legs open, showing Sam his hole. Sam could feel all the blood rushing to his cock, he groaned.

            “ohhh god, Gabe…..”

            “You wanted me awake…..”

Sam knew he should wait, take it slow but his capacity for rational thought had gone off-line as soon as he’d walked into the room and seen Gabriel like _that._ He climbed over Gabriel. Nevertheless, he still managed to get his words out, still managed to say;

            “are you sure babe, that you want this….it’s ok, to wait”

Sam could feel his cock hardening even as he said those words. But he meant it, he would never force Gabe. Gabriel rolled his eyes and lent forward, kissing Sam on the mouth, licking his tongue inside. As they kissed, they fell back onto the bed

“you’re so gorgeous, so beautiful….” Sam was kissing him between adorations. “god, babe, I want you so bad, need you so bad, you make me so hard….”

Sam was kissing his face, lovingly kissing the bruise on his face, gently touching it, before kissing his jaw, his neck – sucking it with just the right pressure, deep enough to mark. His hands roving over Gabriel’s naked chest, before he was licking, and kissing and sucking Gabriel’s nipples.

            “oh god, please Sam, just fuck me, please”

Sam muffled a laugh before landing soft kisses on Gabriel’s stomach, rubbing his hands lightly along Gabriel’s sides, causing him to shiver. Oh god, he wanted to suck and lick Gabriel _everywhere._

He looked up;

            “babe….I want to eat you out…..is that ok…”

Gabriel felt dazed, he felt good, light, pulses of energy rushing around his body. A part of him was screaming at him, that he was dirty, gross, that Sam shouldn’t do that for him, that he wasn’t worth it…..but looking down at Sam’s puppy dog eyes, he looked desperate with lust, could see Sam’s hard cock straining against his pants, and somehow in that moment, the voice in his head didn’t matter.

            He nodded his head slightly, could feel his stomach jump, with nerves, anticipation, he wasn’t sure. He rolled onto his stomach, hard cock pressed between his stomach and the mattress. He’d rimmed plenty of guys before, but no one had ever done this for him. Not even his foster dad. And Michael had pretty much done _everything_ to him.

            Gabriel pushed those thoughts away. He lent around and pulled his ass cheeks apart, showing Sam his hole.

            “oh god”

Sam’s voice sounded wrecked. And Gabriel felt a shiver of power, that he could do this to Sam. Gabriel’s let go of his ass and gripped the sheet with his hands. Sam knelt down, reached forward, traced his hands over Gabriel’s ass, cupping it. Gabriel’s ass wasn’t huge but it was round and tight and Sam just wanted to hold it and play with it and bite it….and he wanted to get his face right into Gabriel’s crack, wanted to lick his tongue over Gabriel’s hole, lick inside it, taste Gabriel. Sam moaned, he’d wanted to do this _for so long._ He lent forward, kissed Gabrie’s ass check before gripping it between his teeth. Gabriel gave a slight squeak before Sam let go. He sucked his finger and then reached down to Gabriel’s hole, pushing a wet fingertip inside, feeling his entrance. He pushed a little further, there was little resistance, could feel Gabriel’s velvety insides griping his finger, he fucked his finger in a little further before pulling out slightly

            “You’re so tight, so hot….my beautiful baby”.

Gabriel moaned a bit into the mattress. And then Sam pulled his finger out and pushed his face right in between Gabriel’s cheeks. He licked over Gabriel’s hole, once, twice….before leaning in, narrowing his tongue and pushing it into Gabriel

            “ohhhhhh Sammmm…..mmmm…..more…..moree…..that feels so….. ”

            Gabriel pushed back against his tongue, it felt different, but good, _really_ good. Sam’s wet tongue kept going, pushing deeper and deeper. Gabriel tasted slightly of cherry lube, smelt musky and clean. Sam had to grip the base of his cock, just to stop from cumming. He wanted to do this _forever._ He stayed down there, eating Gabriel out, until his knees were aching. He ignored the pain, kept licking and kissing, and fucking his tongue into Gabriel’s hole until Gabriel felt like an plaint, incoherent puddle of lust…..

            “Please Sammmy…..please fuck me…..”

Gabriel didn’t care that he was begging, _really begging._ Of course as part of his previous profession, it paid to sound all needy and desperate. But this time, he meant it. He needed Sam inside him. All thoughts of anything else had simply dropped away.

            Sam lent back on his knees, taking in Gabriel’s red, wet hole. Sam licked his lips, before easing himself up and over, draping himself over Gabriel’s smaller body. Gabriel raised his head a little, trying to turn himself so he could kiss Sam. Sam just kissed the back of his neck;

            “you ok babe…..you here with me?”

            “eh? Yeah Sam, I’m here, please, babe…you gotta….I need you inside me…”

Sam kissed the back of his neck again, before jumping off him and rummaging around to look for a condom. Gabriel slowly rolled on his back. His cock was so hard, straining and leaking pre-cum. He reached down without thinking, and rubbed his hand over his cock. He wasn’t thinking about how ugly he was, or how fat he was, or how pathetic the size of his cock. Instead he was looking at Sam, completely overwhelmed with how stunning the man looked – so debauched – hair wild and lips wet and red., his face looked pink with a sheen of sweat….Gabriel part his legs again and held himself open.

            Sam looked over and swallowed

            “oh god, if you keep doing that, I’m gonna cum just from looking at you”

            Gabriel snapped his legs closed

            “you better not!!….I need you NOW….”

Sam grinned and pulled his pants off, fat hard cock standing proud. He grabbed the lube, slicked himself up before rolling on the condom.

            Sam climbed over, boxing him in. Gabriel felt safe within Sam’s strong arms. He reached down and grabbed Sam’s cock, jerked him off a bit

            “Stop babe….i’m not gonna last….”

So Gabriel reached forward and kissed his boyfriend, sloppy and wet, he could taste himself on Sam’s mouth. He gently pushed Sam’s cock toward his hole, let it rest there, while Sam started to rut into him, pressing his wet cock slowly inside. Gabriel circled his arms around Sam’s neck, arching his back

            “Sam……Sam! Sam!”

Sam pushed in again, harder this time, he looked down, could see Gabriel’s tight hole stretched around his cock, as he pushed it further inside. He was panting, wasn’t sure how long he could hold off – Gabriel’s tight, wet heat pushing him closer to the edge.

Gabriel was bearing down, trying to get more of him inside.

            “god, Gabriel, you feel so fucking good……god, I love you so much”

He was fully inside him now, he waited a moment, his balls flat against Gabriel’s ass. He looked down at his beautiful man, who simply stared up at him, before wiggling a bit in frustration

            “babe…I love you too….but please, MOVE…babe…I need…..”

            “I got you….”

Sam pulled out a bit before pushing back in, enjoying the drag of friction and heat against his cock. He pulled back again faster and pushed back in harder and faster….started to drill into Gabriel, listening closely to the moans, gasps and whimpers coming from of his boyfriends mouth. He was losing himself in ecstasy, could feel Gabriel’s nails scratching his back, deeper….before suddenly he heard a little voice:

            “Get off my daddy! You’re hurting him!”

Oh god, Alfie! And there was Alfie, crying and wailing, standing in the doorway, holding onto his teddy with one hand. Sam scrambled to pull out of Gabriel, whilst simultaneously Gabriel was pushing him off.

            “it’s ok Alfie, Sam wasn’t hurting me”. His voice sounded scratched and strained. Gabriel was trying to cover himself with the rug, while he rushed to pull on boxers, all the while trying to reassure Alfie. Sam pulled on his pants, his cock still hard. His brain couldn’t quite catch up with what had happened. Gabriel was moving next to his crying son

            “c’mon lets go get a hot drink…it’s ok, hunny…it’s ok”.

xxx

            It had taken over half an hour to calm Alfie down and convince him that Sam was just giving Gabriel a special adult hug; that Gabriel really liked it and Sam wasn’t hurting him. Sam gave them both space. He felt terrible. Alfie had told him previously that he’d heard Chris hurting Gabriel in their bedroom. It didn’t take Einstein to work out that Alfie had probably heard them both that night, and jumped to conclusions. Poor Alfie.

            When Gabriel had finally managed to settle Alfie, he crawled into bed, next to Sam.

            “I’m sorry…..about Alfie…”

Sam rolled onto his side, pulling Gabriel into his body.

            “no need to apologise babe….is he ok?”

Gabriel paused a bit “yeah I think so, I just remember what he said before, that he saw Chris and me, that he saw Chris and his friends doing _that_ to me…..it’s gross….he’s just a little kid…..I can’t bear it.....it’s all my fault…..he’s seen so much horrible stuff…i’ve messed him up and….”

            Sam pulled him in closer

“Alfie’sbeen through a lot babe, so it’s gonna take him a while to get used to how things are, but he’s a tough kid, he’ll get there, we all will….” Sam took a deep breath “does he know I wasn’t hurting you?”.

            Gabriel nodded. “yeah I think so….but I guess we’re gonna have to have a talk about y’know the birds and the bees….” He rubbed his head “I’m sorry we had to stop…”

            Sam smiled “yeh…it’s ok….”

           “I don’t think I can tonight now…..I’m sorry”

Sam shook his head and kissed Gabriel “I get it, it’s ok, don’t worry. I think we are both out of the mood now….but just so you know, you were amazing…..”

           Gabriel smiled in the darkness, before nuzzling into Sam, safe and warm. “I love you…you’re so good to me”.

            Sam held him close as they both fell asleep. But after everything that happened with Alfie, neither slept well. Sam was haunted by images of Gabriel being passed around between a gang of men and there was nothing he could do to stop it. And Gabriel’s nightmares took him back to his childhood, over and over again. Feelings of powerlessness and terror overwhelming him. He woke up crying quietly. It was early morning and he couldn’t bear to fall asleep and face his monsters again. So he slipped out of bed, dressing himself and opening the front door. He was greeted with the most beautiful place he had ever been. A stretch of empty white sand and the hugest expanse of ocean he’d ever seen. He was mesmerized. And he stepped onto the warm sand……

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will start with the beach scene.....so you'll get to find out what happens. More will happen in the next chapter, just kindof wanted to do more descriptive stuff....just playing around with it.....the image of the beach has been in my head since the beginning, so was good to finally get here!


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken SO long to write.....explanation at the end...
> 
> Also THANK YOU so much to everyone who commented, kudos, bookmarked, subscribed - you literally don't know how much it means to me!

Sam had woken up early that morning alone. At first, he’d blindly reached across the bed in the hope of finding Gabriel and pulling him in close. After several moments groping around, he quickly realised that Gabriel wasn’t there. Slowly he opened his eyes. The sunlight gently soaked through the thin blinds, bathing the room in a warm glow. Sam stretched. He wasn’t worried; just assumed Gabriel had gone to the bathroom. Memories of the night before came rolling into his mind – poor Alfie! Sam sighed - they were going to have to have a proper conversation with him later about relationships and sex. Awkward. But they’d definitely have to have that conversation….just later…..right now, Sam was knackered. He’d barely slept at all; horrible dreams about Gabriel’s past had haunted him. He wished he could just erase everything that happened. He yawned loudly – he just wanted Gabriel to come back to bed and snuggle with him before Alfie woke up. Sam’s eyes drifted shut…….

10 minutes later….

Sam woke with a start. Gabriel still wasn’t back. Sam could feel the panic rising within him before he could stop it. It was just so familiar – waking up to find Gabriel gone, to find something bad had happened. He forced himself to calm down – they were safe, miles away from the city. No one could ever find them; Chris could never find them. But despite these thoughts, Sam felt around for his pants and pulled them on. He wandered through the house, checked in Alfie’s room. The kid was snoring and muttering to himself, but seemed ok. But Gabriel was nowhere. It was like he’d just disappeared.

Sam opened the front door and stepped outside. Immediately he was greeted with the sound of gulls and the rhythmic crashing of waves. And then he saw him, a little figure standing by the ocean, long blonde hair blowing in the gentle breeze. Sam sighed in relief. He knew it was dumb to have been worried; but he couldn’t help it. Not after everything that had happened.

Sam grinned as he watched Gabriel stepping a toe into the water. Even though he was quite far away, the wind carried his squeak at the coldness of the water. All of a sudden a large wave crashed against Gabriel’s legs, causing him to scream even louder. Sam chuckled. Gabriel was ridiculously melodramatic; the water was no way that bad. Sam started to wander over, but before he could get to Gabriel – the man suddenly took off across the beach as if chased by wild dogs. Sam called his name, tried to get him to slow down, but if Gabriel heard, he ignored him. Sam started to sprint after him. Gabriel didn’t run for long, before crashing onto the sand, weeping loudly. Sam ran over, kneeling down he pulled Gabriel into a huge bear hug and kissing his hair;

“It’s ok Gabriel, it’s ok”.

He held Gabriel like that, stroking his hair gently until Gabriel started to calm; started to breath regularly.

“I’m sorry Sam….”.

Gabriel’s voice was muffled; his face buried into Sam’s chest. Sam lent down and kissed his hair.

“hey, hey….what are you sorry about?”

Gabriel pushed off his chest and wiped his eyes, looking at Sam briefly before looking away. He laughed slightly before saying:

“For being a complete fuck-up……I promise I’ll get myself together…..be the perfect boyfriend for you….”

Sam shook his head

“I don’t want the perfect boyfriend…..I just want you”.

For a moment, neither said anything before Gabriel looked over at Sam with a smile;

“you really need to work on your cheesiness……”

Sam grinned “yeah? but I know you can't get enough of it….”

And before Gabriel could do anything, Sam pulled him back into a hug before rolling him back onto the sand, with Sam above him. He reached down under Gabriel’s t-shirt and started to tickle him;

“c’mon tell me you love how cheesy I am…..”

Gabriel screamed and laughed, trying to buck Sam off.

“NO….I don’t…..arrahhhhhhhha…….ok I LOVE IT……arrhhhhh, Sam, ok I love it……”

Sam stopped then and lent over to kiss Gabriel. He was still breathing heavily but he eagerly kissed him back. Sam rolled next to him and lay on his back in the sand. Gabriel grinned over at him;

“You’re such an idiot…..”.

Sam grinned back at him, rolling onto his side, reaching forward and tucking a loose strand of hair behind Gabriel's ear:

“yeah and you love me anyway…….”.

Gabriel just rolled his eyes. They were silent for a bit before Sam spoke again:

“are you ok, Gabe?”.

Gabriel tried to give his most reassuring smile:

“yeh I’m fine, y’know me….drama queen…..it’s just the usual shit y’know….god, I’m so pathetic, I’m such a _victim_ ”.

Sam sighed. He wished Gabriel wouldn’t be so cruel to himself – he’d experienced that enough from everyone else. He wished Gabriel would just cut himself some slack – he’d been though so much; he wasn’t just going to suddenly be ok. And Sam wished, not for the first time, that he could somehow get Gabriel to understand that the abuse, the bullying, the forced prostitution and everything that had happened to him…..it didn’t mean anything about Gabriel, it didn’t mean that Gabriel was bad. But somehow Gabriel just seemed completely fixed to that idea.

“Baby…don’t say that…..you’re not pathetic…..Gabe…I just want you to be happy….I wish I could just take it all away….”.

Gabriel gripped Sam’s hand tightly:

“Sam, apart from Alfie, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me….you both make me so happy…I just feel…I just feel like I, like I don’t deserve it….”.

Sam growled. This was stupid. Of course Gabriel deserved everything. Jees, after the shit he’d been through, he deserved to never suffer again. Sam stood up abruptly and pulled Gabriel up alongside him:

“Enough! You deserve so many good things babe, and I’m gonna make sure you get it….” Gabriel looked down at the sand. Sam reached forward, and lifted his chin up “C’mon I want you to say it…..say you deserve good things…..c’mon Gabe…shout it!”

“Don’t babe” Gabriel lent away and looked back down at the sand.

“C’mon, shout it, shout ‘I, Gabriel Novak deserve the best things in life’…c’mon!”

“But……”

“C’mon….there’s no one around….”.

Gabriel sighed. This was such a dumb idea but Sam was looking at him intently and he could see he was not going to get out of this….

“Ok fine….” He looked down at the floor before speaking quietly “I Gabriel Novak deserve….um, er …look, this is stupid, can we go?”

Sam raised an eyebrow “no way!…..look, lets say it together, yeah?”

He took his hand but Gabriel pulled it away:

“I don’t want to…..I can’t….please don’t make me, please Sam….” Gabriel could feel the tears in his eyes as he looked up at Sam - his whole body felt hot and uncomfortable. He just wanted to leave.

“Hey, hey….oh god, I’m sorry babe, don’t get upset….I just, babe, I just know you deserve good things….I just want you to believe it too….... I just thought it would um y’know help…..baby…it’s ok…..”.

Sam looked so sad. Gabriel took a deep breath. It was nothing. It was just words. He could do this.

“I, DESERVE…..DESERVE…GOOD THINGS!” He blurted the words out quickly – it felt weird. But somehow he couldn’t stop.

“I DESERVE……GOOD THINGS!”

“I GABRIEL NOVAK DESERVE GOOD THINGS!”

Gabriel was shouting out the words, screaming them out to the ocean. And the more he screamed them, the more they felt real. And Sam took his hand and shouted out the words with him - tears flowing down his face, hearing his boyfriend say the words that he’d always known to be true. Gabriel’s voice finally gave out. But it didn’t matter. He felt like a weight had shifted within him. The weight wasn’t gone and he still didn’t fully believe the words – but something felt different. Somehow he felt lighter.

He took Sam’s hand “Thanks Sam....now lets go find Alfie…..”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So life massively got in the way.....won't go into all the details, but just things are tough right now! But it makes me happy to write this, so gonna keep going but over the next few months may take me longer to put chapters out - but i will never abandon this story. Thank you so much for reading it and sharing this journey with me!


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay another chapter....just um two months late.....sorry! just uni stuff massively got in the way....but it's pretty much all done now...yayyyyyy more time for writing! thanks everyone who is still hanging in there and reading this - love you guys!

A little later that morning....

Alfie woke up to the sound of music playing. He opened his eyes slowly. For a moment he was confused about where he was. This wasn’t his bedroom or the motel room – he gripped teddy tightly as his sleepy mind reminded him that daddy Sam had said they were going on an adventure, a holiday, away from everything bad that had happened. Alfie furrowed his brow as he lay looking up at the ceiling – daddy Sam had always been the best…..but last night…..Alfie swallowed. He had seen it! He had seen Sam hurting his dad. Gabriel had been squished underneath Sam and sounded like he was being hurt. Alfie wouldn’t have believed it if he hadn’t seen Sam doing that… It was horrible. Just like before, when he’d seen Chris and those other guys holding his dad down…..Alfie wanted to cry. His tummy felt all tight, like there were 1000 snakes all coiled inside and wriggling around. Of course, afterwards his daddy Gabe had told him he was ok and that Sam hadn’t hurt him. But Alfie didn’t know what to think, Gabe always said that about Chris too. But then again, Sam was nothing like Chris…Daddy Sam was always so kind and nice. How could he change? But then maybe it was Gabriel’s fault – something he had done to make Sam go crazy? Alfie’s head hurt. It was so confusing. But all he did know was that if Sam had suddenly turned into a monster, Alfie didn’t think it was safe for him and his daddy to stay anymore. Just as he was turning this idea in his head, Sam walked into the tiny room;

“hey morning buddy…..you ready to get up?”

Sam gave him a wide smile. Alfie surveyed him coldly from his top bunk, gripping teddy closely to his chest. Everything in his heart told him to give Sam a big hug and dance around the room like normal, but…..he just couldn’t be sure, couldn’t be sure that Sam really was safe…… Sam could see that something was wrong.

“Alfs….are you ok, hey what’s wrong?”

He took a step closer to the bunk, went to reach for Alfie. But Alfie just shrank against the wall. He buried his head in his teddy, but Sam still heard the muffled speech

“you hurt my daddy”.

“hey….hey….um is this er about what you….oh…er I thought Gabe told you….”.

Sam stood awkwardly by the bunk

“I….I wasn’t hurting your dad…..I promise…..”.

Alfie curled in on himself more. Sam didn’t know what to do. He just wanted to make everything ok. His heart broke at how scared Alfie looked.

“Alfie, I think you should get up and me and you and your daddy gabe are gonna have a talk about this, sort this all out….ok?”

xxxx

A little later… Alfie emerged from his bedroom, face red with tears and clutching his teddy. He found his dads sitting in the lounge. They didn’t see him initially as he stood quietly in the doorway. They were sitting together on the big beige squishy sofa, talking quietly and holding hands. His daddy Gabe didn’t have any new bruises or cuts on his face nor did he look scared or upset. In fact, he looked happy. He was smiling at Sam. All of a sudden he noticed Alfie in the doorway;

“Alfie, hunny! …..oh baby, you’re upset”

Gabriel rushed over and picked him up and carried him to the sofa, positioning him on his lap.

“I’m sorry…..I’m sorry…it’s all my fault, I didn’t explain this right…..your daddy Sam wasn’t hurting me….”.

“But I saw him!”

Alfie shot a look nervously over to Sam before looking back up at Gabriel. Sam cleared his throat;

“Oh Alfs….me and your dad were….we were…..”

Sam just didn’t know how to word this conversation. No one had ever told him how to talk about sex with a traumatised eight year old. Just then Gabriel cut in;

“Alfie, we were having sex….do you know what sex is?”

Alfie twisted his hands in Gabriel’s shirt, looking down. He had heard the word before…but he knew it was something dirty and wrong.

“ok, well sex is something adults do when they love each other very, very much…..and um it means we touch each in a um a special way….and um, and when men and women touch each other like that, they um make a baby….”.

Gabriel was floundering a bit, he was sure he was doing this all wrong. But he looked over at Sam, who was smiling at him encouragingly. Alfie sat on Gabriel’s lap for a moment, playing with the edge of his t-shirt, before quietly mumbling:

“But I saw Chris touching you and he didn’t love you…….and his friends…..”

Gabriel’s throat felt like it was closing. He just couldn’t explain to Alfie everything that Chris used to do to him. Sam spoke then:

“Alfie, you’re right….Chris hurt your daddy a lot…..and it wasn’t right that he forced him to do lots of things he didn’t want to….but that doesn’t mean that sex is always like that. If both people agree and want to touch each other, then it’s ok”.

Alfie looked very perturbed. It was all a lot to take in.

“I love your daddy very, very much Alfie and I will never hurt him….”.

Alfie looked up at Gabriel then;

“He wasn’t hurting you?”

Gabriel hugged Alfie close;

“No, Alfie…..”.

Alfie looked down for a moment. He had made a mistake! Sam wasn’t bad! He clambered over onto Sam, in the midst of tears;

“I’m sorrryyyyyyyyyyy”.

“hey…it’s ok…..”.

Sam hugged Alfie close.

xxxx

Gabriel was lying on his stomach; large purple rug sprawled out underneath him on the sand. For the first time in……a long time, Gabriel felt completely relaxed. It was such an unusual feeling for him, that it almost made him feel uncomfortable, as if it wasn’t allowable for him to relax; that something terrible was bound to follow. He pushed those thoughts away and concentrated instead on Alfie’s shouts of laughter. He wasn’t far away – he and Sam were trying to build sandcastles (although they had to make do using mugs from the cottage instead of buckets). Alfie had never been to the beach before and was completely enamored. It was so cute and seeing him so excited and happy meant everything to Gabriel. For the first time in forever, Gabriel finally felt like he was doing something right. First off, Alfie had gone paddling in the sea, explored the rock pools, collected shells and now, after a picnic on the beach, had become focused on building ‘the biggest ever sandcastle’. Gabriel had left him and Sam to it; he was exhausted…..and just wanted to lie on the beach and nap. It felt so good….when he’d been with Chris, he could never take any time just for himself. Even when he was alone, he’d always been worrying what Chris would do next; how to keep him happy….but now, everything with Sam was so different. Of course, he still wanted to keep Sam happy, but not because he feared getting hurt if he didn’t, but because he loved him. As a result, at the picnic earlier, he’d forced himself to eat the gigantic sandwich that Sam had bought him as well as crisps, fruit and chocolate. He felt sick just thinking of everything he’d eaten and his stomach was now huge, protruding with all the food. It was disgusting. Hence why he was lying on his stomach, trying to hide the bulge.

He looked over at Sam, who was now trying to help Alfie dig a moat or rather Sam was doing all the digging and Alfie was being his usual bossy self and instructing Sam on exactly how to build the moat. Gabriel smiled at them both – he was so damn lucky. Never in a million years could he have ever imagined that something this wonderful would actually ever happen to him. And that morning, when Sam had made him shout that stuff about deserving good things….it was weird; he’d never been considered the possibility he was worth anything, that he deserved good things. But Sam believed he did…so maybe it was ok, maybe he did deserve this…for everything to work out? It still felt weird allowing himself to have those thoughts…..and it was all because of Sam. He owed everything to Sam. If it hadn’t been for Sam, he’d still be back there….with Chris. And Alfie would probably been taken into care or worse……He shifted uncomfortably. He didn’t want to think of Chris’ plans to hurt Alfie ever again. Gabriel just wanted to forget everything that had happened and focus on building a proper life with his family. He desperately wanted to settle somewhere for real. He’d never had that…a proper home. Everything had always felt unstable, always on the verge of chaos. He longed for security, safety. But he wondered where they would go, what they would do…..He didn’t know how much money Sam had saved, but it would run out at some point. And it didn’t seem like Sam wanted to get back into law enforcement….and it wasn’t like Gabriel could contribute - he hadn’t got money and wasn’t much of an asset. He couldn’t even read, had been in prison, worked as a prostitute on the street and done porn. It didn’t matter what Sam said, he couldn’t deny what Gabriel had done, what he is… a stupid, dirty whore; why would anyone ever hire him?…….But they needed to sort something out….how were they going to live? And Alfie needed to go to school and they needed to contact social care – prove to them they were following the contract, looking after Alfie properly…..And just like that Gabriel was no longer feeling relaxed….all his worries starting circling in his mind, like vultures. He started to play with the edge of the rug nervously. He felt agitated – they couldn’t stay in this beach bubble – they needed to get on, get everything sorted……

Just then, he felt Sam’s hand on his shoulder, felt him settling in beside him. Sam grinned down at him before pecking him on the lips

“I’m beat…Jeess Alfie has more energy than a Duracell bunny on redbull”.

Gabriel did his best to smile, did his best to push all his worries away. He didn’t want to stress him. He felt better anyway, being close to Sam. It wasn’t long anyway before Alfie started to beg for his attention, wanted him to chase him around the beach. And for the moment as he ran after a screaming Alfie, his worries were temporarily shelved.

xxxx

Later that evening….

Sam was lying on the sofa, Gabriel was snoozing, snuggled in beside him and Alfie was curled up, fast asleep on the chair opposite. The rolling credits of a film about princesses and pixies playing on the TV signaled the end of the movie. The fire in the wood-burner gently cackled and spat. Sam stretched gently. Life was good. Sure the whole Alfie-walking-in-on-them thing the previous night had been pretty horrific and it hadn’t been the easiest of conversations the next day, but the kid seemed fine now. And in the space of the one day, Gabriel seemed to be doing great – Sam smiled at the memory of Gabriel shouting out the he deserved good things. And he been eating – Sam had gone to the shop earlier, bought loads of food from the suggested meal plans the doctor had given them. And Gabriel had eaten breakfast, lunch and dinner without complaint. Perhaps the whole eating disorder thing the doctor had diagnosed wasn’t anything. Sure Gabriel was thin and he hadn’t seemed happy about putting on weight, but it was probably all just related to him being totally stressed by his former life. And sure, Sam knew that everything that Gabriel and Alfie had gone through wasn’t going to miraculously get better but well….as long as everything was heading in the right direction, then that was fine by him. Sam gently ran through his boyfriend’s hair – god, the man was gorgeous. Earlier that day on the beach, he’d kept being distracted by Gabriel’s round little ass as he lay on his stomach in the sand. Sam had just wanted to grab it, bite it, kiss it. Clearly that hadn’t been possible then. Sam felt a jerk of arousal of the thought of fucking Gabriel right there on the beach. He smiled, hand moving from Gabriel’s hair, down his body, to lightly rest on his ass. Gabriel whimpered a bit in his sleep. Sam lent in and kissed his boyfriend softly on the lips, hoping to gently wake him. Instead Gabriel’s eyes flew open, almost instantaneously he shoved at Sam, somehow managing to knee him in the balls. Sam screamed and fell off the sofa clutching himself. Alfie woke up to see Gabriel kneeling over Sam, profusely apologizing, while Sam just moaned to himself.

“daddy…..what’s going on….you woke me up!”

Alfie’s sleepy voice sounded bleery and confused. Gabriel immediately jumped up and cuddled him close:

“nothing hunny, just your daddies being silly….c’mon, let’s get you to bed”.

xxx

After Gabriel put a sleepy Alfie to bed, he returned to find Sam, still lying on the floor in the lounge

“baby, are you ok….did I hurt you…..”.

Sam smiled weakly up at him

“yeah I don’t know babe….don’t think my dick is ever gonna work the same….fuck, your knees are hard……” .

Gabriel knelt down next to him

“I’m so sorry…..”.

Gabriel felt stupid. When he’d felt Sam kiss him like that, his sleepy mind hadn’t even processed what was happening; just had immediately responded as if he was going to be attacked…..he was so stupid. Sam’s face softened,

“Hey don’t worry……it was my fault…..”.

Gabriel curled up next to him on the floor. He didn’t speak for a moment, before he reached over and kissed Sam on the mouth, before leaning back

“so er…..you want me to kiss it better…..?”

xx

30 minutes or so later…..

Gabriel and Sam were lying enterwined on the sofa, the fire was still crackling away, as they kissed gently, Gabriel was playing with Sam’s hair. He pulled away for a moment, leaning back;

“I don’t get it, how is your hair so damn perfect?”

Sam rolled his eyes before leaning in and trying to kiss Gabriel again, while he mumbled: “It’s not perfect…..”.

Gabriel shook his head, while gently running his fingers through it:

“Nope….I disagree….it’s perfect, disgustingly perfect……look at it, it doesn’t matter how much I pull it or….”

“oW…….!” Sam groaned as Gabriel gave his hair a slighlly harder pull

“It doesn’t matter what I do…it just falls back into it’s perfect place…..”

Gabriel looked decidedly confused as Sam grinned at him

“oh I think I know of a way we can mess it up…….but y’know maybe we could er change it up….?”

Gabriel stopped his movements through Sam’s hair – was Sam suggesting that he, Gabriel should top? He swallowed, he wasn’t sure he was ready for that. And besides what was this all about – was his ass not good enough, maybe he was too loose, just like Chris had said……but then again, he didn’t want to piss Sam off…. Gabriel shifted away

“mmmm, I don’t know…..”.

Sam just smiled and kissed him on the forehead

“it’s ok…no pressure”.

Before pulling Gabriel in for a hug. They lay like that for a bit. Before Gabriel started to speak:

“babe….i’ve been thinking….it’s beautiful here, but we can’t stay forever, we’re gonna need money….and…..and….y’know what I can do…..to help…..I don’t mind….it’s for you, Alfie….I don’t mind doing it…..”.

Sam immediately pulled back,

“WHAT THE HELL GABE?”

“Babe….please you’ll wake Alfie….”.

Sam took a deep breath in

“what the hell are you talking about?”

“Look, I just thought….you know…um Sam be realistic, we need to get settled and I know you said we had enough to get by….but you can’t pay for everything….and we’re gonna need a lot of money….. we gonna need money and it’s the only way I can contribute…”.

“What? We do not need money that bad…….….there is NO WAY in hell I would ever let you do that again…. ..and what the hell, I thought you didn’t want to do that shit …..”.

Gabriel looked down. It wasn’t like he wanted to go back into prostitution. In fact the thought terrified him. But it’s all he could do. And he needed to look after his family. That’s what he did. He looked after everyone.

“Sam….it’s not a big deal, it’s just sex….it’s just a job…..and it would be safe, maybe if you sorted me out something on the internet, like a website or something……”.

It was the wrong thing to say. Sam looked like he wanted to explode. Instead he pulled away from Gabe and stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Gabriel sank back into the sofa. He knew Sam didn’t like it when he was prostituting – he knew Sam wouldn’t be happy about it. But he had thought maybe Sam would see the sense in it…… Gabriel lay on the sofa and cuddled into the rug by himself. He was so stupid…so stupid and ugly….stupid, ugly and fat…..Gabriel could feel the urge to eat candy begin to overwhelm him….he needed it, he really needed it……but before he could do anything about it, Sam walked back into the room. He still looked pissed off. But a little less so than a couple of minutes ago. He knelt down in front of Gabriel. Gabriel just looked down.

“Look, Gabriel….I’m sorry about what I said…..but hun, it’s not ok……you’re worth more than that….” Sam paused before continuing: “you remember when I found you, that first time…..those guys chucked you on the street, like you were just a piece of trash…..and then that last time, you were off your head, and that guy was raping you….I will never let you be put in that sort of danger….just the thought of it…makes me sick to my stomach”

Gabriel fiddled with his hands “I’m sorry baby….I’m sorry, I know I’m gross … …..”

Sam shook his head “you don’t disgust me…don’t ever think that! Those fucking guys disgust me….”. Sam could feel tears threatening, his throat choking…..

Gabriel gripped his hands suddenly:

“I’m sorry….I’m stupid…..I didn’t mean to upset you…..I’m sorry…..I love you”.

Sam sighed “babe I know you love me….I just hope someday, you’ll love yourself half as much as I love you….look. babe just promise me, you won’t talk about doing that again….. ”.

Gabriel twisted away from Sam

“Look it’s not like I want to….but we need money…..”.

Sam shook his head “Yeh….I know we’re gonna need money……but um maybe I know someone who could help us…..”.

Gabriel looked at him questioningly “Who?”

Sam grimaced “my brother, Dean”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading....comments and kudos are love......would be great to hear from you!


	51. Chapter 51

The next morning.....

Gabriel stretched and yawned, his eyes flicking and adjusting to the light beaming through the blinds. He could just about make out Alfie’s excited screeching from the kitchen along with Sam low voice trying to calm him down. He heard the tv being flicked on.

            “Oh MY FAVORITE SHOW”.

He heard Alfie squeal, as a merry tune about otters floated though into the bedroom. Gabriel grinned before stretching again, making a snow angel in the bed, enjoying the feel of his limbs tensing and relaxing.

            “Morning ba-……What are you doing??”

Gabriel froze mid snow angel, before looking up at Sam, who was standing in the doorway. Gabriel just grinned in response.

           “Such a wieldo Gabe….but you’re my wiedo….” Sam kissed him on the nose affectionately. Gabriel tried to grab at him and pull him down but Sam escaped his grasp.

            “Sammmmmmm…come back….”

Sam knelt down by the bed and started shuffling around in the suitcase, folding things up. Gabriel rolled onto his side, reaching out to stroke Sam’s glossy, perfect hair. Sam was doing his best to ignore him, attempting to focus all his attention on ensuring his t-shirts were folded _exactly._ Gabriel huffed, not used to being ignored. He rolled off the bed to stand behind Sam’s kneeling form. He lent over him and started kissing his neck, slowly licking and nibbling;

            “oh my god, Gabriel…..stop…..oh my god….that feels _good_ ….”

Sam dropped the t-shirt and lent back into Gabriel, giving him full access to his neck. Gabriel started moving up, started kissing his mouth, his face….Sam suddenly growled and stood up, grabbing Gabriel and throwing him onto the bed

            “is this what you want huh......? my attention?”

Gabriel looked up at Sam; the man was _stunning;_ his skin had a tanned a deep brown after only a few hours of sunshine. The tan making his straight white teeth appear even brighter as he smiled down at him. The laughter lines at the edge of his dark brown eyes creasing slightly with his smile. Gabriel sat up and reached over and ran his hand across Sam’s broad chest, down his back and onto his ass, grabbing it before mumbling;

            “mmm…..oh yes please!”

Sam shook his head and clambered onto him

            “you little shit….I’m trying to tidy up and you just have one thing on you mind……” Sam fake grumbled as he pulled Gabriel’s t-shirt up and started to lavish it with kisses and strokes. Gabriel just groaned in response and arched up into Sam’s mouth. He made short work of Gabriel’s pants before kneeling down in front of Gabriel;

            “is it ok……if I um….suck you off?”

Sam looked up at Gabriel, all puppy dog eyes and desperation. Before Sam, Gabriel hadn’t really liked his cock being touched….it had usually involved pain and hurt – different men’s rough hands pulling it, scraping blunt nails into it…..or sucking and biting it….sometimes their touch had felt good, but even that had felt dirty, wrong. And often there was the humiliation, as different men laughed at his size….Chris had said it was so small, that it was a clit not a cock. Gabriel swallowed at the memory of those insults. But looking down at Sam, who sat so reverently between his legs, he wasn’t frightened or disgusted. He gave a quick nod and lent back, running his hands through Sam’s soft hair. Sam kissed his inner thigh before moving up, holding his cock lightly at the base before he started to lick over the tip

            “errrrrrr, oohhhhh babe”

Gabriel groaned; he had forgotton how good Sam was at this. Sam continued to tease him, licking and suckling at the tip as his fist stroked Gabriel’s cock. Gabriel arched up into Sam’s mouth, willing him to take more in. And then Sam did, taking his whole length. Gabriel eyes bulged as he fought to keep the scream in. His cock surrounded by Sam’s wet, hot mouth. It felt so _good_. And then Sam was withdrawing, pulling back, greedily licking and sucking and then licking over his cock and balls before swallowing him down again; his hands playing gently with his balls. Gabriel literally felt like he was on the edge; his whole body hot, sweaty and pulsing with desire. It didn’t take much before he knew he wasn’t going to last, – before he was mumbling out

            “Sammmmy…I’m gonnna, gonna…..ohhhhhhh”

He came into Sam’s mouth, holding onto Sam’s hair tightly as he lay on the bed catching his breath. Sam licking gently over his sensitive cock and balls, before pulling off him and kissing up the length of his body before getting to his mouth.

            “mmmmm, Sam….that was…… _wonderful”._

Sam grinned down at him as he ran his finger across Gabriel’s cheek, leaning in to kiss him. Gabriel could taste his salty release on Sam’s tongue, but he didn’t care – it was _hot._

“God, I love sucking you off….babe….. your cock is so gorgeous…..”

Gabriel was pretty sure that Sam must be lying about that…but then again he seemed genuine……Gabriel reached down, could feel Sam was hard, his cock straining behind his pants. He really _had_ meant it…it was very confusing to Gabriel. He rubbed his hand again over Sam’s cock as he moaned…..

            “mmm babe….”

Sam lent down and they kissed again, wet and sloppy and salty as he Gabriel’s hand dipped into Sam’s pants; could feel Sam’s smooth, hard cock – the head weeping with pre-cum. He was caught for a moment with a desperate desire to have it inside him but he could already feel that Sam was near the edge. The angle was a bit awkward but he managed to find a rhythm as Sam buried his head into his neck and humped upwards into his fist.

            “eerrrrr………”

He released over Gabriel’s hand and slumped down, bracing his full weight onto Gabriel’s body. Gabriel wiggled about until he could breath easily, but found that he liked Sam’s heavy body on top of his. It made him feel _safe._ Sam lay there for a bit, panting a bit before rolling off Gabriel and staring up at the ceiling

            “my mind has gone blank…what the fuck was I doing before you started pestering me……?”

            “Pestering you…ha! But really what am I supposed to do?......I can’t help it if you come in here, looking like a sex god…….”

            Sam looked over at Gabriel, one eyebrow raised

            “a sex god?”

Before Gabriel could reply, Sam’s phone beeped. He lent over to check it, his face going from a grin to a grimace as he read it. Gabriel was almost too nervous to ask, but Sam spoke before Gabriel needed to;

            “It’s Dean……I texted him last night after we spoke…got my Uncle Bobby to forward me his number…..”. His voice was gruff and quiet.

Gabriel held his breath, waiting to hear more as Sam continued;

            “I didn’t ask him if we could stay….just said that I wanted to see him again”.

            “Oh my god, Sam….what did he reply?”

            Sam looked down at the text and started to read it out:

“ _Wow Sam, it’s so good to hear from you…..I’ve tried so many times to contact you but could never get through….I guess you didn’t want to hear from me….but I’m so glad it seems like you have changed your mind….I would love to meet up. Where? When? I’m free whenever…..I really hope we can meet soon, I’ve missed you Sammy”._

Sam pursed his lips “he is _still_ calling me Sammy”.

Gabriel rolled his eyes “I don’t think that’s a point……”. But he got it; he understood; knew that Sam was trying to focus on the stupid stuff so he didn’t have to think about everything else; finally seeing Dean after almost ten years, after everything that had happened……

            “it doesn’t sound like him either…..he sounds….I don’t know…. _emotional”._

Gabriel shrugged

“people change, Sam”.

They sat quietly for a bit, could still hear the loud TV programme that Alfie was watching.

            “So what do you want to do…..do you want to go and meet with him….”

Sam nodded slowly but didn’t speak for a bit, just reached out and held Gabriel’s hand.

            “My uncle bobby still lives in the same town as Dean and Cas, said we could stay with him for a couple of nights….but we can’t crash there for long coz there isn’t much room….but Dean and Cas own the farmhouse just outside town….if things go ok, they could potentially put us up until we sort ourselves out…..until I get a job…..but god, Gabe….I haven’t seen the guy for 10 years, he probably isn’t going to want us in his house….and Gabe…how am I’m gonna explain everything….what I’ve done…..the fucked up things I’ve done….”

           Gabriel could tell Sam was almost on the edge of tears, he reached over and drew Sam in for a long hug. Sam bowed his head and lent it against Gabriel’s chest

            “It’ll be ok Sam…..Dean sounds like he really cares about you, he said he missed you…..i don’t think he will care about the drugs or anything….I think he will just want to see his little brother”.

            Sam took a couple of deep breaths before reaching up and kissing Gabriel.

            “Thanks baby…I couldn’t have done this without you”.

Sam grabbed his phone and started to tap a message back to Dean. Gabriel crawled off the bed, fishing his pants from off the floor, where Sam had dropped them. He wandered out into cottage, to look for Alfie. He found him curled up on the sofa engrossed in a rather surreal looking cartoon about otters who live in an underwater city.

            “Hey Alfster……”

            “Morning Daddy!”

Alfie crawled into Gabriel’s lap and gave him a hug. Gabriel sighed. He was so _lucky._

Xxxx

Sam continued to tap the message to Dean. He knew he should probably call him, but he was too nervous. So instead he wrote a text back, saying to Dean that he would be staying with Uncle Bobby for a couple of nights this week but that they could meet for coffee. He hadn’t mentioned Gabriel or Alfie; he figured he could tell Dean all about them when he saw him. It was a bit much to go into over text. Almost immediately he got a text back saying that Sam was very welcome to come and stay with him and Cas, _if that was ok._ Sam stared at the phone….he just wasn’t sure. Besides, what if Dean didn’t want him to stay or they got into an argument? After some deliberation, he wrote a text back thanking Dean but would prefer to just meet for a coffee. Sam thought that if things went well, then he could ask Dean if his family could stay. Sam just couldn’t ask for Dean’s help straight off like that; not after he hadn’t seen the guy for 10 years. He wasn’t sure if the text sounded standoffish, but damn it, he wasn’t sure how to do the whole reconciliation thing. Whenever relationships ended for Sam, that was usually it. Dean’s reply was somewhat slower, but still positive when it came. They arranged to meet in a couple of days time, at the ‘Hot Coffee cafe’, on the main street. Sam knew it well.

Sam lent back on the bed…..

            “So……..”

Gabriel was standing in the doorway, Alfie clinging to his neck. Sam smiled weakly, before realizing he had to make more of an effort for Alfie;

            “Guess what Alfs? We’re going to my hometown….you’re going to meet my brother!”

           Alfie’s blue eyes grew wide

            “ohhh…..do you think he will like me?”

Sam smiled “Of course Alfie…..”

            Alfie slipped off Gabriel and sat next to Sam on the bed

            “um…really??.....even though my clothes are dumb……and….”

Gabriel knelt down by Alfie

            “What’s all this??’

Alfie swallowed “That’s what Adam, the boy at school said…..he said no one liked me coz I’m ugly and my clothes are smelly and from a thrift shop”.

Alfie looked down at his hands while Gabriel tried to hold off the wave of guilt that swept over him. Sam lent over and kissed Alfie on the forehead;

            “First of all, Alfie, you are most the cutest kid I ever met…..definitely not ugly….and second of all….Dean will like you whatever you are wearing…..and his partner Cas, won’t care either…..people that matter never do, Alfie……but um, how about we go to the town and buy you a new shirt?”

            Alfie looked at him with a big smile “YES!!”

            He started to jump onto the bed, bouncing around

            “ALFIE NOVAK!”

Gabriel tried to swot him but Alfie danced away      

            “Alfie!!!”

But it was too late, Alfie was running off into his room. Gabriel sighed before leaning back onto his heels

            “It’s not your fault babe….”

Gabriel sighed again “I…I don’t want to talk about this right now….I just can’t…..”

Sam nodded, he understood. He knew how hard Gabriel had tried.

“C’mon, lets get up and have some breakfast…..”

Sam missed Gabriel’s grimace as he headed into the kitchen; he was too busy planning everything they were going to need to do before they started the journey tomorrow…..Sam swallowed. He was going to see Dean. And Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed....next chapter; Dean and Cas!
> 
> I can't believe how big this story has got - it was never my intention. But thanks to everyone who is STILL reading!!! and as you know comments etc really motivate me......I love hearing what you think!!


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you are all having a great day. Thanks for reading!

Sam hadn’t been able to keep still since they’d driven into his old hometown that morning; 15 hours driving with a motel stop in between – he should have been exhausted. Instead he felt weirdly alert. His right leg constantly twitching and for some reason, he couldn’t stop drumming his fingers on the stirring wheel. He barely heard Gabriel trying to make conversation or noticed Alfie’s excited squeals as he saw horses in the fields surrounding the town – instead all Sam could focus on was the past coming alive right in front of him - the subway where he’d tried his first cigarette, the first school where he ever stayed longer than a semester; the tree which he fell out of and broke his arm, the supposedly haunted house which was still falling down; even the people looked the same; happy and friendly with warm smiles……. Sam could feel his stomach clench with nerves as he gripped the steering wheel harder – trees and houses and smiling people whizzing by. This was really happening – he was really here; finally facing everything, everyone he had been running away from for so long. He felt a warm hand on his knee; Gabriel.

            “It’ll be ok…..Sam…..” Gabriel whispered quietly.

Sam tried to grin back. But he couldn’t quite do it. He turned away from Gabriel and focused on the road ahead. He didn’t need satnav to tell him where to go – though he hadn’t driven in the town for almost a decade, he found his way as if he had never left. As they turned into Bobby’s driveway, Sam literally felt like nothing had changed. The faded blue garage door was still hanging off it’s hinges, there was still an old car sitting in the grass waiting to be fixed and the wraparound veranda still looked like it could do with another lick of paint. But it was home. Suddenly Sam’s anxiety lifted. This was the only home he had known. And it just felt right, so right to be back. He grinned at his boyfriend and turning around to Alfie, he gave him a thumbs up; ‘Alfie….this is pretty much where I grew up!!”

            Alfie was already trying to open his door in his hurry to get out and explore. And then the front door was opening and Uncle Bobby was standing there and Sam felt like he was 13 again. Right back to the first time their dad had dropped them off there, effectively abandoning him and Dean. It was the best damn thing he ever did for them.

Sam had got out of the car, leaving Alfie and Gabriel still inside as he walked up the front steps, standing tall over Uncle Bobby, neither of them knowing quite what to say…before;

            ‘…oh git here – you great idjit……

and suddenly Sam found himself enveloped in an ‘Uncle Bobby’ hug. He pulled the other man close, feeling his huge stomach and the reassuring smell of woody tobacco.

By the time Bobby had released him, Gabriel had got out of the car and let Alfie out, who came bounding up, eager to meet the old man.

            He held his hand out for Bobby to shake

‘Hello, I’m Alfie….um, pleased to meet you’ (Alfie had been practicing this introduction with Gabriel in the car the day before and was very pleased with himself that he managed to say it perfectly).

            Uncle Bobby just chuckled, shook Alfie’s hand and said

            ‘Well, how do you do? and pleased to meet you too!! I’m Bobby but you can call me Uncle Bobby if you like….everyone else seems to!’

            Alfie looked a little confused before grinning up at that man. He liked him immediately. Gabriel shuffled behind Sam,

            ‘um, hi…..I’m Gabe…..’

He looked up at Bobby but couldn’t quite make eye contact. He knew Uncle Bobby was pretty much a father to Sam and he desperately wanted the man to accept him. But deep down, he was terrified of making a bad impression; of Uncle Bobby seeing exactly what sort of person he was. Gabriel stole a quick glance at Sam before continuing

‘and thanks so much for letting us stay….it’s very kind’.

Bobby just smiled, taking in the faded bruises on Gabriel’s face; the way his sweater hung off him, hiding his tiny frame. But he also saw the way Gabe gripped Sam’s hand and the adoring way Sam looked down at the smaller man standing next to him;

‘Good to meet you! and it’s no bother eh!…. I’m just glad to see old Sammy boy…..right shall we get inside….reckon Ellen might have prepared a breakfast feast for at least 100 people in there…..’

            ‘OH YES! I’M STAVING!’ Alfie rushed inside before Gabriel could say anything about manners…….

XXxx

            Sam had showered and shaved and actually combed his hair (an extremely rare occurrence) before tying half of it into a bun on top of his head. He surveyed himself in the tiny mirror in the bathroom and wondered what the hell Dean was gonna think of him.

Outside the bathroom, he could hear Ellen - Uncle Bobby’s new girlfriend (although Sam had raised an eyebrow at the idea their relationship was _new_ ) in the room opposite, showing Alfie his bedroom (Dean’s old room). Apparently Alfie had a lot of questions about his new abode, all of which Ellen was heroically answering. Sam grinned at Alfie’s questions - before pulling his hair out and redoing it. Damn it! Why the hell did he care so much about what Dean thought of him anyway??

            Someone tapped on the bathroom door

            ‘um…you ready to go, Sam?’

It was Gabriel. Sam opened the door slowly

            ‘Well er yeh…..’ Sam really didn’t feel ready but what the hell, he had to go now…..Gabriel looked as if he’d made an effort too; tied his long hair back and was wearing the only other sweater he owned. He’d even put a touch of mascara on. Oh shit, Gabriel clearly thought he was going to come too….

‘Look um babe….I’m gonna meet up with him first, y’know by myself, guess we have a lot of catching up to do, before you guys meet….but um, thought maybe you and Alfie could go into the town, buy Alfie that shirt….you could get some stuff for you as well if you want….’

            Gabriel nodded slowly ‘ oh um of course, yeah….um thanks Sam….that’s um really kind……’ Gabriel paused a bit before continuing ‘but you sure you don’t need me to come, y’know for like moral support….’

           Sam shook his head before leaning down to kiss Gabriel on the forehead

            ‘nah! I’ll be ok! You and Alfie have a good day….and I’ll ring you later yeh…?’

            Gabriel nodded again before leaning up and adjusting Sam’s collar

            ‘you look good babe…..’

Xxxx

            Sam had thought he was early. But as he pushed open the little café door – painted bright blue and pink, he immediately saw Dean sitting in the corner, staring into a space – a large mug of something hot, steaming in front of him. All of a sudden Sam didn’t know if he could move – too many emotions flooding him – anger, hurt, sadness but mostly just love.

Dean looked older sure, but Sam could still see in him, the young man that he had been. A few more lines and grey hairs, but he was still _Dean,_ he was even still wearing the _same_ leather jacket _._ Big brother, dumbass, stupid, Dean – but the best brother, hell the best dad and the best friend he’d ever had. With a lump in his throat, somehow Sam forced his feet to walk over to Dean’s table. The café was pretty much empty – even the barristas seemed to be nowhere in sight but Dean hadn’t seemed to notice him, lost in his own world. Sam cleared his throat

            ‘er hi….’

Dean jumped at the sound of his voice, his eyes quickly travelling up to Sam’ face. He stood up abruptly out of his chair but then neither of them seemed to know quite what to do.

            ‘er….’ Dean’s voice was gravely, as if he couldn’t quite get the words out. And then Sam could feel the tears in his own eyes but he was still smiling down at his brother – and then he reached forward and hugged him, hugged his big brother. And it was like everything that happened – everything that Dean had done, everything he’d done since, all the bad shit – it just hadn’t happened or rather it had, but it didn’t matter anymore. It was just them, hugging, in a café in their hometown. And nothing else mattered. Sam hugged him close and said;

            ‘I missed you……’

And Dean just hugged him back. Before he pulled away, apparently wiping something out of his eyes.

            ‘I missed you too buddy…..’

Xxx     

Gabriel and Alfie had managed to find a couple of local clothes stores in town – the sort of places, which sold good quality, original style clothing. No brands or chains in this little town apparently.

Alfie stood in front of the mirror in the changing room, lovingly surveying his new attire. The shirt was checked and had buttons going up the front, like a proper _grown-up_ shirt. It even had a little pocket on the chest, which also buttoned up. The pants were dark blue and for once fitted perfectly. And they had that wonderful _new_ smell about them. Of course, Alfie had always tried hard not to complain when Gabriel had taken him to various thrift stores to sort through a random assortment of funny smelling clothes, which were always too big or too small. But, Alfie had always hated going - they were clothes that had been owned before and now unwanted, discarded and thrown away. Just like him. And the other kids had always laughed at his odd appearance. But now, as Alfie stood in front of the mirror, he felt _good._ He smoothed down the shirt. He was certain he would never take it off, not as long as he lived!

            Gabriel waited patiently for Alfie to stop admiring his new shirt. His thoughts drifted to Sam. He wondered how things were going. He hoped he was ok – that the meeting wasn’t too upsetting, that it was at least civil. And Gabriel wondered if the brothers would make up, if Dean would offer them a place to stay. But then Gabriel realized the brothers had been estranged for a long time and even though Gabriel tried to reassure Sam about the meet up, he wondered if they would actually be able to move past the past……and what if they did? What would Dean think of him? Earlier, he hadn’t been sure what ‘Uncle Bobby’ and Ellen had thought of him; but they’d seemed nice, friendly. He wondered if Dean would be the same….He desperately wanted to impress Dean, but he had no idea how….And what of Cas – Sam’s big love? What if Sam saw him again and fell in love again? What if part of Cas still felt the same way? To be honest, Gabriel couldn’t imagine why or how anyone would ever willingly leave Sam for someone else, he was perfect. But he tried to stuff his worries down – he shouldn’t be so selfish and worry about himself, he should be worrying about Sam and how he was doing…..

            Finally, Alfie was persuaded away from the mirror with the promise of ice-cream. But before he could treat Alfie, Gabriel knew he should probably get some clothes for himself as well. The only clothing he had was the stuff Sam had bought him months ago, when he was in hospital. But whilst Gabriel knew that the clothes that Sam had got him were more than he was worth, they weren’t really smart. And he knew he needed to get stuff to make a good impression if he finally got to meet Dean and Cas. He didn’t want Dean to think that Sam was dating some ugly loser, who couldn’t be bothered to dress up. But as Gabriel lightly touched and sorted through various shirts on the stack, he couldn’t bring himself to select any. Everything looked _too nice, too lovely_ for him.

            “Commeee oonnnnn daddy, we’ve been aggggessss, please you said we could get ice-cream”.

            Alfie whined a bit, clearly bored after the initial shopping excitement.

In the end, Gabriel had just grabbed some stuff off the rack barely looking at it. He found some black shoes in the shoe section, which looked ok and shoved them in the basket and then went and paid. He felt wretched and ungrateful – Sam was spending money on him and he couldn’t even be bothered to try the stuff on. But it wasn’t really that and he knew it. Deep down, he just felt too worthless and gross; he didn’t deserve this fancy stuff. He just wanted to get the hell out of this place; with all the mirrors and expensive looking stuff and shop attendants who he was pretty sure knew _exactly_ that he didn’t belong here……

            Gabriel forced a smile at Alfie

            ‘C’mon then Alfs, reckon you deserve the biggest ice-cream going!!’          

Xxx

Later……

It was early afternoon and the air was warm and sweet. As Gabriel held Alfie’s hand, walking along the quiet street back to the house, he wondered what it would have been like to grow up here. It seemed so picturesque, so perfect. People even smiled and waved at him as he walked by their houses. It was quite the change from the cold, impersonal city, which he had come from. Gabriel knocked on the front door but no one answered, so he figured they’d just have to let themselves in. He gingerly opened the door, hoping that Uncle Bobby wouldn’t think of him as rude. As they entered the house, he could hear loud laughing coming from the kitchen. Alfie pulled off his shoes and rushed ahead, curious to know what was going on. Gabriel followed behind.

In the kitchen, he found Sam and Uncle Bobby and another man, sitting with the backs facing away from the door around the kitchen table, drinking tea and laughing and shouting insults at each other loudly. Sam was literally doubled over laughing. Clearly the meet up had gone well. Gabriel felt awkward as he stood in the kitchen doorway. Alfie had suddenly gone shy, pressed against his leg. Sam suddenly looked around and saw them standing there;

            ‘Oh wow, sorry babe, didn’t see you there…..oh wow, um Dean, I’d like you to meet my boyfriend Gabe and um our son, Alfie’.

            The man turned – Gabriel could see he was attractive, sandy blonde hair and green eyes – he instantly recognized him from Sam’s photo. He could see the man, Dean, looking him up and down, before smiling at him thinly. Gabriel could literally feel the disapproval emanate from the man. He suddenly felt very small, worthless and stupid. But in the corner of his eye, he could see Sam standing there – looking so happy that his family was together. So Gabriel plastered on his best smile and stepped forward, holding out his hand;

            ‘Wow, Dean, I’ve heard so much about you….it’s great to meet you’.

Dean took his hand like it was the last thing he wanted to do and shook it briefly. Gabriel wondered how he’d managed to fuck up their first meeting so quickly – what had he done?? Or perhaps Dean just saw him exactly as he is – just an old, ugly loser clearly not in the same league as Sam……and then he wondered what Sam had told Dean about him….surely he wouldn’t have told him _everything??_

Dean paused a moment, looking over at Sam, clearly also seeing how happy Sam looked at his two favorite men meeting. He tried to smile again at Gabriel before saying;

            ‘um yeh sure man, good to meet you…..um yeh…I guess Sam’s told me about you too….’

Dean gave him a pointed look before sitting back down again. At this point, Alfie stepped forward;

            ‘Hello…I’m Alfie…pleased to meet you….do you like my shirt? It’s new’.

Alfie held up his hand to Dean and provided him with a toothy grin. Clearly Dean wasn’t used to being around children and looked a little taken a back, before recovering and shaking Alfie’s hand.

While Dean attempted to start a conversation with Alfie, Sam lent forward to Gabriel

            ‘Babe….it’s great….the meet up went so good……you were right! We’ve worked some stuff out…..and Dean has even said we can stay with him and Cas for as long as we wait….isn’t that great??’

            Gabriel tried his best to smile at Sam, but inside his heart was hammering. What the hell had Sam told Dean about him? Why did the man seem to hate him already? Sam leaned forward, giving Gabriel a huge hug

            ‘it’s all coming together babe, we’re gonna be fine’……..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow...sorry so late....couldn't seem to write this chapter....so hard!! But was impt for Dean and Sam to finally reunite and am looking forward to writing more about this......:)  
> Also really wanted to put that shopping scene in....i know it might seem a bit random or whatever but was impt for me (I have the same difficulties Gabe has and wanted to write about it). 
> 
> Also I wonder if there is anything you want to see happening? (not promising i will write it, but just wondering if ppl's ideas fit with mine!!)


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm REALLY sorry for this chapter being so late.....[insert excuse/justification/really important reason here :].......but yeh writing is hard!!
> 
> Anyway i've started writing the next chapter..so hopefully won't be as long a wait.....

Earlier that day…..Dean and Sam coffee meet up

Dean lent forward across the table, he wanted to reach for Sam’s hand…..but well, he wasn’t not into all that mushy stuff. But he almost couldn’t stop himself, he was just that happy. He can’t stop smiling. His baby bro, little Sammy, was finally back…..and he was looking good, happy, healthy…not like the last time they saw each other….Dean swallowed. He wanted to put all that _ugliness_ behind them. He wanted to be family again.

            “So dude…..tell me…er…tell me everything!….”

Sam gives him a small smile:

            “wow” He ran his fingers though his hair “where to start I guess” He gave a short laugh “…er well I was working as a cop….undercover, I loved it for a bit and I was pretty good at it y’know…..but well um it didn’t work out…I quit….it was too much…..”

            Dean nodded his head. It sounded like there was more to that story. But for now, he was content just to now that Sam was ok. Sam continued to speak.

            “so yeh anyway….I haven’t got a job right now…not really sure what I want to do….and-”

            Before Sam could go on, Dean was interjecting

            “Don’t worry about it….stick around here….you can work for me if you want…I’ve er…well Cas and me…we’ve got a couple of businesses….he’s got the yoga school and health café and I’ve got the garage up on the hill……I take it you still know your way around an engine…..”

            Sam was amazed “Um…wow…you’ve done so well!” He paused and looked uncomfortable “but thanks Dean, that’s really nice…but you don’t have to…y’know”

Dean shook his head “what?! Honestly I’ve been looking for someone…Cas and I are drowning with everything we have on….and I’d pay you what the job’s worth, nothing more – right?”

            Sam smiled. It was a job after all and they could do with the money.

            “well, I guess you could give me a trial or something…..just to see how it would work out?”

            Dean rolled his eyes “yeh sure…whatever….but that jobs yours, I reckon”.

            “Well, thanks Dean….it means a lot……” Sam gripped Dean’s hand.

            Dean cleared his throat and looked away for a moment

“well it’s just really good seeing you…been gone too long….would be good if you could stick around for a bit”.

Sam nodded and Dean decided to plough on;

“y’know I just wanted to say, how sorry I am about er….Cas…..it was wrong and-”

            Sam cut in before Dean could finish

“It’s ok, Dean, it’s ok…you don’t have to apologise, I mean, I appreciate it….and um what you both did, was well it hurt a lot….but it was a long time ago…..it’s ok, it really is”.

He paused before continuing:

“but it’s ok now, I ‘m ok now…and I just wanted you to know…I don’t hate you for what happened with Cas…. I’m glad you’ve got each other…..I’m just real sorry, I didn’t come back earlier….”

Sam trailed off. He didn’t want to tell the truth, but he knew he had to. He took a deep breath,

“look Dean….I want to tell you what happened, but it’s not good…ok? I was real messed up for a long time, not just coz of you and Cas…..but over a load of other stuff….what Dad did….” Dean froze at the mention of their father but Sam continued to talk

“and I did some bad stuff, got with the wrong people…..it got real bad Dean….I er got pretty into drugs, um injecting well….got addicted to pretty much everything….and I couldn’t stop….and I made some bad choices, hurt a lot of people”.

Sam couldn’t look up, couldn’t face his brother. He was so ashamed, so disgusted by himself. But Dean was still holding his hand. His face had paled but he gripped tighter as he spoke

“It’s ok Sam, you’re still my brother….there ain’t nothing you could do, that could change that……I don’t care what you did….I just want to know you’re ok now”.

            Sam couldn’t continue, his voice choked as he struggled to maintain control over his tears. Dean was equally struggling to hold back his tears and tightly gripped Sam’s hand. Neither spoke for a while, before Sam broke the silence

            “um yeh I went to a really bad place but I got cleaned up… … …..and I don’t ever want to go back to that…..”

            Dean wiped his eyes “you’re a Winchester, of course you kicked that stuff, we’re made tough!”

Dean tried to smile back at his brother but inside his heart was hammering, what the hell had happened to Sam without his big brother around? Clearly Sam needed him. Dean shook his head before continuing:    

“I want you to come and stay with Cas and me for as long as you want…..”

            Sam looked up

            “you don’t-“

Dean cut him off

            “and don’t be on about that bullshit about me not having too…..I _want_ to, I want you back home, bro”.  

Sam smiled sheepishly “well er, yer see it’s not just me”.

Dean raised his eyebrows in interest

            “um….I’ve got a boyfriend, Gabriel and um, he has a nephew, Alfie, he’s only 8. And well…..I guess we’re a family….Alfie calls me dad….it’s pretty amazing actually”.

            Dean was momentarily taken aback. He hadn’t expected this, at all.

            “er well, wow…..that’s a that’s um really big deal!”

He paused, considering the situation before grinning broadly

“That’s really um great! When do I get to meet them….and I’ll check with Cas, but I reckon it will be ok to have you all….” He leaned forward and shook Sam’s shoulder a bit “I don’t care if this kid calls you dad, you’re still 12 to me!”

            Sam rolled his eyes. Dean decided to ignore this;

            “so…. how did you meet him? what’s he like…..”

It was like Dean had suddenly turned into a 14 year old girl, all interest and excitement about Sam’s love life. Sam smiled cautiously

            “Well, he lived in the same block as me….but I guess Alfie introduced us, in a way ……”

Sam was becoming serious “look, stuff with Gabriel is _complicated…._ he’s a really great dad to Alfie….but social care have been involved…”

            Dean’s face takes on a deeper tone. He still remembered when social care tried to take Sammy away; their dad was hardly a dad, drunk all the time and constantly talking about strange creatures out to kill them all. Of course, at the time, Dean had been dedicated, too loyal to his father to see his shortcomings. Couldn’t understand why social care would have concerns about their father’s parenting ability. And somehow, Dean had managed to keep Sam from ever being taken away. But, looking back on his childhood, his adolescence. He knows better now. His dad had been a grade A asshole. Without realizing, Dean curled his hands into fists. And Dean began to wonder who the hell this Gabriel was and what he had done to get involved with social care.

Sam sighed. He wasn’t sure how much to tell Dean about Gabriel, about his past. But then suddenly he felt an overwhelming urge to tell his brother _everything._ It had been so hard to deal with everything with Gabriel by himself....He just wanted to talk to someone….besides it wasn’t like Gabriel had anything to be ashamed about, it wasn’t his fault what had happened. And anyway, if social care were going to come around to the house then Dean and Cas needed to know about what had happened….

Unaware that Dean had become tense, Sam started to try and find the words to explain;

“god, Dean it’s been awful in so many ways….Gabe was with this real bad dude before me….he was hitting him, Dean….it was so fucked up, this guy, Chris, was a fucking psycho…..and um, he was making him do sorts of shit….god, he was forcing him to sell sex, do porn…it was fucking bad….and Gabe couldn’t get away from him, he was terrified of him…and then social care found out about his work and the violence and it got pretty messed up….”

Sam stopped himself suddenly realizing he may have over-shared. But Dean didn’t seem to look upset or disgusted. Sam took a breath and started again “but anyway we fell in love….and well it’s a long story…..but yeh Dean, Gabe is just the most amazing guy, he’s been through so much, but he’s still super sweet and kind and generous and loving…..”

            Dean was holding his fists under the table and trying his best to keep his face as expressionless as possible. This did not sound good. Not at all. This Gabriel sounded like an absolute nightmare….and what the hell, _crazy ex, social care involvement……porn? a sex worker?!_ Dean’s mind immediately started worrying about STIs, Sam’s health….and the likelihood that this guy would cheat on Sam or take his money…..he sounded like the complete opposite for what he would want for his little brother. But Sam was still babbling on about how _wonderful_ this guy was – Dean could see Sam was completely blinded to the reality of the situation. But Dean took a deep breath, it was ok, Sammy had his big brother to look out for him now. Sam had clearly been through a lot…..but now Dean was here, would sort everything out, send this guy packing as soon as possible. He smiled broadly at Sam;

            “C’mon, I’ll give Cas a call, reckon it would be good to get you moved in soon…..”

            Sam smiled broadly “What would I do without a brother like you?”

xxxxxx

            “But I don’t want to move _again_ … and Teddy likes it here….”

Alfie was being difficult but it was Gabriel’s job to help him pack up his stuff, despite the fact that they had only arrived the day before. It had been decided yesterday after Sam and Dean’s reunion, that they would stay at Uncle Bobby’s for the night and then move over to Cas and Dean’s the next day. But Gabriel was very much with Alfie, he didn’t want to move either but he couldn’t tell Alfie that.

            “C’mon Alfs….I can’t do it all…and it’s going to be super fun at Cas and Dean’s…you’ll get your own room and um….did you know they own horse? Maybe you can have a ride?”

            Alfie went from defiant to contemplative;

            “A horse? Mmm…Hannah likes horses…maybe I could get her to come for the holidays….”

            Gabriel nodded slightly. He wasn’t really sure that was possible but right now he would say anything to get Alfie to pack his stuff up and get excited about the move. It seemed to do the trick as Alfie started rushing about collecting up his toys. Gabriel sighed with relief. He had enough on his mind without an Alfie tantrum…..

Gabriel’s minds turned to his worries. He was increasingly anxious about how Sam would feel about Cas….they hadn’t met up with Cas yet, apparently he’d been too busy working all day yesterday. Sam had told him that Cas was a yoga teacher and some sort of health guru. Gabriel could only imagine him as a kind of beautiful spiritual hippie dude who could not only bend himself into a pretzel but also _liked_ vegetables - he sounded _exactly_ the sort of guy that Sam would go for. Not that Gabriel actually thought Sam would cheat on him or try and steal Dean’s boyfriend……he _knew_ Sam wasn’t like that….but still he worried that seeing Cas, would only make Sam realize everything he was missing out with Gabe….would make him realize that Gabe wasn’t all that great…..

And then of course there was DEAN. Dean’s response to him had not been good. At first he thought maybe he was just paranoid. But then Sam had told him the evening before that he had told Dean pretty much _everything….._

_Flashback to the previous evening……_

_“you did WHAT?”_

Gabriel couldn’t believe his ears…..Sam and he were getting ready for bed at Uncle Bobby’s house when he told him – told him that told DEAN about both their pasts…..apparently Sam didn’t think this would be a problem….

            “oh babe, don’t be like that….Dean wasn’t bothered, he’s not judgmental like that….and it wasn’t like I went into details or anything….”

            Gabriel was FURIOUS! How dare he?! He’d completely betrayed his trust and what was worse, he didn’t seem to think that he’d done anything wrong. Gabriel wanted to yell and shout at Sam. But of course they were in a strangers house and there was no way he could raise his voice. Besides he wasn’t used to being to argue with his lover; anytime that happened with Chris, it ended with a fist. So he turned away from Sam and stood by the window with his arms crossed. Sam was still babbling on;

“c’mon Gabe…it’s nothing to be ashamed of and I think it’s important to be honest if we’re gonna live there…y’know if social care are going to come around or whatever….anyway it felt good…y’know to talk about it….”

            Sam came up behind him, tried to touch his shoulder but Gabriel shugged it off

            “Well I’m so glad it made you feel better” Gabriel spat out “but now Dean fucking hates me….”

            He bit his lip….shit! he hadn’t meant to say that. He didn’t want to cause arguments between the brothers. But to his surprise, Sam just rolled his eyes and said;

“He does not hate you! What made you think that??!”

Gabriel felt small and stupid. Sam was making out that he was a complete idiot, but he knew how Dean had looked at him, like he was some ugly bug that needed to be squashed. But he could see that Sam was not on the same page…..god, the guy could be such a _naive dick_ sometimes. Sam just didn’t get it - most people weren’t like Sam, most people were judgmental toward prostitutes _;_ were judgmental to people _who didn’t just leave_ their abusive boyfriends, especially when they had a kid…..And Gabriel had just wanted to start fresh; just wanted, _for once,_ not to be judged; wanted to be liked, _to be accepted…._ but now Sam had told Dean that he was some pathetic victim, some disgusting whore - that was NEVER going to happen. And really, Gabe didn’t blame Dean – no one in their right mind who knew the truth about him would want their brother to go out with him.

Gabriel sighed.

            “I don’t know why he thought he hated me…..it doesn’t matter….I’m just being stupid”.

Sam softened next to him;

            “aw baby don’t say that…..Dean is always funny with new people…deep down he’s pretty shy really….if you thought he was being rude or whatever it was probably just that…..honestly I really don’t think Dean wouldn’t care about you old job….y’know I told him about my drug addiction and he wasn’t angry, wasn’t disgusted….”.

            Gabriel lent his forehead on the window. All the anger seemed to have left him….he just felt so tired. Sam started to kneed his shoulders gently and then began to run on and on about how great Dean was and how there was no way that Dean would judge Gabriel for his past and that besides, Gabriel had nothing to be ashamed of. Blah blah blah. Gabriel didn’t believe that for one second….

            Sam turned Gabriel to face him;

            “I’m sorry ok, if I said stuff you didn’t want me to….I’m sorry I upset you…Please baby, don’t be mad…..”.

            He drew Gabriel in for a hug. Gabriel let him – but he still wasn’t happy. It felt like all his hopes had been smashed on the floor. But instead he just nodded, what more could he do? Most of his secrets seemed to be out now….that bell couldn’t be unrung. Besides Sam hadn’t really done anything wrong…other than be a _overly trusting idiot…_ and then the thought struck him - what would Dean do? Would he try and break them up? He couldn’t help himself, he huddled in closer to Sam, needing the reassuring touch of his boyfriend. Sam hugged him close, thinking that the ‘fight’ had been forgotten. He lent down and kissed him, just a peck on the lips but then pressed his lips firmer against Gabriel’s, slipping his tongue inside. Gabriel greedily kissed him back. **There was no damn way that Dean was going to take Sam away from him.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmm...so Sam's an idiot....and Gabriel, despite his despair that other people are so judgemental of him...doesn't seem to realise that he is pretty damn judgemental of himself.
> 
> Sorry this chapter didn't move things on as much as I would have liked....but just enjoying building up the tension between Gabe and Dean....


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY for this being super late.....life events got in the way (some good, some bad, some shit...y'know)....and it's so hard to get back into writing again...but I gave it a shot....and I have some ideas I need to get into this story before it's done - i never intended it to go on this long but it won't seem to let me go....
> 
> thank you for reading - it means a lot.

_The morning after the move into Dean and Cas’ house_

Gabriel was brushing his teeth, watching the water spiral down into the plughole and doing his best not to meet his own gaze in the mirror. He didn’t need to look at the ugly loser who would be staring back at him. They had been in Dean and Cas’ house for approximately 24 hours and Gabriel just didn’t know how the hell he was going to manage it…..

_Flashback to the previous morning_

            Dean had driven over to give them a hand with packing. He didn’t seem to understand that they literally only had two suitcases and a couple of bags. When he finally realized, how little they owned – he gripped Sam into a tight hug and muttered something about family taking care of each other. Sam had told Gabe then about the job offer and that he was going to take Dean up on it. Gabriel had been all smiles and excitement. On the one hand he knew they needed the money but on the other….well, the fact that every time Dean was in the room with Sam and Gabe, he tried to stand between them, well that was enough for Gabe to understand that Dean absolutely did not want him around or anywhere near his brother…..And then he had met Cas.

            Cas was _stunning,_ there was no other way of saying it....It wasn’t that Gabriel was attracted to Cas…..but he could see the appeal, could see how people could instantly fall under his spell and in love with him a moment after meeting him…..the guy was all graceful lines and measured movements, dark curls framed intense blue eyes. He gave off a sense of mystery, as if he knew a secret that he had not yet decided to share….and there was a charisma there, a gentle light within him that seemed to glow and draw all those around him. But as for Castiel, the guy seemed completely unaware of his appeal, he even blushed whenever Dean reached for his hand. But aware or not, the man was supermodel material…but instead of being on a catwalk, Castiel was in the kitchen of his home, smiling nervously. Unconsciously Gabriel had gripped Sam’s hand tighter. Perhaps Dean shared Gabriel’s worries, as he looped his arm, a little too causally, around Cas’ waist pulling him in. If Cas was pissed off this action, he didn’t show it, gently moving away from Dean. He seemed unsure how to greet Sam, but in the end, opted for a hug. He extended his hand to Gabriel

            “I’m so glad, you are both here….”

His voice was the perfect tone: gravelly and intense – Gabriel concluded that if sex could speak then it would sound like Castiel.

            “oh and who’s this?”

Alfie stepped forward behind Gabriel, smiling.

            “I’m Alfie and I’m 8”.

            “Well, Alfie’s who is 8….I’m very glad you are here too….”

Castiel had clearly not known what to say then – he seemed self-conscious, he twisted his perfect hands around and looked down at the floor. Dean had taken over then and showed them around. Castiel had floated behind them, like some sort of ethereal being. The house itself was modest but beautiful, it smelt slightly of Sandlewood from the burning incense. It was light, airy and clean – it was all pretty zen. Sam and Gabriel’s room was down the hall from Dean and Cas. It wasn’t all that big, but it was decorated very tastefully in white and aqua blue; freshly cut flowers were even standing on the vanity. Alfie had the attic room. Somehow Castiel had already managed to procure some toys, books and dvds. Gabriel had grimaced. Castiel was _perfect, literally perfect._

            After they had unpacked – which had taken all of 15 minutes – they had spent the afternoon, in the back yard drinking Cas’ homemade lemonade. It turned out, Castiel wasn’t perfect. His lemonade definitely didn’t have enough sugar in it. It seemed that Dean had a similar view, or rather for him, Cas’ lemonade didn’t have enough beer in it. Nevertheless, Sam seemed happy to suck down several glasses of Cas’ bitter concoction. Alfie opted for juice and then ran around the yard, eager to explore. Dean and Sam rambled on about past stories. Dean seemed particularly keen to talk about Sam’ ex-girlfriends from high school and what they were doing now (apparently a couple of them were still single and living in town…..). In an effort to keep the focus off Sam’s ex-girlfriends, Gabriel had ended up talking with Cas about his work – And suddenly all the shyness and awkwardness disappeared – he spoke quietly but enthusiastically about his yoga business, his desire to help others and the value of conserving the environment – apparently he had his own bee hives, had rescued a horse from cruel owners, had spent 3 months in India learning yoga and teaching English to school children, oh and he had set up the health food store in town, not to make money but to help teach people about healthy foods .….oh yeah, _definitely perfect_. But he was also passionate and kind and selfless and gentle…. Castiel was literally a saint - Gabriel could see why both Sam and Dean had fallen in love.

Clearly, Dean was very much still in love with Castiel. He was always standing close to him, touching him whenever he could….and whenever the guy spoke, Dean smiled that bit more, a stupid expression on his face….but what about Sam? Gabriel shifted uncomfortably –.would Sam’s feelings be reignited? When he realize what he was missing out on with Gabriel – who was most definitely, _not a saint._ Gabriel had been watching Sam closely, but he didn’t seem to have fallen into Castiel’s charms – sure, he was polite, smiled and chatted to Castiel….but he didn’t flirt, didn’t seem all that interested…… and Castiel himself, well he looked at Dean like he hung the moon. Gabriel had relaxed a little….maybe he didn’t need to worry so much?

It wasn’t until the evening that it had all gone down hill….

Sam had gone out to get some food – he wanted to make a BBQ that evening; get everyone to bond over burgers (and tofu). Alfie was in his room, playing with some sort of robot toy that Castiel had given him. Gabriel was just about to step outside for a walk around when he heard voices coming from the kitchen;

            “Dean, you are being ridiculous….” He heard Castiel hiss out.

            “But Cas….why the hell did my little brother chose _him?_ Some fucked up ugly little gnome? Sam’s a good looking boy and super smart….he doesn’t need to be scraping the barrel with some washed up old _whore_ , seriously a _freaking prostitute?!_ ….it’s _disgusting_ …I mean _c’mon!_ ”.

“ _Dean! Stop!”_

“what?!....you know I’m right….I bet that little gnome is just leeching off Sam…..c’mon you know it….Sam sounds like he was in shit place, this guy took advantage…and now my brother thinks he’s in love….. _that’s_ ridiculous! You know Sam’s gonna wake up and see he’s made a huge mistake….all I’m suggesting is that we move it along a bit…..”

“Dean…I don’t want to hear anymore of this…..Gabe seems nice-“

Gabriel heard Dean groan “I swear Cas sometimes you are too sweet,,…but even you got to admit _,_ Sam can do a lot better, be with someone _better suited_ ….”

Castiel sighed “I’m not sure Dean….I guess they are an odd couple…but who knows how things like this work…..and it’s their choice”

“NO! Sam is my responsibility and I’ll be damned if I let him threw himself away with that little gnome slut….NOT ON MY WATCH!”

Gabriel had heard enough. He pushed away from the door. His heart hurt. All those bad things he had thought about himself were bad enough but then hearing them coming from someone else, someone he had desperately wanted to impress…..He felt stupid and ugly, like he was the worst thing in the world...he could literally feel himself fall into a shame spiral…..later that evening Gabriel had barely eaten any food from the BBQ, he felt like he didn’t deserve too eat. Sam had tried to encourage him but Gabriel had just nibbled at it. Sam had whined at him about needing food but Gabriel had stuck his heels in. Sam had sighed and huffed but what could he do?

That night, Gabriel had refused to talk to Sam about it, refused to let Sam touch him…..Gabriel felt too bad inside, too disgusting. Sam had just kissed his hair, called him beautiful and told him he loved him. And he couldn't help it, he leaned into Sam's touch - but it hurt even more. Dean was right - Sam shouldn't have to scrap the barrel with someone like him. 

xxx

The next morning…..

Sam walked up behind up and hugged him from behind, breathing into his neck and kissing it;

            “morning beautiful….”.

Gabriel spat out the last of the paste

            ‘yeh right….’ He mumbled.

He tried to push back against Sam’s hold but Sam simply pushed him against the sink and held onto his wrists;

            “c’mon baby…..you smell so good, just want to kiss….you……everywhere”

Sam kissed his neck again while letting go of Gabriel’s wrists, moving his hands down to his ass, giving it a squeeze. Sam’s kisses, his words, his hands felt good. But…..Gabriel tried to push him away, Dean’s words ringing in his ears….Sam wouldn’t let him move though.

            “baby…what’s going on….you’re upset….c’mon you weren’t eating yesterday, you won’t let me touch you…”

            Gabriel didn’t know what to say, he couldn’t tell Sam the truth. It would break his heart (if he believed it).

            “oh god! Of course! baby….I know what it is….it’s those STI test results isn’t it? We supposed to get them this week…but y’know, you gotta know, babe, whatever the result, I’m here for you”. Sam held Gabriel’s hands and pressed his knuckles to his lips.

            In truth Gabriel had completely forgotten about the test results. It had slid down his long list of worries, but now thinking of them just increased his stress. He swallowed. FUCK, why were things so hard. Sam rambled on

“and oh god, the social worker and getting everything sorted with Alfie….I’m sorry it’s just been crazy seeing Dean again…but I’ll sort everything out today….don’t you worry babe…."

            Gabriel tried to smile “thanks Sam, that means a lot…”

Sam reached in for kiss, Gabriel let him. He wanted Sam so bad, he just couldn’t get it out of his head – Sam was too good for him. He didn’t want to contaminate Sam with his badness.

            Sam pulled away and stroked Gabriel’s hair

            “You’ve been through so much, but things are good now, you're safe now….I was thinking um….what do you think about those remedial classes?”

            Gabriel heart literally stopped; he wanted it so bad, _to be able to read, to be like everyone else_ …but he was terrified; terrified of being found out for being stupid.

            “Yeh that sounds really _great_ ….” Gabriel smiled. Sam wasn’t buying it.

            “I know it’s gonna be tough to learn…but I’ll help and you’re so smart, you’ll get it in no time”

            Sam smiled at him encouragingly

            “yeh I guess…..” Gabriel was less sure.

“and um….I was thinking y’know….about um…er…maybe seeing if maybe Alfie isn’t the only one who could get help from a therapist, um maybe you could too?”

            Gabriel mouth went dry. He felt an urge to run. He definitely didn’t want to see a therapist. NOT AT ALL. Of course, it would be ok for Alfie to go…no therapist could ever think badly of Alfie….but doing it himself? Exposing all his secrets, his past to some random stranger so they could tell him he was an idiot? That he deserved everything he got…..no thanks!

            Sam tensed Gabriel’s tension but ploughed on

            “I’ve got a number of a therapist….it would be good to go, get things off your chest maybe? Talk about your eating stuff?..the abuse?”

            Gabriel glared at Sam

            “there’s nothing wrong with me! I eat fine! And I don’t need to talk about anything….the past is gone away with, done! I am NOT going to therapy!”

            Gabriel pushed past Sam and stomped off. Sam sighed. That did not go well. Not that he had expected it too…..but Sam was just as stubborn as Gabriel….he would find a way!


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to ppl who comment and kudos etc - really makes my day and keeps me motivated to keep going (because I'm telling you, motivation to write is so hard!! like super hard!! i have much respect for all writers on this site!)
> 
> also apologies for any grammar mistakes - not beta'ed but will try and check though for mistakes!!

A week later……

A lot had happened over the week. Sam had managed to contact social care and after several long phone calls, a man from the local social care office had booked an appointment to come and see them the following week and assess their _progress._ That had been enough for Sam to start rushing around booking therapy sessions for Alfie, sorting out a school place for him as well as reading classes for Gabe at the local college and starting work with Dean. Sam felt like _everything was falling into place_ , _it was going to be ok._

Gabriel was secretly terrified of the reading classes but Sam had promised to help him outside the class – he didn’t feel like it was really optional, but perhaps when everyone realized what a _fucking idiot_ he was, they wouldn’t make him go anymore. But aside from that he felt ok about the social care guy coming, he figured their life was much better, more secure. However, they had yet to break the news about therapy to Alfie…Gabriel wasn’t really sure how to bring it up….but the session was coming up next week, so he was going to have to figure it out……and Sam seemed happy with his new job at the garage (even though it was with Dean)…. _ugh Dean,_ he made jokes about his hair, his clothes, his height…they weren’t really funny but anytime Sam told him to shut up, Dean just rolled his eyes and said _“Jees, I’m just joking – Gabe knows that – right?”_. And Gabriel felt compelled to laugh along but though it made him feel stupid and small. But he never said anything.

And so things bumbled along that week…..

And then they got the STI results….Gabriel had listened quietly to the woman on the phone as she read out his negative results. He was clean! He could barely believe it. Surely it was a miracle! Of course, Sam had used protection with him, but before him, well condoms hadn’t always been an option……As he passed the phone back to Sam, he felt complete relief. But when Sam got his results, he hadn’t looked quite so happy. He pursed his lips and hung up the phone. He hadn’t said anything for a moment, just walked out of the room….It turned out he had chlamydia.

They didn’t know how long he’d had it….but Sam was pretty sure. It was Ruby, a final parting gift from that _fucking bitch._ Sam hadn’t talked about it much – gone to the doctor, got the pills.

Gabriel told him he didn’t care, that it was fine, they could still have sex with protection. But Sam had barely touched him. Gabriel didn’t know what to say, tried to keep saying that it didn’t matter to him, that it was ok. He’d had the same thing several times before and at least it was curable right? What he didn’t say was how gross, how diseased it had always made him feel. He wondered if Sam felt the same way. But they didn’t talk about it.

Sam didn’t even tell anyone else – not even Dean. Which Gabriel was kind of relieved about – he knew what Dean would think – _that trashy diseased whore had given his brother an STI._ He sighed, he wished Dean had never found about his past…maybe he would have been nicer. Cas, of course was sweet and made an effort. But what with Dean’s mean jokes and Sam barely touching him, Gabriel still felt alone. He needed to feel physically close to Sam, needed the reassurance of his love. But Sam seemed cut off, distant….as if things with the chlamydia had brought back unpleasant memories, awakened old demons….

            xxxxx

The following day…..

Alfie liked his new room, he REALLY liked it!!! It was big and he had his own bed, with a batman duvet! And the room was right up in the attic, his own hidden, safe little place! He even had his own TV and toys and all his clothes hanging up in a fancy looking wooden wardrobe. And it was cosy and warm, not like the old flat he had lived in with daddy Gabe and Ch-….Alfie squished thoughts of the past away. He didn’t like to think of it; the time before daddy Sam.

He perched on a little wooden chair and looked out of his window from which he was could see the whole garden….it was dark, but there were little fairy lights hanging in the bushes and trees, making the garden look a magic grotto. Alfie hugged Teddy close and kissed his head.

“don’t worry Teddy, I think this is a good place….and we can stay here forever!”

He kissed Teddy’s head again. But Teddy still looked worried. Alfie wondered if Teddy was right to be worried – despite his reassurances, Alfie wasn’t sure that they wouldn’t move again. In the last couple of months, it seemed that he had moved an awful lot. Not that it was bad moving away from Ch-……

Well anyway Alfie just hoped that they could all stay here. And Uncle Cas was super amazing awesome (Alfie may have developed a little infatuation)…..he was so kind and cool…and always had time to speak to Alfie and seemed to be genuinely interested in exactly what Alfie thought about things…. And Uncle Cas said he could feed their horse and eat the honey that his bees had made!

Uncle Dean seemed, well he seemed nice too….he didn’t speak so much but he always smiled when Alfie spoke and wasn’t rude or angry like….. _some of the bad people Alfie had known…._ and he seemed to think very highly of daddy Sam, which must mean that he was ok and he had a super cool car – but well there was something about Uncle Dean that wasn’t quite right, maybe it was that he always making jokes about daddy Gabe which weren’t that funny really.

Alfie sighed. But he just hoped they could stay. It was just that, well….daddy Gabe hadn’t seemed all that happy this week – Alfie could _always_ tell. He knew his dad often tried to pretend that everything was ok. Years of living with his daddy had taught him that Gabe would often smile and joke…..but Alfie had often heard him crying when he thought he was alone. And it seemed it was was no different here….the other day Daddy Sam had gone out somewhere and Alfie had found his daddy crying in their bedroom. Of course, he tried to brush it off, said he had been watching a sad movie…but the TV hadn’t even been on! Alfie wasn’t stupid! He wondered if his dads had argued, he knew daddy Sam would never hit or say nasty things….but what if they didn’t love each other? Alfie’s stomach hurt when he thought those things. He didn’t ever want his family to break up.

“Hey Alfs sweetie….time for bed – have you brushed your teeth?”

It was daddy Gabe. Alfie pushed himself deeper into the chair

            “mm yeh but it’s not bedtime yet!”

            “C’mon Alfster! Your dad Sam said he would read to you tonight….“

Gabriel walked over to the chair and picked up a squirming Alfie. “C’mon Alfie….you know it’s your bedtime! C’mon I’ll wrap you up in your duvet like a cinnamon roll….”

            Alfie squawked with laughter “NOOOOOOO! You’re silly!!! I don’t wanna be a cinnamon roll…..”

“….wow, did you have extra big dinner…you’re so heavy!” Gabriel puffed out as he lurched across the room holding a now clingy Alfie. All of sudden, Gabriel started to feel lightheaded, lights dancing in front of his eyes….and then he could feel himself falling, crashing to the floor….all he heard before he passed out was a screaming Alfie.

_A little later_

Sam had managed to carry Gabriel downstairs, while Cas had hugged an inconsolable Alfie. Gabriel hadn’t been out for long, less than a few minutes….before his eyes fluttered open but the world seemed blurry and distant.

            “Oh god, thank god you are ok darling…..what happened?”

Sam was all concern and worry. But before Gabriel could speak, Sam was working it out;

            “oh god…...I know you skipped dinner…and in fact you’ve barely been eating AT ALL….oh my god, is that it…you passed out because you’ve not been eating? Damn it Gabriel, WHAT THE HELL??”

            Gabriel flinched away from him; his brain still felt fuddled and confused and now Sam was flipping between gentle to angry, it frightened him.

            “I’m sorry”.

He managed to croak out. In truth he wasn’t that sorry. He just wanted Sam to calm down. He sat up slightly on the bed, rubbing his head. Sam slumped down next to him

            “I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t have shouted….I just, I just don’t get it…I know that doctor said you might have an eating disorder, I just didn’t-“

            “I DON’T have an eating disorder!” Gabriel was adamant “Food just doesn’t agree with me…ok”.

            Sam turned to him incredulous;

            “Food doesn’t agree with you? It doesn’t agree with you?! What are you some supernatural being that can function without food?! Because right now there is a crying eight year old upstairs, who is absolutely _inconsolable_ because you fell YET AGAIN while holding him – he thinks it’s his fault, he thinks he’s too fat….but it’s not that at all is it?? It’s because you don’t have the strength….but how can you…..when _food doesn’t agree with you_ …..I can’t BELIEVE YOU….I’ve just found out I have a fucking STI for god knows how long which probably means I CAN’T FUCKING HAVE CHILDREN…..and you- and you- my god….I don’t need this right now….I need you to eat…I need you to look after yourself because I can’t do all it for you….I can’t….”.

Sam was on the verge of tears as he ran out of the room. Gabriel fell back on the bed, Sam’s words and revelations stinging like an astringent lotion on an open wound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeh it's kind of depressing?? but i think its all gonna come to a head in the next chapter...so pls stay tuned!! 
> 
> I'm really needing some fluff in my life...so I have plans for fluff in future chapters - but y'know theres always gonna be some angst with me writing. But I promise I really think this is near to an end.....!! (i know i said that like a 100 chapters ago but i think i mean it this time!)


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Christmas to all who celebrate (and to those who don't - um happy times?!)

Sam had gone to sit outside on the swinging chair, to try and calm down; it was a warm evening and the garden was gently lit by fairy lights. If Sam hadn’t been so caught up with his thoughts, he might have been able to appreciate its beauty. He rubbed his hands though his hair, sighing as he did so; he hadn’t meant to yell at Gabriel – but he’d been so _frustrated_ – how did the guy not see that he was hurting himself ; hurting Alfie – all because he wasn’t eating right? God damn, it made him crazy watching Gabriel pick and prod at his food – he needed to eat! And Sam also knew that under the bed, Gabe kept a huge bag of sweets (that he’d got from goodness knows where). It wasn’t good - Sam wanted Gabe to eat healthily, not just binge on sweets. For a while now Sam had been trying to pretend to himself that the whole eating disorder thing was an exaggeration on the part of the doctor – seriously the guy hadn’t even properly assessed him. But, the more time he’d spent with Gabe, the more he was beginning to understand that it wasn’t just Gabe having a funny diet. He was constantly prodding himself as if he was too fat, couldn’t barely even seem to eat proper meals, and god, he was beautiful but even Sam could see, he was far too thin. Not to mention the whole passing out thing, which was damn scary. Luckily tonight, Alfie hadn’t been injured, but the situation had terrified Sam – he just wanted to scream and yell at Gabe – _make him see_ the problem. He felt so powerless. Because what if Gabe just didn’t get it? What if things didn’t change? What if he lost more weight? Passed out again….or worse?......Sam could feel the tears on the edges of his eye, he couldn’t bear the idea of Gabriel being hurt…..he just wanted to keep him safe – but the very person that he wanted to keep Gabe safe from, was Gabriel himself….

So he’d reacted angrily, yelling at Gabriel. But deep inside, he was just so scared. And Sam hadn’t known what to say, how to speak to Gabriel….just hoped that maybe if everything got settled, then things would get better….just hoped that if he kept reminding Gabriel, that things would be ok….and he’d been keeping all his worries and fears inside…so it was inevitable really that he would explode – Sam could only keep things locked up inside for so long.

And then there were the STI results, Sam took a deep breath, but it was shakey. Recently he had started to dream, to imagine – a little girl, with dark brown curls and a cheeky smile – dreaming of _their child….._ thinking that maybe they could get a surrogate…..but now it was probably impossible, that dream had gone to shit. Of course, the doctors had said there were tests to check fertility, but right now Sam couldn’t deal with more bad news….(because he just _knew_ it would be bad news) _…._ he wanted to talk to Gabe about it, but he didn’t want to put more shit on him. He wanted him to be happy, he wanted to protect him from his own upset. And more than anything he wanted to touch him, want to kiss him, bring him in close….wanted to do so much _more._ But he felt gross; the STI thing made him feel _infected._ He’d taken the medication – but what if Gabe didn’t want him to touch him…..after all Gabriel had had enough disgusting men touch him…..

Sam was lost in his thoughts, so he didn’t hear Gabriel pulling open the sliding doors

“Hey”

Sam looked down, wiping his tears away…

            “Baby…are you crying……?”

Gabriel immediately knelt in front of him on the swinging chair, reached forward to wipe the tears away, but Sam turned his face

            “it’s nothing…..”

Gabriel didn’t say anything for a moment

            “I just went in to see Alfie…. Uncle Cas is reading him a story….” Gabriel looked uncomfortable as he sat in front of Sam. He started to speak quietly;

“but you’re right….he’s not ok, he pretty shaken up….I feel like shit about what happened…..what I did…dropping him….you had every right to be angry….I shouldn’t have dropped him”.

Sam turned to look at Gabriel and started to speak

            “You didn’t mean it Gabe…it was an accident - ”

Gabriel cut him off

            “Yeh maybe….but what you said, about me passing out coz I’m not eating….I don’t know, maybe you’re right” Gabriel’s voice was so quiet, Sam had to lean forward to hear him.

             “it was…..look…..I know…sometimes, maybe I don’t eat all that much….maybe, most of the time….I’m not much to look at and um in my head….I’ve always got Chris’ voice, and Michael, my foster dad’s voice …telling me I’m gross, I’m fat….”

Gabriel looked down at his stomach, prodding it harshly

            “Michael used to say he could only sell skinny boys, fat ones don’t get paid….so…”

            “Oh god, baby” . Sam took Gabe’s hands and kissed them. He couldn’t bear hearing all the shit those monsters had put Gabriel though.

Gabriel swallowed hard, he’d never talked to anyone about this stuff before – never had anyone to tell, but Sam was listening now…..and so Gabriel started to talk more:

             “I don’t know, it’s just in my head now….I’m used to it, not being allowed to eat, having to cut back….and sometimes, I just can’t eat, I feel too gross…and um it would make me feel better for a bit if I didn’t eat, like I had some control, like I was doing something right….but then I get hungry, binge on sweets…but then I’d feel like shit….and if Michael ever found out I’d eaten sweets, or if Chris saw the wrappers – they’d have yelled, hurt me….told me I’m gross, pathetic, fat…and that’s how I felt….so I would try not to eat, try to cut back….but it just went around and around….I didn’t think, I didn’t know it would hurt Alfie or you…I didn’t mean, didn’t mean….I know you want me to eat more…and I think I kindof want to but, but….I feel huge already….it just scares me so much Sam….what if I get too big and you think I’m fat and disgusting….” Gabriel’s voice was breaking, trying to hold back his tears.

            “hey, hey….oh babe…it’s ok…..”

Sam pulled Gabriel up to sit next to him, pulled him in for a hug

           “Baby, I can promise you one thing…..and that is, that I will _never_ think you’re fat and disgusting, it just can’t happen….it’s just completely impossible” Sam kissed his forehead. Gabriel half smiled

            “I want to believe you babe but I don't know it’s just how I _feel”_

Sam nodded “….baby, I know you might find it hard to believe me but you’re not fat and I don’t care if you were…..and maybe you think I’m lying or something…but baby, I think you’ve got a problem with your eating and how you see yourself…..” Sam bit his lip for a moment before continuing “ ….I’m sorry I yelled at you earlier babe….I was just so mad…..I hate that you treat yourself like shit, and….god, Alfie, I know you didn’t mean to hurt him, but you did babe, you did…..” Sam took a deep breath “I just want you to see that you have a problem, it's not your fault…..I wish you didn’t have those bastards in your head…but you need to start fighting back….you need to eat and I can’t do that for you…..I want to take care of you…..but I can’t eat for you…..but I can help you start fighting back, fighting back against those fucking bastards in your head…..baby I’m here for you….”

Sam hugged him close, kissing his hair. Gabriel relaxed into hug and sighed gently, before speaking 

      “about therapy……”

Sam sighed “I can’t force you to go but I think it’s important….but maybe I could come with you, y’know so you’re not on your own”

Gabriel pursed his lips before nodding slightly “but I don’t want to talk about all the past with some shrink…”

Sam gripped his hand “well, maybe lets just go and see what happens….”

            Gabriel paused for a moment “ok…but only if you go with me”.

Sam nodded slowly. Inside he was jumping for joy. Gabriel was finally talking to him about the problem. He knew Gabriel was terrified but it felt good – to finally have an honest conversation about something that had been so difficult, so painful to say. And importantly, Gabriel was asking for help.

            “Thanks for telling me Gabe, thanks for talking to me about this stuff…..”

Gabriel looked up at his boyfriend, with a small smile

            “I guess thanks for letting me um talk….thanks for um thanks for being you….most people would probably just think I’m being stupid”.

Sam shook his head

             “nah babe…..nothing you say could ever be stupid…”

They didn’t say anything for moment before Gabriel cocked his head, grinning at him

          “you really mean that about not me saying anything stupid…..coz I heard you saying to Dean earlier….that you thought anyone who watched _Dr Sexy_ is a dumbass…..and well babe….that’s my favorite show”

            Sam groaned.

“Oh gawd……well maybe there are _some_ exceptions”

They both laughed. Gabriel leaned into Sam, before crawling into his lap. He wanted to get as physically close as possible. It felt good to be like this – to be open. And nestled into Sam now, breathing in his scent and resting his head against his chest, listening to Sam’s regular heart beat - everything felt right.

They both sat in peaceful silence for a moment, staring out into the garden – watching the mosquitos flying too close to the lights. Gabriel broke the silence

            “I just wanted to say….since we’re talking about um…..personal stuff….about the STI results….I guess you weren’t expecting that….and babe, I don’t know how you’re feeling….but um, I’ve had STI’s before….shocking right?” Gabriel snorted to himself. But Sam didn’t join in, didn’t laugh along, just wrapped his arms closer around Gabriel.

            “Michael gave me something when I was….anyway it wasn’t just him….and well it wasn’t anything life threatening um I got medication…”

Sam didn’t say anything – just felt a whole level of disgust and hatred for the man who had been Gabriel’s former ‘carer’. But he continued to listen to Gabriel;

            “…and well it made me feel pretty gross, like they’d left something in me, something I hadn’t known about, something I couldn’t control and it was inside me….and it made me feel….” Gabe’s breath caught in his throat a bit “really bad….just really bad about myself, that I’m dirty……and sometimes, um sometimes I still feel like that….and I guess for me, it’s not just coz of the STI’s that I’m dirty …its all the other stuff too that makes me think you shouldn’t touch me….” Gabriel suddenly realized he was getting caught up in his own feelings, and abruptly took a breath, before glancing at Sam and saying “um anyway I was just wondering, is that how you feel babe?”

Sam was horrified. Of course a lot of what Gabriel was saying made sense to him, he had felt gross, _infected, dirty…._ and hadn’t wanted to touch Gabriel because of these feelings. But hearing it out loud like that…..he could see that it wasn’t right. And hearing Gabriel say that he felt dirty because of everything that had happened to him……..it broke Sam’s heart. He pulled Gabriel in close

            “oh baby….yeh, you get it……but baby you’re not dirty…..and neither am I…..oh baby I don’t know what to say……I don’t care what’s happened in the past….it doesn’t make me think any different of you…..”

Gabriel snuggled in close to Sam. Neither of them spoke for a moment, before Gabriel said;

            “I er, I didn’t know you wanted kids….but if um Ruby’s taken that away from you, I’ll fucking….” Gabriel stopped himself and took a breath “hon, we don’t know yet if you can’t have kids or if you can….so maybe we can’t know about that yet…but we’ll deal with it yeh….whatever the results are….we’ll deal with it _together…._ ”

Sam looked down into Gabriel’s eyes, he couldn’t speak for a moment and when he did, his voice choked;

            “Thank you……thank you….for getting it….I’m sorry I’ve been an ass about it….I know it could have been so much worse, I just felt so shit…so shit about the results,…..and I didn’t want to upset you, didn’t want to put more shit on you…..”

            “It’s ok….it’s ok, but Sam I’ll always be there for you…..I know you think I’m fragile but I’m not, I can _handle_ it…..I’ll always be there for you to talk to” Gabriel paused before continuing “but right now, I don’t want to talk anymore….because, I want you to touch me…..I really want you to touch me….want you to…”

Gabriel was starting to grind on him, rubbing his ass on his cock…started to move in closer, mouthing at his neck. And then Sam was pulling at Gabriel’s hair, pulling him back and pressing a kiss to Gabriel’s mouth hard, hungry for the kiss, like a starving man. He put all his love, his need, his desire into the kiss. And Gabriel couldn’t help himself, he kissed back with equal passion. And then Sam’s hands were everywhere, in Gabe’s hair, his face, under his shirt…

            “Oh god, take me upstairs babe….please”

Sam didn’t need to be asked twice. He stood up, with Gabriel still clinging to him, wrapping his legs around Sam’s strong body;

            “C’mon babe, take me upstairs…..need you”

            “mmmmm…”

Sam crashed his lips against Gabriel’s again, his hands massaging Gabe’s ass as he carried him through the doorway and up the stairs to their room. He kicked the bedroom door shut behind them and dropped Gabe onto the bed. Gabriel scrambled to turn off the light, but Sam stopped him.

            “Nah babe…I want to see all of you”

Gabriel nodded slightly. He didn’t want Sam to see him naked, of course he knew he’d seen him before….but well _still,_ he would prefer the dark. Yet he understood Sam didn’t want him to hide away. He swallowed, as he felt Sam’s eyes on him.

            “you got any music then?”

Sam grinned, before pulling out his phone; the music started low and heavy.

Sam pulled off his own shirt and crawled onto the bed. Gabriel stared at his half naked boyfriend, the man was _freaking stunning;_ perfect abs, toned, tanned chest……he reached out and touched…could feel each muscle on his perfect chest, perfect stomach…he traced his hands upward, along his strong, thick arms, clenching his fingers around the biceps. Sam just let him touch, explore before he started getting impatient, managed to pull off Gabriel’s shirt. As he did so Gabriel pulled away….rolled off the bed, out of reach…. He felt stupid standing there in front of the bed …and the nasty critical voice in his head was screaming at him “ _you’re fat, you’re ugly, Sam is trying to hide how disgusted he is, Sam is just taking pity on you, you’re gross…you need to turn the light out now!” ._ But before he could react, Sam was kneeling in front of him;

“you’re gorgeous, so beautiful….so sexy”

And then Sam was leaning in, kissing his chest, his stomach…before his hands started to fumble with Gabe’s pants. He managed to get them open, pulled them down to Gabe’s knees

            “is this ok Gabe….are you ok…..”       

Gabriel just nodded before managing to work his pants off and then he was just stood in his boxers. Sam reached forward

            “is this ok…?”

Sam started to rub his cock through the thin material of his boxers, and god _it was good._

“mmmm,, yehhhh”

Gabriel was biting his lip. And then Sam was trying to pull his boxers down but Gabriel stopped him

            “um…..do you think….y’know that….”

Gabriel was hot with embarrassment….but he had to get it out

            “that my cock….y’know, Chris said I was um too small….that…its like a clit…that”

Sam growled

            “Chris didn’t know what he was fucking talking about”

And with that he managed to yank Gabriel’s boxers down and without warning had taken him into his mouth 

            “OH GOD”

Sam was working him hard, licking and sucking his cock like it was goddamn popsicle….moving his head up and down, taking him all the way into his mouth, down his throat….before coming back up, licking the head, slurping and sucking it. Gabriel tossed his head back, letting his hands through Sam’s hair. His cock felt divine inside Sam’s hot, wet mouth….and he rocked his hips slightly, trying to fuck his cock into Sam’s willing mouth. Sam pulled off a moment, saliva hanging from his mouth, a expression of wonder on his face as he looked up at him

            “god, I love your cock, it’s fucking perfect”

And then Sam’s talented tongue was back on his cock, running down the underside of it…..his hands touching his balls, before he moved down again, licking his balls and then taking them into his mouth

            “Sam…..oh god…..Sam….I can’t…..”

Gabriel could feel his orgasm building; knew he wasn’t going to last long…. _._ On hearing that his boyfriend was close, Sam started to suck and lick harder. Gabriel could feel the pressure was building inside him, until he couldn’t hold out any longer;

            “oh, oh, OH…”

And he was exploding into Sam’s mouth….it felt good, it felt amazing. Sam was swallowing it all, still licking his cock, like he couldn’t stop, before finally pulling off – his lips shiney and wet. Gabriel felt weak and overwhelmed and somehow found himself collapsing onto the bed, his body sweaty and smelling like sex. And Sam was on top of him, kissing his body again. Gabriel just let him – too high on his post sex bliss to be too aware of what was going on – all he knew was that he didn’t want Sam to stop touching him.

            “you ok babe?”

            “mmm…more than ok….freaking fantastic….brains….blown out”

Gabriel was panting as he spoke, somehow he was finding it hard to put the words together. Sam smiled as he pressed their lips together again. Gabriel could taste himself on Sam – salty and bitter. He surged forward – it was hot – his taste on Sam’s lips.

They made out lazily for what seemed forever. He could feel Sam’s cock hard against his body but Sam made no real move to do another, just pushed his cock against his body, fighting for friction. Gabriel used his hands to scratch down Sam’s back, before reaching down to try and undo Sam’s pants again.

            “nah, not just yet baby”

            And then Sam was leaning over him, squishing him between Sam’s hard body and the mattress; he could hear him rooting around in the bedside table drawer. A sound of bottle opening and then Sam was back, kissing him.

            “Baby….I want you….want to be inside you….god, I love you so god damn much”

            Sam was speaking between kisses, his hands wandering to lower, between Gabriel’s legs.

            “uh…hu….yeh…..but baby….” Gabriel was pulling back, god this was embarrassing (again), but he had to _know_ “um does it feel y’know good to be….be inside me, um….y’know I’ve had a lot of…..well um, but am I too _loose?”_

And there it was….all the worries about his sexual performance, the impact of his former ‘job’, all the men he’d been fucked by…..he just wanted to know if Chris had been right, whether he wasn’t worth a fuck because he was damaged, loose, broken.

            Sam cupped his face in his hands

            “You been worrying about this?”

            Gabriel nodded, his face burning red.

            “Baby….I hope you believe me when I tell you, you feel so fucking good that I wish I could be inside you all fucking night long…god, please let me….”

            Of course Sam could be lying but well….he seemed so desperate, so needy as he kissed Gabriel….and as Gabriel he let his head fall back onto the pillows, as Sam started to push a well lubed finger inside him….Chris’ brutal words started to slip away.

            Sam took his time, slowly fingering him open, whispering to him as he did so;

            “Baby, you’re so tight, so hot for me…..feel so good, can’t wait…oh god, you feel so good….”

Gabriel just lay back and let his legs fall open as Sam pushed his fingers inside him, almost touching that hot spot inside him. It was feeling so good and Gabe was so hazed from the pleasure that he barely noticed Sam leaning over him again, trying to fish something else out of the bedside table – a condom. As Sam started to rip the wrapper, Gabriel stopped him.

            “It’s ok, you can do me bear, want to feel all of you…..”

Sam groaned but shook his head

            “Soon, baby….I really want that….but not yet…not yet”.

Sam didn’t want to ruin the moment and remind Gabriel that he needed to get tested again before he got the all clear – there was no way he was putting Gabriel’s health at risk. He reached over and lubed up his cock, before rolling on the condom and rubbing more lube on (never can have enough lube). He started to lean over Gabriel, but the tricky bastard was rolling onto his stomach.

            “Want you to do me like this…”

Gabriel was getting onto his knees, beautiful ass in the air. Sam’s mouth went dry…he hadn’t had Gabriel like this…..could feel himself becoming impossibly hard and he just wanted to be inside that ass already.

            Sam lent over the back of his lover, trailing kisses into his back as he fumbled around with his cock, starting to press the fat head inside. He could hear Gabriel’s sharp inhale as he started to push in; his cock pushing past the tight ring of muscle and slowly sinking inside the tight wet heat; and he wanted more of it - could feel the lust, the want, taking over; started to push harder, till he was deeper inside, as he far he could. His hips rocked slightly as he lent back, gripping Gabriel’s narrow hips tightly. Gabriel tried to push back, impaling himself completely.

            “oh fuck….Gabe….you should see yourself…fucking sexy…..feel so good…..”

            “C’mon Sam, I need it, need you”

Sam swallowed a grin as he started to pull out and then pushed back with greater force, and again…and again….until Gabriel was moaning….his hands grabbing for his own cock, hard between his legs. And then Sam was working to find that tiny hot spot inside Gabe, pushing back up inside Gabe, balls deep…till Gabe was screaming into the pillow and Sam knew he’d found it. He was relentless, pounding his cock hard up into that spot, until with out warning, Gabriel was spilling onto the mattress underneath him. Sam still gripping Gabriel’s hips, continued to push back into him – could feel Gabe’s orgasm making him tighten around his cock – could see the man he loved with everything, moshed into the bed………his hair sweaty and messy covering his face…and Gabriel was all his….this beautiful, brave, complex man was all his….Sam pulled out and fucked back inside, drawing out a long moan from Gabe. He wanted to make it last longer but his cock had not got that message….as one long hard fuck inside and he was done, his cock pulsing inside Gabe’s ass…..and he felt like he just couldn’t stop cumming. He plastered himself against Gabriel’s back and worked his hips back and forth, his soft cock still inside Gabe. Gabriel lay beneath him, not moving, just slowly breathing, completely fucked out.

            xxxx

They lay like that for a while, Sam still inside Gabriel, not wanting to pull out. But after a while he had no choice, pulled out, threw out the condom – got some tissue, wiped himself off, wiped Gabriel. Gabriel just lay there, as Sam crawled back into his arms, before he spoke;

            “that was fucking…..amazing…. …..”

Sam grinned, before reaching up and kissing Gabriel on the lips. He crawled on top of him, continuing to kiss him

            “I meant it when I said I want to be inside you all night”

Gabriel groaned slightly “babe…..you’re too much”

            Sam grinned again, before moving down to slowly kiss Gabriel’s chest and stomach, grimacing to himself at Gabriel’s protruding ribs.

Sam stopped kissing for a moment and looked up;

            “Yeh, but aside from amazing sex….we need to start talking more….all that shit, you’ve been worried about…. about eating, about your body….y’know what Michael, what Chris said about you, it was fucking bollocks…. you need to talk to me…and all that stuff you said before about feeling dirty…..babe I know you’ve been through a lot….you’ve been hurt a lot….it makes sense you worry about stuff…..but you can’t keep it to yourself”.

            Gabriel swallowed. He knew it was going to be hard to talk more to Sam; it was a habit of a lifetime to keep things locked up, to pretend everything was fine – _never show fear_ – but as he looked down at Sam – _wonderful, safe, caring_ Sam, he knew he needed to change.

            “um ok Sam….but you need to tell me stuff too….”

Sam nodded

            “so it’s a pact then – promise to be open, not keep things in, yeh”

Sam grinned and lent his head onto Gabriel’s stomach. Gabriel felt calmer for a moment - for the first time in his life he had a boyfriend who cared about him, who wanted him to share his feelings and thoughts, not because he wanted to use them for his advantage and bully him but because he wanted to support him, because he loved him. Gabriel ran his hands through Sam’s hair and down across Sam’s shoulders, he never wanted to let this wonderful, amazing man go……and then Gabriel felt unease grip his insides – if he’d promised to be open with Sam, then he was going to have to talk about Dean….about the fact that Sam’s much idolized and most wondrous brother, hated Gabriel’s guts……

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed?? 
> 
> I rewrote this chapter several times, not sure why I found this chapter so hard (to be honest I had planned another angsty chapter but Sam and Gabe wouldn't let me do it....it would not be written like that!).....anyway comments etc would be helpful!
> 
> thank you! :)


	57. Chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am super sorry to be slow....it wasn't my intention, many times i sat down to write....and nothing....literally nothing. Even this chapter took ages....but as i have said many times, I won't give up on this story (although this was the closest i have come). i am hoping to set regular time aside to write - i need structure!!

Gabriel’s eyes fluttered open. As he slowly became conscious, he could see a halo of golden hair on the pillow, could feel an elbow jabbing sharply into his stomach– Alfie. Last night, after Sam and he had finished talking ( _and everything else_ ) and Sam had drifted off to sleep, he had gone to check on Alfie. And it was lucky he had – Alfie had been clinging to his teddy and crying all by himself. Gabriel had climbed into his bed and cuddled him close, whispering reassurances into his ear. Alfie had been too upset to say much, but eventually, he had relaxed into Gabriel and managed to fall asleep. It had taken Gabriel a lot longer, shame and guilt heavy in his chest. And then throughout the night, Alfie had woken several times to check that Gabriel was still there, that he was still alive. Apparently, the ‘falling’ incident had awoken all of Alfie’s worries about Gabriel being hurt. Gabriel had just wrapped him up in his arms and told him he was ok, they were safe now - he didn’t know what else to do. And now it was the morning and Gabriel was exhausted.

            Alfie shifted slightly and crawled out from his duvet cocoon, blinking and yawning, like a woodland creature emerging from hibernation. His eyes brightened when he saw Gabriel;

            “daddy!!” He beamed up at Gabriel and rolled in closer, reaching his arms up for a hug, thankfully shifting his elbow from Gabriel’s stomach.

            “Morning Alfster…..you ok?”

Gabriel shifted some hair from Alfie’s eyes. Alfie looked away for a second, before beaming again “mmhhhh….YEP. And now can you sleep in my bed EVERY NIGHT…it’s like a sleepover every night….and next time we can have….”

            “Alfie….buddy, I can’t sleep in your bed every night…um it’s too small!”

Alfie was quiet for a moment and then cuddled close to Gabriel, speaking into his chest, whining slightly; “But I like it when you are here…..and then I know you are ok”

Gabriel’s heart broke a little, as he kissed his forehead

“I’m so sorry Alfie…about yesterday…I’m ok, really….I was just being silly and not eating enough….but Sam’s gonna take care of me and we’re going to a doctor who’s gonna fix me….”

Alfie frowned before asking “why weren’t you eating enough?…..um didn’t you like the stuff that Uncle Cas made?” Alfie looked toward the door as if worried that he may be overheard and then whispered conspiratorially “mm I didn’t like that rice thing that he made either” He shook his head sadly “I don’t think a doctor can make you like that stuff”. He patted Gabriel’s arm gently “It’s ok…maybe you can just eat your candy like you normally do?”

            Gabriel’s stomach lurched. He didn’t want to Alfie to think it was normal to just eat candy and nothing else. Even though that _was_ what he had normally done. He just didn’t think that Alfie had noticed. He didn’t know how to explain it all, he barely understood it himself. Instead he just hugged Alfie;

            “so….what do you want to do today?”

Alfie immediately jumped up “can we go to the pet shop….and get a puppy?”

Gabriel rolled his eyes, not this idea _again._ “um, no!….so what else do you want to do?”

Alfie shrugged his shoulders “I don’t-“ He squealed as Gabriel lent in and started to tickle him. “NOOOOOOO,,,,AHHAHAHAHAH! Alfie giggled and screamed as he jumped off the bed and made for the door. He paused, looking back at Gabriel, who made himself growl like a monster

            “The tickle monster’s gonna get you ……..”

Alfie’s eyes grew big and wide and he shook his head, whilst grinning widely. Gabriel approached him slowly but just when he was almost next to him, Alfie took off down the attic stairs and along the first floor hallway screaming. Gabriel chased after him. And almost crashed into Dean in the process, who had suddenly appeared in the corridor with cup of hot coffee;

            “JESUS! Damn it! Watch it yeh!….are you trying to kill me or something?!

Gabriel immediately looked down.

            “I’m sorr-“

            “oh just forget it…...” Dean stalked off back to his and Cas’ bedroom. Gabriel sighed. He _hated_ living here, constantly afraid of Dean’s shadow. Of course, despite the honest conversation with Sam yesterday, the topic of Dean hadn’t come up. There were just too many other problems. Besides he could handle it, it was fine…..it wasn’t like Dean was the worst bully Gabriel had ever had to deal with.

            He stood in the corridor a moment, before he heard Alfie’s laughter, and followed it to his and Sam’s room. He found Alfie bouncing on the bed, as Sam lay half asleep with a pillow on his head. Gabriel smiled. He remembered all those months ago, when Alfie had done something very similar. He had been terrified that Sam would get angry, would hit him or worse, hit Alfie. But of course that hadn’t happened. And now as he watched Alfie jumping about, he realized he wasn’t scared of Sam at all, instead he just found the whole scene amusing. He grinned as Sam pulled the pillow closer to his head, groaning in despair. Gabriel walked over to the bed, and pulled Alfie off the bed

            “C’mon Alfie, your dad isn’t quite as lively as you”.

Alfie giggled as he escaped Gabriel’s arms and rushed back over to Sam, hugging him and then ran out of the room, still giggling as he went.

Sam pulled the pillow off his head and fixed his hazel eyes on Gabriel, and patted the bed next to him

            “Hey beautiful….”

Gabriel felt the butterflies jump and flutter in his stomach; but instead of acting all squishy, he rolled his eyes at Sam’s comment. Sam grabbed at him and rolled him underneath him, kissing him long and hard;

            “I missed you last night”

Gabriel swallowed, he felt bad leaving Sam alone without explanation. He tried to make light of it, “sorry Sammy-boy – you were snoring so loud, I couldn’t sleep in here…”

Now it was Sam’s turn to roll his eyes “I DON’T snore!”

“HA! Babe, you snore so loud, it would be quieter sleeping next to…next to a hoard of wounded warthogs!!”

Sam kissed him again “You’re an idiot…..but babe seriously…um y’know its gets me worried when I wake up and you’re gone…” Gabriel started to talk but Sam hushed him “it’s ok, I figured Alfie needed you more….” He kissed Gabriel’s nose “is he ok?”

Gabriel took a moment before nodding, all jokes gone “yeh I hope so…..I- I- just really fucked up haven’t I…..he’s so frightened of me being hurt…what with all what he’s seen with Chris….”

            “Shhhhh babe it’s not your fault….”

            “yeh it is……it is my fault…..but I just want to make things better…really want him to have some fun….to not be scared…..”

Sam hugged him fiercely “it’s not your fault….it’s Chris’ fault….” He paused “but yeah how about we do something fun all together? The social care people aren’t getting here until later….what do you think he wants to do?”

            Gabriel sighed “the only thing Alfie ever wants to do is go to the zoo or the pet shop or any other animal related thing”

            Sam laughed “Alfie, the animal lover….hmmm well how about that?”

Xxxx

One hour later…..

            Alfie found himself staring up at a big sign of a puppy, with the words ‘DOG RESCUE CENTRE’ emblazoned underneath. His stomach bubbled excitedly…it couldn’t be…. _that this was actually happening…._

            Gabriel had got out of the car and kneeled down next to Alfie.

            “So me and Sam have had a talk…..and I know you’ve wanted a puppy for a really long time….so um, if you think you can help take care of a puppy, then we’ve decided, you can have one!”

            Alfie felt like his heart might burst out of his chest – HIS OWN PUPPY! Ever since he had watched _Beethoven_ (a film about a St Bernard’s dog), Alfie had fixed on the idea, but never, never in his wildest dreams, did he actually expect to get one….for one moment, he couldn’t speak, couldn’t move. Sam came over and picked him up

            “so bud, I had a chat with your uncles before we left this morning, and they were super happy about it…and Uncle Cas recommended we come here….all the dogs and puppies here had owners who couldn’t look after them…so it’s extra important if you find one you like, that we all take special care of it…ok?”

            Alfie nodded his head gravely. He knew it was a very important responsibility to have a puppy to look after. But it was too much talking, he wanted to get inside the center NOW. He squirmed out of Sam’s arms

            “Come on!!!”

He pushed the door open and ran inside. Sam grinned and went to follow him, before Gabriel touched his arm

            “you sure this is ok….y’know with social care coming and what if…..”

            “Nope, not gonna happen baby…….they’re not gonna take him away….we got to start living now….like you said, he’s been though a lot….he deserves this” Sam lent forward and kissed Gabriel “it’ll be ok”.

X

            Inside, they eventually found Alfie running up and down the cages of dogs and puppies, in such an excited state, he was more like a puppy himself. Sam went to calm him down, while Gabriel’s eye was caught on something. He went over to the cage in the corner….he looked inside. A small brown and white dog looked mournfully up at him. His big brown eyes looked so sad, Gabriel just wanted to lean into the cage and scoop him up.

            “oh hi, can I help you sir”

Gabriel jolted, it was so weird, _being called Sir._ The teenage volunteer looked expectedly at him, until Gabriel mumbled out;

            “I was just looking….ur what’s his story?’ He pointed at the little dog in the cage.

The girl smiled

            “sure…. this is ‘ShortCake’, he’s a 8 year old corki….he was dumped on the side of the road in winter last year…almost froze to death….but a member of the public brought him in….but he’s been difficult to rehouse…..he’s a bit older and most people want a puppy….and I guess, he’s quite particular about who he wants to live with….”

            Gabriel stared into the cage…. _an old unwanted dog, hmm, he could relate._

            “Do you want to hold him?”

Before Gabriel could say no, the girl had opened the cage door and picked up the little dog, pushing him into Gabriel’s reluctant arms. The dog took one look at him, before licking his face. Gabriel grinned and hugged him. And then he knew it was too late, he shouldn’t have held him – he had fallen in love. He was snapped out of his thoughts by Alfie’s excited squeaks. He returned the dog into the girl’s arms, as Alfie came running up;

            “DADDY, I found a puppy!!!”

Alfie was pulling at his arm, dragging him away from ShortCake and his sad dog eyes. Seconds later, Gabriel was confronted with Sam holding up a sleepy brown lump of fur, about the same size as ShortCake, surely it couldn’t be a puppy……

            “This is Barnaby…..he’s a….he’s a….what is he again?” Alfie looked questioningly at Sam, who laughed;

“He’s a newfoundland……super cute, right Gabe? and really good with kids apparently”

            “I want to hold him again!!” Alfie was jumping about until the sleepy puppy was passed into his arms. “I love him, he’s my new best friend”. Alfie kissed his fur.

            “mmm, Alfie….he might be a bit big….I found one that you’ll like better….”

Alfie looked up at him, eyes narrowing.

            “Barnaby is the best puppy ever….”

Gabriel somehow managed to drag Alfie and Sam back to ShortCake’s cage, who looked as sad and dejected as ever. Alfie took one look and shook his head

            “Can I have Barnaby please?”

Gabriel felt his chest tighten. Barnaby was the epitome of cute; anyone would want him. Poor old Shortcake didn’t have a chance. But of course, he was being selfish – this wasn’t about him. They were doing this for Alfie. He turned away from the little dog, who was now standing up and starting to whine. Sam didn’t seem to notice, clapping his hands together

            “ok! Let’s go get a puppy!”

Gabriel and Alfie went to sit down in the waiting room. Apparently there was a lot of form filling that Sam had to go and do, as well as sorting vaccinations and payment. It seemed to take a long time. Forever, in Alfie’s opinion, it was hard to sit still! Gabriel was just happy to see Alfie so excited; Sam was right - Alfie needed something good in his life after all the shit that Gabriel had put him through. But still, he just wished Alfie had picked ShortCake and not the great lump of a puppy.

            And then Sam appeared “ok, we have to wait a couple of days….so they can come and get the house puppy checked, and then we have to buy all the stuff – we’re gonna need a lot for two dogs”.

            Gabriel raised his eyebrows “two dogs??”

            Sam came over and kissed his head “oh yeh, I checked with Cas, and he said a second dog would be fine, if it was small….” He shrugged “so I thought, well ShortCake was pretty cute…so……”

            Gabriel eye’s widened – ShortCake was coming home too? Damn – his man never failed to surprise him.

            “God, I love you, Sammy”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeh i know this is Fluff......I personally really needed it....but there is still some angst to go before this beast of a story finishes!! i have had this idea about them getting a dog for ages (you probably won't remember but back in early chapters, Gabriel tells Sam that Alfie tried to 'borrow' their neighbours dog.....ever since then I have wanted Alfie to have a puppy!!) anyway....it's nice to get an idea happen! 
> 
> Please comment etc, it really helps


	58. Chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with me!! And thanks for everyone's comments in the last chapter - really helped me to keep going knowing there are people that want to read this :)..I just hope i don't disappoint anyone!

_Now_

No one had wanted to leave the rescue center but they couldn’t stay forever. They were assured that they could pick up Barnaby and Shortcake in a couple of days. The afternoon was supposed to be dedicated to the social care guy coming over, but on the ride home, he had called and said he had to cancel _due to an emergency._ Gabriel was stressed, he just wanted the whole thing over and now the guy was just dragging it out. But Sam reasoned that their case couldn’t be all that serious if he could just cancel and rearrange the appointment for next week.

In the end, to get Gabriel’s mind off social care and Alfie’s mind off Barnaby, Sam had suggested they go to the mall just outside the town to buy Alfie some new school stuff. After all, he was due to start school the following Monday.

Alfie had picked out a new school bag, a pencil case, new colors, a sweater, two t-shirts and pants. Plus dog food, puppy food, dog beds, dog toys, leashes……the list appeared endless…. and Sam was beginning to wonder if maybe he had gone a bit too far and was spoiling Alfie a little bit too much, but one look from those big blue eyes and Sam was off, grabbing something else for Alfie or the dogs.

Xxx

It was late evening, Alfie was finally in bed – he had struggled to calm down and was bouncing all over the house – the excitement of the day just a little too much.

Gabriel was stretched out on the bed – he’d managed to find a photo album (or rather Cas had directed him to it) of Sam in his younger years. He flicked though it – to start there were several of Sam’s mom - Sam was only very little in the photos of her. She looked sweet, the sort of person anyone would want as a mom…..Gabriel’s thoughts turned to his own mom, but he snapped the lid on that can of worms. Instead he focused on the photos of Sam as a little kid - he was gorgeous, with those big brown eyes and floppy hair. And he wondered what Sam’s kids would look like…..

He turned though the pages….there were lots and lots of Sam and Dean, looking like the best of friends as well as others, were they seemed to be engaged in various wrestling matches with each other. Instead of focusing on Dean, Gabriel chuckled to himself over Sam’s ridiculous haircuts and dumb camera poses, where he was clearly trying to look cool. There were also couple of Sam and previous girlfriends – Gabriel grimaced and quickly passed over them. At the back,, there were several of Sam’s dad, some of them in which he was holding a gun; others showed where he was helping Sam or Dean shoot something. Gabriel shuddered, the guy looked _kinda scary._ And Gabriel noticed that Sam didn’t look so happy or carefree in the photos with his dad. Gabriel didn’t know all that much about Sam’s family really, just the little bits here and there; it sounded like Sam had a pretty fucked up childhood though. And Dean had been the only shining light…..Gabriel snapped the book shut and looked up guilty as he heard Sam approaching the room.

 “What’s that you got there?”

 “ummm nothing”.

 “oh shit….no way….is that…oh no!...not the old photos” Sam groaned in embarrassment and fell onto the bed, grabbing a pillow to hide under.

 “Aw…..you were cute Sam…..even with the many, _many_ questionable haircuts”.

Gabriel tried to lift the pillow, but Sam clung onto it. He’d wanted to ask him more about some of the photos, about his family….but perhaps now wasn’t the right time, not when Sam appeared intent on dying of embarrassment.

Gabriel shoved the book on the floor and leant forward, trying to kiss the exposed skin on Sam’s neck

“c’mon, come out baby…ummmm I want to say thank you for everything today….with the dog and….”

 Sam pulled the pillow off his head, and rolled over onto his side, facing Gabriel. He lent forward and tucked some of Gabriel’s hair behind his ear, before kissing him on the forehead.

 “you don’t have to do that to show your appreciation – you know that right?”

 Gabriel rolled his eyes, but inside, it was _reassuring_ to hear that.

 “yeh, yeh….but anyway, I just wanted to say thank you…..”

 “of course, Gabe-y, y’know he was gonna get put down if they couldn’t find anyone? And I could see that you were getting attached to that little thing…..and I just want to make you happy”.

Gabriel shuddered at the thought of poor Shortcake getting put down. He couldn’t wait to see the little dog again. And all because of Sam. He sighed, it still felt weird (but wonderful too) that Sam seemed so intent on trying to make him happy. But instead of getting squishy, Gabriel tried a joke instead;

 “well seems like I’m not the only you saved then, my superhero Sam, huh”.

 And with that, Gabriel pushed him back and sat on top of him. He lent forward and kissed him on the mouth, pushing his tongue in. Sam moaned as the kiss got sloppier and more passionate. He reached around to grab Gabriel’s ass, but Gabriel pulled away, taking Sam’s hands and holding them above his head

 “and I’ve got a couple more ideas about how you can make me happy”.

 Sam rolled his eyes and laughed, but wriggled out of Gabriel’s grip , sitting up to pull his t-shirt off all the same….He reached for Gabriel again.

 xxx

_The next day_

 Alfie was still in bed, having barely slept all night due to the excitement and was now exhausted. Sam and Gabriel were in the kitchen.

 Sam poured some cereal into Gabriel’s bowl but while his back was turned, Gabriel managed to spoon some of it back into the packet. Of course, he knew that Sam was just trying to help but the amount Sam had poured into his bowl, well it just seemed excessive. Sam turned back around and noticed the much smaller portion in Gabriel’s bowl. But before he could say anything, Dean wandered into the kitchen.

 “Morning Sammy”

 He looked at Gabriel as if was a nasty bug. Sam didn’t notice; he was too busy trying to spoon more cereal into Gabriel’s bowl.

 Dean made himself a large cup of coffee and yawned loudly.

 Sam looked at him questioningly “you tired?”

 Dean shuddered “mmm well, maybe you should both just keep it down yeh?…..” He shuddered again.

 Sam looked absolutely mortified. Dean mumbled something to himself before eyeing Gabriel with increased distaste. Gabriel wanted to crawl under a rock, the idea of Dean hearing him making love to Sam was…..well it made him feel disgusting, exposed, dirty. He knew it was his own fault, he shouldn’t have been so loud, but Sam just made him feel so good. He didn’t want Dean to sully that, to make him feel bad about that…….he was so god damn tired of DEAN FREAKING WINCHESTER….

Xx

_10 minutes later_

Gabriel dragged Sam into the garage under the pretense that he wanted to see _‘baby’_ \- apparently it was some fancy car that Dean and Sam had practically grown up in and that Dean still lovingly owned. There were a ton of photos of it in the album. Gabriel didn’t give a damn about cars but he was determined to try and get one up on Dean, he was fed up of being the butt of all his jokes and of being looked at like he had just crawled out of the gutter.

 They stood in the poorly lit garage, Sam having to bend slightly due to the low ceiling and the fact he was 6’4.

 ‘erm, so yeh here it is….Dean’s pride and joy….why did you want….’

 Gabriel cut Sam off by reaching up and kissing him, while grabbing at his cock through his pants.

 ‘wohhh Gabe, what’s going on….” Sam lent back slightly

 Gabriel looked up at him and pouted slightly “you don’t wanna…..”

 Sam grinned but then cast his eyes around “but in here??”

 “mmmm, yeh, why not….y’know be adventourous Sammy boy…..it’ll be fun…or maybe you’d rather just go back upstairs and watch Dean eat _another_ piece of pie……’ Gabriel lent against the car casually. He was doing his best to hide how hard he was trying to goad Sam.

 Sam raised an eyebrow “but…..Dean will go _crazy –_ this is probably like a rule of his or something…in fact I think it _is_ a rule of his”.

 Gabriel peeled his t-shirt off slowly, trying to hide how difficult it was for him to show skin. At least the garage wasn’t well lit. Sam seemed to like what he saw well enough – his eyes getting bigger as Gabriel then proceeded to slowly undue his pants, stepping out of them before opening the rear car door, wiggling his ass. He noticed triumphantly that Sam didn’t stop him from getting into the car.

 “oh c’mon Sammy boy, live a little……don’t you ever break rules?”

 It was a line that probably came from a bad porn movie, but Sam didn’t seem to care. It seemed to do the trick. Sam practically jumped on him, kissing him hard and passionately, before going lower, kissing his neck and chest. Gabriel arched up into the kisses. This was certainly going better than expected. He wrapped his legs around Sam, bringing him back for more kisses, pushing his tongue into Sam’s mouth. They were both getting hard now. Sam leaned over him as he pulled his own t-shirt off.

 “You’re a god damn pain in my ass” Sam growled as he reassumed kissing Gabriel.

 “hhhhhmmmmm”

 Gabriel was finding it hard to breathe – the back of the car was tiny and clearly not enough space for both him and Sam – he was practically squished by Sam’s huge body. It was pleasurable but also kindof painful. And it reminded him of all those times that he had been fucked by unknown men in their cars…..He swallowed, maybe this wasn’t such a great idea…He tried to sit up a bit…and as Sam tried to give him space, he lent back and hit his head on the car ceiling

 “fuck”

 Gabriel reached up and gently touched Sam’s head “poor baby….”

 He could stop it now. Sam always said he could say no. But then again, he didn’t want to! He was determined to do this! Besides it was hardly hard work to let Sam fuck him….he’d just have to try and ignore the fact they were in a car.

 Gabriel lay back down and gave Sam a grin “now get your pants off! and there is lube and condoms in my pants pocket…quick!”

 Sam rolled his eyes “wow….who knew you’d turn out to be such a bossy one”. But he hurried to pull his pants and boxers off anyway, before locating the items in Gabriel’s pants. He launched himself back onto Gabe, whispering into his ear “but y’know I kinda like it….you clean babe?”

Gabriel nodded, his stomach lurching slightly, he knew what Sam was going to do – and he wondered if he’d ever get used to this – being treated like his pleasure mattered. Sam managed to roll Gabriel onto his stomach and pulled his boxers down, admiring the view. After that, Gabriel didn’t have to worry about thinking anymore – his thoughts dissolving with each skillful lick of Sam’s tongue. He couldn’t stop himself moaning loudly, as he rubbed his cock against the leather seats. Sam was putting a finger inside him now, alternating it with his tongue. Gabriel pushed back and moaned again and then…….

 “OH MY GOD……MY EYES”.

 It was DEAN.

 Sam scrambled away from Gabriel, falling onto his ass on the cold garage floor.

 “FUCK”.

 Gabriel equally hurriedly tried to grab his clothes from the floor at the same time as Sam. In their haste, they ended up picking each other’s clothes up. Gabriel immediately swamped by Sam’s t-shirt and Sam ripping Gabriel’s pants as without thinking, he tried to force his leg into them. In the mean time, Dean had rushed over to _‘baby’_

“no, no, no…….my poor baby”. He looked genuinely upset.

 This was not what Gabriel had envisioned. He hadn’t actually expected Dean to walk in on them. He’d just wanted to fuck in the back of the car, and then maybe, he’d hoped that just maybe knowing he and Sam had done that, well it might just make Dean’s snide comments and disgusted looks, that bit easier. It was probably bit fucked up but then again, Gabriel would be the first admit that he was hardly _normal._ But now seeing Dean so upset, well….. _it didn’t feel good._

Finally, Sam and he managed to sort out clothing while Dean continued to talk to the car. Sam cleared his throat “Look I’m so sorry Dean…..Gabe and I just got a bit carried away….there’s no damage…..and-”

Dean’s look was enough to silence Sam.

“GET OUT NOW”.

 Sam and Gabriel edged out of the garage. Clearly Dean was going to require time to deal with these events.

xxx

Sam had spent the day profusely apologizing to Dean. When Cas had heard, he had burst out laughing; just thought it was hilarious. But Dean had not seen the funny side. In the end, he had allowed Sam to pay for 'Baby's'  _through_ clean and had just said he didn’t want to talk about it. Gabriel had felt bad about the whole thing – Sam had tried to reassure him but it didn’t make a difference. Dean was right – he was just trash – what sort of person tries to get laid in someone’s else prized possession? He just wanted to hide away. But Alfie wouldn’t let him. He wanted to show Gabriel, the old pony in the field at the end of the yard. And after that he had wanted Sam and Gabriel to take him to the shops and buy more stuff for Barnaby (and Shortcake). He could see something was going on with his dad and uncle dean. And getting his dad out of the house as well buying more toys for Barnaby seemed the best idea for everyone.

_The next day_

It was Dean’s idea, just a little get together in the back garden – to celebrate Sam’s return, to reintroduce him to some old friends (and oh yeah, to welcome Gabriel, and Alfie of course). It turned out that Dean seemed to have invited half the neighborhood. Cheesy rock music played across the garden and adults stood in clumps, laughing and talking.

Gabriel had taken longer than usual to get ready – he wanted to _fit in, to belong_ and he needed to look the part – like he was a suburban dad and not a washed up whore. But really Gabriel knew no matter what t-shirt he wore or how many times he brushed his hair, he was still the same inside.

He walked out of the bathroom, only to find Sam sitting on the edge of the bed

 “you ok Gabe?”

 Gabriel twisted his face into a smile and nodded slightly

 Sam shook his head “you remember our pact…to be open about stuff?”

 Gabriel sank down to sit next to him

 “yeh…..it’s just….I don’t want to make a fool of myself, y’know”.

 Sam brought him in for a hug and kissed his hair

 “you’ll do great….everyone’s gonna love you”.

 xxxx

Sam was standing with his back to the garden, in the middle of a crowd of shiny looking women, with long glossy hair and willowy limbs. They all seemed be to smiling and laughing at whatever Sam said. Dean was standing on the edge of the group, with a large grin on his face, which turned into a smirk when he saw Gabriel approach the group. As Gabriel got closer, he could hear the excited conversation, which only increased his feeling that he was intruding.

 “OH my god….Sam, that’s so funny….you’re SO funny….and wow biceps!”

 “Sam, I really want to hear what you’ve been up to….y’know girls, Sam and I were actually prom king and queen – do you remember Sam….I think I have the photos somewhere, you’ll have to come around”.

 Before Gabriel could reach the group, Dean with one eye on Gabriel, clapped Sam on the back and spoke loudly;

 “Wow Sam, who’d have guessed that so many _great_ women live in this town, and maybe Lucy here, is the one that got away huh?….um and Bela tell us more about your work at the hospital……”

 But Gabriel determinedly pushed into the crowd, slipping his hand cautiously into Sam’s. Sam looked down and when he saw who it was, his smile increased tenfold and he lent down to kiss Gabriel’s hair.

 “hey everyone, this is my boyfriend Gabriel”.

 It felt like everyone just froze for a split second, before big false smiles were plastered on and Gabriel found himself being hugged by various women, so tight it hurt. Gabriel looked over to Dean, could see he looked _pissed._ So there was that. But even so, Gabriel didn’t like it - there was no way he could compare to all these super hot _women._ After all the hugs, Gabriel found himself being subtly pushed out of the group. Dean had managed to corner Sam, and the two appeared locked in conversation. Gabriel sighed and wandered over to the edge of the garden, to stand awkwardly next to the table of food and drink. Of course, he wasn’t going to have any, but at least it looked like he was _doing something_.

He stared out at the party of people, everyone seemed to having so much fun. The only person he felt he could have talked to would have been Cas, but he’d slipped off somewhere and was nowhere to be seen. And of course, Alfie had made friends with two other kids and was running around like a wild thing.

 xx

_10 minutes later (or maybe it was 5 minutes….time seems to slow down, when you are standing alone in a party)_

 “hey….cheer up, it might never happen….you wanna drink?”

 A tall man, with blond hair and charming smile, was offering him a large glass of wine. Gabriel knew he wasn’t supposed to drink – not after all the trouble he had with drugs, knew that Sam was against it; was into the healthy living thing now. But well, it was one drink and he wanted to try and make at least one friend in this place.

 “um thanks…..” He gave the man a small smile “is that an _English accent??”_

The guy smiled widely “well I don’t just pretend to speak with an English accent to pick up cute guys”.

 Gabriel took a large slurp of wine. He’d never met anyone from England before….maybe this party wouldn’t be so bad.

  _A little later_

Gabriel may have had several more glasses of wine. He wasn’t sure. It seemed like they just kept appearing in his hand. The guy, Balthazar, turned out to be great company and Gabriel found himself dearly hoping that Balthazar would want to be friends. After all, he was pretty awesome - he had actually travelled the world and was now an English Professor at the university in the next city. He even said he was now taking a sabbatical (whatever that was) to write a book. _And_ he did an excellent impression of Dean. Gabriel was in awe.

 Balthazar lent in and whispered gruffly into his ear “My name’s Dean, I’m an Aquarius, I like sunsets, long walks on the beach….and getting fucked hard in the ass”.

 Gabriel giggled, the world felt a bit spacey and everything felt good. He felt so happy that he almost forgot about Sam.

 That was until he felt a large arm around his waist, yanking him away from Balthazar’s close proximity and heard a familiar voice speaking;

 "Hi I’m Sam, Gabriel’s _boyfriend…._ and you are….?”

 Gabriel didn’t give Balthazar a chance to answer

 “Babbbbyyyyyyy……you found me…..!!!” He flung himself around Sam before leaning back and hiccupping “oh yeh, this is Balthazar….he’s writing a book!” He turned toward Balthazar “and this is Sam, he’s got perfect hair….!”

 There was a pause before Balthazar smiled thinly “yes, um, Sam – Dean’s brother right? Yeh great, that’s really great….um Gabe and I have just been….urrmmm chatting”.

 Sam nodded, pulling Gabriel closer to him. Gabriel didn’t notice him frowning or Balthazar awkwardly looking away. He just lent up and whispered into Sam’s ear

 “You wanna fuck me baby?…I’m feeling really horney…..want your big-“.

 “Ok! That’s enough….you need coffee NOW”.

 Sam abruptly cut him off and started pulling him away from Balthazar toward the house. Gabriel didn’t want to go. He was having fun god-damn it.

 “NOOOOO c’mon babaeeeeee, don’t be boring….”

 A couple of people turned to look over at Gabriel, who had started to lie down on the floor so Sam couldn’t pull him into the house. Sam sighed before lifting him over his shoulder and carrying him into the house, while Gabriel screeched loudly about wanting to stay in the party.

Xxx

Sam had dumped Gabriel on the bed and gone to make coffee. Even in his inebriated state, he could tell Sam was _pissed._ He wanted to go and find Sam; tell him how much he loved him. He clambered off the bed; his mind was fuzzy and his limbs heavy as stumbled across the room. A distant part of himself wondered how much he had actually drunk. He slowly made it along the corridor could hear the music from the garden.

“SAMMMMMM” He called out from the top of the stairs. He managed to stumble down the stairs. He was so intent on focusing on each step that he didn’t notice that by the time he had got to the bottom, Dean was standing there, watching him.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And as much as I struggle writing.....I enjoyed writing this chapter! I hope you enjoyed reading it! Please comment!! I am always open to hearing your ideas and thoughts!!
> 
> I think in the next chapter i will explore Dean's views more....I really like Dean, so don't want to paint him as too much of a bad character!!
> 
> Thanks, love you all!


	59. Chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is super late.....how to explain? someone i knew passed away (ED related which makes Gabe's ED storyline more poignant for me), i moved house (again) and generally just felt stuck. i am hoping that now i am more settled that i will be more regular with updating....also I feel sad that a lot of my fav authors are leaving this site...i don't know why....but I won't be! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter.....

_Present_

Dean crossed his arms and stood watching Gabriel stumble down the stairs. The guy was clearly a mess. Sammy deserved more…..and Dean was determined that he should get it; after he was the _big brother_.

_29 years ago_

He was so tiny lying in the crib – Dean stuck his own small hands though the bars trying to touch him. Little Sammy didn’t seem to have any awareness that he was there, but Dean was still in awe; “ _I’m your big brother”._

His mom, had lifted the buddle of chubby baby limbs out of the crib and into Dean’s arms. She kissed Sam on the nose before whispering loudly;

“This is Dean…..he’s your big brother…..and that means he’s always going to be there for you, always going to protect you…..it’s a very important job being a big brother”.

Dean puffed his chest up proudly.

_25 years ago_

Dean was holding onto his little hand tightly. It was dark and cramped under his bed, but it was too scary to come out. Dean could almost not breath he was so afraid, could feel Sammy shaking next to him. He could hear shouting and crashing. Dean crawled closer to him, letting go of his hand and putting his arm around him; whispered for him to put his hands over his ears. Their mom was crying now. Their dad was still yelling. Fat tears were running down Sammy’s face. Dean was getting desperate. He needed to _do something_ but he was only 7 _._ He cuddled closer to Sammy _“it’s ok, I’ll protect you….I’m your big brother!”._

_24 years ago_

It was the worst day of Dean’s life. The day their house burned down and their mom died. He didn’t understand it. Not at all. He just wanted to cry and have one of her special mom hugs. He wanted her back more than ANYTHING. But he had to hold it together. Sammy kept asking where she was and their dad didn’t have any answers. Just piled them into the car and wouldn’t tell them where they were going. 

“But Dean, I want mommy…..I miss her…..I don’t want to live in the car…I’m scared”. Sammy had whispered to him while their dad had gone to pay for gas. Dean didn’t know what to do. He also wanted their mom and was also terrified of their dad. But he didn’t have a choice. So instead he just gripped Sammy’s hand; “it’s cool, it’s an adventure…..and don’t worry where ever we go, _I’m your big brother_ \- _I’ll protect you”._

They stopped in their first motel. Sammy hadn’t liked it – had moaned about sharing a bed with Dean, hadn’t liked the fast food their dad had bought and declared loudly the place had a weird smell. Their dad was on his fourth beer and hadn’t taken kindly to little Sammy’s observations. He got the belt out. But it was Dean that made sure he was the one that got hit – goaded him until John forgot about Sammy and just got pissed with Dean. Later that night, after their dad was snoring loudly - Dean had just shrugged “it’s fine….no worries Sammy boy….. _I’m your big brother_ …that’s what we do!” And after that, it was always like that. Dean taking all of their dad’s shit, trying to protect Sammy from the worst of it.

It wasn’t long after the first motel stop, when their dad told them _“the truth” –_ that the world was _over-run_ with ‘unnatural’ or ‘supernatural’ beings that were out to get the human race. That was how their mom died – the house had been burnt by demons.

They had to be stopped at all costs! As young as he was, Sammy had been skeptical. Dean hadn’t been so sure – their dad was pretty convincing. Besides, he knew it was safer just to agree with their father. In the end, he had convinced Sammy to just go along with it all. And over time, it just became more and more difficult to tell what the truth really was anyway.  Besides sometimes it was quite fun, training with real guns, not having to go to school all the time and running about in the dark trying to find ‘supernatural’ things. Strangely they never did manage to catch anything but their dad was convinced that they would one day. Sammy didn’t find it quite as fun. He would whisper to Dean, so their dad couldn’t hear them - “I don’t like it Dean…it’s creepy in those woods”, “Dean, I don’t like guns…I don’t want to hurt anyone”, “Dean I want to GO HOME. I’M SCARED”. Dean would just grip his hand harder and pull him along, knowing if their dad found out he would be pissed; that Sammy would no longer be the golden boy. “Don’t worry Sammy, I won’t let the monsters get you -  _I’m your big brother_ \- _I’ll protect you….!”._

Over their years of ‘hunting’, John had becomingly increasingly dependent on alcohol. Often he sat in the car, nursing a beer or three, telling them that he was busy, talking to the shadows. It was at times like those, that Dean had just left him to it – tried to clean up, tried to make sure Sammy got his homework done, tried to make sure he had something to eat. Sammy never questioned it. He knew Dean was his _big brother_ , who was there to protect him.

And then when Dean was 16 and Sammy was 13, they moved in with Uncle Bobby – their dad’s friend. Or rather, they got left. John never came back to pick them up. Dean decided Uncle Bobby seemed ok – didn’t bother him about going to school, taught him how to fix up cars and most importantly didn’t interfere with how he looked after Sammy. It was all good. He didn’t seem to know anything about the supernatural stuff and Dean never brought it up. Besides, the longer they stayed with Uncle Bobby, it seemed to get less and less important to go out ‘hunting’ anyway. And after a while, Dean finally felt he could relax. But that didn’t mean he gave up on being a big brother. If Sammy got a bad grade, didn’t have enough money to pay for a trip – Dean was in there, looking out for Sammy, being his big bro. And then one evening he found Sammy crying, apparently some of the older kids at school had called him ‘gay’ and taken his lunch money. Dean had sighed, Sammy was too sensitive and sweet…..there was no way he could take on the bullies in the way that needed to be done. So he did it. He found the ring leader the next day, hanging at outside the school – told him he would kick his head in if tried to hurt Sammy again. Of course Dean didn’t mean it but the kid didn’t know that. Dean knew that sometimes, if he wanted to protect little Sammy, it meant being a bigger bully.

But then when Sam was 19 and Dean was 22 - Dean met Cas. The first time he saw him, _he knew, he just knew –_ Cas was the one. Of course, he tried to talk himself out of it, because:

  1. He was not gay.



When he was 15, his father had paid for him to have sex with some prostitute. At the time, John had advised Dean that “dirty gold-digger sluts like that not aren’t worth much, spread their legs for anyone….not like nice girls, but she’s a good one to try out on…”. Dean hadn’t wanted to – it all sounded so _sordid and dirty_. But under pressure from his father, had gone through with it. For many reasons, it had not been pleasant. But the outcome was that he had had sex with a woman. So clearly not gay. Although, Dean struggled to remember a time when his crushes had been on girls and not boys. And after his de-virgining…..well he had only slept with men (whilst telling everyone that he was sleeping with women)….of course, he pretended that it was ‘little rebellion’ against his homophobic dad. But really, deep down, he knew that it was quite possible that he was gay. 

  1. Cas was Sammy’s



Dean knew he could NEVER EVER betray his brother like that. It was his job to protect him…not bring him down.

Of course, it had come of a surprise that Sammy had declared himself ‘bisexual’ – whatever that meant. But Dean was ok with it, whatever made Sammy happy and as long as who ever he was with didn’t fuck him over then that was fine. When Sam had pranced in saying that he had met ‘Castiel’ in a yoga class and that he was _the one_ , Dean had rolled his eyes and taken another sip of his beer. Sam was pretty much prone to saying _anyone_ was ‘the one’. But then Dean had met Cas and well….he could see Sam was right, Cas was _special._ Andalmost immediately he had felt it, this intense connection. And Dean hadn’t been able to keep his eyes off him.

And he tried, he really tried not to let his feelings take over – tried to tell himself (and anyone that would listen) that Cas wasn’t all that great, he wasn’t that pretty and his ass wasn’t that amazing, he wasn’t really all that sweet or kind or quirky or brave or…….who was he kidding….Dean was in love. And as time went on, even Dean couldn’t deny it any longer. He was gay and he was in love with his brother’s boyfriend.

He was the world’s worst person. But he couldn’t seem to stop himself. All he wanted was to spend all his time as close to Cas as possible. He couldn’t bear to see Sam and Cas cuddling on the sofa, or hear Cas laughing at one of Sam’s dumb jokes or worse….. _hear_ Cas moaning late at night in Sam’s bedroom…..it was like some sort of torture that was slowly driving him insane. He hated himself and for the first time in his life, he hated Sam – the guy who got to touch Cas, got to be close to him…..he just wanted to push him away and have Cas all to himself.

And what made it that much more difficult was that sometimes, he just got the idea that maybe Cas was a little bit interested. The way he would look at him with his head to one side, like Cas saw into his soul and wanted to know more. The way he was always praising him and encouraging him, as if Dean was special and worth something. And then the way he would catch Cas looking almost longingly, when he thought Dean wasn’t aware…..

 And then it happened.

Cas had come around to the house looking for a Sam, but he wasn’t in. What was worse was that for some reason, he had been completely wasted. Dean had known he couldn’t just turn Cas away in that state, so he had let him come in. He hadn’t known what to say. So had done the usual of pretending that Cas’ presence was annoying. Of course, inside he had been jumping for joy. And then somehow, Cas had kissed him.

It felt like the world had tilted on it’s axis – how could this be actually happening – the thing he had been dreaming on _for months? -_ It was everything, it was amazing, it was perfect. But somehow, he had pulled away.

It was wrong.

He couldn’t betray Sam.

The next day, Cas had come around to apologise. And somehow, Dean hadn’t been able to resist any longer. All his worries about Sam and the wrongness of it all seemed to fade away when he saw Cas – he just looked so vulnerable – so red faced and ashamed. Dean had just wanted to scoop him up and take care of him. And his heart could no longer be bound by his head.

It hadn’t been going on for very long – _their affair._ It made him feel dirty, ashamed, terrible but then he would look at Cas and he couldn’t stop himself. Cas said he was going to end it with Sam, just wanted to wait till his first year college exams were over.

But fate had other ideas.

Aside from his mom dying – Sam finding him in bed with Cas was the worst moment in his life. He could literally see his brother’s heart breaking. Everything he had done up to that point, had been about protecting his brother. When they were younger, he had been the wall between Sammy and the monsters out there. But in the end, he had hurt his brother the most – he had been the worst monster of them all.

His last memory of Sam was as he stood over him, with hatred burning in his eyes. Later, whenever he went to try and reach out and contact Sam, he remembered those eyes, and he always put the phone down. Why would his brother ever want to speak to him? And the guilt and shame knawed at him over the years.

But then Sammy had finally reached out….he was back in Dean’s life! And from what Dean could understand, the years apart had not been kind to Sam, not without his big brother looking out for him. It was all his fault…if he had been there for Sammy, nothing bad would have happened. And now, he was shacked up with some prostitute, who couldn’t read, had been in prison and had a kid….clearly this guy was not the right guy for Sammy.

xxx

Dean had his arms crossed across his body, and had fixed Gabriel with a critical stare. Normally Gabriel would have just tried to sneak past him but in his inebriated state, he couldn’t help himself, rolling his eyes and spitting out;

“What’s up Dean, stick still caught up your ass _…._ ”

Gabriel giggled. It felt good to talk shit to Dean for once instead of just taking it. It used to be like that with Chris. Every now and again, the tension between them would get too much. At which point, Gabriel had known it was only a matter of time - better to provoke a beating and at least have control over _when_ the violence would happen. And it had always felt good to get a few insults in before the abuse started. Perhaps if Gabriel had thought about it – that’s exactly what he was trying to do now – just wanted to get the beating over with.

Dean did not look impressed.

 “Seriously…..you get drunk at my little brother’s party, make him look an _idiot_ and now you’re insulting me…..”

 Gabriel giggled again

“your little brother’s party….how old do you think he is – 6?”

He stepped forward and prodded Dean in the chest

“and it wasn’t _me_ that made him look like an idiot….it was you!….I know what you were doing, trying to set him up with those women…..but it won’t work…..” he hit his own ass and winked at Dean “Sammy’s not looking for anything else….”

Gabriel knew with men like Dean, it was all about  _never showing fear_ and _fake it till you make it…._ the women flirting with Sam had massively rocked him, but he would be damned if he showed Dean that.

He realized he was still prodding Dean’s chest. It seemed to be having the desired effect. The vein in Dean’s neck was standing out and he looked increasingly red, like maybe he was going to explode. Dean knocked his finger away

 “Sam might not see it, but I know exactly what you are…I saw you with Baltazar – no trouble guessing who the sleezy whore is…Sam is scrapping the bar-“

 The words stung, not because Dean had said them but because Gabriel knew they were true…and so he lashed out

 “yeh yeh, scrapping the barrel with me right……but at least Sam isn’t fucking his brother’s boyfriend….oh wait that was you”.

 Gabriel knew this would be it….the tinder to ignite the fire. And he couldn’t stop himself, he instinctively cowered - expecting the punch, the kick, his head to get smashed against the wall…..But nothing happened. Dean had stepped back, was trying to catch his breath. Gabriel slowly looked over at Dean. Neither of them spoke for a moment, until Gabriel said

“you didn’t hit me….I deserved it”.

Dean didn’t say anything. In truth, he had been so angry he had wanted to slam Gabriel against the wall and punch him in the face. But then….Gabriel switching from cocky know-it-all to cowering in the corner, like a frightened dog….well Dean’s anger had just drained away.

Gabriel slumped onto the bottom step on the staircase

“ummm…sorry I said that stuff….it was pretty shitty of me….” He paused before continuing, looking down at his hands “and yeh….you’re right Sam could do better than me…..I’m a whore…..I’m dirty and disgusting and stupid and ugly and I don’t have a clue why he’s with me….but he is! ….and aside from Alfie, he’s the best damn thing that ever happened to me…. And I know you want the best for him…and I know I’m not the best….but I love him so damn much, I’ll try so hard to make him the happiest man alive….”.

Gabriel could feel the tears running down his face. This was bad. He shouldn’t show weakness like this – Dean was bound to use it against him. After all, except for Sam, everyone always had.

But Dean didn’t have time to say anything before Alfie suddenly appeared. His eyes widened in horror as he saw his daddy slumped over on the bottom step crying, Uncle Dean just standing there. Uncle Dean must have been being mean to daddy.

“DADDY……Noooo……don’t cry, don’t cry…..”Alfie ran over to Gabriel and clambered onto his lap, trying to wipe the tears away.

“Alfie, I’m ok…I was just being silly”.

Alfie glared at Dean

“go away, you’re mean”.

 “hey….um….I’m ur….look we just – um”

Dean don’t know what to say, things seemed to be spiraling and he wasn’t quite sure what to think anymore. Gabriel’s little speech had been so impassioned….he had caught a glimpse of Gabriel behind the mask and hard edges…caught a glimpse of his genuine feelings. And now, well seeing him crying over Sammy and talking about how disgusting he was….well he was starting to feel _bad._ He had been so caught up in his own guilt about not protecting Sam; that well – it had been easy to just blame Gabriel and make _him_ the bad guy. But now…Dean shifted uncomfortably, watching as Gabriel hugged Alfie and kissed his forehead….perhaps he had been wrong…maybe it wasn’t Gabriel who was the bad guy.

And then Sam appeared with the coffee. He took one glance at Gabriel and Alfie and one glance at Dean;

“WHAT’S GOING ON……oh god, Babe, are you ok?…..Alfie…it’s ok….don’t get upset….”

He shot daggers at Dean, before approaching Gabriel;

 “Sam it’s fine” Gabriel was standing up, smiling broadly. Dean could almost see the mask going back on. It seemed like Gabriel was going to cover for him, pretend like it was all fine. But then Alfie squeaked out;

 “Uncle Dean was being mean…don’t say he wasn’t daddy….because he was, he made him cry”. Alfie clung onto his Gabriel’s hand tightly.

 Dean felt even worse, the kid was right.

 Sam smiled tightly. He was clearly pissed and trying to keep himself under control, at least for Alfie’s sake.

 “Alfie, I think you should go outside and let the grown up’s talk…I need to have a _word_ with Dean”.

Alfie just shook his head and clung tightly onto Gabriel’s hand. Gabriel wasn’t looking too good – the combination of wine and having it out with Dean was getting to him…he was starting to feel sick.

 “It’s fine…it’s fine….it’s nothing…let’s just go outside and forget it”.

 Dean shook his head. It might be so easy to sweep this all under the carpet…Gabriel was giving him the permission to….but for some reason he couldn’t do it.

“umm….ok…look….I’m – “ but the apology stuck in this throat “look we may have had some words….and we both said some things…it’s just a lot….you coming back here…..with _him,_ I’m just trying to look out for you…..but y’know, maybe I er…well maybe I didn’t see things um, well maybe things aren’t what I thought”. It wasn’t an apology. Dean couldn’t quite admit that he had been wrong….

And it wasn’t enough…..Sam looked furious – and he couldn’t control himself, despite Alfie still being present;

“I don’t give a fuck…..if you are trying to protect me or whatever…..oh god, so what because of what he used to do….you think what….that he’s not good enough?”

 Dean looked down, unable to face his brother’s eyes.

 “oh god, I’ve been such an idiot…..I thought you were just being your stupid self and joking around with Gabe, calling him names but you meant it didn’t you?…..you were just being a fucking dick….and then you try and set me up with some girls I’m clearly not interested in….and now this…..and I don’t know what you said, but you don’t ever, ever make him cry…..c’mon guys…we’re leaving…..”

 Gabriel swayed on his feet. All this anger and tension was too much. And it was his fault. He was the cause of the brothers fighting. Of course, there was nothing he wanted more to leave and get away from Dean. But he knew it wasn’t good for Alfie to move again. And he didn’t want to be the cause of Sam hating his brother. So he shrugged off Sam’s hand on his shoulder;

 “NO!....we’re not leaving Sam, not unless we’re chucked out….Alfie’s not moving again…..you two sort this out”.

 And with that, Gabriel pulled Alfie up the stairs, out of the way. Leaving Sam and Dean to hash it out……

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeh there will be fluff in the next chapter....but I wanted to use this chapter to look at Dean a bit more...not sure I'm fully done it how i wanted, but y'know trying to work on not being a perfectionist.....
> 
> thanks for reading!! any comments etc - well you know I love them!!


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